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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
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Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
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Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable.
    #26434978 - 01/15/20 01:35 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Odd thing to take something like this to the shroomery, but I keep my personal biz out of usual social media, especially needy stuff.

TL:DR: I'm baffled what about me doesn't lead to more attraction from the kind of partner I seek.

So:

I've been single for like 5 years now. I've had off n on partners that wouldn't claim they where "relationships." felt more like I was a toy on a shelf to be pulled down only when desired.

Im on literally every dating app and have gone on some dates, but nothing felt right.

I go out to shows/outings/etc, and enjoy myself and get in the thick of it.

I'm able to strike up casual easy going conversations at outings, my work etc, and I dont normally feel extra "awkward" or anything. I feel like I read tone/body language/signals pretty well when Im off topic or not coming through well.

I'n 6'3, fairly average body, and smile easily.

Aside from having strange tastes in music and art, and a lack of interest in wordly accomplishments, Im not sure what Im going about wrong, or what I could do better.


I've asked my lady friends if there is something about me that sticks out as an obvious issue, and nobody has mentioned anything that is essential.   

I've been told to clean up my beard, and moisturize my face,  and I could work on being correct less often.(but its not bad) :awesome: 
They all say Im a nice/kind/respectful/handsome  guy :shrug:

But for some reason, with all things considered,  I dont come of as appealing in a way that I get perused mutually, or find it easy to date.
I dont find organic engagements that lead to anything more than pleasant conversation.

Guess Im open to any tips/advice at this point. Willing to look at myself from a different angle if I could.
I've got a full heart with a lot of patience and passion, not sure why it doesnt get seen in the way I wish it would.

Pic for reference. I get im not a 10, or an 8 or whatever, but I feel decent at least.



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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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InvisibleHartford
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 1
    #26435109 - 01/15/20 02:46 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

You look like a wise man who should be packing some sort of awesome mystical knowledge. If you don't deliver on that mystical knowledge, it's anticlimactic and you probably need to take a few steps towards blending in with the culture.


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
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Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
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Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Hartford]
    #26435123 - 01/15/20 02:56 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Hartford said:
You look like a wise man who should be packing some sort of awesome mystical knowledge. If you don't deliver on that mystical knowledge, it's anticlimactic and you probably need to take a few steps towards blending in with the culture.




Solid, I have been told something to this effect before. :thumbup:
My archetype definitely plays into that.

Thank you for taking time to listen.


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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26435147 - 01/15/20 03:14 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

You said it. No interest in worldly accomplishments.

Start making more money and you’ll get swarmed...


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
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Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
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Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26435196 - 01/15/20 03:44 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
You said it. No interest in worldly accomplishments.

Start making more money and you’ll get swarmed...




Yikez.  I suppose Im not looking to get swarmed either, as a part of above stated.

However, for linking up with prospects of long-term future investment, totally understand why this would would an obvious answer. as well as the general perception of power with wealth.
Are those the prospects I'd want to even be attracting though?

It's something thats definitely at the top of my list, to at least be above surviving, and closer into the thriving category.
Feels unnatural, but I understand the benefits.


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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26435209 - 01/15/20 03:57 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Well I don’t like it but that’s how it is.

At least 90% think of your income as you think of their physical attractiveness.
And that’s not a dig at women. Chances are, you don’t want to be with a toothless, obese, balding lady, no matter how smart, nice or loyal she is.


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
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Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26435238 - 01/15/20 04:10 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Well I don’t like it but that’s how it is.

At least 90% think of your income as you think of their physical attractiveness.
And that’s not a dig at women. Chances are, you don’t want to be with a toothless, obese, balding lady, no matter how smart, nice or loyal she is.





Aye, fair points. Thank you for the perspective.


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #26435256 - 01/15/20 04:16 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

I disagree with Anon 1. I don't think wealth has that much to do with it; if you're a charmer, you're a charmer. Sure extreme wealth will earn one the ability to bed just about any woman out there but we aint really discussing those levels here.

Psy - As I was reading your post I was feeling just as confused as you as to why you've been lacking in any tangible success in this game. Then I scrolled down to your picture. You have a really unique look/style, which means, IMO, that you'll only attract those into that same unique look/style. Which is only going to be a very small percentage of females.

IMO, as unfortunate as the case may be, you'd probably be a hell of a lot more successful if you went for a more 'vanilla' kinda look. Trim the beard, and find some threads that say 'I'm stylish and well groomed', not 'I'm a really unusual character'.

Not that that's a bad thing; I love eccentric people, but then it aint me you're trying to attract.

IME, women adore well dressed, well groomed men.

At least at first. If the theory is to be believed, a woman has decided if she'd be willing to sleep with you within the first few seconds of laying eyes on you. First impressions count for a hell of a lot in this life.

You could always work the style back in once you're more established with someone.

That's my 2c on the matter anyways. Hope it helps man.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
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Registered: 01/30/06
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #26435296 - 01/15/20 04:35 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Thank Jokes, I really appreciate the honesty and your perspective

Oof, that is a tough one to swallow though. 

I began life in much more vanilla kit. Went punk, then raver, then landed where I am at the moment. Im not fully attached to it, and feel like I could switch it up and feel comfortable with it.

I've sorta sworn off Denim, Ties, dress shoes, and the more full on versions of this concept, but in the past couple months I've been going to the gym on a regular basis, and ended up getting gym kit head to toe. Felt odd at first, but I dig it.

I've had several friends comment on how my aesthetic "doesn't compliment, or insinuate my intellectual/professional nature."

I wonder what kind of middle ground I could find. I like to feel comfortable, loose, at ease with clothes. Perhaps I can find something that meets this, but also appears vanilla. :pipesmoke:
Things to contemplate.


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Anonymous #2

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26435405 - 01/15/20 06:03 PM (4 years, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:

IME, women adore well dressed, well groomed men.






Id say it depends. I notice way more positive attention from women strangers in public when Im wearing my dirty work clothes and have my safety glasses on top my head than if I'm wearing clean cut clothing

I think your dress style should to genuinely coincide with your livelihood to be attractive maybe. Like they sense if your dress style is posery or not :shrug:


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26435694 - 01/15/20 09:19 PM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Listen to Jokeshop, not anon 1.

Ps. Women expect men to approach them, not the other way around.


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OnlineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26436098 - 01/16/20 04:56 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Im going to agree with JokeShop here, i think maybe your specific look might not attract as many ladies as you would like.

Perhaps try different styles of clothes and see if that helps :shrug:

Also, as Fruit of Life mentioned, its commonly accepted that men approach women. Occassionally women do persue men but its sorta not very common.

Finally, maybe being 6'3" could be a factor. Its commonly accepted that women like tall men but perhaps at 6'3", it could intimadate some women and make you seem less approachable? :shrug:

Not really good advice I know but some things to consider.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26436260 - 01/16/20 07:15 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
Id say it depends. I notice way more positive attention from women strangers in public when Im wearing my dirty work clothes and have my safety glasses on top my head than if I'm wearing clean cut clothing



Yeah but it's important to remember that, whether we like it or not, relationships work on a cost/benefit basis.

What does a look cost? Absolutely nothing. Why shouldn't a girl give a scruffy looking guy the eye? Perhaps that plays into her fantasy world? Perhaps, did she not have to take ALL the myriad of mate-selection factors into account, she would prefer scruffy guys?

On the other hand, if a woman is considering getting involved with a guy... well, a million little judgements are gonna take place. Most of which, I'd bet, happen without her even knowing it.

And what one is wearing at any given moment says an awful lot about who one is/what one is like, whether it is true or not.

They say don't judge a book by it's cover, and I COMPLETELY agree. It's bullshit, and we would do well to outgrow it.

But we're also talking millions of years of evolution in mate selection perfection here.

Most of that stuff goes on way outside of the realm of our conscious mind.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #26436319 - 01/16/20 08:11 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

How do millions of years of evolution matter when 500 years ago the perfect mate was nothing like what he/she would be like today?

Every woman I spoke to about the money-status trend agrees that MOST women (sometimes themselves included) will judge men on their wealth and professional success FIRST, and everything else put together second.

There are exceptions to every rule, but waiting to meet one is prolly not the best move.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26436343 - 01/16/20 08:30 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

I think you fundamentally misunderstand what I refer to in terms of evolution but let's just agree to disagree because I can't be asked getting into it with you.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26436389 - 01/16/20 08:56 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Well if the Sexuality and Relationships mod “can’t be asked getting into” this topic, then ok.

Not like I said anything offensive lol...guess I’m just sooo far away from your intellectual prowess that addressing my post would be below you? W.e.🤷🏻‍♂️


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26436422 - 01/16/20 09:16 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

You're welcome to start a new thread if you wish to discuss evolutionary theory.

My intention is to not clutter OP's well put together thread with unnecessary back and forth.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,670
Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 2
    #26436423 - 01/16/20 09:19 AM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Huh, here's a tough one.

We could debate the importance of wealth over looks or vice versa until hell freezes over and likely we wouldn't be able to reach consensus anyway. I personally see the point in both sides of the argument; at first glance, looks are what sparks interest and things like status, success and by extension material wealth can help to 'seal the deal' and keep hold of that attention when it's initially there. And then there's things like humor, kindness, interests, opinions, how someone interacts with others (probably also a proxy of social status), etc. etc. etc. It's a complex equation and if you think about it, it's a goddamn miracle that so many people find AND stick with a significant other. Seems like a thousand factors matter at the same time and that doesn't compute (there's never a truly perfect match), and on the other hand there seems to be a magic spark that sort of negates any multi-faceted comparison and just throws us back on some primordial reptile brain reflex. I guess truth is somewhere in between.

Nevertheless, a few things occur to me in this thread.

Firstly, in the end, it's about mutual attraction. We could tell someone to look more 'normal' or flaunt his/her social or material success, but is that going to attract the right person? What if your match is someone who fancies eccentric or abhors material or social ambition? You could try and pass yourself off as someone you're not, but you'll end up with someone you don't want. No luck there. Sure, there's a middle ground. A little attention to outward appearance definitely helps, and eccentricity doesn't need to be a poured over one's appearance like a thick coating of maple syrup that hides anything underneath it. In that sense, it can help to, I don't know, lose the turban, trim the beard, buy a pair of jeans or any combination of those and other elements without losing one's uniqueness. I can imagine that the full-blown fakir-look may put some people off while in reality they could be a pretty good match. So it's a balancing act between being who you are, and trying to sort of go with some socially accepted standards concerning appearance in order to not shy people off.

Secondly, this thread is mostly about the superficialities, while the dynamic is more complex. OP says he has had flings (let's call it that) in the past, as well as dates, but that it never felt right for him. This suggests that it's not necessarily an issue of attracting people (if you can land a date, you evidently can attract people or at least manage not to repel them), but also about something else. Maybe it's about attracting the right kind of people? Maybe it's about appreciating the right kind of people for who they are (i.e. getting rid of some kind of emotional barrier on either or both sides of the deal)? Maybe it's about making things grow beyond the first moment of contact and overcoming that initial period of feeling each other out? Maybe it's about expectations and managing them? I'd be interested in what happens when OP lands a date, or in the past when he was with someone and it didn't work out - how does that go exactly? Wat what point does it go wrong? Maybe it makes more sense to look at that part than to decide how long the beard should be or how high the annual tax statement ideally is.


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #26436929 - 01/16/20 02:40 PM (4 years, 13 days ago)

I'd like to clarify I don't expect to be approach exclusively, and understand it's a classical male assigned task. 

I go out of my way to manifest conversation often, and put forth an air of true interest.
I usually avoid saying something about their looks/physical stuff in any way initially unless it's complementing a cool artistic design or something.
I often ask questions about what they are into, or take something they said and get them to go deeper into it.
I try to balance talking about myself and being interested in them.

At my work I get to practice these interactions often, and feel like I do pretty decent at back and forth energy play.


Logic: your point about Height being a possibly positive factor, but at 6'3 could go into the realm of intimidating I've never really held as idea when approaching someone. I'll do what I can to observe that more in the future.


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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: koraks]
    #26436970 - 01/16/20 03:09 PM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Quote:

koraks said:
how does that go exactly? Wat what point does it go wrong? Maybe it makes more sense to look at that part than to decide how long the beard should be or how high the annual tax statement ideally is.




wow Koraks, Thanks for such a thoughtful response.

My past 3 partners:

Things went, good, better, great, then bad, then slowly worse. 
the Dynamic I observed was me giving a lot of investment, and when there was any accountability to reciprocate it was like that ol' "I never asked to you to go out of your way for me.", but they also lap it up, encourage it, just about expect it.

When I would run out of giving energy, they would just move on to something else.

My choices have not been..... Ideally healthy......
My good friends had warned me through the processes that I was asking to be hurt, if not somehow enjoying it.

My Hypnotherapy friend told me directly that I was enjoying it. and I feel defensive and try every which way to defend "why would anyone want to feel bad, and hurt emotionally?" Deep down we all want to be happy.

So, I know I am carrying conditioning of past that expresses itself somewhere in the mix.  However, I also feel I've been transcending some of these, and have been directing my glances towards healthier humans for interests in deeper connections.


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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OfflinePsy Baba
That was zen, This is Tao
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 01/30/06
Posts: 16,430
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 1
    #26437237 - 01/16/20 05:53 PM (4 years, 13 days ago)

I feel like I've got a solid place to start making some changes thanks to your answers.
Thanks Ya'll.

Especially at a place like the shroomery, I appreciate the mature critique and relevant information shown here.  :thanx:  :cheers:


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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OnlineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26437257 - 01/16/20 06:07 PM (4 years, 13 days ago)

Awesome. Good luck man, I hope you have sucess with the ladies in the near future :thumbup:


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26438700 - 01/17/20 02:41 PM (4 years, 12 days ago)

ummm, no offense to anyone or you, but you look like a terrorist. Profiling, yes, but it's that way now to some. Plus the day I gave up looking and just decided fuck it, I'll never find my true love ever again, I'll just have tricks over and relegate myself to a life of that. I met my now husband a couple weeks later. The harder you look and want it, the more elusive it will be.


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Anonymous #3

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26440307 - 01/18/20 02:12 PM (4 years, 11 days ago)

OP it's not about being easily approachable it's about being approachable to the right people. I think you'd likely cater to a more open minded, intelligent crowd. A materialistic chick who takes 100 selfies a day probably wouldn't find you approachable, but is that who you want to give your time to? I'd say you're approachable enough, maybe it's that you need to find the right places to be, and take more initiative. Also an attractive person can be hard to approach, because there's an expectation they're taken. Right? Just bee urself


Edited by Anonymous (01/18/20 02:14 PM)


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Offlinewatermelon mon
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26465892 - 02/02/20 07:46 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I hope that you've found or find somebody soon. have the same problem over here. you do look really good to me.

Got myself some kind of nice haircut and started trimming my beard , it gives me a sharper look

I dress plain and dark , some of them will stare at me , I dont pursue it , Should. The ones that do they kind of look like trouble. I look a bit like trouble too. So it's a good recipe. Not


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    :dazedandconfused:


Edited by watermelon mon (02/02/20 07:51 PM)


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: watermelon mon] * 1
    #26466301 - 02/03/20 05:50 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Just gonna throw in my two cents before reading other responses.

It’s unfortunate that this is important, but it’s your look. It may work for a 20 year old college student, but at 30 and beyond it’s the look people don’t mind as a friend but not a boyfriend.


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NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: koods]
    #26466481 - 02/03/20 09:05 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Ditto.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: koods]
    #26466909 - 02/03/20 02:20 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

koods said:
Just gonna throw in my two cents before reading other responses.

It’s unfortunate that this is important, but it’s your look. It may work for a 20 year old college student, but at 30 and beyond it’s the look people don’t mind as a friend but not a boyfriend.




:thumbup::thumbup:

Heard, and absorbed. I can get that beyond my own personal desires.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26466912 - 02/03/20 02:24 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Lill less scraggly. tinnnny inch towards vanilla.

Will make more steps soon as I figure out what I can get comfortable with, need to sort out pants that I jive with :lol:
Went from Denim, to Cargo, to comfy hippie shit. So I def want to keep it comfortable, but less obviously so.

I'd like to remain as much my own self expression unhindered, as well as come off as approachable by those I wish to connect with in some middle ground.

Thanks for the outside views.



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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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OnlineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26471363 - 02/06/20 01:43 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Thats the toughest part of any sort of "make-over", having to give up your sense of individuality. But for some people, its needed to capture more widespread attention and more "Universal" attraction.

Ive learned from recent online dating that women can be very picky about who they talk to. My guess is that there is so many single guys out there, they can easily be picky about who they talk to. This can make it difficult for guys who arent the typical male archetype of the masses.

Ive seen some really far out Emo/Alternative ladies online, and I can say that being an outsider myself from that sub-culture is a real disadvantage. These type of ladies really are looking for another Emo/Alternative styled guy which is very specific and excludes a lot of guys.

I guess my point is its tough to find a match if youre into an Alternative lifestyle :shrug:


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26473615 - 02/07/20 10:02 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Psy Baba said:

I dont find organic engagements that lead to anything more than pleasant conversation.




How frequently do you actually pursue intimate relationships with people you are attracted to? 

It can be challenging for some of us to make the leap from being friendly to seeking intimacy. The fear of rejection can cripple us. I've noticed my mind often creates excuses (usually based on criticisms) for not pursuing someone I'm interested in... I've read about half this thread, so I'm sorry if I'm off base.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #26478642 - 02/10/20 01:56 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:

Psy Baba said:

I dont find organic engagements that lead to anything more than pleasant conversation.




How frequently do you actually pursue intimate relationships with people you are attracted to? 

It can be challenging for some of us to make the leap from being friendly to seeking intimacy. The fear of rejection can cripple us. I've noticed my mind often creates excuses (usually based on criticisms) for not pursuing someone I'm interested in... I've read about half this thread, so I'm sorry if I'm off base.




Def not off base, and I hear you. I am def not the best with this.
In the current social climate with heavy feminism and speaking out about male induced violence behind closed doors and in the streets, I hear just about daily from women who get the bad version of men pursuing intimacy in all the wrong ways, if anything this is what cripples me. The fear of doing something perceived as offbase (even though I feel I'm generally pretty respectful) , so I generally take a more passive approach initially to feel out what they are wanting and dont make heavy moves intimately.

There must be a middle ground in there I've yet to find to be confident, respectful, articulated, and subtle all at the same time.......


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26480424 - 02/11/20 03:07 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

The hyper-focus on feminism, "male toxicity", objectifying women, #metoo, etc. has curtailed my willingness and ability to flirt. It's a goofy world we live in. J-Lo and Shakira can grind their asses and simulate sex acts on stage in front of millions of viewers, and they are called "strong" - but if a man comments about how attractive a women is, that can be seen as "objectifying" her body. There are many significant negative repercussions to these "movements". But nobody wants to talk about them.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26480483 - 02/11/20 03:28 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I can see how certain "men" would feel that way, maybe the "men" that are actually doing the negative things the "metoo" movement is about?:shrug:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 1
    #26480510 - 02/11/20 03:39 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Sure, lots of feminists just hate men.

But think about what you’re saying. You’re uncomfortable flirting and calling women attractive? How do you think most women feel when you comment on their appearance? Unless you’re real close, they feel uncomfortable.
This isn’t true for some women, I know. But it’s usually true of the most vulnerable of them - women who have been through trauma (like the 1 in 5 who was raped/molested).


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Anonymous #4

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26481258 - 02/12/20 12:10 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Ditch the beard, and beanie, and hoodie and shirts with big logos and all hippie shit,  maybe get a haircut ??

Shaving alone will make you look much younger. Maybe too young even, with the way you dress.  You should use a clipper to cut it down to stubble. Most chicks do not like beards, and the longer they are the less they like them. Stubble is cool though.

I think you could use some new clothes, but I know that’s a complicated thing and it took me a while to figure out how to dress, and everybody has different tastes and can pull off different things better. but couldn’t hurt to try dressing a little more grown up. Like something you could get a job wearing. Make it your mission to figure out how to dress stylish and grown up while keeping it in line with your style too.

But you gotta ditch the Abe Lincoln beard.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 3
    #26481598 - 02/12/20 08:48 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Every time I cut my hair and dress up nice I get more attention. Also if you're working out you'll get more too.

Unfortunately although our inner selves are what we want others to see a large number of people are super insecure and superficial, and regard the facade to be more important. This isn't just for nothing, imo. You have to look clean and fresh, smell nice, etc.

You should also make other people as comfortable as possible, and not as if they are there to hear about your opinions. I've stopped philosophizing in front of people, because it's super boring, and self-indulging from an outside perspective.

If someone saw my posts on shroomery for example they'll think I'm weird af, although I can be pretty basic and normal too.

Don't worry too much about your score out of ten, imo. If you're smooth enough, all that will matter is that you are clean, and smell nice.

It's all about partially seducing someone as well, so don't be too much of a nice guy. But don't go "Pickup Artist" mode.

Just be a plain average, boring guy and let her discover your intricacies as you go along.

And go out and get rejected over and over and over and over again. I even made it a game, and now I don't give a fuck.

Just let go of the Ram Das visuals, but keep the spirit.


Edited by Anonymous (02/12/20 09:12 AM)


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26481643 - 02/12/20 09:21 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
Every time I cut my hair and dress up nice I get more attention. Also if you're working out you'll get more too.

Unfortunately although our inner selves are what we want others to see a large number of people are super insecure and superficial, and regard the facade to be more important. This isn't just for nothing, imo. You have to look clean and fresh, smell nice, etc.

You should also make other people as comfortable as possible, and not as if they are there to hear about your opinions. I've stopped philosophizing in front of people, because it's super boring, and self-indulging from an outside perspective.

If someone saw my posts on shroomery for example they'll think I'm weird af, although I can be pretty basic and normal too.

Don't worry too much about your score out of ten, imo. If you're smooth enough, all that will matter is that you are clean, and smell nice.

It's all about partially seducing someone as well, so don't be too much of a nice guy. But don't go "Pickup Artist" mode.

Just be a plain average, boring guy and let her discover your intricacies as you go along.

And go out and get rejected over and over and over and over again. I even made it a game, and now I don't give a fuck.

Just let go of the Ram Das visuals, but keep the spirit.



:thumbup::thumbup: Nailed it!


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26482149 - 02/12/20 03:06 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I'm with you on everything but the beard.

Might be true of other places, but Portland specifically, its kinda the way here.
I've had it in some form since 13-14, so I dont do it to fit in, but it is definitely a thing here as a preference for a large demographic of women.


The Average looking Portland dude:


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Anonymous #4

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 1
    #26482156 - 02/12/20 03:12 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Maybe you should try it with some fitted straight leg jeans and a flannel then. Maybe it’s not working with the hippie thing. Hippies are notoriously unreliable lol. The ladies want somebody reliable. You look like you could sell me weed, lol, but you don’t look like I’d trust you with kids.

Also idk but if you’re gonna grow a beard grow it everywhere and keep it under 1” length max. Don’t shave off the mustache, I don’t think that looks good on anyone really.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #26482162 - 02/12/20 03:15 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Maybe you should try it with some fitted straight leg jeans and a flannel then. Maybe it’s not working with the hippie thing. Hippies are notoriously unreliable lol. The ladies want somebody reliable. You look like you could sell me weed, lol, but you don’t look like I’d trust you with kids.

Also idk but if you’re gonna grow a beard grow it everywhere and keep it under 1” length max. Don’t shave off the mustache, I don’t think that looks good on anyone really.




Unfortunately never going to wear denim again, or flannel. Soo Im on a journey to find a reasonable alt.
Or maybe move?

Secretly never sold weed before, and am rather good with kids :lol:
I get you though, If somethings not working, I need to be open to a change. Its just not going to be flannel colored.


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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Anonymous #5

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26482179 - 02/12/20 03:21 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Well fit chino's always look nice and smart-casual imo.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5] * 2
    #26482183 - 02/12/20 03:22 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

OP they make some reeeeaal comfy jeans nowadays. Can’t even call the material denim. You should give jeans another chance - they work with everything.


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Anonymous #6

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5] * 2
    #26482188 - 02/12/20 03:24 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Woman, 30's here. I think the 'guru' comment was right. In the first pic, I see someone who I would assume is kind, and spiritually inclined. To the extent they would rather engage in spiritual pursuits than fuck. The second black and white pic, that guy would be more inclined to fuck to me in a split second decision. I don't want a shallow relationship but def do want someone interested in me as a woman too.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #6] * 1
    #26482204 - 02/12/20 03:32 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #6 said:
Woman, 30's here. I think the 'guru' comment was right. In the first pic, I see someone who I would assume is kind, and spiritually inclined. To the extent they would rather engage in spiritual pursuits than fuck. The second black and white pic, that guy would be more inclined to fuck to me in a split second decision. I don't want a shallow relationship but def do want someone interested in me as a woman too.




Thank you for input! Appreciate the directness.


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26482205 - 02/12/20 03:33 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
Well fit chino's always look nice and smart-casual imo.




Im Amazoning ATM, Will check it out. Thanks.


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Anonymous #4

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26482267 - 02/12/20 04:14 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah. Try some solid button downs instead of flannel. They do make very comfy stretch jeans these days but yeah there are other styles that are good. Just need to make sure they fit you right and you don’t sag.


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Offlinechibiabos
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #4] * 2
    #26482708 - 02/12/20 08:22 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

It's always good to look like you're more or less groomed, but maybe you ought to worry less about what look is going to draw women in and worry more about getting comfortable making smalltalk with people in general.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 1
    #26483161 - 02/13/20 06:13 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Psy Baba said:
I'm with you on everything but the beard.

Might be true of other places, but Portland specifically, its kinda the way here.
I've had it in some form since 13-14, so I dont do it to fit in, but it is definitely a thing here as a preference for a large demographic of women.


The Average looking Portland dude:





I notice that none of your examples has the chinstrap style beard with no mustache. Maybe it's just me but I find it a bit of an odd style. Like an Amish dude or something.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: psi]
    #26483332 - 02/13/20 09:15 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Hah you’re not alone. When I see a mustache-less beard on a white dude I think either Amish or recently converted to Islam, both of which make approaching the guy more complicated :shrug:


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Anonymous #4

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26483386 - 02/13/20 09:51 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah agreed the beard with no mustache is a weird look

You’d be much better off cutting it all the same length then keeping it trimmed at around 1/4-1/2 inch


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26483392 - 02/13/20 09:56 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)



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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #26483837 - 02/13/20 02:32 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Yeah agreed the beard with no mustache is a weird look

You’d be much better off cutting it all the same length then keeping it trimmed at around 1/4-1/2 inch




Aye....
Hmm, I can try out that switch.

I have a strong inclination to have hair on my chin for some reason, but seem to be fairly open with what happens to the rest.
I dont like just goatee, which is why I left the sideburns + no mustache.

However, I can see why the amish vibe would be the average perspective on it.... hmmm. Yeah, and I dont really want that.


Any of you have an example of what you'd see as the ideal beard style to fit the shape of my face?


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26483841 - 02/13/20 02:35 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

You can grow one again, try clean shaven for a bit.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #26483865 - 02/13/20 02:43 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

tyrannicalrex said:
You can grow one again, try clean shaven for a bit.




*deeeepppp ssiggghhhhh*

Ok, Ill see what I can get myself to do in the next day.

I ordered a few new pairs of pants yesterday bit more everyday stuff.


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 2
    #26483869 - 02/13/20 02:45 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

:lolsy: It's an experiment. See what happens! Life is a journey, enjoy, live! Try new things!


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26483882 - 02/13/20 02:53 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I never go entirely clean shaven, but if I go with a super short trim I find I don't know how to hold my face any more. Good to mix it up a bit though.


For pants I like drawstring pants with pockets. As far as I know it's a fairly current style. I dress for comfort more than fashion though.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26483928 - 02/13/20 03:18 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I don't recommend clean shaven. Safest bet, you got the right face for it, short stubble all way round. Also reconsider hat choice, try make no hat work


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26483949 - 02/13/20 03:28 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:
I don't recommend clean shaven. Safest bet, you got the right face for it, short stubble all way round. Also reconsider hat choice, try make no hat work




Why no hat?

Its cold n rainy here all the time and im balding :frown:


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Anonymous #4

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26483988 - 02/13/20 03:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah try the stubble. It will quickly grow out to a short beard anyway. Get hair clippers and just use the clipper no guard, that’s what I do.

The beanie is at least appropriate for portland. If you were wearing that in hot weather it would be weird. I feel you, I’m losing my hair too and windy rainy weather definitely sucks for that.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26484000 - 02/13/20 04:02 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Fullly clipperd dome with stubble is a strongly appreciated look world wide, have you ever tried it? Seem to have the right face shape for it


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26484038 - 02/13/20 04:36 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Psy Baba said:
Its cold n rainy here all the time and im balding :frown:





I'm losing my hair too and I figure whatever you do, the main thing is that you carry it with confidence. I don't feel like covering it up or buzzing it or whatever, I want it long. Pretty slow progression in my case though, maybe I would feel differently if it was really advanced relative to my age.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #26484109 - 02/13/20 05:22 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #4 said:
Yeah try the stubble. It will quickly grow out to a short beard anyway. Get hair clippers and just use the clipper no guard, that’s what I do.

The beanie is at least appropriate for portland. If you were wearing that in hot weather it would be weird. I feel you, I’m losing my hair too and windy rainy weather definitely sucks for that.




Aye aye!


--------------------
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Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26484226 - 02/13/20 06:55 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Don't listen to that! It will grow back, be adventurous! I mean the beard by the way.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #26484454 - 02/13/20 10:23 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I personally find you attractive in your OP, but I don't think you're into men.


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Anonymous #5

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26484466 - 02/13/20 10:38 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, you're a good looking dude, man. I think mainly it's just a mental block and perhaps fear of rejection stopping you in part too. I still suggest however that you tone it down on personal opinions or overt physical expressions of your inner self if you want to meet more people, at first. The goal obviously is to meet someone who shares your interests, so it's all up to your discretion, imo.

You seem like a guy heavy into some kind of philosophy at first glance, and personally, I wouldn't mind chatting with you but as soon as you start giving me lessons or opinions, I'll bounce.

I'm a straight dude, however.

I can see girls digging you though. :thumbup: You'll be fine.


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26484495 - 02/13/20 11:24 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I agree with the toning down personal opinions. Ease into it first before you break those out. The biggest turn off is feeling like people are being lectured or converted in some way. That's just me.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Thanatos10] * 1
    #26484548 - 02/14/20 01:07 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Stop trying.

Focus on you and bettering yourself across the board. A man concerned with being the best possible man he can envision himself as and taking action in that direction is a powerful force.

The specifics of your vision of your best you don't matter. It just needs to be genuine and constantly improving.

You're bound to reach a point where you've got some options.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: susurrador] * 2
    #26484556 - 02/14/20 01:16 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I feel the same way about myself as you, OP. Some thoughts I have on the subject are, to ditch the dating apps; Don't settle for some generic girl you don't feel a connection with (being single is ok too :thumbup:) ; and don't lose yourself trying to attract someone who wouldn't like the real you. If you're interested in someone romantically, ask them on a a date, yes or no, move on- next phase! Try frequenting places more where your interests make you more likely to interact with ladies into the same things as you if possible. Good luck buddy, you will find what you're looking for:smile:


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: ikisschicks420] * 2
    #26485595 - 02/14/20 02:47 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I still say worry less about finding the right strategy and just socialize more.  Having somebody to screw around with is great, but you'll probably be way happier (and end up becoming a better person all around) if you just get in the habit of being part of your own community.  At the very least your social skills will probably be vastly improved, especially if you come from an upbringing that didn't really teach those that well.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26490115 - 02/17/20 02:22 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:
I personally find you attractive in your OP, but I don't think you're into men.




Not sexually, but Doesnt mean I appreciate the sentiment less. Thank you, grateful regardless.


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
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I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26490125 - 02/17/20 02:26 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #5 said:
Yeah, you're a good looking dude, man. I think mainly it's just a mental block and perhaps fear of rejection stopping you in part too. I still suggest however that you tone it down on personal opinions or overt physical expressions of your inner self if you want to meet more people, at first. The goal obviously is to meet someone who shares your interests, so it's all up to your discretion, imo.

You seem like a guy heavy into some kind of philosophy at first glance, and personally, I wouldn't mind chatting with you but as soon as you start giving me lessons or opinions, I'll bounce.

I'm a straight dude, however.

I can see girls digging you though. :thumbup: You'll be fine.





Ab-so-lutely

I have been called out for this many times in my life.
I was raised, and bread by my father to be a logical, knowledge filled, argumentative, opinionated individual.

However! Over the past decade, Thanks to psychedelics, places like this, mentors with more refined perspectives, meditation, and practice, I have really worked on it quite a bit.
I can still hold a conversation, and make strong points, But I have learned to enjoy being wrong a lot more, Letting people express what they are seeing/feeling more, and to let things go without attempting to interject/correct. A certain softness in presence. I like people to feel comfortable around me.
Definitely nowhere near perfect now. And I can usually tell when ive gone back to old patterns, but I see a lot of improvement as well.

Thanks for your thoughts and considerations.


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


Edited by Psy Baba (02/17/20 02:32 PM)


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OfflineThanatos10
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 1
    #26490349 - 02/17/20 03:57 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Yes as he said and many will tell you, the biggest turn off is when someone is a “know it all” or has to be right (aka having a lot of strong opinions). At that point it’s too much me and not enough “we”.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba] * 1
    #26493298 - 02/19/20 11:53 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Psy Baba said:

I can still hold a conversation, and make strong points, But I have learned to enjoy being wrong a lot more, Letting people express what they are seeing/feeling more, and to let things go without attempting to interject/correct. A certain softness in presence.




I've learned labeling others (and myself) as "wrong" greatly inhibits meaningful social interaction. People's urge to argue is usually not about mathematics, where such an idea is more appropriate. And I agree there's no such thing as a perfect strategy when interacting with people. The best strategy is to not have one, other than being honest and kind.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26493319 - 02/19/20 12:06 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

The basics of conversation flow usually won't lead you wrong. Waiting to respond before they do, asking follow ups, listening. As long as you don't try to horn in anything it should be fine.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26493852 - 02/19/20 06:13 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

This is really what you gotta do



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Offlinechibiabos
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26493946 - 02/19/20 07:02 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Thanatos10 said:
The basics of conversation flow usually won't lead you wrong. Waiting to respond before they do, asking follow ups, listening. As long as you don't try to horn in anything it should be fine.



A conversation is sort of like a dance.  If you're trying to force your dance partners into submission then you're an asshole.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 2
    #26495277 - 02/20/20 02:10 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Aight a little update.

Vanilla 2x
Beard /2 but not fully committed to clean.



--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26495309 - 02/20/20 02:23 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Hmmm, critique time.
Go clean shaven, I promise it will grow back, lol. Lose the pocket/cargo pants, the color is OK. Lose the pic printed t's, go plain color or striped. The shoes are awesome.:heart: Now that I see more of a front view, you look eerily like a friend of mine in FT WT TX.


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Invisiblepsi
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26495310 - 02/20/20 02:25 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Looking good, I think you look happier in this pic.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: psi]
    #26495425 - 02/20/20 03:14 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

You look like a cool dude. I bet chicks would love to smoke a beer with you. Unfortunately, sexual attraction requires a different kind of “energy”.

I struggled with this for so long, thinking the problem was my body type (way too skinny), or the fact that I was born without a sense of fashion. Sorry to say, I haven’t found a solution. I DID, however, find a woman who saw past all the status-related BS and decided to find out who I am before judging me.

I know the theme of this thread is “what can we change about you”, but I think you need at least 1 anon voice saying you don’t have to change.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26495455 - 02/20/20 03:25 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Agreed, but he mentioned appearance.


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OfflinePsy Baba
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26495456 - 02/20/20 03:26 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
You look like a cool dude. I bet chicks would love to smoke a beer with you. Unfortunately, sexual attraction requires a different kind of “energy”.

I struggled with this for so long, thinking the problem was my body type (way too skinny), or the fact that I was born without a sense of fashion. Sorry to say, I haven’t found a solution. I DID, however, find a woman who saw past all the status-related BS and decided to find out who I am before judging me.

I know the theme of this thread is “what can we change about you”, but I think you need at least 1 anon voice saying you don’t have to change.




:heart::heart:  I def appreciate this input from the other side of the fence.

I would ideally like to find the middle between what is really me, but cares about the external impact at the same time.
Everyone wants to be likeable to some degree.
I've never taken my appearance very seriously, so its interesting to experiment with it from a different angle even if just to see if/what impact in has in daily interactions.


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
Sit up and meditate, there's no time to contemplate.
-------------------------------------------------
I have an international Hitech Psytrance project with a friend: BioChronic
I make various form of Psytrance as a solo Project Dendriform


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Anonymous #5

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26495478 - 02/20/20 03:36 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Don't think of dressing up nice or changing your style as losing yourself. What will happen I believe is - you will simply find another aspect of yourself.

You look cool in the photo.

Only critique I have is try a little bit less baggy pants, you're skinny, so own that shit to some degree. And as tyrannicalrex said, wear t-shirts without large prints.

And be fun and loose in front of the chicks, man. No philosohpy, no speeches. Just fun.

You have a nice face though, you'll get there :thumbup:


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Anonymous #5

Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26495524 - 02/20/20 03:57 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

That being said, girls like guys who are deep too, so go with the flow.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #26495619 - 02/20/20 04:51 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, I have to agree with the printed tees. It was a lesson that I grew to notice as time went on. It’s not really changing who you are, it’s more like showing you mean no harm or are safe to approach. It’s like the hook that draws people in and then you get to know each other. There are many humans on the planet and we make snap judgments on appearance all the time (might as well play to that than try to fight it).


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Psy Baba]
    #26497068 - 02/21/20 02:19 PM (3 years, 11 months ago)

This was something I struggled with for a long time, and the solution I discovered was strange and unexpected. I met a wandering homeless skater chick who was a powerful psychic/witch. She taught me to project my masculinity on the spiritual plane. Personally I was too bouncy/flighty and so a lot of people thought I was gay. When I started grounding myself and channeling the stable spirit of a strong oak, women became far more attracted to me even if I thought I looked like shit. Instead of approaching women, they'd just start placing themselves in my vicinity. I also found it was healthy to delete all the dating apps and just try to connect with people in real life. Since all I have to judge you by is a few pictures, I can't say for certain what you need to change but like others have said, your pictures project an intellectual/spiritual vibe that fails to ooze sexuality. Try meditating on your lower chakra energies and maintaining testosterone through your diet.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: drliquidglitch]
    #26498244 - 02/22/20 09:59 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

That’s a load of malarkey, psychics don’t exist and neither do witches and it has nothing to do with testosterone. It’s more appearance, personality, and conversation skills.


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Offlinechibiabos
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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Thanatos10]
    #26498287 - 02/22/20 10:43 AM (3 years, 11 months ago)

I think that you missed the part where he's a pretty obvious troll though.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: chibiabos]
    #26502069 - 02/24/20 06:23 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

I was legitimately being genuine. Believe what you want but I know what works for me and I wanted to share my journey with others who might be struggling. I know I have a new account but that doesn't mean I'm trolling. I only brought up testosterone because keeping your endocrine system healthy helps increase confidence and conversation skills. Also, can you really tell me dating apps are healthy for a majority of men? I found that they were detrimental to my mental health, and became much better at approaching and interacting with women in real life once I gave them up.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #26502119 - 02/24/20 06:55 PM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
I disagree with Anon 1. I don't think wealth has that much to do with it; if you're a charmer, you're a charmer. Sure extreme wealth will earn one the ability to bed just about any woman out there but we aint really discussing those levels here.

Psy - As I was reading your post I was feeling just as confused as you as to why you've been lacking in any tangible success in this game. Then I scrolled down to your picture. You have a really unique look/style, which means, IMO, that you'll only attract those into that same unique look/style. Which is only going to be a very small percentage of females.

IMO, as unfortunate as the case may be, you'd probably be a hell of a lot more successful if you went for a more 'vanilla' kinda look. Trim the beard, and find some threads that say 'I'm stylish and well groomed', not 'I'm a really unusual character'.

Not that that's a bad thing; I love eccentric people, but then it aint me you're trying to attract.

IME, women adore well dressed, well groomed men.

At least at first. If the theory is to be believed, a woman has decided if she'd be willing to sleep with you within the first few seconds of laying eyes on you. First impressions count for a hell of a lot in this life.

You could always work the style back in once you're more established with someone.

That's my 2c on the matter anyways. Hope it helps man.





As an eccentric looking character who gets laid as much as I like I disagree.  Some women prefer a clean cut guy, but he wants a woman who is into him, and so his his look should represent his actual character.  Don't dress up like someone you aren't.


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Re: Can't figure out why Im not easily approachable. [Re: Babylon] * 1
    #26502825 - 02/25/20 09:33 AM (3 years, 10 months ago)

Technically it would be him though, just a change of clothes. It’s not like a new outfits changes you as a person. A doctor without a lab coat or scrubs still has the knowledge


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