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OfflinePsyence
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Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory * 2
    #26456364 - 01/28/20 07:16 AM (4 years, 1 day ago)

The trip: Sunday 26th Jan 2020

Cubensis (Hawaiian) Dosage: 1.5g each, lemon tea tek

Me and B took tea at 11pm. It took less than 20 minutes to have an effect.

B felt some nausea, but I did not. I immediately felt very cold and put on an extra layer of clothing, then got under the covers. Throughout the trip I was constantly regulating my own temperature: putting on clothes and taking them off.

Music was tricky to get right - any hint of darkness was too much. Human vocals seemed very important as did real instruments over electronics. Macro Dub infection started out OK, but quickly became too dark. The two albums that worked the best were Vashti Buyan’s Diamond Day and Devendra Banhart’s Smokey Rolls Down Thunder Canyon. I tried World Circuit Presents, but after Chan Chan, some of the African vocals were too brash and egotistical. Anything with a self-important sounding singer was very distasteful. The harsh beats of drum’n’bass made me wince on every bar and it seemed like there was a gap in my thoughts at those points that was disturbing.

As I lay back on the bed, I could see subtle flashes of electricity across the ceiling and the paper lampshade seemed illuminated even though the light was not on. In general, surfaces seemed translucent with a silvery glistening sheen. The ceiling became associated in my mind with the sky and so with heaven and the universe. The globe lampshade for me came to represent God: not an embodiment but a highly charged representation. I started to feel that it was deeply important to have a faith or a moral code: a faith seemed perhaps too easy, as I was here almost in contact with the divine. I was experiencing the same things that Jesus and the Buddha would have experienced. It would be possible to derive a religion with this as its basis, since all religions are fundamentally the same. I was also experiencing the evil side: voices at the edges of consciousness suggesting bad things. I was conscious of having to navigate a path through these and recognised that this was an important task. I felt danger as a visceral thing: I have studied a martial art involving swords for several years and my swords were at the end of our bed. I felt strongly that I must take them and put them somewhere else, because they seemed to emanate a malevolent aura, at least that it was not appropriate for them to be there. I took them and placed them out of sight and that was better.

The pictures on the wall started to misbehave: my painting of a Zombie Elephant started to change colour, from pink to blue to green, and to move like a hologram. B said she saw the elephant running. Her psychedelic wax painting opened up like a flower and seemed to be a portal into or a projection of a heavenly realm. The room alternately opened up like a cathedral or closed in, warm and cosy. When I blinked, I could see shapes that seemed dark and perhaps demonic: a dark dimension.

B alternated between laughter and tears. Whenever I left the room I would come back to find her face wet with tears. Her face looked waxy and and I started to become very concerned about her because she seemed very sad and her eyes had started to become swollen. I now think this was because of all the crying, but at the time I was afraid she might be having an allergic reaction. (once before, I saw her have severe swelling around her eyes as a result of an emotional experience) I was terrified that she might die. I was aware that the drug was distorting my perception of her face, but I still felt that objectively her eyes looked quite bad. I wanted to take a photo, but also I did not want to scare her. When I asked her if she was OK, she told me that she was fine.

I felt some insecurity - B kept telling me I looked funny - but at the same time I was aware that this was simply because of the drug. I had to go to the toilet frequently but I did not enjoy being there alone: the plants looked malevolent and I often found that I could not urinate in their presence. I went with B to the bathroom when she went and I was concerned not to leave her alone for too long. I could not predict what she would do and I was scared of her either falling unconscious, hurting herself or losing her mind. I also became concerned at points that I might be losing my mind.

B would blurt out nonsensical things like ‘why are you drinking poison?’ when I took a drink of water from my black water bottle with the Extinction Rebellion sticker (I acknowledged it did look like a bottle you would put such things in). She would then apologise ‘sorry - what am I saying?’. Among other things she said were: ‘I can’t bury you again’ when I tried to leave to go to the kitchen. I encouraged her not to feel bad about the things she was saying, to stay in the present moment, not go into the past. I asked her to come to the living room as I felt a change of scenery might help her, but she did not want to go. She became more and more upset, telling we I was going to leave. She did not understand what it was, but I could see that her memory of her father was bothering her, and she was associated me with him. I told her I was not going anywhere. At one point when I got up to leave the room, her face cracked just like that of a baby. (she later told me two things were bothering her: the memory of her father and also the memory of being left alone in the house by her mother as a very small child). She kept asking me: ‘you are not leaving?’, ‘and Iris is safe?’ (Iris is our daughter).

Caring for her became my main priority and the choice of music was very important. I was in a sense glad to have a task and to be able to put my focus on her. As I was more experienced with psychedelics, I was able to help her and it meant that I could put my own issues to one side. Her mood improved and overall she said she was very happy. She told me: ‘I wish Iris could see this’.

I started to wish that the trip would end as it was getting late: I didn’t want B to fall asleep while she was tripping as it seemed that might not be healthy.

I put on some Dylan and B told me it felt like we were in the end credits of a movie. I asked her ‘what happens next?’ and she said she didn’t know. I had a sense of dying at that point: that this was our last moment. I had a sense of being very old and dying together with her. There was some sadness in this thought but not fear.

I told her I felt the effects were easing off: this was as much hopeful as anything else. It was by this time around 5 or 6 in the morning.

At some point after this, a very strange thing happened: it was as if I had woken up from a dream or a coma, or had been transported to this world from another world. Everything that had just passed felt like a dream, but not only that: the whole of my existence felt like a dream. My reality had become only the present moment and I suddenly wondered if any of the other things in my mind had any reality at all. Pieces of memory started coming back to me as I recalled them, like unfolding a folded-up picture or putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Every part of my life, my history, the history of the world. As I recalled history; the fact that there is a Government which has power over us, it struck me as quite ridiculous and strange, often unpleasant. Ideas like slavery and racism felt so wierd and repugnant. Why did we live in a city? Risks like Coronavirus seemed to make that a foolish idea. I nearly asked B if she knew who Boris Johnson was, just to confirm that this was a real person and not a figment of my imagination. I got my phone and googled ‘human’, found the Wikipedia page and looked at it for quite a long time. It struck me that while there are concrete realities, all of human society is at the same time very much an invention of the human mind, and can be reinvented.

I continued to be astounded by my own knowledge and abilities. I could speak another language? I doubted my ability to drive a car, but found the next day that I could, perfectly well, and I was delighted by this. My memory was sharp and clear and every part of that was astounding because it was like discovering treasure stored in a room of your own house you never knew was there.

Overall, the experience for both me and B was very beautiful. She told me she felt very loved, and that she was able to make progress in letting go of her father’s loss. We both felt that the experience made us realise very clearly what is important to us.


--------------------
"It never got weird enough for me"
- HST



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OfflineDJ Ed
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Re: Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory [Re: Psyence]
    #26456628 - 01/28/20 10:57 AM (4 years, 1 day ago)

Wow, nice write up; thank you for sharing. But also wow, so deep from 1.5g; you’ve described what I experience from 5g dry. And I think you’ve learned your lesson; part of the “setting” means removing anything that could be potentially dangerous while tripping. Like, for example, samurai swords!

Mush love
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflinePsyence
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Re: Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26456686 - 01/28/20 11:35 AM (4 years, 1 day ago)

Thank you! Yeah, I was really surprised how intense it was. Perhaps they were very strong? It definitely ranks up there with all my experiences of LSD.

The swords were fully wrapped up in bags. I had forgotten they were even there!


--------------------
"It never got weird enough for me"
- HST



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OnlineEclipse3130
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Re: Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory [Re: Psyence] * 1
    #26456767 - 01/28/20 12:34 PM (4 years, 1 day ago)

Were they penis envy? :lol: you can't underestimate lemon Tek! 3.5g lemon Tek was my most powerful experience


--------------------
"In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old
In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser
In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter
As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms
And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply
Different ways in which The
All-That Is
Perceives Itself"


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OfflinePsyence
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Re: Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory [Re: Eclipse3130] * 1
    #26456786 - 01/28/20 12:46 PM (4 years, 1 day ago)

Hawaiians. Made tea with 3g dry and divided it between us. I did a second infusion which only I drank.

I grew these myself, picked them before the veils opened and dried, but I can't take any credit for the strength.

Blew me away!


--------------------
"It never got weird enough for me"
- HST



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OnlineEclipse3130
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Registered: 10/06/13
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Re: Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory [Re: Psyence]
    #26456832 - 01/28/20 01:08 PM (4 years, 1 day ago)

Good ole lemon Tek! Regular cubensis outside of the penis envy variety do not get over a certain threshold of potency, yes they can be strong but not overwhelmingly strong like a penis envy variety or say something like liberty caps, azurescense or cyanescense.


--------------------
"In The Material World One seeks retirement and grows Old
In The Magical World One seeks Enlightenment and grows Wiser
In The Miraculous World One seeks nothing and grows Lighter
As we all tread the Homeward Path we will explore many Realms
And one day... we will all Realize that all experiences are Simply
Different ways in which The
All-That Is
Perceives Itself"


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
Re: Emotional release, complete loss and re-discovery of memory [Re: Psyence]
    #26456976 - 01/28/20 02:45 PM (4 years, 1 day ago)

Yeah I was going to ask if they were Liberty Caps, that might have explained it! But then I noticed you said Hawaiians right at the start. So I think the chances of you both being hyper sensitive are slim. So basically you’ve grown some real potent Hawaiians. I hope you’ve taken a clone ✊🏻


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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