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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Wrote a mail to my local crematorium 7
#26473264 - 02/07/20 04:11 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I wrote a letter to my local crematorium, asking in my usual graphic detail that in case my diet plan failed and something happened to me, whether their oven had the capacity to cremate a 365lbs person, and whether the 560,000 excess fat calories "essentially 6 jerrycans of biodiesel along with corpse and coffin" would pose additional issues. I noted, politely, that in the concentration camp ovens the average load was 3-5 peorsons, while I "weigh for two people but have the combustion value of four." I also made mention of how in Wuhan with the viral outbreak the crematoria ran 24/7 and wondered how long a modern cremation process would take and what the maximum capacity was that they could handle.

Just got my reply from the good gentlemen. They remarked that as long as the coffin fit through the door, the oven would be up to it and that the average time for a cremation is 75 minutes, but sometimes up to 2 hours, depending on the weight of the deceased, material of the coffin but moreover on the time of day because later in the day the oven is fully heated up, after several cremations and it takes much shorter.
They told me there's an actual contingency plan for disasters for 24/7 operations in case of disaster that increases the capacity and that they on average perform 9 services a day with the capacity to increase on it.
Thats good to know
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Asante] 3
#26473342 - 02/07/20 06:47 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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--------------------
Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,484
Loc: Texas
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Amanita86] 6
#26473362 - 02/07/20 07:10 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Wrote a mail to my local crematorium.
That's gotta be the first time I've ever heard that sentence in my life. Gotta be.
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 1 hour, 49 minutes
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Niffla] 3
#26473379 - 02/07/20 07:27 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I saw that title and was like
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Niffla] 4
#26473382 - 02/07/20 07:35 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Niffla said: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium.
That's gotta be the first time I've ever heard that sentence in my life. Gotta be.
You gotta have answers to questions like these
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Near Dylan
Shitpost Artist


Registered: 07/29/15
Posts: 13,929
Last seen: 7 days, 1 hour
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: LogicaL Chaos] 7
#26473383 - 02/07/20 07:36 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I was really hoping he would directly reference the Holocaust to them, and he delivered. 8/10.
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,484
Loc: Texas
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Asante]
#26473405 - 02/07/20 07:59 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Asante said:
Quote:
Niffla said: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium.
That's gotta be the first time I've ever heard that sentence in my life. Gotta be.
You gotta have answers to questions like these 
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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Crazy_Horse
I’m Rick James, bitch!


Registered: 08/15/16
Posts: 13,283
Loc: Hampsterdam
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Asante]
#26473409 - 02/07/20 08:02 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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How much are you worth as bio-diesel?
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Crazy_Horse] 1
#26473477 - 02/07/20 08:51 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crazy_Horse said: How much are you worth as bio-diesel?
At the start of the day I help to warm up the oven nicely.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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pacmanbreed



Registered: 10/12/16
Posts: 3,659
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Asante] 1
#26473622 - 02/07/20 10:06 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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While it isn't granted yet, I really think thats the least practical use of stored energy.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
Last seen: 1 hour, 54 minutes
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: pacmanbreed] 4
#26473701 - 02/07/20 10:44 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hahahaha asante delivers again lmao So hard hahaha
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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dstark
Manifesting Minds



Registered: 02/27/08
Posts: 4,144
Last seen: 6 months, 1 day
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: spirit_shadow] 1
#26473889 - 02/07/20 12:36 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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 Good info
-------------------- What is a mind, if not something to be messed with? What is consciousness, if not a state to be altered? ~I Feel at Home~
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: dstark] 4
#26473923 - 02/07/20 01:03 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I love how they just politely answer your questions 
To them burning corpses is no big deal. If it fits, it burns
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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Shiithead
Your Huckleberry



Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 9,997
Loc: God's Flat Green Earth
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Tripsurfer] 4
#26474022 - 02/07/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.
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Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Psalm 12:6 The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. Hebrews 11:3 Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. Revelation 3:11 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Tripsurfer] 3
#26474037 - 02/07/20 02:23 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Tripsurfer said: I love how they just politely answer your questions 
To them burning corpses is no big deal. If it fits, it burns
I was counting on job conditioning, and was not disappointed. Its a job for them, stripped of taboo. The practicalities become important, it no longer has a shock factor.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 1 hour, 49 minutes
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Asante] 2
#26474055 - 02/07/20 02:36 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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The People of the Netherlands are so practical and helpful, you cant beat this sort of customer service!
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Shiithead] 2
#26474086 - 02/07/20 02:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shiithead said: When I'm dead, just throw me in the trash.
Yeah I’ve always said just drag me far enough out that I don’t stink up the joint and consider that ship sailed..
--------------------
Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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EbilPhish
🏻🏼🏽🏾🏿

Registered: 06/20/18
Posts: 63
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: Asante]
#26496044 - 02/20/20 08:43 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Asante said: They told me there's an actual contingency plan for disasters for 24/7 operations in case of disaster that increases the capacity and that they on average perform 9 services a day with the capacity to increase on it.
I'm guessing that's where they put heaps of people in at once and they mix up the ashes like they do with pets.
Although when we had our dog done a few years back they told us they didn't mix them together anymore. I guess because of the internet more people found out that's how it works and so people complained.
Not really sure what to do with a box of dog ashes though...
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twighead
mͯó



Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,556
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill
Last seen: 13 minutes, 52 seconds
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: EbilPhish]
#26496084 - 02/20/20 09:00 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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Mix them with coca leaves n chew it
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The Influence
Free Sheeks



Registered: 03/30/11
Posts: 6,067
Loc: Not Wisconsin
Last seen: 4 months, 2 days
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Re: Wrote a mail to my local crematorium [Re: twighead] 3
#26496105 - 02/20/20 09:06 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
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I roofed the funeral home my baby brother was cremated in. I had to literally work in the smoke of burning flesh. It has played heavily on my mind.
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