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theRealrollforever
I DID-DENT



Registered: 08/31/13
Posts: 12,736
Loc: Bada-Bing!
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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Quote:
lifeiswhatyoumake said:
Quote:
theRealrollforever said: It’s so simple! All I needed was some easy advice 

Lol I was kidding. The thing about monkeys is they don’t use people logic
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sunshine said: The order has to be secret and no one is sure.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,712
Last seen: 1 hour, 1 minute
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I know. And yea, but they still abide to the same laws of physics as we do.
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  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
lifeiswhatyoumake said: Try to improve relations with friends and family.
I assure you my relations with my friends and family are absolutely fucking incredible. I am absolutely blessed in this life to have so many people whom I care for deeply and who deeply care for me.
It's definitely not that mate.
If anything, I think I did something to fuck up my dopamine receptors (or something) in my brain with the copious amounts of drugs I put into it as a teenager.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
Posts: 3,862
Loc: United States
Last seen: 19 hours, 33 minutes
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Vote number 2 here for self hate and substance abuse
At least I haven't shot heroin in years, I don't enjoy uppers, but alcohol and benzos....
I'm not physically addicted to them, but I have a natural tolerance, to the point that I can stop in the ghetto on my way home from work, buy 30 Xanax bars, eat 10mg right from the rip, drive the hour home, drink two beers, and take another 2-3mg 4-5 hrs later
Yeah I end up nodding or burning myself with cigarettes towards the end of the night
But I can go 14 days without a benzos, get paid, buy 30 40 bars, they're gone in three days
Plus I'm prescribed 45 bars a month as it is
I do have positive qualities though
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Newbie
User of semicolons.



Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 7 hours
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: stzacrack]
#26435285 - 01/15/20 04:28 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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People tell me that I should count my luckys stars I've only snorted h, never slammed it. And I do. I can't imagine where or who I'd be right now had I given in.
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azramb
Stranger


Registered: 06/16/18
Posts: 505
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Newbie] 1
#26435306 - 01/15/20 04:41 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Paranoia... but I have a damn good reason for it who's asking... are you NSA CIA FBI... WHO DO YOU WORK FOR... also salt... I eat a lot of fucking salt.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Newbie]
#26435308 - 01/15/20 04:43 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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It’s kind of a wonder anyone survived the period when fent slipped in unannounced.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 14,141
Loc: FNQ
Last seen: 30 minutes, 54 seconds
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Amanita86] 2
#26435425 - 01/15/20 06:22 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:
Northerner said: Firmly under control but could easily get out of hand if I let myself become less self aware again.
Any tips on that one?
I'm fairly under control these days - at least compared to many of my younger years - but man, that desire, that craving.. I feel like that shit never fucking leaves me alone.
That's a serious question, deserves a serious answer mate.
I had a good long honest talk with myself about the causes of my suffering, over some weeks. Waking up at 3am, days in a row, having serious talks with myself about whether I really want to die prematurely and live in constant tension. I was literally eating/snorting/drinking pain habitually for decades but did not realise it. It seemed like fun for a long time but it was just an illusion. It wasn't really fun, it hadn't been fun for a long time, it was just a chase for more. There was never satisfaction, just more anxiety pushing always for more. Even whatever I was using would just intensify the cravings rather than abate them. Realising that illusion and seeing the drugs for what they really are was my eureka moment. Realising that I cannot possibly win a battle against my own will, sooner or later I'll relapse or I'll just live in perpetual anxiety, that I have to change my reasoning. So I started pointing out the lie in my urges to myself. I literally stopped myself when having trigger or craving moments and said to myself things like "No that's a lie" and "No it's a trick, you won't feel better". Several different no's for my own reasons. I refused to dwell on them and just dismissed them immediately as the lies they are. The thoughts went away and the cravings turned into feelings of disgust and revulsion over a pretty short time. Then the urges disappeared.
Knowing what it is, that it is literally suffering embodied. It'd be like grabbing a knife and stabbing myself in the hand. Hard to bring myself to do it, especially as I know how much it hurts because I've done it so many times.
I'm not at the absolute point where I truly don't want substances anymore, rather than just not wanting the negative effects of them. I'm there with some drugs, alcohol and weed mean nothing to me anymore. But I have to sanity check myself and not think for a moment that stimulants are accessible safely for me, they are not. I'll quickly make the same mistakes if I put myself in the situation to do so. Psychs are okay for me though. Nothing like a mild trip to fully slam me back on the rails, make everything even clearer for a brief moment in time.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
Edited by Northerner (01/15/20 06:59 PM)
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LogicaL Chaos
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs




Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,333
Loc: The Inexpressible...
Last seen: 9 minutes, 27 seconds
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Cool pic 
For me, its Shopping. With an endless Abyss of cool stuff out there, I cant help but spend absurd amounts of money on new stuff. The material world is filled with such interesting man-made and natural-made wonders ready for purchase.
Also weed. Similar reasoning too: A huge array of new, novel strains ready for personal experimention with, all legal in my state. Its a beautiful thing, its an addicting thing.
-------------------- "What you must understand is that your physical dimension affects everyone in the higher dimensions as well. All things are interconnected. All things are One. Therefore, if one dimension is broken or out of balance, then all other dimensions will experience repercussions." - Pleiadian Prophecy 2020 The New Golden Age by James Carwin PROJECT BLUE BOOK ANALYSIS! (312 pages!) | Psychedelics & UFOs | Ready to Contact UFOs? | The Source on Mushrooms | Trippy Gematrix | Dj TeknoLogical | Fentanyl Test Kits R.I.P. Big Worm || The Start of the Ascension Process was 2020. Welcome to the Next Great Era of Earth 🌎🌍🌏
  Oregon Eclipse Festival 2017 :: Aug 19th - 21st :: Pure Paradise   Very Effective LSA Extraction Tek | 💧 Advanced Cold Water LSA Extraction Method 💧 |  Mescajuana - Mescaline with Marijuana | DMT Dab Bongs | UFO Technology! Shpongle
     
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pslyke
fantasmagoric



Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 4,101
Loc:
Last seen: 1 hour, 20 minutes
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Impostor syndrome
-------------------- "What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein "The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante
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Dilsnique
Admiral Admirable


Registered: 04/22/14
Posts: 3,800
Loc: Netherworld
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: pslyke] 2
#26436281 - 01/16/20 07:32 AM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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What's your weakness is this life? Booze. Just can't seem to handle the day to day stupidness, adversity and disappointments of life without it.
What's the demon that catches you when you're unawares? As Hunter S. Thompson used to say, "that demon rum".
What does your monkey look like?
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Niffla



Registered: 06/09/08
Posts: 46,483
Loc: Texas
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Cute monkey, Jokeshop.
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HAIL OUR NEW OTD KING
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Dilsnique] 4
#26436847 - 01/16/20 01:22 PM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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Alcoholism is such a beast. It is a vicious cycle that justifies itself as soon as you take the first drink. it tells you you are ok and everyone else is fucked.....until the next day when you drag your foggy ass to work or wherever only to start fantasizing about that first drink when the whistle blows. It is a disease that tells you that you don't have one.
Everyone close to you (these numbers dwindle the longer you stay in active alcoholism) either verbally or silently wonders why you don't have the strength or will power to drink like normal people...you keep trying to do just that. It's been over 20 years since my last drink and I can still taste a Manhattan or the difference between a budweiser and a yuengling in my mind, long after the desire has left me.
I do recommend anyone who has tried unsuccessfully time after time to stop drinking to check out the AA thread. This program saved my life, I have absolutely no reservations about that.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Newbie
User of semicolons.



Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 7 hours
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That's fucking awesome, I'm glad to hear that. I made the 6 months but it was my own curiosity that did me in again. I wasn't even craving it, I was just wondering if I could moderate it. I know I can't now and that's just fine. I can definitely abstain, which I'm really lucky for. I mean I've gone to bars with friends to watch games and such and not even been tempted to pick up a drink. Some are not as fortunate and may need that AA assistance.
As an atheist, however, I strongly disagree with the religious aspect the program imposes. If anyone here is like me, there ARE secular alternatives out there that don't teach you that you're powerless alone and must succumb to a higher power.
HERE are some alternatives if needed.
Edited by Newbie (01/17/20 04:20 PM)
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Newbie]
#26436900 - 01/16/20 02:13 PM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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I’ve been focusing a lot on to what degree people’s beliefs, understanding and views are formed by television. (Internet, media etc). I always knew that it was a large part but I’m coming to understand it’s way more than I thought. Especially people who don’t even consider the factor of it, who kind of blindly do it.
It’s a cliche but there’s more than meets the eye with that saying “satan’s best trick was convincing the world that he doesn’t exist.” I really wish I could do some experiments with mainstream sources of news and see what degree it ripples out into the masses. You do sort of see that a little with these 4chan pranks.
What people will take as fact, just because it was presented in an official manner. Even clothing choices or accents to talk with. How much moreso, thoughts...beliefs..
It seems to mirror the mechanism of the cordyceps fungus, your mind has been highjacked son..
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Newbie] 1
#26436904 - 01/16/20 02:17 PM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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After all, what are we willing to deny if what it is feels good? The standard of truth, “well, does it feel good?” “Ok, I believe it!”
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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JustABoxOfRain

Registered: 07/20/17
Posts: 197
Loc: Under my LSD bedsheets
Last seen: 4 months, 14 days
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Amanita86] 2
#26437091 - 01/16/20 04:11 PM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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Substance abuse, depression, low self-esteem. So monkeys I guess lol
-------------------- Brotherhood of Eternal Love I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe. I was not offended, for I knew I had to rise above it all, or drown in my own shit
Edited by JustABoxOfRain (01/16/20 04:12 PM)
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Shroomslip
Architekt



Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 23,651
Last seen: 9 minutes, 13 seconds
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Anger and depression. They're always around. I'm convinced I could be a billionaire with the perfect wife and literally every last thing (not just material possessions I'm talking about here, be taller, not losing my hair etc) I could ever want and I'd still feel the same as I do right now. I do have some joy in my life since leaving the shelter.. but they're still always right around the corner. Depression especially. Things are going great, and not even 2-3 hours after I realize I'm happy, content or whatever, something happens "hello darkness, my old friend".
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With my face against the floor I can’t see who knocked me out of the way. I don’t want to get back up but I have to so it might as well be today. Nothing appeals to me no one feels like me, I’m too busy being calm to disappear. I’m in no shape to be alone contrary to the shit that you might hear. You can't wake up, this is not a dream. You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen. Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline
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Tantrika
Miss Ann Thrope




Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 17,138
Loc: Lashed to the pyre
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: What's your weakness is this life? What's the demon that catches you when you're unawares?
gender dysphoria the worst part is it masquerades as depression so several years of anti-depressants had shit impact but getting onto hormone therapy has resulted in a more positive life outlook and less suicidal thoughts
Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: What does your monkey look like?
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
Last seen: 13 minutes, 59 seconds
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Tantrika] 1
#26437747 - 01/17/20 01:36 AM (4 years, 12 days ago) |
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Dont have any monkeys.... been trying to catch this damn dragon for a minute though
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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