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Psy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao



Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
Loc: The land of Ports.
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] 1
#26437237 - 01/16/20 05:53 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I feel like I've got a solid place to start making some changes thanks to your answers. Thanks Ya'll.
Especially at a place like the shroomery, I appreciate the mature critique and relevant information shown here.
-------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate. ------------------------------------------------- I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,595
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26437257 - 01/16/20 06:07 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Awesome. Good luck man, I hope you have sucess with the ladies in the near future
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26438700 - 01/17/20 02:41 PM (4 years, 30 days ago) |
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ummm, no offense to anyone or you, but you look like a terrorist. Profiling, yes, but it's that way now to some. Plus the day I gave up looking and just decided fuck it, I'll never find my true love ever again, I'll just have tricks over and relegate myself to a life of that. I met my now husband a couple weeks later. The harder you look and want it, the more elusive it will be.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26440307 - 01/18/20 02:12 PM (4 years, 29 days ago) |
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OP it's not about being easily approachable it's about being approachable to the right people. I think you'd likely cater to a more open minded, intelligent crowd. A materialistic chick who takes 100 selfies a day probably wouldn't find you approachable, but is that who you want to give your time to? I'd say you're approachable enough, maybe it's that you need to find the right places to be, and take more initiative. Also an attractive person can be hard to approach, because there's an expectation they're taken. Right? Just bee urself
Edited by Anonymous (01/18/20 02:14 PM)
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watermelon mon
Willow Trees


Registered: 04/05/13
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26465892 - 02/02/20 07:46 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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I hope that you've found or find somebody soon. have the same problem over here. you do look really good to me.
Got myself some kind of nice haircut and started trimming my beard , it gives me a sharper look
I dress plain and dark , some of them will stare at me , I dont pursue it , Should. The ones that do they kind of look like trouble. I look a bit like trouble too. So it's a good recipe. Not
Edited by watermelon mon (02/02/20 07:51 PM)
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koods
Ribbit



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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: watermelon mon] 1
#26466301 - 02/03/20 05:50 AM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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Just gonna throw in my two cents before reading other responses.
It’s unfortunate that this is important, but it’s your look. It may work for a 20 year old college student, but at 30 and beyond it’s the look people don’t mind as a friend but not a boyfriend.
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: koods]
#26466481 - 02/03/20 09:05 AM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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Ditto.
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Psy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao



Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
Loc: The land of Ports.
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: koods]
#26466909 - 02/03/20 02:20 PM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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Quote:
koods said: Just gonna throw in my two cents before reading other responses.
It’s unfortunate that this is important, but it’s your look. It may work for a 20 year old college student, but at 30 and beyond it’s the look people don’t mind as a friend but not a boyfriend.
 
Heard, and absorbed. I can get that beyond my own personal desires.
-------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate. ------------------------------------------------- I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform
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Psy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao



Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
Loc: The land of Ports.
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26466912 - 02/03/20 02:24 PM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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Lill less scraggly. tinnnny inch towards vanilla.
Will make more steps soon as I figure out what I can get comfortable with, need to sort out pants that I jive with  Went from Denim, to Cargo, to comfy hippie shit. So I def want to keep it comfortable, but less obviously so.
I'd like to remain as much my own self expression unhindered, as well as come off as approachable by those I wish to connect with in some middle ground.
Thanks for the outside views.
-------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate. ------------------------------------------------- I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,595
Loc: The Inexpressible...
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26471363 - 02/06/20 01:43 AM (4 years, 10 days ago) |
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Thats the toughest part of any sort of "make-over", having to give up your sense of individuality. But for some people, its needed to capture more widespread attention and more "Universal" attraction.
Ive learned from recent online dating that women can be very picky about who they talk to. My guess is that there is so many single guys out there, they can easily be picky about who they talk to. This can make it difficult for guys who arent the typical male archetype of the masses.
Ive seen some really far out Emo/Alternative ladies online, and I can say that being an outsider myself from that sub-culture is a real disadvantage. These type of ladies really are looking for another Emo/Alternative styled guy which is very specific and excludes a lot of guys.
I guess my point is its tough to find a match if youre into an Alternative lifestyle
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,029
Loc: USA
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26473615 - 02/07/20 10:02 AM (4 years, 9 days ago) |
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Quote:
Psy Baba said: I dont find organic engagements that lead to anything more than pleasant conversation.
How frequently do you actually pursue intimate relationships with people you are attracted to?
It can be challenging for some of us to make the leap from being friendly to seeking intimacy. The fear of rejection can cripple us. I've noticed my mind often creates excuses (usually based on criticisms) for not pursuing someone I'm interested in... I've read about half this thread, so I'm sorry if I'm off base.
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Psy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao



Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
Loc: The land of Ports.
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: RJ Tubs 202] 1
#26478642 - 02/10/20 01:56 PM (4 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
Psy Baba said: I dont find organic engagements that lead to anything more than pleasant conversation.
How frequently do you actually pursue intimate relationships with people you are attracted to?
It can be challenging for some of us to make the leap from being friendly to seeking intimacy. The fear of rejection can cripple us. I've noticed my mind often creates excuses (usually based on criticisms) for not pursuing someone I'm interested in... I've read about half this thread, so I'm sorry if I'm off base.
Def not off base, and I hear you. I am def not the best with this. In the current social climate with heavy feminism and speaking out about male induced violence behind closed doors and in the streets, I hear just about daily from women who get the bad version of men pursuing intimacy in all the wrong ways, if anything this is what cripples me. The fear of doing something perceived as offbase (even though I feel I'm generally pretty respectful) , so I generally take a more passive approach initially to feel out what they are wanting and dont make heavy moves intimately.
There must be a middle ground in there I've yet to find to be confident, respectful, articulated, and subtle all at the same time.......
-------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate. ------------------------------------------------- I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,029
Loc: USA
Last seen: 5 days, 16 hours
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
#26480424 - 02/11/20 03:07 PM (4 years, 5 days ago) |
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The hyper-focus on feminism, "male toxicity", objectifying women, #metoo, etc. has curtailed my willingness and ability to flirt. It's a goofy world we live in. J-Lo and Shakira can grind their asses and simulate sex acts on stage in front of millions of viewers, and they are called "strong" - but if a man comments about how attractive a women is, that can be seen as "objectifying" her body. There are many significant negative repercussions to these "movements". But nobody wants to talk about them.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#26480483 - 02/11/20 03:28 PM (4 years, 5 days ago) |
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I can see how certain "men" would feel that way, maybe the "men" that are actually doing the negative things the "metoo" movement is about?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: tyrannicalrex] 1
#26480510 - 02/11/20 03:39 PM (4 years, 5 days ago) |
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Sure, lots of feminists just hate men.
But think about what you’re saying. You’re uncomfortable flirting and calling women attractive? How do you think most women feel when you comment on their appearance? Unless you’re real close, they feel uncomfortable. This isn’t true for some women, I know. But it’s usually true of the most vulnerable of them - women who have been through trauma (like the 1 in 5 who was raped/molested).
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#26481258 - 02/12/20 12:10 AM (4 years, 5 days ago) |
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Ditch the beard, and beanie, and hoodie and shirts with big logos and all hippie shit, maybe get a haircut ??
Shaving alone will make you look much younger. Maybe too young even, with the way you dress. You should use a clipper to cut it down to stubble. Most chicks do not like beards, and the longer they are the less they like them. Stubble is cool though.
I think you could use some new clothes, but I know that’s a complicated thing and it took me a while to figure out how to dress, and everybody has different tastes and can pull off different things better. but couldn’t hurt to try dressing a little more grown up. Like something you could get a job wearing. Make it your mission to figure out how to dress stylish and grown up while keeping it in line with your style too.
But you gotta ditch the Abe Lincoln beard.
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Anonymous #5
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] 3
#26481598 - 02/12/20 08:48 AM (4 years, 4 days ago) |
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Every time I cut my hair and dress up nice I get more attention. Also if you're working out you'll get more too.
Unfortunately although our inner selves are what we want others to see a large number of people are super insecure and superficial, and regard the facade to be more important. This isn't just for nothing, imo. You have to look clean and fresh, smell nice, etc.
You should also make other people as comfortable as possible, and not as if they are there to hear about your opinions. I've stopped philosophizing in front of people, because it's super boring, and self-indulging from an outside perspective.
If someone saw my posts on shroomery for example they'll think I'm weird af, although I can be pretty basic and normal too.
Don't worry too much about your score out of ten, imo. If you're smooth enough, all that will matter is that you are clean, and smell nice.
It's all about partially seducing someone as well, so don't be too much of a nice guy. But don't go "Pickup Artist" mode.
Just be a plain average, boring guy and let her discover your intricacies as you go along.
And go out and get rejected over and over and over and over again. I even made it a game, and now I don't give a fuck.
Just let go of the Ram Das visuals, but keep the spirit.
Edited by Anonymous (02/12/20 09:12 AM)
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
#26481643 - 02/12/20 09:21 AM (4 years, 4 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #5 said: Every time I cut my hair and dress up nice I get more attention. Also if you're working out you'll get more too.
Unfortunately although our inner selves are what we want others to see a large number of people are super insecure and superficial, and regard the facade to be more important. This isn't just for nothing, imo. You have to look clean and fresh, smell nice, etc.
You should also make other people as comfortable as possible, and not as if they are there to hear about your opinions. I've stopped philosophizing in front of people, because it's super boring, and self-indulging from an outside perspective.
If someone saw my posts on shroomery for example they'll think I'm weird af, although I can be pretty basic and normal too.
Don't worry too much about your score out of ten, imo. If you're smooth enough, all that will matter is that you are clean, and smell nice.
It's all about partially seducing someone as well, so don't be too much of a nice guy. But don't go "Pickup Artist" mode.
Just be a plain average, boring guy and let her discover your intricacies as you go along.
And go out and get rejected over and over and over and over again. I even made it a game, and now I don't give a fuck.
Just let go of the Ram Das visuals, but keep the spirit.
 Nailed it!
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Psy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao



Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
Loc: The land of Ports.
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
#26482149 - 02/12/20 03:06 PM (4 years, 4 days ago) |
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I'm with you on everything but the beard.
Might be true of other places, but Portland specifically, its kinda the way here. I've had it in some form since 13-14, so I dont do it to fit in, but it is definitely a thing here as a preference for a large demographic of women.
The Average looking Portland dude:
-------------------- --------------------------------------------------- Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate. ------------------------------------------------- I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform
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Anonymous #4
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] 1
#26482156 - 02/12/20 03:12 PM (4 years, 4 days ago) |
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Maybe you should try it with some fitted straight leg jeans and a flannel then. Maybe it’s not working with the hippie thing. Hippies are notoriously unreliable lol. The ladies want somebody reliable. You look like you could sell me weed, lol, but you don’t look like I’d trust you with kids.
Also idk but if you’re gonna grow a beard grow it everywhere and keep it under 1” length max. Don’t shave off the mustache, I don’t think that looks good on anyone really.
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