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Anonymous #1
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Anxiety Depression Constant Thoughts
#26476282 - 02/08/20 11:42 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have this constant internal dialogue and it likes to bring up a very bad time in my life where I was locked in a room against my will and drugged for 2 weeks on psychedelics and anti-psychotics. Just these memories pop up of being picked up and thrown down and held down. And periodically fucked with mentally.
I wasnt raped or anything. Just fucked with by very large guys. I'm male.
Anyways... i think about it a lot and think of how I could have escaped or talked my way out of it or gotten revenge. Its been 10 years now. It was hard for the first few years where constantly I was like.... making a "cringe" face and my whole body would lock up and id make like a grunting noise for 5 seconds or so. Now this tends to happen once or twice a week on a good week sometimes a few times a day on a bad week.
Anyways I'm considering going to the doctors and asking for some xanax type drug. I dont want to get addicted or dependant and make it harder when im sober. I also have issues with asking a doctor for drugs like this for "anxiety" because of all the stupid people who get it because they are lazy.
I want a memory eraser. I feel like im forever trapped until my death with these thoughts.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Anxiety Depression Constant Thoughts [Re: Anonymous #1]
#26478921 - 02/10/20 04:57 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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That sounds like a horrific ordeal and it's terrible you had to go through that. Getting some help might be a good idea if it is disrupting your life that much, understandably. As well as getting medical assistance, you might consider learning meditation. It won't make the thoughts go away necessarily, but in time, they will become much easier to deal with. It's not a quick fix, but I found that once I was willing to put the time and effort in to properly get to grips with it, it really helped with the anxiety I was suffering with at the time. Wish you all the best.
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Anxiety Depression Constant Thoughts [Re: Anonymous #2]
#26479041 - 02/10/20 06:07 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey man, sorry this happened to you. You could get medicated but I would seriously suggest going to see a therapist and talking about this - talking openly about how this experience affected you, how it made you feel, how you've been struggling with it. For some reason, talking to someone about things, and having someone really listen, can be very healing. Benzos and xannies can be super addictive and once you're on them it can be hard to get off.
Meditation would be great for at least coping with some of this a little easier. If you can't afford a therapist, most cities have some kind of hotline but the quality won't be as great as someone who is a professional.
All the best, Anonymous
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