Hey guys,
I have found myself in quite the pickle here. I will try to make this short for ya. I had a chronic pain condition about 4 years ago, which got my into kratom and eventually. I dont care what anyone says, kratom is a miracle at first, but the withdrawals are terrifying after awhile. so once I got my pain figured out, I try to CT, taper, supplements, nothing helps except a little weed and some unisom. but thats it. it was horrible. i got up to 60g a day because my pain was so persistent.
during this time, i became extremely depressed and the doctors couldnt ifgured it out. side not: I figured it out myself by researching myself ( i was pre-med if that helped) and found the medication i needed to cure my ailment.so thanks for letting my suffer long doctors along witha bunch of legal issues. I even asked my doctors to let me try it but noooooo, they didnt think it was a good idea. fuckers...i had to go to rehab and turns out they prescribe it to people coming off opiates to help them sleep andi got a permanaent script within a few days, pain and digestive issues all gone. anyways, during my down phase, i because overly depressed and anxious and suicidal that one one could fix me. I turned to benzos unfortunately so i could keep functional at work... kinda. Over time. I eventually got hit with couple OVIs and literally should have five or six but being on etizolam, they were not testing for it in OHio yet. now its banned, but theres always plenty of analog benzos to fuck with.
it all caught up with me and i got another OVI chanrge while on suspension... again and I couldnt afford my lawyer this time. so i was like fuck it, let do the time. I did 7.5 months in the 3rd ranked worst county jail in the nation. then i was free and clean. I had to start from scratch at fucking tim hortons. then a tie dye warehouse which was kinda cool. I found a miracle of a girlfriend who is so supportive and understanding... usually then i finally started getting jobs in my field. im a scientist/ lab tech by trait by the way. got a couple microbiology jobs, a phlebotomist job, and an engineering lab technician job for a little while but that one was temporary so now i back to tie dying t shirts for not, waiting to hear back from Keurig Dr Pepper as a QA Supervisor starting at 50k a year. fingers crossed.
but heres the really issue.: I am still on subs and benzos. I just went down to 2mg of subs a day this morning and 12mg diclazepam which is equivalent to 120mg valium. but diclazepam is surprisingly easy to taper. I just get super irritable at night time. .... which brings me to my next couple questions: should i be taking both doses at once in the morning once a day. OR should i spread doses out. I can handle one daily dose of diclazepam since it has such a long half life, but thoughts please? the subs at least give me a little mood boost later in the day.
My girlfriend wants me all off everything by the first week of march which would be easy for the subs, but the benzos I cannot rush. and i understand where she is coming from because she was an ex heroin addict, but come one. ultimatums are bull shit. I support you guys and direction on what to do. I fucked up and things go out of control and thats my faults. what usually happens is i trip on acid or shrooms and take a lot more benzos at the end of the trip to go to sleep and have to restart my taper. I dont plan on tripping until im off it all and i got a bomb ass grow just waiting for me. 9 cakes. some growing some now. idk we will see.
thoughts, advice, save my relaionship, everything, anything that may help? Thanks brothers
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Why is she persisting you get off by early march? That seems outlandish almost, and problematic. Ive never had pain issues, or benzo issues but I had a bad opiate problem and was on methadone from 21 to 26 and been off a few a few years. Edibles and whatever helps a lot man.
be strong about that benzo taper dude, that shits rough from what I hear. try to exercise. I was a lazy fuck and I even went on long anxious walks while tapering methadone. It was a fast taper too cuz I was going to jail and wanted to deal with it while at home.
some ppl may not aagree but smoking weed a lot will help, but idk how that would interact with the benzo and might make you panic due to the benzo WD. ill think of some specifics, I just wanted to say hey and that I feel for you. im busy with my little shit daughter right now and shes going to break my laptop. be easy dude, I don't agree with your girlfriend wanting you off so quickly. whats the difference
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