|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
Am I still depressed?
#26463833 - 02/01/20 02:53 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Came off SSRIs a few years ago. Tapered down to 0g medications on 2nd july 2016. Since then I’ve been self medcating with psilocybin mushrooms.
I don’t know if I’m a head case, shroomery,, but I can’t work out if I’m still depressed! I’ve been depressed for so long, possibly 45 years, that I don’t know what not being depressed feels like.
Disciplined 2 week mushroom trips over the last few months have given me sort of a constant after glow.
I’m sitting here a full week after my last trip, and I stil feel a buzzing sensation. A,sensation of happiness.
Am I still depressed?
Appreciate your love and comments, ❤️
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
Korean Jesus



Registered: 11/13/19
Posts: 554
Loc: United States
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26463858 - 02/01/20 03:18 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
In my opinion, it doesn't matter. Focusing on whether or not you are depressed won't make you happier. The best thing you can do is try to live life as happily as possible. Maybe your happiness is lower than others, maybe it is higher, but does that really matter?
The average person today is far happier than the average person 100 years ago. Someone back then would probably be considered depressed today. But comparing your happiness to others will never yield any good thoughts. The only thing one can do is maximize his own happiness.
|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
|
Thank you, KJ 👍🏻
I find historical; documentaries on telly to be fascinating. When you think they are basically the same as us, but the conditions they had to love through. It’s scary, really.
❤️DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
Korean Jesus



Registered: 11/13/19
Posts: 554
Loc: United States
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26463985 - 02/01/20 04:30 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I also find them fascinating. It's been shown that the average person today has a higher standard of living than a fifteenth century king.
|
Eclipse3130
Servant of the Fungi



Registered: 10/06/13
Posts: 6,220
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 16 minutes, 10 seconds
|
|
Let go of the old you and embrace the new you you are restored.
-------------------- "In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply Different ways in which The All-That Is Perceives Itself"
|
fragrantdiscipline
LostWanderer

Registered: 01/02/20
Posts: 32
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26464266 - 02/01/20 07:38 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
Since then I’ve been self medcating with psilocybin mushrooms.
Work has really been getting me down. In my position I can't move up. There's nothing new to learn or do. They're not engaging me. It's the same things over and over. It's depressing the shit out of me.
I started taking shrooms, just one or two, a couple of days ago just because of how depressed I was feeling at work. The day after starting them my attitude was positive.
I'm not sure you need to trip to gain benefits from shrooms. Even microdosing can help improve one's mood.
-------------------- Desperately in need of some stranger's hand in a desperate land.
|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
|
Quote:
Eclipse3130 said: Let go of the old you and embrace the new you you are restored.
I like that, thank you 👍🏻
❤️
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
|
I’ve been giving microdosing quite a bit of thought recently. I’m not sure I need to anymore, as my OP said, I am actually feeling much better. But the real decision-maker for me is that I really love tripping; I’ve found a sweet spot, I reckon, with 3.8g dry which allows me to trip deep, but also at frequent two week intervals. The after-glow is lasting longer and longer each time. So it dawned on me, am I still taking mushrooms for depression because I don’t really feel depressed anymore! It’s a strange feeling after decades of bad feelings, and not knowing how to feel good.
Mushrooms are both a medicine, but when there’s “nothing” left to heal, are still as useful.
Check out the new Gwyneth Paltrow The Goop Lab show on Netflix. The first episode is about mushrooms, and they interview one girl who has microdosed for 6 years. I found it really informative, though the BBC in the Uk has slated it for spreading dangerous misinformation.......yep, the establishment are still spreading their lies about psychedelics! It’s now scientific fact, FFS....
❤️
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
Socrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 17 days, 10 hours
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26464594 - 02/02/20 03:19 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I think the best test to see if you’re still depressed is to take a long break and see how you feel. Then you can gauge if the mushrooms are keeping the depression at bay or if they have eliminated it. What Eclipse3130 said is absolutely spot on. If you know Jordan Peterson, he has an old lecture where he talks about transformation of the individual and uses the Harry Potter movies to illustrate his point. The old you has died. The new you, like the Phoenix reborn from the ashes, is a completely different entity, the transformation being catalyzed by the sacrifice of your old self.
And on microdosing, if you’re system works for you then no need to microdose. I think it’s a valuable tool for many people who don’t sustain a long afterglow from a solid trip. But I do recommend trying it for science 
Anyway, great to hear you’re doing well against the existential battles of life
--------------------
|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
|
Much love back at ya, pal ✊🏻
I think the real healingnstarted in Nov 2018 when I took a 4.1g dose; I didn’t feel the need to trip for 11 months after that one learning experience where the mushrooms taught me a fundamental lesson: that depression is a choice. So I decided not to be depressed anymore. Blew the cobwebs out for almost the 11 months, but my negative thought patterns started returning,s so since then I’ve been on 3.7/3.8g dry at two week intervals.
It’s a hard feeling now to convey the transformation in me, but I am getting so excited for my next trip, whereas anxiety has been keeping me away. It’s all a learning process.
Another thing I’m “discovering” is that I get bored really quickly, which has probably led in the past to abuse of drugs (alcohol, weed, a couple of years with mdma). So I’m spending a lot of time here, a lot of time reading, and getting out to my allotment more regularly. I’m going to spend quite a few trips this year camping on thenallotment. Also got a project to start which will involve building a wooden summerhouse, but that will have to be planned as I’m both skint and not very practical!
❤️ DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
fragrantdiscipline
LostWanderer

Registered: 01/02/20
Posts: 32
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26464649 - 02/02/20 04:58 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
So it dawned on me, am I still taking mushrooms for depression
There's certainly one way to test that, by getting off shrooms for a while. I suppose it all depends on what's causing your depression. Is it situational (like for me, shitty job) or is it chronic imbalances of brain chemistry? It's important, however, to be able to recognize when one is falling into their depression. After 45 years, you likely know how to determine that.
From what I've read of shrooms and depression, I don't get the impression that it's a cure, but rather a treatment meaning it's likely something you'll need to continue. Definitely, make sure you're taking care of two other aspects that go a long way to combat depression as well: diet and exercise. Having experienced crippling depression I've learned long ago that diet & exercise is important to achieve a more positive attitude. It's not a cure, but without diet and exercise maintaining a positive attitude over the long term is impossible if one doesn't have a naturally bubbly attitude, which I don't. Vitamins and a weekly 8 mile hike have become my mainstay treatment for keeping my attitude positive.
Edit: Oh and one other thing. If, like me, you're a pessimist and typically have a negative or dismissive or skeptical attitude about most things, start using positive modifiers instead of negative. For example: Instead of saying that "sucks" or it's "crap" say that's fantastic, it's awesome, etc. I know it sounds like bullshit. On it's own it doesn't do anything, but I've found that my attitude is often times the reflection of how I perceive others' attitudes towards me. People react more positively to positive words even if they're dripping with sarcasm. It's something I started doing about 10 years ago and it seems to work.
I don't know if mushrooms are something I want to take all the time. Even with microdosing, I've read there is an on/off schedule to avoid build up of tolerance.
Quote:
yep, the establishment are still spreading their lies about psychedelics
I've given up on main stream media long ago. Information is like anything else. You have to use critical thinking skills to choose it for yourself. The MSM is not reliable for anything that crosses into the territories of theirs, their advertisers or the governments own self-interests.
-------------------- Desperately in need of some stranger's hand in a desperate land.
Edited by fragrantdiscipline (02/02/20 05:07 AM)
|
330ci
the unenlightened =D

Registered: 11/22/19
Posts: 344
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
|
|
I was questioning this about myself until a trip a few weeks ago. I was tripping hard and frequently questioning everything about my life and on one trip I was analyzing why I smoked cigarettes, managed to Unthink the thought process that day and I haven’t smoked since. I felt a click in my head that seemed physical, like a light switch turned on and the world just has made sense since. I feel like a different person, so comfortable and at peace with myself the only worry I’ve had since was if I was going to stop feeling this way. It’s kind of uncomfortable in a sense that I’m not used to it but I overall feel happy. I felt myself getting better for a long time but I have gotten to a point where I don’t know what I would seek from a psychedelic experience right now, and have no desire to trip in the foreseeable future. I’m asking myself what I believe to be the right questions, I’ve got a confidence in myself I’ve never felt, my friends have noticed a positive change in me, and ultimately I never think were ever done with our journey. But if your still questioning, I’d say you still have a bit of anxiety or depression lingering still. The only way I’ve been able to explain it to myself is I finally feel I’ve found God inside myself, I felt I looked to the world for answers from the world for so long, doubted myself for so long, didn’t love myself for so long that I didn’t feel I was capable of thinking for myself, that others knew better and that I wasn’t worthy of certain things in life. I’ve shed those ideas from my mind and released my soul from bondage. You will definitely know when it happens as I’ve never seen the world so clearly in my life.
|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
|
I’ve been watching some Rosalind Watts videos on YouTube recently; she is involved with the psilocybin studies at Imperial College London with David Nutt and Robin Carhart-Harris. She talks about the overriding success of psilocybin for treating depression, but suggests it is not a one time cure; rather it needs to be supplemented at intervals.....that’s why I’ve been sticking to a two week schedule of tripping, since October last year, and here I am wondering if I’m no longer depressed.....
I’ve been putting all my energy into maintaining the after-glow, and that way of thinking you get on the come down where nothing phases you; stuff just goes over your head, leaving you to spread good emotions, not rebukes.
You do sound very similar to myself when you describe your thought patterns. I think the word that would best describe myself is; “cynical”. I suppose as an engineer a cynical mentality is needed. But yeah my job; I’m a sub-contractor for a large aerospace company, and talk about the abuse you get from “permies”, the unions, your boss. Treated like shit, and always singled out. New tax laws in April mean I’ll be packing it in and going back permanent employment. Previously, before I went contracting, it was work that was the final straw before I tried to take my life and then succumbed eventually to SSRIs.
Life is so much better these days. I’ll never get over the loss of my dughter in Oct 1999, but the shit that happened to me as a kid I can now think about rationally. I’m no longer struggling to get to sleep, ruminating endlessly over the same shitty thoughts; but I am still drinking too much alcohol and s,oking too much weed. I have not exercised properly since SSRIs, though I walk regularly with my dogs. My appetite is slowly returning (almost 4 years since I stopped SSRIs so wow, they’re really damaging....) so I am starting to eat better.
I do feel like a different person. Though not one who is in any hurry to give up tripping 👊🏻
❤️ DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: 330ci]
#26464785 - 02/02/20 07:53 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Hey 330ci,
I’m definitely still feeling some depression / anxiety. It’s almost subliminal, possibly years of habit, but if I’m honest, good as I am feeling, I couldn’t say I’m 100% confident yet.
Getting there though, pal.
Awesome you’ve kicked the smoking addiction. How long has it been now?
❤️ DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
sporecap
Shedding...

Registered: 07/30/18
Posts: 413
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26464859 - 02/02/20 08:52 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
For me I also see the value in the psychedelic experience that it acts like a 'tare' button on a scale, it kind of resets my point of view and lets me reevaluate my position and connection to everything in life. We get so distracted and stressed about things like work, money, success, hate, bad news etc., as we are bombarded by it every day. Up to the point where it completely consumes us. Mushrooms allow me to take a step back and actually reconsider the true value of all these things, how irrelevant most of them are and guide me to realize what I am really longing for. A trip to a very different country and culture can do the same, it really opens your mind experiencing a completely different way of life. In the same way I think mushrooms can be a continuous tool to regularly remind you to stay grounded and connected to yourself and nature.
Good old Terrence McKenna put it into words much better than I ever could: (Taken from his book "Food of the Gods")
Quote:
Once activities involving syntactic self-expression were established habits among early human beings, the continued evolution of language in environments where mushrooms were scarce or unavailable permitted a tendency toward the expression and emergence of the ego. If the ego is not regularly and repeatedly dissolved in the unbounded hyperspace of the Transcendent Other, there will always be slow drift away from the sense of self as part of nature's larger whole. The ultimate consequence of this drift is the fatal ennui that now permeates Western civilization.
The prolonged and repeated exposure to the psychedelic experience, the Wholly Other rupture of the mundane plane caused by the hallucinogenic ritual ecstasy, acted steadily to dissolve that portion of the psyche which we moderns call the ego. Wherever and whenever the ego function began to form, it was akin to a calcareous tumor or a blockage in the energy of the psyche. The use of psychedelic plants in a context of shamanic initiation dissolved-as it dissolves today-the knotted structure of the ego into undifferentiated feeling, what Eastern philosophy calls the Tao. This dissolving of individual identity into the Tao is the goal of much of Eastern thought and has traditionally been recognized as the key to psychological health and balance for both the group and the individual. To appraise our dilemma correctly, we need to appraise what this loss of Tao, this loss of collective connection to the Earth, has meant for our humanness.
|
DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: sporecap]
#26464982 - 02/02/20 09:55 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Thank you for the McKenna quote; he’s a legend.
I love your analogy to the tare function - perfect. I feel exactly the same, like it wipes the slate clean. Others have described as similar to a defrag of your computers hard drive. Therapists are describing it as a ski slope with ruts where the mushrooms lay fresh snow and get rid of the ruts. I’ll be using “tare function” again, it’s brilliant 👍🏻
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

|
330ci
the unenlightened =D

Registered: 11/22/19
Posts: 344
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26465002 - 02/02/20 10:03 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
DJ Ed said: Hey 330ci,
I’m definitely still feeling some depression / anxiety. It’s almost subliminal, possibly years of habit, but if I’m honest, good as I am feeling, I couldn’t say I’m 100% confident yet.
Getting there though, pal.
Awesome you’ve kicked the smoking addiction. How long has it been now?
❤️ DJ Ed
11 days now. I’ve been tripping at least once a month and up to to 2 times a week for the past 6 months. It wasn’t until I started writing down my thoughts and questions on paper that I started seeing answers. I graduated from engineering school, minored in accounting and have a great mind. People have always thought I should write a book, found me intelligent and seem to find me pretty interesting. But I never found myself these things, I always felt I was trying to learn about the world around me so I could finally fit in and it wasn’t until I accepted that I’m here for a purpose greater than to procreate, make others happy and that the meaning to existence is currently being redefined that I became at peace with myself and my pursuit of happiness in life.
|
AZZI
Stranger

Registered: 11/09/19
Posts: 239
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: 330ci]
#26465025 - 02/02/20 10:19 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
It doesn't sound like you're depressed.
|
UmbraSprite
Stranger
Registered: 08/29/19
Posts: 36
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26465704 - 02/02/20 05:46 PM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
I am in a similar situation. Decided to get off anti-depressants which were antagonists to the psylocybin. Took 3g's of dried cubes last Friday. First time in around 14 years. Trip wasn't too intense which was a good thing as my son got hurt at school and we had to pick him up early. I definitely feel a bit less heavy and more grounded. Honestly though you have to keep your expectations realistic. Life is hard. It sucks sometimes. So having bad days doesn't equal having clinical depression. That's just life. Everyone feels that way occasionally. The real question is if your down time is disrupting your ability to lead a satisfying and productive life. Also how intense your downturns are. If you are ideating suicide...that's clinical depression.
The data coming out around psylocibin for breaking addictions and for serious depression is pretty damn convincing. They really haven't released much of the details other than the trips are done blindfolded, with music/headphones and with a therapist present. The idea being you aren't distracted by outside stimuli and focus on your thoughts. They are using synthetic psylocibin also so it is hard to determine how the dosages they are using correlate to eating dried shrooms.
That all said as long as you are tripping in a safe environment and it isn't disrupting your "regular" life I don't see the issue. For me if I have to ask if I am depressed I am probably not. I definitely know when I am. I have no appetite, sleep constantly, utter nothing but negativity and feel like there are 20 lb weights on my chest constantly. Any break in that and I am thrilled.
|
330ci
the unenlightened =D

Registered: 11/22/19
Posts: 344
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
|
Re: Am I still depressed? [Re: DJ Ed]
#26466260 - 02/03/20 04:49 AM (3 years, 11 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
DJ Ed said: Thank you for the McKenna quote; he’s a legend.
I love your analogy to the tare function - perfect. I feel exactly the same, like it wipes the slate clean. Others have described as similar to a defrag of your computers hard drive. Therapists are describing it as a ski slope with ruts where the mushrooms lay fresh snow and get rid of the ruts. I’ll be using “tare function” again, it’s brilliant 👍🏻
this is how I use psychedelics to remap my brain. I have looked at all of the scientific studies I could find on psychedelics. Evidence has shown that psychedelics increase brain activity and connects the thought processes between regions we don't normally have strong communication with regularly. I personally find the slope analogy perfect, but each person is different so maybe some mindsets will have anologies that resonate with them better. I believe anyone can enjoy psychedelics but you must find focus and purpose from your trips. To implement purpose from my trips I think about the problem I wanted to solve before hand. think about how I could solve the problem during the trip and focus some thoughts on that for a while, then in the days after the trip I write down my thoughts, I think about the change that I want to be made in my life. I think about my thought processes leading me up to those choices or mindsets, think about why I want them changed, How I could change those mindsets or actions, I question why I believe i'm incapable of changing, and ultimately keep asking myself questions until my logic overpowers the emotional ties to a process and allows me to continue forward in a more black and white manner without any setbacks. lately I've been finding myself seeing greater success in areas with well defined goals. I hold myself accountable to change. the change seems easier as
|
|