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Thanatos10
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On being gay 1
#26487417 - 02/15/20 05:47 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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So I have had a weird relationship with my sexuality. Growing up I never truly fit in anywhere being on the spectrum and all that. But when I realized I was gay I became scared of appearing to be so to other people around me because I had heard the stories about them. People getting shot, beat up, or anything really. I sought out support groups but it clearly became obvious that I didn’t belong there either. Most guys there fit what you would call the stereotype, and they fit into that world. But a lot of what they spoke of was alien to me and I didn’t really understand all the superficiality of it. So I ended up hating myself in a sense for not being able to fit in and sought to “prove” myself to others and to me, because faking it was better than being alone. But it’s hard to lie to myself, to say I’m “fabulous” when I’m really not. But I guess I am just scared of being alone. My prospects aren’t wide due to being gay and not being into the culture doesn’t help me much more. I’m just afraid I’ll never know what it’s like to be in relationship.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


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DeliQueen
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Re: On being gay [Re: psi]
#26488978 - 02/16/20 07:40 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Grindr's pretty full of gay folks who don't match the culture, could always give that a try?
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Thanatos10
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Grindr is actually kind of the worst, I wished there was an easier way to encounter other gay men besides an app that is generally used for hookups. PLus there are plenty of DL men on their.
I understand that many say that the stereotype isn't all gay men, but I am sorry to say that I haven't encountered many other examples that would make me consider otherwise.
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RhYzo
D1g1t@l Dw3ll3r



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I'm sorry you feel this way. I have thought this thought as well... a lot.
Dating apps suck but there is a few diamonds in the ruff so they say. I can attest to that.
There are gay bars/clubs and stuff of that sort to stray from the path of Apps ya know?
I'm openly gay and I don't fit the criteria of the usual gay guy from what I've been told and it always gives me a slight peckish grin.. They are out there. Got plenty of friends that follow suite in their own way also. (DON'T JUDGE MY FABULOUS MOOD UNDER MY USER NAME!... I simply enjoy how pink it is in contrast to my Avatar. And I'm also fucking fabulous.)
I used grindr and scruff for dates which rarely ever made ends meet. I'm a very, A VERY picky person when it comes to relationship and struggled with that for what it felt like was forever.
But things do change.. all the time in fact and if it isn't going at the rate you want it to then you gotta switch something up!
My ex/friend moved to a busier city (NY) because no one was satisfying his needs and now he's happily gay and married. Yik. So something as much as changing your surroundings of places and or people might be the next big leap you need. Easier said than done I know but it's the truth.
Maybe start off in different forums like this one but for stuff that you find interesting and reach out there? It's just a thought.
Don't give up or lose hope man. You made it this far. Good luck
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Thanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: RhYzo]
#26490447 - 02/17/20 04:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I have tried to explore other avenues for meeting guys. I have been to the support groups, the clubs, and even tried at my local gaming center. I haven't had much luck though and the stereotype usually ends up being proven true, which makes it hard to remove this image of what a gay man "is" from my mind. People say that it isn't so but I have yet to see proof of such things in my life, they say it's just bad luck and that might be right.
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Buckomcdoogle
Atypical obsessive.


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My dad came out when I was a teenager.
a lot of places make it very difficult for many LGBTQ people to be open about themselves and their sexuality.
Find some place with a thriving gay scene.
Living in seattle ive met/worked with people from all over the country who came out to their family and were basically told they werent welcome....
Then they moved to a progressive city like Seattle and it changed their life.
They no longer had to hide who they are. <3
-------------------- "Nothing is more dangerous to your creativity than comfort and familiarity" "Nihilism is the most basic truth in existence, the only consistency throughout the world, and the universe is chaos and decay" "Logic leads to nihilism"
Edited by Buckomcdoogle (02/18/20 06:39 AM)
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Thanatos10
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Except being gay “isn’t who I am” in the sense that the gay scene isn’t where I fit in at all. That’s the place for the people who “are that way”. It’s part of the issue I have, I just don’t fit there or at Pride. I’m not part of the straight world but not that one either. I don’t have much hope that not everyone is like that when where I live that’s mostly what I see.
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Buckomcdoogle
Atypical obsessive.


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The stereotypes associated with gay men are often pretty extreme.
But its places like that where you might be able to find others like you.
Who are in the same predicament, of not fitting into the catty sex in the city snake pit stereotype.
Edited by Buckomcdoogle (02/18/20 01:33 PM)
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tyrannicalrex
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Look for social groups at the local LGBT centers in or near your town. Bars are an OK place, but can be very hard to navigate with all the BS going around. I am called "the straightest acting gay person" that people know, even by my gay friends. We're out there, not many though, lol. I think a lot of gay people camp it up on purpose fro some odd reason(s). If there's more psych issues going on get some community service help, I have done it, it's there for you.
Check this thread out. Some of these responses are reasons why some people have fears and anxiety about coming out. I did post it in OTD though,lol.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/6522999/fpart/1/vc/1
And this
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/24099621/fpart/1/vc/1
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Thanatos10
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Those links to the forums actually do more harm than good.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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Well shit!
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Thanatos10
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Especially the one where they person seriously meant it was a mental illness
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tyrannicalrex
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If you'll read through there are several people that go against those statements. There is some really good stuff in there.
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Mr. D Green
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Nature is nature...your being egotistical..I am calling you out on your bullshit my friend. Maybe 1% or 2% of the population, but most are just saying they like the same sex for attention or to pretend their more unique then others around them..sorry, but i think your lying to yourself and others around you.
Edited by Mr. D Green (02/20/20 08:26 PM)
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
Mr. D Green said: Nature is nature...your being egotistical..I am calling you out on your bullshit my friend. Maybe 1% or 2% of the population, but most are just saying they like the same sex for attention or to pretend their more unique then others around them..sorry, but i think your lying to yourself and others around you.
I’m just going to file this as a troll post.
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said: If you'll read through there are several people that go against those statements. There is some really good stuff in there.
No there isn’t. I had one insisting it was unnatural for a large part of the population to not be into the opposite sex and other suggesting it’s a mental illness. It’s mostly nonsense but the people there don’t seem strongly against deriding it. Like I said, much more hard than good. I still feel insecure about it.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
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Ok, forget the thread. It's a weird thing to a lot of people. The way society, parents, peers, friends etc...view and react to homosexuality varies a lot. I went through a lot of mental phases over the years. I'm very comfortable with my life now. Getting your thoughts out in here and in therapy is a really positive thing. I was lucky my immediate family was Good with me coming out and I didn't get ostracized. The fear of that can be very crippling.
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Thanatos10
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It's not my family that's the issue, rather it's me. They are ok with it and even said they kind of knew all along. Rather I'm still the one who doesn't want to accept it or wishes it would change because my life hasn't really gone well after the fact.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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Well, I've been there before, I'll be 55 tomorrow though, so you have quite a journey ahead of you. I wish you well and the best of luck. Life is a journey, live it, love it! You'll get down, but you'll also get up. 
You seem to have been imprinted with the fact that homosexuality/same sex attraction is a negative thing. It happens a lot. Be well and do not hate yourself because of it.
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Babylon
Shaman

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I suspect part of why the gay men you meet fit into a stereotype that doesn't appeal to you is that they, like you tried to do, are faking in order to fit in. Some may really be that way but others are pretending.
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Thanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: Babylon]
#26501183 - 02/24/20 09:59 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Alas that is a difficult thing to prove. It seems so genuine but maybe it’s not. But I don’t want to be that guy who thinks someone is faking it just because I find it hard to believe a man can act like that/
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tyrannicalrex
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Re: On being gay [Re: Babylon]
#26501309 - 02/24/20 11:15 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Babylon said: I suspect part of why the gay men you meet fit into a stereotype that doesn't appeal to you is that they, like you tried to do, are faking in order to fit in. Some may really be that way but others are pretending.
Is this to me?
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tyrannicalrex
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Alas that is a difficult thing to prove. It seems so genuine but maybe it’s not. But I don’t want to be that guy who thinks someone is faking it just because I find it hard to believe a man can act like that/
That a man can act like what?
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Thanatos10
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Effeminate and all that. To be honest I hate being gay, as I don’t like sex with men. I’m not into women so it’s a non issue with them but sex with men has been unpleasant to say the least and I hate that I crave something I dislike
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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Well, you can hate yourself for same sex attraction/gay/homosexual/whatever you want to call it, or you can be yourself and move along. Hopefully you'll meet someone one day who you are truly are compatible with, but that takes time and effort (on yourself too), plus work on yourself. When a person has expectations, expect to be let down.
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Darwin23
INFJ



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Sorry to hear that, man. Virtually 100% of my gay friends have expressed something similar. Gay culture is superficial and it can actually be really difficult to find a genuine long-term relationship. My only advice is to just be yourself. There are tons of gay guys that don't bump Madonna 24/7 and scroll through Grindr in between sets at the gym. I'm straight but have had tons of close gay male friends who were all just regular dudes who liked guys. We became friends through shared interests. I think you may find what you're looking for by doing the same. Just go about your life and through shared interests you'll meet that guy. Just don't stress too much and let it happen naturally.
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Take a look at my journal
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Babylon
Shaman


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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:
Babylon said: I suspect part of why the gay men you meet fit into a stereotype that doesn't appeal to you is that they, like you tried to do, are faking in order to fit in. Some may really be that way but others are pretending.
Is this to me?
No, to the OP, you just had the last post in the thread.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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Re: On being gay [Re: Darwin23]
#26502126 - 02/24/20 06:59 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Darwin23 said: Sorry to hear that, man. Virtually 100% of my gay friends have expressed something similar. Gay culture is superficial and it can actually be really difficult to find a genuine long-term relationship. My only advice is to just be yourself. There are tons of gay guys that don't bump Madonna 24/7 and scroll through Grindr in between sets at the gym. I'm straight but have had tons of close gay male friends who were all just regular dudes who liked guys. We became friends through shared interests. I think you may find what you're looking for by doing the same. Just go about your life and through shared interests you'll meet that guy. Just don't stress too much and let it happen naturally.
   I was trying to convey this, thanks!
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RJ Tubs 202


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Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Effeminate and all that. To be honest I hate being gay, as I don’t like sex with men. I’m not into women so it’s a non issue with them but sex with men has been unpleasant to say the least and I hate that I crave something I dislike
Maybe the self-hatred is not based on your sexual preference - but is deeper rooted. I'm confused why you choose to call yourself gay if you dislike sex with men. Do you feel a strong need to either be "straight" or "gay" or can you just be you without trying to adopt a self-image? You don't need to be part of a sub-group called "straight" or "gay".
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Effeminate and all that. To be honest I hate being gay, as I don’t like sex with men. I’m not into women so it’s a non issue with them but sex with men has been unpleasant to say the least and I hate that I crave something I dislike
Maybe the self-hatred is not based on your sexual preference - but is deeper rooted. I'm confused why you choose to call yourself gay if you dislike sex with men. Do you feel a strong need to either be "straight" or "gay" or can you just be you without trying to adopt a self-image? You don't need to be part of a sub-group called "straight" or "gay".
I cannot help who I am sexually attracted to but unfortunately I haven’t enjoyed sex with men. It’s a weird sensation being attracted to something you dislike which is why I get weird around guys who make advances on me because I’m afraid of things coming to sex at some points. Gay is about my sexual orientation but that doesn’t mean I will like the send with them.
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feldman114
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How does being gay NOT mean you enjoy sex with men? Maybe I’m ignorant, but I just don’t get it.
Did you consider the possibility that you’re simply uncomfortable with the sexual act, and not with your preferred gender? I’m not saying it’s true for you, but childhood trauma has been known to give people anxiety attacks during sex (as adults obv).
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
feldman114 said: How does being gay NOT mean you enjoy sex with men? Maybe I’m ignorant, but I just don’t get it.
Did you consider the possibility that you’re simply uncomfortable with the sexual act, and not with your preferred gender? I’m not saying it’s true for you, but childhood trauma has been known to give people anxiety attacks during sex (as adults obv).
It’s nothing to do with childhood trauma but with all my experience with having sex with men (a lot alas) and through it all I can’t say I enjoyed it. I am sexually attracted to men but I don’t like having sex with them
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feldman114
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Sexual attraction is defined as the desire to have sex. You’re either not sexually attracted or you do want sex.
But hey, to each their own. I’m just curious how it’s possible - I don’t doubt that you’re telling the truth.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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There's nothing wrong with being gay my friend. I've always been sexually attracted to passable trans women. Study's show that trans porn is now one of the most popular categories on porn sites! Meaning that a good number of guys are secretly watching it. Sexuality isn't black and white for anybody. If you could read minds I bet you would find that most guys have jacked it to just about everything lol. A lot of us get turned on by breaking society's rules. Almost every women I know has messed around with another female at least once! If I was you I would move to a area that's not so judgemental when it comes to sexuality. If you want people to like you don't hit on straight guy's. Only hit on guy's that are interested in normal Males because if you don't you'll turn people against you. Just treat everyone with respect and everything will be ok.
..
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Re: On being gay [Re: Shenmue]
#26502950 - 02/25/20 11:02 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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A lot of gay people make the mistake of turning their sexuality into a religion. Don't go to those stupid gay pride parades or get clothes with the gay flag. That shit is so ridiculous! Just be yourself! You don't have to act any different than anyone else ....
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feldman114
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Re: On being gay [Re: Shenmue]
#26502971 - 02/25/20 11:12 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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But is a man who doesn’t enjoy sex with other men gay? I’m not saying he must be one or the other. Just trying to understand. Maybe it’s one of those things you just can’t explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it?
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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He stated he's attracted to them, had sex with them, but didn't enjoy it. Deep psyche stuff there. Tortured by guilt brought on by a religious upbringing.
Thanatos- I say go find a bear/man bar, not the typical run of the mill S&M bar (stand and model, lol). That's where the regular joe types are mostly, but there is the effeminate big ol burly chubby bear man, and I find that somewhat adorable personally, lol. Chat up the bartender and let him know where you're at in the gay but hate man-sex stage, bartenders are part psyche docs sometimes, lol. Also the older chubby bear men in their 50's who are sitting there and not being boisterous and are quiet and respectful could probably teach you something.
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feldman114
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Ok I guess that makes sense. He’s gay, so obv he find men attractive, right up until the act, when the guilt kicks in. I thought maybe he’s like a new letter, or a Q maybe.
Hope I’m not stepping on any toes (or feelings). I’m genuinely interested. It took like 40m of explanations for me to understand the difference between B’s and Q’s lol. Just don’t wanna be ignorant🤷🏻♂️
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
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Loc: subtropics
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Lez bi gay lez bi gay
OOOOhhh dear lord these things I pray
to fuck thee more deeply to suck thee more deeply To suck while on my knees
lez bi gay bi gay bi gay....
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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You think you have it bad imagine being attacked to passable trans women! They basically don't exist! At least you have options ..
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feldman114
Stragler


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Re: On being gay [Re: Shenmue]
#26503009 - 02/25/20 11:39 AM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Idk man, that makeup reviewer chick from YouTube could’ve fooled me. My wife is like addicted to her videos, and one day she puts out a vid like “oh btw, I was born in the wrong body”. Anyone know who I mean? No idea what her name is...chubby, super viral, did a video with Snoop once?
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
feldman114 said: Ok I guess that makes sense. He’s gay, so obv he find men attractive, right up until the act, when the guilt kicks in. I thought maybe he’s like a new letter, or a Q maybe.
Hope I’m not stepping on any toes (or feelings). I’m genuinely interested. It took like 40m of explanations for me to understand the difference between B’s and Q’s lol. Just don’t wanna be ignorant🤷🏻♂️
Why does everyone assume it’s guilt? It’s just a genuine dislike of the mechanics behind sex with a man. It’s got nothing to do with some sort of “we shouldn’t be doing this” it’s just a dislike of the act and actions based on much experience with it. Hence why I’m in a weird position, I am attracted to men and that’s well and good as long as sex doesn’t get involved. Kissing is fine, dating is fine, sex is a not really
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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Asexuality.-- is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.
With regard to sexual activity in particular, the need or desire for masturbation is commonly referred to as sex drive by asexuals and they disassociate it from sexual attraction and being sexual; asexuals who masturbate generally consider it to be a normal product of the human body and not a sign of latent sexuality, and may not even find it pleasurable.[12][24] Some asexual men are unable to get an erection and sexual activity by attempting penetration is impossible for them.[25] Asexuals also differ in their feelings toward performing sex acts: some are indifferent and may have sex for the benefit of a romantic partner; others are more strongly averse to the idea, though they do not typically dislike people for having sex.[12][17][23]
Prevalence
Kinsey scale of sexual responses, indicating degrees of sexual orientation. The original scale included a designation of "X", indicating a lack of sexual behavior.[29] Asexuality is not a new aspect of human sexuality, but it is relatively new to public discourse.[30] S. E. Smith of The Guardian is not sure asexuality has actually increased, rather leaning towards the belief that it is simply more visible.[30] Alfred Kinsey rated individuals from 0 to 6 according to their sexual orientation from heterosexual to homosexual, known as the Kinsey scale. He also included a category he called "X" for individuals with "no socio-sexual contacts or reactions."[31][32] Although, in modern times, this is categorized as representing asexuality,[33] scholar Justin J. Lehmiller stated, "the Kinsey X classification emphasized a lack of sexual behavior, whereas the modern definition of asexuality emphasizes a lack of sexual attraction. As such, the Kinsey Scale may not be sufficient for accurate classification of asexuality."[29] Kinsey labeled 1.5% of the adult male population as X.[31][32] In his second book, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female, he reported this breakdown of individuals who are X: unmarried females = 14–19%, married females = 1–3%, previously married females = 5–8%, unmarried males = 3–4%, married males = 0%, and previously married males = 1–2%.[32]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
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feldman114
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Maybe you’re not in the right...errr, how do I say this...maybe you need to change to the other altitude of dislocation?
Look, if I feel hungry for pork rinds, I go get some and they NEVER taste bad when I’m craving them. Same with sex. I’ve never had an orgasm and was like “meh, didn’t really enjoy that”...
There has to be an explanation here, unless you’re trolling. But you seem weirdly genuine, even while being dogmatic. You must see how the religious upbringing theory fits the bill. It’s pretty common too, as are repressed memories of childhood trauma.
Let me ask you, how long has it been since your last trip? You sound in need of a hard reset.
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
feldman114 said: Maybe you’re not in the right...errr, how do I say this...maybe you need to change to the other altitude of dislocation?
Look, if I feel hungry for pork rinds, I go get some and they NEVER taste bad when I’m craving them. Same with sex. I’ve never had an orgasm and was like “meh, didn’t really enjoy that”...
There has to be an explanation here, unless you’re trolling. But you seem weirdly genuine, even while being dogmatic. You must see how the religious upbringing theory fits the bill. It’s pretty common too, as are repressed memories of childhood trauma.
Let me ask you, how long has it been since your last trip? You sound in need of a hard reset.
I don’t trip and it wouldn’t change anything if i did.
And it is possible to crave something you don’t like. Sexual attraction is one thing but the act(s) themselves is another. I’m fine with being attracted to guys and cuddling but I don’t like sex with them. I dislike craving and being turned on by something that inside I don’t really like.
It’s like I crave diet soda even though I know I feel sick after it or how I want Chipotle even though I end up in the bathroom and it’s not the good. Humans are foolish creatures.
It’s not trauma or religion, it’s just the experience I had with having sex with guys. I didn’t really like any part of it, but I can’t really stop being attracted to men. There’s also no childhood trauma associated with it, you guys need to think instead of popping out textbook responses.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
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Pfff riiight, mushrooms won’t change how you think....said every high-schooler before trying them.
Textbook responses and thinking kinda go hand-in-hand. The most rational explanation is usually true, dr. Watson.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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This is the kind of trans girl I'm attracted to. 100% passable without the smelly/bloody fish hole lol.
Edited by Shenmue (02/25/20 12:07 PM)
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
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Loc: subtropics
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Re: On being gay [Re: Shenmue]
#26503053 - 02/25/20 12:08 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Love the divine poster in back, lol! Matter of fact, divine was hot.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Quote:
feldman114 said: Idk man, that makeup reviewer chick from YouTube could’ve fooled me. My wife is like addicted to her videos, and one day she puts out a vid like “oh btw, I was born in the wrong body”. Anyone know who I mean? No idea what her name is...chubby, super viral, did a video with Snoop once?
Yeah I know who you're talking about. She's famous on YouTube.
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Shenmue
Dark Lord of the Sith
Registered: 12/21/18
Posts: 2,514
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said: Love the divine poster in back, lol! Matter of fact, divine was hot.
Her name is bailey jay. She's a famous trans porn star. Even joe rogan talked about her lol. She's smoking hot.
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feldman114
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Damn. She doesn’t even need to say she’s trans🤷🏻♂️ Surgeons found a way to fix the Adam’s Apple now too? Sounds hella dangerous is all. But I guess if a person got enough balls to literally remove their balls, cutting a piece of their windpipe doesn’t scare them much...
I imagine being “passable” has something to do with transitioning before puberty is finished. That way, women don’t get the raspy voice and hairy body? Just a guess.
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
feldman114 said: Pfff riiight, mushrooms won’t change how you think....said every high-schooler before trying them.
Textbook responses and thinking kinda go hand-in-hand. The most rational explanation is usually true, dr. Watson.
I know a few people who weren’t changes by them soooo.....there.
As for the sex, I guess part of it is that every time I had sexual with a guy he didn’t respect my wishes or needs in it. I felt like a doll, used. I felt like my needs didn’t matter to the other guys and so I learned to stuff my wants down because I was afraid they would leave me if I didn’t. But saying no mean to keep doing it to them, and they didn’t understand what it meant. No guy I had sex with respected me or my body:
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said: Pfff riiight, mushrooms won’t change how you think....said every high-schooler before trying them.
Textbook responses and thinking kinda go hand-in-hand. The most rational explanation is usually true, dr. Watson.
I know a few people who weren’t changes by them soooo.....there.
As for the sex, I guess part of it is that every time I had sexual with a guy he didn’t respect my wishes or needs in it. I felt like a doll, used. I felt like my needs didn’t matter to the other guys and so I learned to stuff my wants down because I was afraid they would leave me if I didn’t. But saying no mean to keep doing it to them, and they didn’t understand what it meant. No guy I had sex with respected me or my body:
Ah ha! Now we're getting somewhere! This is excellent self realization and the beginning to a better you/way of being. One can not change the past, but one can shape the future thereby changing it! It sounds like you let someone be a predator and dominate you because of the guilt you may subconsciously feel of having same sex attraction, so you sought out (consciously or subconsciously) people/persons who would make you feel like you felt in a negative way, like maybe you deserve to be treated badly because it's wrong to desire or be attracted to the same sex.
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said: Pfff riiight, mushrooms won’t change how you think....said every high-schooler before trying them.
Textbook responses and thinking kinda go hand-in-hand. The most rational explanation is usually true, dr. Watson.
I know a few people who weren’t changes by them soooo.....there.
As for the sex, I guess part of it is that every time I had sexual with a guy he didn’t respect my wishes or needs in it. I felt like a doll, used. I felt like my needs didn’t matter to the other guys and so I learned to stuff my wants down because I was afraid they would leave me if I didn’t. But saying no mean to keep doing it to them, and they didn’t understand what it meant. No guy I had sex with respected me or my body:
Ah ha! Now we're getting somewhere! This is excellent self realization and the beginning to a better you/way of being. One can not change the past, but one can shape the future thereby changing it! It sounds like you let someone be a predator and dominate you because of the guilt you may subconsciously feel of having same sex attraction, so you sought out (consciously or subconsciously) people/persons who would make you feel like you felt in a negative way, like maybe you deserve to be treated badly because it's wrong to desire or be attracted to the same sex.
Dude that is so far off that it’s not even in the same time zone.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Well, I am just speculating from random bits of information here, and I do not claim to be a psych major or doctor. Please explain in more details.
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feldman114
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said: Pfff riiight, mushrooms won’t change how you think....said every high-schooler before trying them.
Textbook responses and thinking kinda go hand-in-hand. The most rational explanation is usually true, dr. Watson.
I know a few people who weren’t changes by them soooo.....there.
As for the sex, I guess part of it is that every time I had sexual with a guy he didn’t respect my wishes or needs in it. I felt like a doll, used. I felt like my needs didn’t matter to the other guys and so I learned to stuff my wants down because I was afraid they would leave me if I didn’t. But saying no mean to keep doing it to them, and they didn’t understand what it meant. No guy I had sex with respected me or my body:
Ah ha! Now we're getting somewhere! This is excellent self realization and the beginning to a better you/way of being. One can not change the past, but one can shape the future thereby changing it! It sounds like you let someone be a predator and dominate you because of the guilt you may subconsciously feel of having same sex attraction, so you sought out (consciously or subconsciously) people/persons who would make you feel like you felt in a negative way, like maybe you deserve to be treated badly because it's wrong to desire or be attracted to the same sex.
My thoughts exactly.
Here’s a big surprise: I’ve been in that exact kind of situation...with a woman. I really liked this chick, but later realized she was a nympho (as opposed to being really into me) . It wasn’t so much physical as it was psychological - she’d pressure me into doing shit I wasn’t into and my fragile male ego went along with it. She basically bullied me in bed lol...wasn’t funny at the time though, fuck that.
Thanatos, it’ll take some time, but I can promise you not everyone is like that. I’d say it’s about a 1:3 ratio of people to assholes out there, ime.
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tyrannicalrex
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Are we really happy With this lonely game we play? Looking for words to say
Searching but not finding Understanding anywhere We're lost in this masquerade
Both afraid to say we're just too far away From being close together from the start We tried to talk it over But the words got in the way We're lost inside this lonely game we play
Thoughts of leaving disappear Every time I see your eyes No matter how hard I try To understand the reason That we carry on this way We're lost in a masquerade
We could just start over But it's oh so hard to do When you're lost in a masquerade
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Thanatos10
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I know that logically it’s just bad luck that every guy I meet is like that. But when it happens 10+ times it’s hard to remember that fact. I can honestly say I haven’t had a positive sexual experience with another man, which is why I usually stuck to myself. Well I won’t say never, there was just one guy but I’m not sure where we stand and he usually never gets back when I message but will always reply when he starts one. But with him it was in explicably great and I don’t know why. Unfortunately he was one in a ocean of my experience and I can’t reach him anymore.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
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Damn that’s tough luck for sure. I see how that can put you in a depressed “they’re all the same” mind state.
Life is weird though. The right person tends to show up when you stop looking...it’s a story you hear again and again.
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Thanatos10
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You may be right. I’ve heard that said plenty of times and while it is hard to prove it definitively it seems to be a real thing
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
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Well, I was driving home one night after leaving a bar, sick of everyone in it, sick of dating, sick of all of the shit! I said out loud, I give up! Where is my prince charming? Where is my soul mate? I guess I'll just be one of those lonely old queens who has tricks over whenever I want sex, and just live alone in some apartment somewhere, fuck it!
About 2-3 months later I met the man I married within a year of meeting him. We moved in just 3 months after meeting. I had sworn off marriage like the plague. I was the one who would NEVER get married no matter what, and now,I'm the happiest I have ever been in my whole life to this date. I could die tonight and will have known the happiest I've ever been.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



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Are you near Saint Petersburg? Go to Key West sometime. Go to City Side bar there in Tampa.(if it's still open) I lived in St Pete for a couple of years back in 2005-06. Go to the Dali museum. Hit the pride parade, go to the Saturday night thing there by the docks. Fort Lauderdale is awesome.
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Thanatos10
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Most of your advice doesn’t apply because I’m not really a party person. Pride just made me feel worse and showed how different I am from everyone else. I’m not the typical gay outcast who doesn’t fit in the straight world but flowers in the gay one. I fit into neither.
I haven’t truly given up, not in earnest because I still hope for the storybook ending. Like I pretend to give up to have the story play out. But I’m tired of holding onto hope of something better or Mr. Right. It’s painful and I can’t help but think that the right person comes along when you aren’t looking is a story that persists because of those whom it worked for and leaves out those for whom it didn’t.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
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That’s your depression talking. And, like I said, it’s understandable.
But you gotta snap yourself out of it at some point. That type of thinking never leads to healthy lifestyles. I know it’s hard, but the only real key to happiness is “fake it till you make it”.
Just make a fist and power through the first couple of days and it’ll get easier. You’ll be thanking yourself in no time. Imo you should focus on self-improvement to get your mind off your love life. Get a hobby, start working out, read some classics, apply to some out-of-your-league jobs, etc. while you’re doing that, that elusive person may just present themselves. They’re sure as shit more likely to approach you if you’re out there, improving yourself, than if you’re constantly wallowing in depression.
This very tough process can be replaced with one mushroom trip btw. Not guaranteed to work, sure, but likely. #Jussayin
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Thanatos10
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And I keep saying I know people from who such things did nothing at all so...
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
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Quote:
feldman114 said:
I know it’s hard, but the only real key to happiness is “fake it till you make it”.
Really? "Faking it" is the only path to finding happiness? Who came up with this nutty idea?! 12-step insanity is spreading like a virus.
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said:
I know it’s hard, but the only real key to happiness is “fake it till you make it”.
Really? "Faking it" is the only path to finding happiness? Who came up with this nutty idea?! 12-step insanity is spreading like a virus.
I can assure people that faking it until you make it just makes you feel like a fraud
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
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Registered: 09/06/19
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said:
I know it’s hard, but the only real key to happiness is “fake it till you make it”.
Really? "Faking it" is the only path to finding happiness? Who came up with this nutty idea?! 12-step insanity is spreading like a virus.
Well, of course I don’t mean that... I meant it’s the only shortcut from broken-hearted depression to finding happiness. You took that out of context figuratively and literally lol
“Key” and “path” are not synonymous here mang
And this “nutty idea” has been a picker-upper forever. It's usually referring to confidence, but it applies here as well imo.
Edited by feldman114 (02/25/20 05:36 PM)
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said:
I know it’s hard, but the only real key to happiness is “fake it till you make it”.
Really? "Faking it" is the only path to finding happiness? Who came up with this nutty idea?! 12-step insanity is spreading like a virus.
I can assure people that faking it until you make it just makes you feel like a fraud
Once again, how would you know anything about something you haven’t ever tried? “Fake it till you make it” is literally the title of like a dozen motivational self-help books - some are bestsellers - but you KNOW it doesn’t work...
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feldman114
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https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/why-fake-it-till-you-make-it-is-so-effective-according-to-science.html
Quote:
Why 'Fake It Till You Make It' Is So Effective, According to Science
Research helps explain why, when it comes to work, "sincerity" beats "authenticity."
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Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
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Quote:
feldman114 said:
Quote:
Thanatos10 said:
Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
feldman114 said:
I know it’s hard, but the only real key to happiness is “fake it till you make it”.
Really? "Faking it" is the only path to finding happiness? Who came up with this nutty idea?! 12-step insanity is spreading like a virus.
I can assure people that faking it until you make it just makes you feel like a fraud
Once again, how would you know anything about something you haven’t ever tried? “Fake it till you make it” is literally the title of like a dozen motivational self-help books - some are bestsellers - but you KNOW it doesn’t work...
You realize those self help books don’t actually work, they just make it. Also your link only works for career advice in social situations.
It’s the same reason affirmations don’t work, all they do is make you feel like a fraud. I tried to fake it several times and each time just left me worse off than before
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Babylon
Shaman


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From the sound of it you are either doing sex wrong or you are both gay and asexual. If you aren't familiar with the term look it up, you might find you have much more luck finding folks to be with if you look for other asexuals.
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Thanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: Babylon]
#26505586 - 02/26/20 09:50 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Babylon said: From the sound of it you are either doing sex wrong or you are both gay and asexual. If you aren't familiar with the term look it up, you might find you have much more luck finding folks to be with if you look for other asexuals.
It's not really asexuality, but I guess sometimes things just end up like that.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: Most of your advice doesn’t apply because I’m not really a party person. Pride just made me feel worse and showed how different I am from everyone else. I’m not the typical gay outcast who doesn’t fit in the straight world but flowers in the gay one. I fit into neither.
I haven’t truly given up, not in earnest because I still hope for the storybook ending. Like I pretend to give up to have the story play out. But I’m tired of holding onto hope of something better or Mr. Right. It’s painful and I can’t help but think that the right person comes along when you aren’t looking is a story that persists because of those whom it worked for and leaves out those for whom it didn’t.
I was/am the same way in life. I feel like a weirdo, and people will occasionally tell me so. Complete strangers who I never met before will say so. Mostly when I was waiting tables and would come in and just be singing and pumping up for the shift. I have had people say to my face "you are so weird!" I learned to embrace the weirdness and use it to my advantage, lol. Seeking the white picket fence and Mr. right and all that will only make it more elusive. When you are ready the universe sends it to you. Sounds like a bunch of malarkey, but it happened to me.
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Thanatos10
Stranger


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Well, I suppose stranger things have happened
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
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Loc: subtropics
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I am guessing you're fairly young, I'mm 55 so I have a bit of experience with both men and women. I'm not bragging, nor do I claim to be highly intelligent or a "mensa" guy. I do feel like I can give some good advice at times though. Don't worry so much, get out and live, go places, do things, make mistakes, make advances, live!
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
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It’s hard to have that level of trust in existence
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Who told you life would be easy?
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Quote:
Thanatos10 said: It’s hard to have that level of trust in existence
This statement right here is what you need to examine and really think about. I was molested, poor, from a single parent household (3 step dads), and a few other things, but I still trust people because I refuse to be a bitter un-trusting scared person. I do not just blindly trust anyone, but there are people out there, good people, they're just not as easy to see/find. I am a bit cynical, jaded ,and leery, but it does not run my life, I have had to learn to use those negative things/traits/learned behaviors to my advantage.
You stating what you did shows that you are a thinking loving human being and crave what you want to reject. You may feel rejecting what hurts you puts you on a "higher plane", but it may be hurting you. You're obviously of a certain intelligence, it shows in your posts.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Also an interesting username you have chosen. I find Greek mythology very interesting, fun, and fascinating!
Here is one of my favorite parts from wiki---
Thanatology is the academic and scientific study of death among human beings. It investigates the circumstances surrounding a person's death, the grief experienced by the deceased's loved ones, and larger social attitudes towards death such as ritual and memorialization. It is primarily an interdisciplinary study, frequently undertaken by professionals in nursing (I am a nurse!), psychology (another interest of mine), sociology, psychiatry (2 more interests), social work and veterinary science. It also describes bodily changes that accompany death and the after-death period.
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
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I’ve had lots of people fake being nice to me or pity me so I don’t really buy into that people are nice. Most are nice because they want something and when you don’t deliver they get upset. They want their version of you not who you are. In my relationships I felt like I had to put on a mask to keep them around because whenever I just be me no one wants to be around. I’m starting to think other gay men don’t want a relationship or love, just sex.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
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Maaaan get real. If, over the course of a lifetime, you have had 5 people who you DiN’T need a mask for, consider yourself lucky.
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Thanatos10
Stranger



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There has been no one I haven’t used a mask for other than my dogs
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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feldman114
Stragler


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Im saying that’s not a “you” problem. It’s prolly fair to say that most people will never experience true kinship with another person, where both parties are totally honest with each other.
Most humans suck
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Ahhh, I have been there friend! I know. It fucking wreaks havoc on the very core of every single thing you think about yourself and you question your very existence! I finally met someone who loves me for who I am, and not what they want me to be, or feel/think I should be. Those people that do that are very insecure with themselves it seems and want someone to compliment who they think they are or think they should be and want a "show dog" etc...
I also can't imagine being in my 20's at this time/era in life. Human interaction is changed by computers and media etc...it has changed the way people relate/communicate. Feeling like you "have to put on a mask" to "keep someone around" damages you. Feeling awkward and like no one wants the real you is a pretty common thing and I don't think everyone goes through it to the same degree, nor would they talk about it much, some do. I think all people go through this to some degree though. Don't alienate yourself by overthinking things either, go out and do things. You're going to make mistakes! I did, and that's for sure! BUT, you're also going to have epiphanies and great successes!
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
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tyrannicalrex said: Ahhh, I have been there friend! I know. It fucking wreaks havoc on the very core of every single thing you think about yourself and you question your very existence! I finally met someone who loves me for who I am, and not what they want me to be, or feel/think I should be. Those people that do that are very insecure with themselves it seems and want someone to compliment who they think they are or think they should be and want a "show dog" etc...
I also can't imagine being in my 20's at this time/era in life. Human interaction is changed by computers and media etc...it has changed the way people relate/communicate. Feeling like you "have to put on a mask" to "keep someone around" damages you. Feeling awkward and like no one wants the real you is a pretty common thing and I don't think everyone goes through it to the same degree, nor would they talk about it much, some do. I think all people go through this to some degree though. Don't alienate yourself by overthinking things either, go out and do things. You're going to make mistakes! I did, and that's for sure! BUT, you're also going to have epiphanies and great successes!
Except I did those things and all they reinforced was that people don’t want that. They just want the mask or the image I project to them. All my life has taught me is that the real me stays locked up and the masks come out. Each person has their own crafted version that I use. I made mistakes yes, the mistakes were in believing that people would appreciate the real me
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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I wish you the best on your journey. I can feel your nihilism and pessimism through the comp, but all is not lost. You just happen to be in a certain space for now. I've been there, maybe it'll happen to me again, maybe not, but I'm making damn sure that it doesn't! You're just hanging around the wrong people, and/or your head-space is creating the environment in which you are residing. Your negativity and pessimism is attracting just that! I feel a bit of happiness there, it's there, it'll be recognized and come out, one day. Ciao for now!
Masquerade Andrew Lloyd Webber Monsieur Andre! Monsieur Firmin! Dear Andre, what a splendid party The prelude to a bright new year Quite a night, I'm impressed Well, one does one's best Here's to us The toast for the city What a pity that the Phantom can't be here Masquerade! Paper faces on parade Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you Masquerade! Every face a different shade Masquerade! Look around, there's another mask behind you Flash of mauve, splash of puce Fool and king, ghoul and goose Green and black, queen and priest Trace of rouge, face of beast, faces Take your turn, take a ride On the merry-go-round in an inhuman race Eye of gold, true is false Who is who? Curl of lip, swirl of gown Ace of hearts, face of clown, faces Drink it in, drink it up till you've drowned In the light, in the sound but who can name the face? Masquerade! Grinning yellows, spinning reds Masquerade! Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you Masquerade! Burning glances, turning heads Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you Masquerade! Seething shadows breathing lies Masquerade! You can fool any friend who ever knew you Masquerade! Leering satyrs, peering eyes Masquerade! Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you What a night! What a crowd! Makes you glad Makes you proud All the crème, de la crème Watching us, watching them All our fears are in the past Three months of relief Of delight, of Elysian peace And we can breathe at last No more notes, no more ghost Here's a health, here's a toast To a prosperous year To our friends who are here And may the splendor never fade What a blessed release And what a masquerade Think of it, a secret engagement Look, your future bride, just think of it But, why is it secret? What have we to hide? You promised me, no, Raoul, please don't, they'll see Well then let them see, it's an engagement, not a crime Christine, what are you afraid of? Let's not argue (Let's not argue) Please pretend (I can only hope) You will understand in time (I'll understand in time) Masquerade! Paper faces on parade Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you Masquerade! Every face a different shade Masquerade! Look around, there's another mask behind you Masquerade! Burning glances, turning heads Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you Masquerade! Grinning yellows, spinning reds Masquerade! Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you
This Masquerade Leon Russell Are we really happy With this lonely game we play? Looking for words to say Searching but not finding Understanding anywhere We're lost in this masquerade Both afraid to say we're just too far away From being close together from the start We tried to talk it over But the words got in the way We're lost inside this lonely game we play Thoughts of leaving disappear Every time I see your eyes No matter how hard I try To understand the reason That we carry on this way We're lost in a masquerade We could just start over But it's oh so hard to do When you're lost in a masquerade
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Thanatos10
Stranger



Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
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It’s not really the company I keep, I just learned how life and people really are
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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