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Anonymous #1

Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict * 1
    #26198236 - 09/19/19 08:04 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

I smoked it once or twice but mainly used  by snorting so i guess i always thought i had it under control. my "non party" use was always hidden, never bought it but it somehow was always around. Goodie bags from friends.

Its hard to admit that i am an addict but i am. its hard to believe i am, mostly cause i guess i used in such secret... i dont recognize myself now that this has come to light. Its hard to face this truth and be with the person i am with. i'm embarrassed... while he used he never took up a habit with it of daily use at all... i used it every day for a month thats probably the most i used... but this has all been over the course of this year.

I'm not sure what to change and how. i guess cutting the people in my life out who use it. i have no idea how im gonna feel with other drugs. weeds hard to smoke and let go of. i've never been hooked on a drug like this. with such potential for damage to my health as well as something this heavy. i'm realizing I abuse weed meth tobacco masturbation and sometimes shopping as a way to repress whatever it is i don't want to feel. i just don't know what it is exactly im avoiding, or how to deal with the unsatisfied feelings.

I dunno any advice from someone who's in or was in a similar boat? Considering NA but feel weird about going.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #26198309 - 09/19/19 08:44 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I smoked it once or twice but mainly used  by snorting so i guess i always thought i had it under control. my "non party" use was always hidden, never bought it but it somehow was always around. Goodie bags from friends.

Its hard to admit that i am an addict but i am. its hard to believe i am, mostly cause i guess i used in such secret... i dont recognize myself now that this has come to light. Its hard to face this truth and be with the person i am with. i'm embarrassed... while he used he never took up a habit with it of daily use at all... i used it every day for a month thats probably the most i used... but this has all been over the course of this year.

I'm not sure what to change and how. i guess cutting the people in my life out who use it. i have no idea how im gonna feel with other drugs. weeds hard to smoke and let go of. i've never been hooked on a drug like this. with such potential for damage to my health as well as something this heavy. i'm realizing I abuse weed meth tobacco masturbation and sometimes shopping as a way to repress whatever it is i don't want to feel. i just don't know what it is exactly im avoiding, or how to deal with the unsatisfied feelings.

I dunno any advice from someone who's in or was in a similar boat? Considering NA but feel weird about going.



I was in your exact position a few years back, smoked it once or twice but mainly snorted it. It may be hard but it's good that you can admit that you are an addict. I am clean now of Methamphetamine 5 years.  The worst thing you can do is let it define you and let it make you feel shit, you have to look at it angularly, "I am an addict, and that's perfectly ok, everybody has low points, but this needs to stop". Personally I don't trust any NA or AA bullshit services /religious cults... I did it on my own and I think you can too, you really have to ween yourself off, or do what I did, go cold turkey and lock yourself in your room until the withdrawals end... Lots of spider hallucinations/fornication (feeling of bugs under your skin) and delerius thoughts paranoid that aliens will come to get you, I got all of that.
You need to find other things in life to fill the void of the drug, other things you love , maybe music or engineering or whatever tickles your fancy, Love is a big one too :smile: Love can really be a ticket out of a mess like yours. I really hope I helped and didn't offend you! Stick to weed and mushrooms, occasionally cocaine is good maybe once every few months or so . And yes you will have to cut people out of your life big time, I did the same but now 5 years later my man, I have a great life, a beautiful girlfriend with a beautiful daughter and I couldn't be happier with the friends I have now, some old some new :smile: big respect to you and love man big love ❤️


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Anonymous #3

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26198497 - 09/19/19 11:27 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

Anon 2 you had hallucinations from "withdrawal" or from being awake from binges?


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Anonymous #4

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26198684 - 09/20/19 05:05 AM (4 years, 4 months ago)

What I found I had to do is take up a hobby loose contact with all connections. Change phone number. Dont save anyone's number that might be able to hook u up or u will just be right back to where you are now. If there is anyone that can help u many a wife or something have them drug test u like very day for a year to start then once a week it will get you on the right track
It's a hard journey to take but worth it
Good luck


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Anonymous #1

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26198722 - 09/20/19 05:56 AM (4 years, 4 months ago)

Thanks... You did not offend. You gave me hope. My withdrawal haven't been that intense. Mostly just major depression. Its hardest when I'm alone. Did your wife know? Thanks for the support.


Edited by Anonymous (09/20/19 05:56 AM)


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Anonymous #4

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26200607 - 09/21/19 05:28 AM (4 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Thanks... You did not offend. You gave me hope. My withdrawal haven't been that intense. Mostly just major depression. Its hardest when I'm alone. Did your wife know? Thanks for the support.




I know all about the depression and the withdrawals i still get cravings some times and its been a few years now. my wife did not know for a long time. i got so deep into the drugs that i was broke stealing money just to get high i would wake up every morning and that was the first thing i would think about. i would usually get my fix before work and keep it going all day. but i got to the point i couldn't take it any more. one night i got home and was high af and broke down. told my wife everything she was shocked mad and said she was going to leave me. i told her i wanted to get help and didn't want to live this life anymore. after sleeping on the couch for months taking drug tests daily and talking to a counseller every other day i was changing my life for the better and she helped me along the way. i did slip a couple times i told my self oh i can just use once ill feel better the wife is out of town and wont touch it again. man was i wrong. its something you have to leave behind forever

The only way it will work is with honesty you have to be honest with your self and everyone you love

now looking back it was the best decision of my life. just in the last few years 4 people i used to use with are dead and these are just the ones i heard of


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Anonymous #1

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #26202309 - 09/22/19 06:25 AM (4 years, 4 months ago)

yea i'm realizing i can't ever do it again. Its brought up a lot for my boyfriend as he's had several GF's OD as well as 1 longterm relationship where the girl like went from being somewhat innocent to a full fledged addict and chose the drugs and party life over him... which makes me really wonder why the hell he introduced me to such a highly addictive drug... but this is manifesting into something a bit too difficult for me. He feels he has to give up A LOT to get this out of our lives. His friends are the ones that do this drug not mine... this is not weaved into my life the way it is for him. and he's asked that i give up weed too. Because he's never liked that i was a pothead either and he feels that it would be us putting an equal effort into sobriety... If he's gonna do all that work with Meth, then i should be doing it with weed... thats at least his thought.

so its brought up a lot of trust issues. and worry that i am lying about where i go and what i do. couple of nights ago we went out to dinner where he was trying to impart on me that i'm an addict and that he wants to go to NA meetings with me. He asked if i've used at all in the last week. Fucked up thing is i did. I knew there was a platter downstairs that had some residue and i did go down there and scraped and did whatever little bit was on it. He was pretty disappointed but happy that i was honest....

I had been gifted a ticket to see a band that doesn't tour anymore a week before all this. so the night after that conversation about my slip up, was showtime...  he expressed that he was anxious about me going and felt going to a show right now is not priorty. and that i need to stay home and away from temptation, that i need to make major changes in my life, and that i can't live the way i did before... he understood the rare opportunity and gave his blessings in me going. asked that i would call from the show. I texted instead because i didn't want to leave my seat to go make a call... i texted all night and assured him i didn't even drink a drop. or smoked any weed. but when i came home it was to all the anger he didn't let himself feel with me.

Mind you i've never bought the drug, i've never gone out and gotten it behind his back. I lost control with shit we had in the house. not spending money on it was my hard line that i didn't and haven't crossed. i've probably sought it out once or twice. Like asked someone for some at a party without it being offered.

I know i'm hooked. i think about it and want it nearly every day... but if you were to rate addiction in stages. i feel like i'm at the early stages and can pull myself out. none of my friends do this drug. its his friends and his circles that have it. I don't feel like i should be changing my whole life around. I want to enjoy the things, friendships, events and activities i enjoyed before this evil crystal came into my life... he disagrees...

I dont know how to earn his trust and confidence back while still being myself and reconnecting to the parts of myself that doesn't/didnt know crystal.... and quite frankly some days this not smoking weed things is just too much pressure...


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Anonymous #5

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26205228 - 09/23/19 06:08 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

Its hard to admit that i am an addict but i am.




It's very easy to adopt the label of "addict". It's difficult to accept the fact you choose to use.


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Anonymous #6

. *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26207139 - 09/24/19 05:45 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: .


Edited by Anonymous (10/13/20 10:01 AM)


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Anonymous #5

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #26207350 - 09/24/19 07:42 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

It's "so hard to stop using" any drug, or other pleasures we fall in love with because we see value and benefits in the behavior. If we didn't see benefits in the behavior, we would not do it. Your comment that it sucks to not to manage life without substance assistance reveals precisely the benefits you have found in intoxication. Of course there ain't no free ride and there are downsides to the perceived benefit. Until we perceive the downsides outweigh the upsides, we will continue to use. Of course intoxication alters our perceptions, so we are not really in a good place to weigh the two while we are using. If quitting anything is "hard" it's because we still see more benefits than negative repercussions. That's why many people find it very easy to quit. They see the situation clearly.


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Anonymous #7

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26223616 - 10/01/19 10:19 PM (4 years, 4 months ago)

cutting ties with everyone who uses, changing your number, and making the decision everyday not to use. those are the 3 things that worked for me. i've been clean from meth for 3years.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #26224133 - 10/02/19 07:50 AM (4 years, 4 months ago)

thank you all for the support and words. i've gotta say you've all be really helpful in this journey. it helps a lot to read other peoples words, experiences and advice. to see that other people have overcome this. I'm doing pretty well. I dreamt about crystal last night. I saw someone cutting up lines in my house. And i kept entering the room, rolling up a dollar bill when no one was looking and just standing there. Id here someone coming and then with hid the rolled up dollar and walk away. this happened several times. I could've just done a line and no one would have known (not too dissimilar from something that could happen in real life, at least before i decided to get clean off of that stuff). I had the opportunity several times and successfully resisted. I think its one of the few times that I made the right choice in any dream about temptation. Usually i wake up feeling like i cheated on my boyfriend or that i did something i regretted and woke up feeling really shitty and grateful it was just a dream. something about last nights dream really had me proud of myself. like maybe i'm overcoming this shit on a deeper level. i dunno.

I think the hardest thing is realizing i can't hang out with the people who do it. no matter what. i'll miss them. But oh well. my life health and happiness mean more to me.


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Anonymous #4

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26260145 - 10/18/19 05:49 AM (4 years, 3 months ago)

glad to hear your still doing good! i still get dreams from time to time years later. sometimes in those dreams i even use and feel disgusted in the morning. but at the end of the day its only a dream and when i wake up i just tell my self it was only a dream I'm stronger then that.

it does get easier by the day but always be on guard life will test you once and a while as soon as you let your guard down

best of luck stay strong you got this


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Anonymous #8

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #26387691 - 12/17/19 07:19 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I hope your doing better and just know your not alone. 

I just wrote a very long message but so bad I rather not comment it, atleast I worked through it

I’m fucking up and I’m scared

Idk wtf to do, I do but I’m just so tired.

Hope you find better days hombre


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Anonymous #9

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #26404637 - 12/28/19 12:43 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

This is going to sound like its outta left field but really read this and listen to it and consider.



Have children.

Find someone you kinda love. Doesnt have to be perfect. Make a choice. And then have kids.


Dont pick some crappy partner of course.... but the advice is to not be looking for this perfect person. The way you talk makes me think thats what is in your way. I could be wrong so take it with a grain of salt. But kids are really something special. And a partner who is 90 percent ideal is pretty damn good. The risk of divorce is terrifying. But you have to take that chance. You might get cheated on. You might cheat yourself. You might lose a job or 2 or 10. You might lose a house. But god damnit you have to take the chance!


I'm rooting for you and if you let me down I understand. In the end its all up to you. Its heavy.


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Anonymous #10

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26412086 - 01/02/20 08:33 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

If you realize that you're an addict there's definitely an underlying issue adding two the problem I was addicted to anything I could get my hands on except 4 heroin(never tried) about 4 years & when ran outta $$ 4 cocaine I became alcoholic for almost 5 years when I decided to get my life straight it took a few tries. I always blamed my problems on my husband or my family anyone or anything other than myself. Eventually I realized I was only person responsible 4 my happiness & needed 2 fix things about myself that I was trying 2 avoid or escape. So I Started a diet went back to College. I also found a shrink & started taking antidepressants. It took a while & had to start again lot's of times B4 I stayed clean&  developed better habits but eventually I got myself straight. After 10 years of total sobriety tho I now can drink socially with friends & not want or need 2 keep drinking till pass out. So I don't believe the ones that alcoholic always an alcoholic thing anymore I don't even like to get drunk anymore I'm beers like buzz probably good which 12-step program claim is not possible but 12-step programs are kind of full of shit & never worked 4 me anyway.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26412686 - 01/02/20 02:41 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Before you adopt the self-image of "addict", have you considered simply realizing your choices are causing you to suffer?


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Anonymous #11

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26416957 - 01/05/20 02:18 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Hey, I gotta give you props. Most people wouldn't be able to admit it to themselves, let alone others.
You'll get a lot of recommendations from kind hearts, and if your willpower is superhuman that may be all you need. My personal recommendation is to seek help through narcotics anonymous. NA can provide a support network to keep you on track and accountable to yourself.
Remember that someone out there loves you, no matter what.


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Anonymous #12

Re: Realized this week that I'm a Meth Addict [Re: Anonymous #11]
    #26440082 - 01/18/20 11:36 AM (4 years, 29 days ago)

I won't say not to try NA, but don't be disappointed if it just isn't for you.  Wasn't for me.  I'm more about personal willpower and improving things for myself. 

You can do it either way you choose.  I was in the same boat.  Been addicted to everything.  When it became a problem, I'd quit but end up just switching to another thing.  Always seem to convince ourselves a DIFFERENT substance is going to be DIFFERENT.  It's not. 

Finally I found a reason to live (family, spiritual, you gotta figure it out).  At that point it's much easier to quit what's holding you back.


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