|
Mariochi64
Lous daed



Registered: 09/28/18
Posts: 101
Loc: 7 years 10 months..
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
|
Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither?
#26469593 - 02/05/20 02:16 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Hello everyone (this won’t be too long I’ll keep it short i promise!) a few months back(Nov 20 to be exact) i dropped 1/4th of a 300 ug tab (5th time dropping cid) and ended up smoking weed and while thinking about some goal i wanted to achieve (it was a negative goal so i should have known) and i ended up with what i would assume was depersonalization, psychosis and probably derealization(could be the same as the first thing i said i ended up with) i also had a pretty overwhelming 300 ug trip on the 4th which was my bday. ( bad set and setting long day at work yet I decided to drop cid ) that one wasent a “bad trip” but it really caught me off guard ( could not think or talk or feel my body at all) but this trip really shook me up bad and i know this isn’t the most legit place to seek advice but I’ve read alot of people’s post about their cid journeys (ex. Dwpineal) and wanted to try this before i goto a therapist or psychiatrist or whatever..
It’s been 2 months since this trip(not that long i know) but i feel like I’ve forgotten some of my memories my house looks foreign at times and i have intrusive thoughts and i also can’t smoke weed without having anxiety/panic attacks (I’ve laid off the weed for almost two months feel a bit better)and to be frank I'm scared i feel like ill forever perceive everything around me as being weird or foreign to me (i also came down with a sinus infection after the bad trip and the headaches tricked me into believing i was going to die or the lsd had permanently gave me headaches. my father’s side of the family have a history of mental illnesses, he dosent have that though)
I don’t wanna make a long TLDR multi paragraph essay so i was just wondering if anyone has had these problems and will it subside? I would literally get anxiety because colors looked too beautiful or the objects in my peripheral were bending and warping I’ve always gad visual snow but damn its way more noticeable now. i get these moments of pure confusion of my surroundings and objects look hella weird!
Last one I promise! I feel like it could be not getting enough sleep aswell, I’ve been working out(not too much)and eating salad I’ve gotten alot better but im really starting to think my mind just forgot all these normal occurrences (I can’t even remember what a weed high feels like it gives an acid headspace now (not enjoyable at all man) ) i just really hope i can go back to when it was just shrooms and weed...i had convinced myself my mom wanted me to die because i had convinced myself my sinus headaches were not my sinuses i thought it was a tumor or a brain vessel hemorrhage (i didnt have a suicide headache it was me just freaking out)
i would also have these nightmares (seeing my neighbors bunny chopped in half with the top portion on my doorstep,my mom saying dont bother talking to “my name here” because hes “dead inside” , and the weirdest one yet...my 21st bday (the night of my bday (the night i dropped 300 ug with an exhausted body) (theres was one nightmare when my grandma died,another one with my brother running around threatening to shoot people with a gun(that was the dumbest one) i also think i had a nightmare where I participated in a danganronpa game(fml..)
These nightmares have not been recent (they happened in i think either jan or dec but the “dead inside happened last week) im just hoping this is my brain scolding me for being an idiot with bad vibes and hopefully i can turn my life around( i was a pothead,lazy asf ,not trying to goto college or anything but thts farm from the goal i was trying to achieve) sorry for the paragraphs skim it if u dont have the mental strength ill re continue if i get a few replies hopefully...please..
|
ChRnZN
Din of Doom


Registered: 12/21/08
Posts: 6,265
Loc: ADK
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: Mariochi64] 1
#26472814 - 02/06/20 08:50 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
This sounds like a relatively normal part of growing up. Alienation and separation from self are positive in the long run because they allow you to get past things that would otherwise be impassable. I suggest embracing this change in perspective. Fears exist to let you know where your strength comes from. In other words, that which makes you afraid is also that which gives you strength. You may be at a point in your life at which you are experimenting with newfound sources of energy. New directions may open up that once were unknown. These are great opportunities and you are lucky to be given a chance to embrace something new in your life. It may not change everything but it might help a little. Perhaps you know that better than anyone here. Can you overcome your fears even though your sense of self is lessened by your negative experiences? If you can learn to accept the change and embrace new directions responsibly and carefully, life will be better. There is no need to rush anything. Keep your approach simple and honest. Above all - to thine own self be true.
|
JohnRainyII
Unapproved Puppet

Registered: 02/07/20
Posts: 169
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: ChRnZN]
#26477565 - 02/09/20 07:59 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
i feel like I’ve forgotten some of my memories my house looks foreign at times and i have intrusive thoughts
I don't like the sounds of that!
Man, I really think you should lay off the acid. This isn't good. People can develop mental problems from it. Some people never will, but you don't sound like one of those. I don't know precisely if you are susceptible to a bad breakdown or not, but this is something where you have to play it on the safe side.
You're young and if you feel you need something from the psychedelic experience, I recommend an ibogaine trip. It is a true journey for the brave, takes a few days, and I wish I would have known about it when I was 19 or 20. I'd have gotten over a lot of shit a lot sooner I bet.
The Bwiti people of Gabon use it as a coming of age thing. I think they are on the mark with that one. It promotes inner orientation so finding oneself is possible. Mental breakdown is unheard of with it. Physical death is NOT though. It is a very powerful drug that only the physical healthy can endure safety. Being young you should have that covered.
If everyone went through an ibogaine trip when they were a young adult, Im convinced we'd be looking at a way better world.
Seriously.
|
Mariochi64
Lous daed



Registered: 09/28/18
Posts: 101
Loc: 7 years 10 months..
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: JohnRainyII]
#26487415 - 02/15/20 05:45 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Ive been feeling ALOT better since 10 days ago the anxiety is still there but small and trust me im laying off the cid FOREVER... i still got sinus headaches i think thats what give me anxiety and the feeling of impending doom (i got a sinus infection 2 days after the bad trip btw) but my nightmares are gone and i feel SO MUCH BETTER BRUH, i really thought i was gonna have to go speak to a psychiatrist or therapist but im recovering i think it was the headaches that made me unable to think and paranoid combined with weed that swelled up my sinuses making it feel like i was dying but im doing better now.
Can you explain what your experience when you said “I would’ve gotten over alot of stuff sooner” please?
|
JohnRainyII
Unapproved Puppet

Registered: 02/07/20
Posts: 169
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: Mariochi64]
#26488852 - 02/16/20 06:24 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
It's a similar idea as a vision quest, I think.
Once it wears off, it can leave one with a better developed maturity that doesn't seem to fade away like the insights and breakthroughs one gets on other psychedelics.
There is a death/rebirth aspect to the experience. Ever heard that jazz about getting born again? There is some element of that with the ibogaine flood experience.
Someone online commented that it was like having "ten years worth of psychotherapy".
It promotes mental health, reduces one's internal conflict, that kind of thing.
One element of the experience is purge. You will vomit. This can seem like an expulsion of demons/bad psychology when you're high on it. I like to think it actually is.
One person I know who did it to quit alcohol did not vomit, rather, she shit out an incredible amount from the other end. She said it made her realize she's been 'holding onto the shit everyone's been dumping on her', then the need to purge came. It was a truly astonishing thing, she had been carrying that around for god knows how long. After it happened, her figure was different and she needed smaller clothes.
Fucking crazy.
Personally, I feel I would have wasted less time with the booze and drugs and distractions and just been a lot more focused if I would have done it during young adulthood.
|
Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: JohnRainyII]
#26489528 - 02/17/20 06:36 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I don’t think such alleged insights or changes last on the drugs when people realize it’s just the drug and nothing profound or “vision quest” like. It’s just a drug effect but people have a habit of attributing more to such things than then actually provide. You don’t really become well adjusted after such things.
I would say to stop as psychosis would be something difficult to recover from. It’s not exactly a functional way to live.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
|
JohnRainyII
Unapproved Puppet

Registered: 02/07/20
Posts: 169
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: Thanatos10]
#26490719 - 02/17/20 07:43 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|

No one who did ibogaine would say such things.
It's like what I thought too when I first heard about it. "No way that stuff could allow someone to walk away from a hardcore crack addiction, if it really worked, it would be prescribed by doctors"
|
Thanatos10
Stranger


Registered: 01/19/15
Posts: 2,770
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: JohnRainyII]
#26490746 - 02/17/20 07:55 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
You say that but I’ve seen people destroyed by such substances. Like much alleged spirit quests they only work if you actually believe in that.
-------------------- As lightless oblivion devours you, drown in the ever-blooming darkness.
|
JohnRainyII
Unapproved Puppet

Registered: 02/07/20
Posts: 169
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: Thanatos10]
#26490859 - 02/17/20 09:23 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
You saw people destroyed by ibogaine?
|
Mariochi64
Lous daed



Registered: 09/28/18
Posts: 101
Loc: 7 years 10 months..
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
|
Re: Psychosis? Schizo¿ or neither? [Re: JohnRainyII]
#26503915 - 02/25/20 07:40 PM (3 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Hello all, I’ve been doing ALOT better (my depersonalization has cleared up substantially but still there a bit, two things tht have stuck around is the slight anxiety (feelings of unease and uncomfortableness)& slight derealization like (seeing my self from a third person point of view & having short moments of confusion that last about 5-12 seconds also, i can smoke weed again without my heart racing i only smoke every now & then now). I’m tackling one problem at a time and dealing with it, I’m also happy i got my clear thinking back but i still got a slight altered perception feeling(like if i look at a wall with a door I’ll think theres nothing behind that door but i shake back from it)
LSD has taught me some very important lesson that I didn’t learn from shrooms although they were very Lesson teaching aswell (Don't over indulge in psychs thinking its just for fun because you can definitely lose your mind and its very hard to get it back!)
I still have slight visual disturbances though ( invisible patterns barley visible to the naked eye moving in a swirling motion but its not bad at all my only concerned visual disturbance was the visual snow but that is GONE I MEAN LIKE IT JUST DISAPPEARED IM SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT)
It’s been almost 3 months since i had that trip and 19 days since i made this thread but i can recognize my house now (i can even picture it in my head now perfectly!) The one thing i would say that annoying me is the headspace/visual disturbances/ feels/. That i get when i haven't gotten sleep in the past 9 hours it feel like I'm in a super miniature trip ( its not mind rocking but it throughs me off i deal with it though.)
Thanks for all your help guys/gals I’ll keep you all posted about with my progress and I’m already on a trip break for a year, I’ll give that ibogaine trip a go when i feel completely like how i used to be (now that i think about it i was ignorant trying to take LSD for fun and because i didn't have shrooms boy did lsd whoop my ass!)
I think it wasn't fact that i had a weird trip that totally messed with me i think it was the pizza delivery guy and my sinus headaches (which persisted for months up until this month where it started to gradually decrease in intensity P.S 2 months ago thats when my visual snow started getting crazy strong it was agonizing)that made me believe LSD had really messed me up and though i was gonna die, i was so scared i was literally having really strange nightmares and waking up in sweat but the nightmares are Gone.
|
|