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Offlinearchitect
inqusitive soul
I'm a teapot
Registered: 01/13/20
Posts: 9
Loc: states
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Crazy last couple days * 1
    #26437619 - 01/16/20 10:33 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

well I found the shroomery about a week or so ago and im more engrossed on learning than I have been in a while. a long while. ive been a madman seeking searching reading. im not a studier nor much for reading. that being said, ive impressed even myself.

a little background  - in the transition from MS2HS my peak interest for a career was to become a chemist, for obvious reasons. I had probably just tried psychedelics and was listing to classic rock.  I was thinking there had to be a way to make a decent living in that field (circa 1998). Interest for me dropped for science in about 9th grade. I was ok with the physicality of labor, and had ton of energy  I was testing extremely high for visual spacial relations, so I eventually ended up in eng/const.

  half way through high school I had some run ins with the law. luckily I was young enough, and surrounded by loving enough people that I came out unscathed. around this time I dabbled in quite a few different substances, but eventually made bad decisions, because I was an adolescent with little control or discipline. I tripped a lot during that time.

next introduces a period in which I was free from booze and drugs until early 2019 (17yrs). during this time I was attending AA meetings, conferences, business meetings, etc. I say that in order to say this, at the age of 18 yrs old I made a life decision that carried me. it morphed me if you will, into a much much different person that I believed I had been before the rooms of AA.  thats to give context, as I had a very hard time reconciling this when I decided to change my path and again be open to things like cannabis and psychedelics.

valentines day last year I started smoking cannabis with my wife. her anxiety is from time to time debilitating, mixed with an upbringing that doesn't lend any favors to it. also she's an INFJ. I had suggested she try MJ for the anxiety while I was sober, it didn't mean I had to partake then so I didn't for well over a year. it helped her a ton in the beginning too!\
I eventually just,, faded away in the program. I had a tough year in business and some other unfavorable things happened as well.  they say that thats what happens to "people that don't go to meetings". but the real truth was my friends were having kids, and I was having a hard time connecting with the younger group coming in. I found it hard to keep spiritual, while my support system was also fading.  I made a very "conscious" decision to smoke with my wife that day.

(it was terrible, cannabis has come for far its unreal. I had to lay on the couch with a bucket next to me. I took a "baby" hit. when I was 17 I Was eating LSD/EXT together all the time! what was this new voodoo!!!)

to carry on, I was very timid about the decision and waded very lightly. I knew what I was capable of based on my exp and the many countless stories over the years. it turned out that I ended up ok. contrary to what I concocted while sober.


today -  whew fuck. what a barrage of info for a sober brain...  my mother in law has always been a skeptic since I picked up smoking again. so she's required a lot of proof, that everything will be fine. on another note ive been nothing short of annoying to my wife, bio mother and really anyone cool that will listen. ive been literally spewing info.
I think the thing that im most intrigued about though is a really weird sense of enlightenment. its like im smarter, able to retain waaaay more info than I have in the past, and recall it at a seconds notice, and I mean very trivial things.  this is very recent. last 5 days maybe. I smoke pretty regularly now, most likely on the heavier end of the spectrum. its apparent that smoking is a completely non factor in the "enlightenment". either way ive been able to compartmentalize most of that jargin from the previous years and feel pretty confident about moving forward with my fungus cultivation efforts.

what im excited about the most?  my wife experimenting w/ micro doses as an alt to meds
why I share?  honestly, I get the same feeling when reading posts here as I did when I first walked into a meeting. it just feels warm. sifting through as much info as have on this site in the last couple days you can see theres genuine people here, willing to help. ultimately I feel comfortable talking about quite a few things I otherwise wouldn't, and feel guided somewhat.

Ill add as well that the site is meticulously curated. thank you. everything is extremely easy to find.

Arc


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What A Journey!


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OfflineSocrateshroom
сталкер


Registered: 09/05/18
Posts: 1,840
Loc: Westworld
Last seen: 1 month, 4 days
Re: Crazy last couple days [Re: architect] * 1
    #26437694 - 01/16/20 11:48 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Congratulations on your journey to sobriety! I’ve struggled with alcohol for a long time so I know how unbelievably difficult it can be just to exist without having a drink.

And welcome to the wonderful world of fungi! There is an immense library of information here and an even larger pool of incredible people that are ready and willing to help! It was incredible when I came here how much genuine humanity was offered me. Hopefully your stay is a long one! :grin:

Welcome to the shroomery! :cheers:


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Offlinearchitect
inqusitive soul
I'm a teapot
Registered: 01/13/20
Posts: 9
Loc: states
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
Re: Crazy last couple days [Re: Socrateshroom]
    #26437964 - 01/17/20 07:31 AM (4 years, 30 days ago)

17 yrs of doing sobriety the "programs" way, left somewhat of a militant mindset for me. it really forged a more disciplined/cautious version of myself for the positive. alas like every other cosmic anything in the universe, it came with balance.

meaning while I adopted the new mindset, subconsciously I sort of disregarded letting my brain become detached to ego/things (ie how far I was financially ahead in life, physical fitness, etc.).

both were good assets to me in their own ways. however as far as "the program" at large is concerned, im not considered sober/clean anymore.

doesn't matter much to me as I eventually found that all forms of sobriety are based on a relationship with a power greater than yourself. create a bond with that cosmic power by meditating, prayer, "self sacrifice" for others, etc.
seems awfully similar to the mindset of quite a few people here, at least from reading posts i.e. humanity that was mentioned

my sponsor was a trusted source for spiritual info, and just a good all around being. his interests, no matter how hard he tried didn't start with AA. thats a necessity for people that were in our situation.  he loved yoga, that was his passion.  for the same reason that we are interested in the psychedelic exp I am assuming. he was able to achieve another "state of being".


so where I fall with all this is - why try and achieve another state of being w/o the easy help of psychedelics? you basically doing the same thing, right? the only difference for us was that society told us that if we entertain these ideas, we will eventually end up with neg consequences because we cant control ourselves. so assume that the relationship had been reduced to meeting in public places, shorter conversations that didn't seem as genuine, and just an overall lack of connection.

so ultimately I feel that because the masses readily accept most info, because of a mixture of fear and the sources "sounding confident", rather than fact check or finding out first hand. which leads me to the new idea that I can navigate this world with ease as long as I stay balanced, cross check myself and my motives along the way, and take it slow. Arc


--------------------
What A Journey!


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