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InvisibleAsante
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I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions * 4
    #26470918 - 02/05/20 06:54 PM (4 years, 12 days ago)

Quick to say it: nonono, no more dissociatives for me. I left dissociatives and MXE in 2019 and have zero plans to revisit.

The trips always had a Yin Yang duality, that got evermore extreme. First I'd go DOWN (Yin) then I'd bounce UP (Yang) and as the sessions progressed this got evermore extreme.

I'd basically first plunge into an evermore severe Bad Trip and then catapult up into an evermore stellar Good Trip, and then 3 weeks of antidepressent aftereffects to boot.

The Good Trips were very personal and very spirtual and God this, Eternity that :blah:

Thats not what I want to talk about.

The Bad Trips mostly focussed in the latter years on experiences of first World War 1 soldiers in gas warfare, and finally culminated into, extremely explicitly, the Krematorium II death factory of Auschwitz, biggest death factory of the holocaust.





With each subsequent session the focus on the experiences of people involved in the process (both victims and perpetrators) became more and more intense and extremely explicit as to details, stuff you'd never think of in a million years, stuff even completely beside the point of the horrors taking place there, literally, turning Krema II of Auschwitz-Birkenau inside out.

Inbetween the sessions, bouts of studying the subject matter, often finding the things I experienced in the trips that I had not tought of previous.

I didnt want to know, really, but it was riding in either way, in my waking, in my dreaming, in my meditations sober and high and my research.

My final session lasted 50 hours, I voluntarily submitted to a symbolic "sonderkommando task" of giving it my utmost, pulling a 3 nighter, on an excess of MXE that made any resistance futile, then catapulting me into mania as both a reward and a "don't come again". I threw what I hd left of dissos in the trash and waited a week for it to be collected, I was DONE.

It had went too far, so far, that it was enough.

But the DETAILS of Krema II, and experiencing them in visions though peoples eyes.. Tripping is a virtual experiece but I've seen too much, pretty much. Even if symbolic, it was still so intensely plausible that I actualy caught a strong whiff of what it must have been like for the people experiencing it with every fiber of their being.

Its been 3 months and I'm still winding down from how intense and messed up and yet divine that last session was.

If I hadn't had the upkick I had, I'd be a broken man for all the misery I went through in that process, but each time there was an upkick that not just accellerated my processing of it but cast new light on everything, their lives and mine.

Part of me was there. Part of me died there.

A virtual part but a very real part too.

This was HEAVY PSYCHOLOGICAL SPARRING.

If I know one thing, its that the reality of Krema II was even worse than any person could fully realize, anyone but God.

Thats what this mission was all about, God, of the nature of existence, the Universe, and of God.

Objective met.

All bruised up.

Worth it but - never again.

Let God do the God things and Me do the Me things.

One thing I WONT be doing is MXE.

Now you see it:

:mxe:

Now you don't:

:ancientaliens:

Its out of my hands now.

Thank God!


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 1
    #26470936 - 02/05/20 07:06 PM (4 years, 12 days ago)

Wow man, thats powerful. I cant imagine living thru the Holocast in a first person perspective while under MXE. Must have been very disturbing and intense. Yikes. I can barely handle watching horror movies; MXE visions of this magnitude take it to a whole 'nother level! :eek:

Im glad you got one more full-on experience with the MXE thou, even if the experience was completely fucked up. Mission Accomplished :thumbup:


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OfflineEnjoywho
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #26471018 - 02/05/20 08:03 PM (4 years, 12 days ago)

You're still doing that garbage wiccan. Jesus dude. Let it go.


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OfflineWhoManBeing
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Enjoywho]
    #26471291 - 02/05/20 11:49 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Why in the world put yourself to such eye opening experiences to only not want see again?

What the driving force to have you continually do this and that to get to to here and there only to share of it as a turning point?


--------------------
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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Enjoywho] * 1
    #26471400 - 02/06/20 03:08 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

Enjoywho said:
You're still doing that garbage wiccan. Jesus dude. Let it go.





No you misunderstand. It came full stop last November with a last bit of left behind stash, which made it come full circle, the Yinnest Yin and the Yangest Yang, in a 3-nighter I cant humanly outbid so, I'm through.

3 months of sobriety, zero desire to repeat.

I'm just stuck with the bill of the horrors I went through in months past.

The good outweighs the bad but the bad was so BAD that it regurgitates often.

Like any proper trauma, many innocent triggers bring on mini recollections of the traumatic material.

Its juast my brain readjusting itself.

What happened 3 months ago will not be outbid.  How can you top a 50 hour session that almost killed you, near traumatized you then gave you a month of mania of sheer elation?

YOU DONT EVEN TRY, thats how.

Dissociatives, nothing left but bad memories and insanity now, for me.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: WhoManBeing] * 1
    #26471403 - 02/06/20 03:12 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

WhoManBeing said:

What the driving force to have you continually do this and that to get to to here and there only to share of it as a turning point?





I reached Rock Bottom (Yin) and Peak Experience (Yang)

Maybe in some months I'll take microdoses pof shrooms, but the dissociatives are over.

High dose Anything is over, I think.


--------------------
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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 1
    #26471443 - 02/06/20 04:34 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Hence the title "Low dose - High Adventure". Hopefully microdosing will suit yer needs 👌


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 2
    #26471454 - 02/06/20 04:56 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Maybe the greater intent is to get you to step away from that part of your life and move on.


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #26471463 - 02/06/20 05:02 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

larry.fisherman said:
Maybe the greater intent is to get you to step away from that part of your life and move on.





It is, and I did.


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Offline28064212
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 4
    #26471771 - 02/06/20 09:55 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

As a Jew who misses MXE a bunch I find this very fascinating


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: 28064212]
    #26471870 - 02/06/20 11:37 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

My Spirit Guide insisted that he chose Krema II of Auschwitz-Birkenau specifically, because he insisted I had an indirect relative who was "processed" there as well as one who helped operate that death factory, and because it is the most humanly lethal few square meters of planet earth as well as one of the most sinister abuses of gas warfare and industrial technology.

The atrocious Yin force needed a deepest abyss of human suffering, and my spirit guide chose that Hell on Earth as the most instructive situation.

Approximately 500,000 people died there, in that gas chamber of about 100x25 ft, so small a place, so great a consequence.





Entheogens for Remote Viewing. Ugh.


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InvisiblezZZz
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 2
    #26471889 - 02/06/20 11:46 AM (4 years, 11 days ago)

:heart::manofapproval::heart:


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 1
    #26471944 - 02/06/20 12:19 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Hey man, have you ever thought about talking with a shrink?  I see you go through these pretty obvious waves and I’m not trained or anything and you have no real reason to put faith in my word but maybe if you checked in with someone trained in such voodoos they would be able to keep you grounded or at least keep you where the ground is still visible when you get the urge to drift out into fantasy land.

Might save you from a dangerous whoopsie because the consequence of your adventures has gotten progressively more and more towards bad news since I first started hanging out here and I would hate to see this continue the direction it’s going and see you end up on the list.

It could end up with benefits we’re not even thinking about and you could always stop I guess.  I don’t know what your schedule looks like but an hour a week or biweekly... whatever you sort out may prove beneficial..


--------------------
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InvisibleAsante
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Amanita86]
    #26471994 - 02/06/20 12:47 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

Amanita86 said:
I see you go through these pretty obvious waves





The obvious waves were directly caused by two day MXE sessions. That has completely ceased since November, and I'm still winding down from that final grandmother of all MXE binges.


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InvisibleShiithead
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Asante] * 3
    #26472384 - 02/06/20 04:43 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Wow Asante. Thanks for sharing. You should be aware inquiring minds want to know what vendors we should avoid to abstain from MXE too.

Also you should exercise if possible. When you quit, it seems like you have to keep quitting sometimes. Luckily for us, it only takes three weeks to reprogram our brains and break or form new habits.


--------------------

Ephesians 6:12
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Psalm 12:6
The words of the Lord are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.
Hebrews 11:3
Through faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear.
Revelation 3:11
Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown.


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InvisibleBayerPhi
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Shiithead] * 3
    #26472715 - 02/06/20 08:00 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

I'll gladly take the rest of your dissos, I always meshed well with those "evil" trips for some reason.

Strange that you mentioned this--as my last hard dissociative experience I had was on the fields of WWI also, and it ended in space with a megalithic Grey showing me these vision using the pulses of rhythm coming its fingertips in the form of lights.

Needless to say, I stuck to watching Planet Earth on all my disso trips thereafter, because I came out of that one swearing I knew how to speak German (which I don't know any German, Dutch, or Nordic languages).

Guten tag, and Auf weidersehen.


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: BayerPhi] * 1
    #26472747 - 02/06/20 08:21 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Damn thats amazing! :eek:

Ive heard of people going into trances and start to speak a language they dont even know. Freaky stuff! :eek:


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InvisibleAmanita86
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #26472754 - 02/06/20 08:23 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

You ever hear about the people who take a solid whack to the head and start speaking with an accent or even a different language?  What in the f*** is going on with that bruh..?


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Amanita86] * 1
    #26472759 - 02/06/20 08:27 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

No, but that story reminds me of Phineas Gage, a railroad worker who had a brain injury that completely changed his personality: https://www.britannica.com/biography/Phineas-Gage

The brain is a strange thing.


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InvisibleBayerPhi
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Re: I''m somewhat traumatized by the TMI of my last MXE sessions [Re: Amanita86] * 3
    #26472785 - 02/06/20 08:39 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

Amanita86 said:
You ever hear about the people who take a solid whack to the head and start speaking with an accent or even a different language?  What in the f*** is going on with that bruh..?




Yup.

Shit happens, brah.
Most 99.999998% people just lose a part of themselves after a brain injury.

I made that statistic up, brain injuries Rn't two gud fer u.


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