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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
Loc: USA
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Marriage
#26473573 - 02/07/20 09:43 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Humanity has romanticized marriage and lifelong monogamy to such a degree that criticism of this institution is rarely acknowledged, except for maybe in comedy clubs. Here are some thoughts on the subject I've compiled over time. I don't present these in a super serious manner. Some are quite silly - but many are very poignant. Do any hit home with you? Enjoy!
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out. (Michel de Montaigne) The chain of wedlock is so heavy that it takes two to carry it - and sometimes three. (Heraclitus)
Marriage destroyed my relationship with two wonderful men. (Marilyn Monroe)
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. (Katharine Hepburn)
The music at a wedding procession always reminds me of the music of soldiers going into battle. (Heinrich Heine)
Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. (Jane Austen)
Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day. (Mickey Rooney)
A marriage of two independent and equally irritable intelligences seems to me reckless to the point of insanity. (Dorothy L. Sayers)
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. (Cher)
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. (Oscar Wilde)
Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. (Albert Einstein)
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
A husband is what is left of a lover after the nerve has been extracted. (Helen Rowland)
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)
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Dilsnique
Admiral Admirable


Registered: 04/22/14
Posts: 3,800
Loc: Netherworld
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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The Eastwood quote resonates most with me. I was once married for 12 years and I do not know how I maintained my sanity let alone survive it. I am currently in an 8 year relationship but probably will never marry again.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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I waited and waded through all the BS as a single person while my mom was married 4 times, my brother twice, and several friends and acquaintances got divorced and remarried or not. Not to mention all the kids and the suffering they had. So in my 50's I just simply stated to the heavens one night that fuckit, I give up, I'll never find that perfect mate! I swore off marriage a long time ago anyway. I guess I'll just have trick over when I want and be some lonely old queen. The I met my mate within about 3 months. I actually married this person and I swore I never would marry ANYONE! Male or female or anything in between, lol.
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
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So glad I avoided it
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yeah


Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
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none of that is convincing to me it just seems pessimistic and unsubstantiated
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Marriage [Re: yeah] 1
#26475805 - 02/08/20 04:47 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
yeah said: none of that is convincing to me it just seems pessimistic and unsubstantiated
Agreed. Don't marry unless you're really sure, not just because you think you should (in general, not to you) Marriage is a compromise, and a lot of people will not compromise or give in to anything at all, even petty BS that don't really mean anything, but it seems like to them it does. Also those quotes are from wealthy famous people who probably have an entirely different dynamic going on in their personal lives due to their careers etc...
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
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As a woman who attempt the concept of marriage with the intent of it...
Here is a quote from someone not rich and famous and wealthy.
Just don’t fucking do it. All the above quotes are right. Just because they are rich and famous doesn’t change the human experience.
A poverty stricken non famous single mom
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Hmmm, well I can't argue with that! I am just surprised I am happy and it's working for me. I never would do it again, and I hope this happiness last for the rest of our time together here on earth/this plane etc...We haven't even fought about anything really. Given my background and what I've sen and experienced I never though I could be with someone in this way, pure luck I guess.
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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Your stars were aligned for it. JK
I’m glad it works for you.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Well so far. Given my cynicism and sort of low self esteem, and self doubt sometimes, and being a bit jaded, I'm very surprised, lol. I actually met him when I was waiting tables and his company threw an Xmas party at the place I worked. Then a couple months later I met his Bestie at a bar hanging out and the friend asked me what kind of guys I liked, he immediately said I have the guy for you! Called him up to meet and he was too tired and wouldn't meet. Then a couple months later (june gay pride month) I met them all out, the bestie didn't remember meeting me nor me him.
We talked a bit, I showed interest and thought nothing of it. He was off dancing and I was chatting up some other guy. He comes up to me, interrupts us and asks for my phone number! Been a very long time since someone asked for my number. I set a date up, he cancelled. I was like OK, I like this guy. made a second date, he cancelled. I almost erased his number and wrote him off, but something compelled me to give one more try. We make the date, he says OK, on the way to meet him a storm was clearing up and I saw a triple rainbow! Don't know if I ever saw one before. Now we're married. I dumped all my shit on him from the start because I'm too old to play any games and I'm letting people know who I am up front, he said "so? And?" the rest is history.
A couple months into our relationship the bestie realizes it was me he tried to get him to meet that one night a while back, then a few months later I figure out he was the guy I was flirting with at the company xmas party, lol. So yeah, maybe the stars were aligned.
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feevers



Registered: 12/28/10
Posts: 8,546
Loc:
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Just because lots of people choose less than ideal partners, or don't want to put in the necessary work to not only repair a relationship but to improve it, doesn't mean marriage is bad.
Other then maybe in the eyes of the law, marriage is not just one set thing.
I think it's pretty awesome, what I have going at least.
Would I like to hook up with other girls, get the rush that comes from flirting/dating etc.? Sure, I'm a guy, and that kind of pleasure is tempting as hell. It doesn't mean my life would be any better if I could do that though, trying to change the internal by chasing the external typically doesn't bode well. True inner happiness and fulfillment romantically and sexually can be found just as easy with 1 partner as with dozens, I'd say even more so in my experience.
Which is another part of it... marriage likely isn't for anyone. Like most major life choices, everyone has their own path.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: Marriage [Re: feevers] 1
#26476066 - 02/08/20 07:48 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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agreed. I talked to my mate about open marriage and he was willing to talk bout it and possibly do it. Not one mate I ever had was open to even talking abut it, so now that I found someone that is open to it, I don't feel the urge really. I don't want to fuck this up. he is good with rec drug use as well. he does so with me sometimes and doesn't care if I do and he doesn't. The mental connection with the best sex I ever had is something I thought I would never find. Every other mate always tried to make me the way they thought I should be or someone else, this guy likes me for me, and that's a 1st, and it's mutual.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,014
Loc: USA
Last seen: 6 hours, 20 seconds
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Re: Marriage [Re: yeah]
#26476199 - 02/08/20 09:59 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
yeah said:
none of that is convincing to me it just seems pessimistic and unsubstantiated
I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. Just sharing some viewpoints that rarely are heard. Marriage is something we rarely discuss honestly. For me, intimate relationships are the most important part of my life. Nothing is a close second. I find many of these opinions refreshing - and more realistic than pessimistic. We're in denial if we blame couples for "failed marriages" instead of looking at the statistics and accepting that lifelong monogamy doesn't seem to be in our nature.
Quote:
feevers said:
Just because lots of people choose less than ideal partners, or don't want to put in the necessary work to not only repair a relationship but to improve it, doesn't mean marriage is bad.
I don't think marriage is "bad". Maybe oversold, but not bad. I think the search for an "ideal partner" is often rooted in fantasy because people change so much over time - who I find to be a perfect lifelong mate today will change. I believe the lifetime legal contract of marriage is unrealistic. How would you feel about signing a lifetime contract for an "ideal job" working for an employer at age 25? That would be insane, right?
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The Mindful Mage
Friend of the Cosmos



Registered: 02/05/20
Posts: 9
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
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I deeply enjoy the idea (and would probably also enjoy the reality) of having a 'designated' someone to share time and life adventures with, to be there for them and they here for me, and commune on all levels of love.
But this doesn't have to be a marriage, and perhaps not even limited to two beings. I really don't know what my ideal partnership looks like, but I can feel it. I can feel them, somewhere out there.
Or maybe, in here...
-------------------- What you seek, is seeking you.
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Anonymous #1
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Why go through all the paper work and fees and legal binding to get married though? I've heard of people just getting rings or something and skipping all the legal shit, no name changes or shared bank assets etc. so they can split without lawyers in the future. It seems like the motivation to going through all the legal binding bs is beyond my understanding.
That's what is so bad imo, when one serves divorce papers to the one who made all the money. Then the person who served the divorce papers is going to take 50% of all assets and money owned under their shared name. That's like classic end game marriage scenario in todays time.
Edited by Anonymous (02/09/20 01:31 PM)
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