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Invisibletyrannicalrex
Strange R
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Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
Re: On being gay [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26506610 - 02/27/20 02:21 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Also an interesting username you have chosen. I find Greek mythology very interesting, fun, and fascinating!

Here is one of my favorite parts from wiki---

Thanatology is the academic and scientific study of death among human beings. It investigates the circumstances surrounding a person's death, the grief experienced by the deceased's loved ones, and larger social attitudes towards death such as ritual and memorialization. It is primarily an interdisciplinary study, frequently undertaken by professionals in nursing (I am a nurse!), psychology (another interest of mine), sociology, psychiatry (2 more interests), social work and veterinary science. It also describes bodily changes that accompany death and the after-death period.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Registered: 01/19/15
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Re: On being gay [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #26506674 - 02/27/20 02:51 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I’ve had lots of people fake being nice to me or pity me so I don’t really buy into that people are nice. Most are nice because they want something and when you don’t deliver they get upset. They want their version of you not who you are. In my relationships I felt like I had to put on a mask to keep them around because whenever I just be me no one wants to be around. I’m starting to think other gay men don’t want a relationship or love, just sex.


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Offlinefeldman114
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Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
Re: On being gay [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26506687 - 02/27/20 03:01 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Maaaan get real. If, over the course of a lifetime, you have had 5 people who you DiN’T need a mask for, consider yourself lucky.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: feldman114]
    #26506691 - 02/27/20 03:04 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

There has been no one I haven’t used a mask for other than my dogs


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Offlinefeldman114
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Re: On being gay [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26506692 - 02/27/20 03:07 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Im saying that’s not a “you” problem. It’s prolly fair to say that most people will never experience true kinship with another person, where both parties are totally honest with each other.

Most humans suck


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: On being gay [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26506693 - 02/27/20 03:08 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Ahhh, I have been there friend! I know. It fucking wreaks havoc on the very core of every single thing you think about yourself and you question your very existence! I finally met someone who loves me for who I am, and not what they want me to be, or feel/think I should be. Those people that do that are very insecure with themselves it seems and want someone to compliment who they think they are or think they should be and want a "show dog" etc...

I also can't imagine being in my 20's at this time/era in life. Human interaction is changed by computers and media etc...it has changed the way people relate/communicate. Feeling like you "have to put on a mask" to "keep someone around" damages you. Feeling awkward and like no one wants the real you is a pretty common thing and I don't think everyone goes through it  to the same degree, nor would they talk about it much, some do. I think all people go through this to some degree though. Don't alienate yourself by overthinking things either, go out and do things. You're going to make mistakes! I did, and that's for sure! BUT, you're also going to have epiphanies and great successes!


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #26506801 - 02/27/20 04:17 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

tyrannicalrex said:
Ahhh, I have been there friend! I know. It fucking wreaks havoc on the very core of every single thing you think about yourself and you question your very existence! I finally met someone who loves me for who I am, and not what they want me to be, or feel/think I should be. Those people that do that are very insecure with themselves it seems and want someone to compliment who they think they are or think they should be and want a "show dog" etc...

I also can't imagine being in my 20's at this time/era in life. Human interaction is changed by computers and media etc...it has changed the way people relate/communicate. Feeling like you "have to put on a mask" to "keep someone around" damages you. Feeling awkward and like no one wants the real you is a pretty common thing and I don't think everyone goes through it  to the same degree, nor would they talk about it much, some do. I think all people go through this to some degree though. Don't alienate yourself by overthinking things either, go out and do things. You're going to make mistakes! I did, and that's for sure! BUT, you're also going to have epiphanies and great successes!



Except I did those things and all they reinforced was that people don’t want that. They just want the mask or the image I project to them. All my life has taught me is that the real me stays locked up and the masks come out. Each person has their own crafted version that I use. I made mistakes yes, the mistakes were in believing that people would appreciate the real me


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As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: On being gay [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26506832 - 02/27/20 04:40 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I wish you the best on your journey. I can feel your nihilism and pessimism through the comp, but all is not lost. You just happen to be in a certain space for now. :heart: I've been there, maybe it'll happen to me again, maybe not, but I'm making damn sure that it doesn't! You're just hanging around the wrong people, and/or your head-space is creating the environment in which you are residing. Your negativity and pessimism is attracting just that! I feel a bit of happiness there, it's there, it'll be recognized and come out, one day. Ciao for now!





Masquerade
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Monsieur Andre! Monsieur Firmin!
Dear Andre, what a splendid party
The prelude to a bright new year
Quite a night, I'm impressed
Well, one does one's best
Here's to us
The toast for the city
What a pity that the Phantom can't be here
Masquerade! Paper faces on parade
Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you
Masquerade! Every face a different shade
Masquerade! Look around, there's another mask behind you
Flash of mauve, splash of puce
Fool and king, ghoul and goose
Green and black, queen and priest
Trace of rouge, face of beast, faces
Take your turn, take a ride
On the merry-go-round in an inhuman race
Eye of gold, true is false
Who is who?
Curl of lip, swirl of gown
Ace of hearts, face of clown, faces
Drink it in, drink it up till you've drowned
In the light, in the sound but who can name the face?
Masquerade! Grinning yellows, spinning reds
Masquerade! Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you
Masquerade! Burning glances, turning heads
Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you
Masquerade! Seething shadows breathing lies
Masquerade! You can fool any friend who ever knew you
Masquerade! Leering satyrs, peering eyes
Masquerade! Run and hide, but a face will still pursue you
What a night! What a crowd!
Makes you glad
Makes you proud
All the crème, de la crème
Watching us, watching them
All our fears are in the past
Three months of relief
Of delight, of Elysian peace
And we can breathe at last
No more notes, no more ghost
Here's a health, here's a toast
To a prosperous year
To our friends who are here
And may the splendor never fade
What a blessed release
And what a masquerade
Think of it, a secret engagement
Look, your future bride, just think of it
But, why is it secret? What have we to hide?
You promised me, no, Raoul, please don't, they'll see
Well then let them see, it's an engagement, not a crime
Christine, what are you afraid of?
Let's not argue
(Let's not argue)
Please pretend
(I can only hope)
You will understand in time
(I'll understand in time)
Masquerade! Paper faces on parade
Masquerade! Hide your face so the world will never find you
Masquerade! Every face a different shade
Masquerade! Look around, there's another mask behind you
Masquerade! Burning glances, turning heads
Masquerade! Stop and stare at the sea of smiles around you Masquerade!
Grinning yellows, spinning reds
Masquerade! Take your fill, let the spectacle astound you














This Masquerade
Leon Russell
Are we really happy
With this lonely game we play?
Looking for words to say
Searching but not finding
Understanding anywhere
We're lost in this masquerade
Both afraid to say we're just too far away
From being close together from the start
We tried to talk it over
But the words got in the way
We're lost inside this lonely game we play
Thoughts of leaving disappear
Every time I see your eyes
No matter how hard I try
To understand the reason
That we carry on this way
We're lost in a masquerade
We could just start over
But it's oh so hard to do
When you're lost in a masquerade


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #26507129 - 02/27/20 07:39 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

It’s not really the company I keep, I just learned how life and people really are


--------------------
As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.


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