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Thanatos10
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On being gay 1
#26487417 - 02/15/20 05:47 PM (4 years, 1 day ago) |
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So I have had a weird relationship with my sexuality. Growing up I never truly fit in anywhere being on the spectrum and all that. But when I realized I was gay I became scared of appearing to be so to other people around me because I had heard the stories about them. People getting shot, beat up, or anything really. I sought out support groups but it clearly became obvious that I didn’t belong there either. Most guys there fit what you would call the stereotype, and they fit into that world. But a lot of what they spoke of was alien to me and I didn’t really understand all the superficiality of it. So I ended up hating myself in a sense for not being able to fit in and sought to “prove” myself to others and to me, because faking it was better than being alone. But it’s hard to lie to myself, to say I’m “fabulous” when I’m really not. But I guess I am just scared of being alone. My prospects aren’t wide due to being gay and not being into the culture doesn’t help me much more. I’m just afraid I’ll never know what it’s like to be in relationship.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


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DeliQueen
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Re: On being gay [Re: psi]
#26488978 - 02/16/20 07:40 PM (4 years, 3 hours ago) |
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Grindr's pretty full of gay folks who don't match the culture, could always give that a try?
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Thanatos10
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Grindr is actually kind of the worst, I wished there was an easier way to encounter other gay men besides an app that is generally used for hookups. PLus there are plenty of DL men on their.
I understand that many say that the stereotype isn't all gay men, but I am sorry to say that I haven't encountered many other examples that would make me consider otherwise.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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RhYzo
D1g1t@l Dw3ll3r



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I'm sorry you feel this way. I have thought this thought as well... a lot.
Dating apps suck but there is a few diamonds in the ruff so they say. I can attest to that.
There are gay bars/clubs and stuff of that sort to stray from the path of Apps ya know?
I'm openly gay and I don't fit the criteria of the usual gay guy from what I've been told and it always gives me a slight peckish grin.. They are out there. Got plenty of friends that follow suite in their own way also. (DON'T JUDGE MY FABULOUS MOOD UNDER MY USER NAME!... I simply enjoy how pink it is in contrast to my Avatar. And I'm also fucking fabulous.)
I used grindr and scruff for dates which rarely ever made ends meet. I'm a very, A VERY picky person when it comes to relationship and struggled with that for what it felt like was forever.
But things do change.. all the time in fact and if it isn't going at the rate you want it to then you gotta switch something up!
My ex/friend moved to a busier city (NY) because no one was satisfying his needs and now he's happily gay and married. Yik. So something as much as changing your surroundings of places and or people might be the next big leap you need. Easier said than done I know but it's the truth.
Maybe start off in different forums like this one but for stuff that you find interesting and reach out there? It's just a thought.
Don't give up or lose hope man. You made it this far. Good luck
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Thanatos10
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Re: On being gay [Re: RhYzo]
#26490447 - 02/17/20 04:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I have tried to explore other avenues for meeting guys. I have been to the support groups, the clubs, and even tried at my local gaming center. I haven't had much luck though and the stereotype usually ends up being proven true, which makes it hard to remove this image of what a gay man "is" from my mind. People say that it isn't so but I have yet to see proof of such things in my life, they say it's just bad luck and that might be right.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Buckomcdoogle
Atypical obsessive.


Registered: 11/27/19
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My dad came out when I was a teenager.
a lot of places make it very difficult for many LGBTQ people to be open about themselves and their sexuality.
Find some place with a thriving gay scene.
Living in seattle ive met/worked with people from all over the country who came out to their family and were basically told they werent welcome....
Then they moved to a progressive city like Seattle and it changed their life.
They no longer had to hide who they are. <3
-------------------- "Nothing is more dangerous to your creativity than comfort and familiarity" "Nihilism is the most basic truth in existence, the only consistency throughout the world, and the universe is chaos and decay" "Logic leads to nihilism"
Edited by Buckomcdoogle (02/18/20 06:39 AM)
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Thanatos10
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Except being gay “isn’t who I am” in the sense that the gay scene isn’t where I fit in at all. That’s the place for the people who “are that way”. It’s part of the issue I have, I just don’t fit there or at Pride. I’m not part of the straight world but not that one either. I don’t have much hope that not everyone is like that when where I live that’s mostly what I see.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Buckomcdoogle
Atypical obsessive.


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The stereotypes associated with gay men are often pretty extreme.
But its places like that where you might be able to find others like you.
Who are in the same predicament, of not fitting into the catty sex in the city snake pit stereotype.
Edited by Buckomcdoogle (02/18/20 01:33 PM)
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Look for social groups at the local LGBT centers in or near your town. Bars are an OK place, but can be very hard to navigate with all the BS going around. I am called "the straightest acting gay person" that people know, even by my gay friends. We're out there, not many though, lol. I think a lot of gay people camp it up on purpose fro some odd reason(s). If there's more psych issues going on get some community service help, I have done it, it's there for you.
Check this thread out. Some of these responses are reasons why some people have fears and anxiety about coming out. I did post it in OTD though,lol.
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/6522999/fpart/1/vc/1
And this
https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/24099621/fpart/1/vc/1
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Thanatos10
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Those links to the forums actually do more harm than good.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
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Loc: subtropics
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Well shit!
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Thanatos10
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Especially the one where they person seriously meant it was a mental illness
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tyrannicalrex
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If you'll read through there are several people that go against those statements. There is some really good stuff in there.
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Mr. D Green
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Nature is nature...your being egotistical..I am calling you out on your bullshit my friend. Maybe 1% or 2% of the population, but most are just saying they like the same sex for attention or to pretend their more unique then others around them..sorry, but i think your lying to yourself and others around you.
Edited by Mr. D Green (02/20/20 08:26 PM)
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
Mr. D Green said: Nature is nature...your being egotistical..I am calling you out on your bullshit my friend. Maybe 1% or 2% of the population, but most are just saying they like the same sex for attention or to pretend their more unique then others around them..sorry, but i think your lying to yourself and others around you.
I’m just going to file this as a troll post.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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Thanatos10
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Quote:
tyrannicalrex said: If you'll read through there are several people that go against those statements. There is some really good stuff in there.
No there isn’t. I had one insisting it was unnatural for a large part of the population to not be into the opposite sex and other suggesting it’s a mental illness. It’s mostly nonsense but the people there don’t seem strongly against deriding it. Like I said, much more hard than good. I still feel insecure about it.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
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Ok, forget the thread. It's a weird thing to a lot of people. The way society, parents, peers, friends etc...view and react to homosexuality varies a lot. I went through a lot of mental phases over the years. I'm very comfortable with my life now. Getting your thoughts out in here and in therapy is a really positive thing. I was lucky my immediate family was Good with me coming out and I didn't get ostracized. The fear of that can be very crippling.
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Thanatos10
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It's not my family that's the issue, rather it's me. They are ok with it and even said they kind of knew all along. Rather I'm still the one who doesn't want to accept it or wishes it would change because my life hasn't really gone well after the fact.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Well, I've been there before, I'll be 55 tomorrow though, so you have quite a journey ahead of you. I wish you well and the best of luck. Life is a journey, live it, love it! You'll get down, but you'll also get up. 
You seem to have been imprinted with the fact that homosexuality/same sex attraction is a negative thing. It happens a lot. Be well and do not hate yourself because of it.
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