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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Quote:
Northerner said: I found I could never go back to social drinking after I stopped about a year ago. Just can't stick the cork back in the bottle once it's out. The manimal just takes over.
I took up alcohol (which I did for 10 years), to get over methcathinonine (which I did for 6 years), which I used to get off molly (which I abused for 3 years), which really helped me get off weed (which I did for 6 years). All the while eating acid and mushies through most of of these years and pretty much any upper or psychedlic I could get my hands on.
And now I'm relatively sober It all stems from me suffering from depression, but now I know there's just no way to medicate out of that. Just gotta ride the wave and enjoy small pleasures. Last week I had some sort of stimulant that got me pretty trashy for a couple of days, had a bit of ketamine about a month ago, and I'm really dying to trip, just don't have the space to do it right now. That's what I really need. That'll slow me down for many months. Bring everything back into focus.
Not sure what I think of that when it's laid out like that, but it's quite.... sobering. I'm amazed I've had such an amazing life and been so many places and done so many fantastic things with all that working against me. The vast majority of my days are clear headed but the pull of substances calls me sometimes. I just ignore it, deny the impulses as the lies they are. I'm super happy to be out of daily addiction cycles and abuse patterns. I'd be fucked without drugs though, I run low and become empty and alien without them, but sometimes they make things hard.
Really digging all of your posts in this thread. The bolded portion of this one really hit me. Riding the wave & taking pleasure in the small things is huge, and something I need to remember. Cause even when I get sucked down by those waves, there still are some things to take pleasure in. And I often don’t see that.

A lot of real talk in this thread in general. I appreciate everyone sharing.
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theRealrollforever
I DID-DENT



Registered: 08/31/13
Posts: 12,736
Loc: Bada-Bing!
Last seen: 2 days, 4 hours
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I have been clean of fentanyl for the last two years and was essentially doing lines until I was approaching dangerous concentrations of fent to “get right.” For the 6 years before that.
It boils down to everything northerner already said. Also having a goal that is long term that you genuinely aspire to is key ime.
I have had a handful of relapses but the before mentioned is what makes it worth stopping instead of continuing the run
Edited by theRealrollforever (02/02/20 02:44 PM)
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TaliesenW
Welder


Registered: 01/27/20
Posts: 150
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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addiction is something I don't know a lot of, but I have experience with K, it's just ruthless in my opinion..
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 14,141
Loc: FNQ
Last seen: 28 seconds
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Quote:
metalfaith said: I would definitely agree that the AA mentality is not for everyone.. Though I do believe that sort of black/white mentality can help many not convince themselves that it is okay to go back. Therefore, I don't totally object with the whole "you are always an addict" mentality. Definitely not true for a lot though.
It is weird you say that you are not an addict and that you don't want to drink but then also say there are times of cravings that you have to ignore.
Glad you have the opportunity to share 
Sounds like you could use a trip - what is holding you up? Me too, I am working on making some pharmahuasca for use soon.
I guess whatever works for people, if they really want to get sober and AA works that's great. AA is heralded as the epitome of recovery and wellness associations for alcoholics, but I do not believe that is true. Most doctors and alcoholics alike have never even heard of "rational recovery" and when some 12 step members come near these recovery groups they tend to attack them with a fervour that is akin to religious zealotry. AA has been around for so long and encourages lifetime membership, that is why it is so well known. Not because of it's efficacy. There are many other groups out there helping people get back on their feet from alcohol. Giving them the tools to pass it over. They just aren't as well known and certainly aren't as sensational as the tireless lifetime treatment of alcoholism diseased victims. 
Just because I'm not craving drink anymore doesn't mean I don't want to get trashy sometimes. I guess I'm not that easily cured being a substance user/abuser, rather than a true alcoholic. The list of drugs I'll do is becoming shorter as I age, and the frequency I'm willing to do them is becoming less as well. I understand now how people just simply grow out of drug use. It's perhaps a natural progression, compounded by having more to lose and becoming more risk adverse.
I live with other people and I need space to trip. I can't be worried about how other people feel or what they think when I'm like that. The timing just has to be so. The stars will align soon enough.
The patterns you are talking about with your alcohol use I have also experienced. Patterns are a root indicator of addiction. Breaking those patterns may seem easy at first, but when you hit 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months and 9 months, when you encounter the specific triggers that make you drink in patterns, that's when the rubber really hits the road. That's when you find out just how in control you really are compared to how much you think you are. It's important not to confuse addiction with physical dependence. Not the same thing. I'm not saying you are addicted to alcohol in any way, I have no idea, but problem drinking that involves drinking alone and deal making is an indicator. Addiction has different stages as well, most people never hit that last fuck out stage and pull right before then. Being able to be honest with yourself and see the writing on the wall can really help stop the progression.
Enjoy your pharma man. . Have you down it before?
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
Edited by Northerner (02/03/20 03:18 PM)
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