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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Monkey on your back.. 6
#26434793 - 01/15/20 12:14 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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What's your weakness is this life? What's the demon that catches you when you're unawares? What does your monkey look like?
Mine, he's substance abuse.
I've beaten many other monkeys that have tried to make their way onto my back over the years, but that little fucker just keeps on catching up with me...

(NO QUOTES)
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Eating fattening foods in sufficient quantity to greatly fatten me.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy



Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 9 hours, 8 minutes
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self hate.
i have a really hard time convincing myself i'm a good person.
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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Asante
Mage


Registered: 02/06/02
Posts: 86,795
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Quote:
wrestler_az said: self hate.
i have a really hard time convincing myself i'm a good person.
Commit More Random Acts Of Kindness.
You'll feel better about yourself.
-------------------- Omnicyclion.org higher knowledge starts here
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
wrestler_az said: self hate. .
I feel your pain on that one. Struggled with it most of my life. No more though, so it is a winnable battle...
What I can definitely say - having met you - is that of all of the thousands upon thousands of people I've met and got to know over my life you're definitely one of the best. It fucking glows off you man.
It's fucking unfortunate that often the best of us seem to suffer with exactly what you describe though.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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wrestler_az
PsiLLy BiLLy



Registered: 08/11/02
Posts: 13,676
Loc: day dreams of a mad man
Last seen: 9 hours, 8 minutes
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thanks. i'm working on it.
-------------------- how's your WOW?
Edited by yageman (04/20/06 4:20 PM)
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theRealrollforever
I DID-DENT



Registered: 08/31/13
Posts: 12,736
Loc: Bada-Bing!
Last seen: 2 days, 1 hour
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The monkey on my back is definitely that I can never seem to enjoy the moment. always thinking about how my time could be better spent or grass is greener of some sort and it keeps me from fully enjoying the moment.
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sunshine said: The order has to be secret and no one is sure.
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VP123
Strange



Registered: 06/27/19
Posts: 1,341
Loc: Midwest
Last seen: 10 days, 1 hour
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Clinical depression. It sneaks by waking me up when I still need to rest. Waking up at 2 am and not being able to fall asleep again even though I am still tired. It robs my energy and desire to live.
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
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Probably weed of all things. I have this weird love/hate relationship with it, and I can never stop when I want to. I also enjoy stimulants, but I can control my stimulant use. If I want to stop, I can just stop. I can't do that with weed. It's ironic considering stimulants are supposed to be more addictive, but I've always had an infinitely easier time controlling my stimulant use.
I also feel like mentioning physical health even though it doesn't perfectly fit with the idea of this thread. But I spend a lot of time concerned about my physical health, or having minor problems that send me into a spiral of concern about it.
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FSHuntings
Half Man Half Amazing


Registered: 08/10/17
Posts: 733
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: nooneman] 2
#26434912 - 01/15/20 01:10 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Weed is definitely what ales me as well. I have smoked since I was 12 years old and it seems to be the root of whatever is causing me trouble. Also, screen time. Staring at this damn phone for hours on end really gets to me but it’s hard to stop due to boredom. I was so much happier back in the day when cell phones where actually phones and not mini computers. It’s funnny now these phones are meant to connect us but they really disconnect us.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Anger.
I hold people to being honest, truthful, moral, basically not being a piece of shit. Don’t take advantage of people. At the same time I don’t undervalue forgivness. So that cycle of, someone crosses me, I forgive, it happens again, and so on to the point I want to break someone’s fucking teeth out with a baseball bat...but I don’t...
Even with forgivness, that ‘reaction’ of anger is still there... and if you don’t let it out, you have to swallow it. Over time, cramming that much shit down into your gut just builds more and more pressure. Sometimes to the point it doesn’t take a ‘rational’ thing for me to snap.
Plus, I never forget. I may have to do the math to remember my age, but I never struggle to remember if someone’s fucked me. It doesn’t even have to be personal, there’s a lot going on in this world that drives me fucking nuts. We make this journey of life a magnitude harder than it has to be. So much of the suffering never had to happen. Plus we destroy shit like a plague. All that stuff gets me so pissed off at times that I just have to sit down and not move, or say a thing because if I let a peep of it out, all of it’s coming out like a nuke.
You ever see the little pressure release on a turbo, I need one of those for me. It would be easy to say, “just let it go man, don’t let it get to you”, but it’s not irrational shit, it’s all legit real bullshit. That’s like saying, don’t let that red hot stove burner you’re resting your hand on bother you.
Pisses me off man.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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Newbie
User of semicolons.



Registered: 07/18/04
Posts: 24,710
Loc: SoCal
Last seen: 1 day, 5 hours
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Alcoholism. I was able to quit for about 6 months after like 10 years of almost daily abuse. I wouldn't get blackout drunk much, but def overdid the beer. At my worst, back in maybe 2017 I would get horrible gout attacks and be hobbling around everywhere, not even able to walk sometimes.
Last year I got my shit together and quit it cold turkey for 6 months. During that time period I dropped 80lbs and got into good shape. Then I decided, "Hey I'm bored, I bet I can drink socially now; my brain is probably rewired. Nope.
It worked for a bit but this last week I was at my worst, pretty much drank from sun down till sun up, ate slept, drank repeat until Monday where I was pretty sure I was gonna have a heart attack with how fast my heart was beating. Face swollen, eyes completely red, capillaries in my face shot, just a mess.
I decided again it's time to quit it forever. I don't have a problem abstaining from it completely, which I'm lucky for.
I'm excited to put that behind me and finish this fitness journey to where it takes me. I'm lucky to not have gained any weight back, I'll never go back to 5'11", 267lbs again.
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Amanita86]
#26435132 - 01/15/20 03:03 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Cannabis products man
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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pineninja
Dream Weaver



Registered: 08/17/14
Posts: 12,468
Loc: South
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Tripsurfer] 1
#26435181 - 01/15/20 03:33 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Arrogance. Such a block to learning and being.
-------------------- Just a fool on the hill.
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Northerner
splelling chceker


Registered: 07/29/12
Posts: 14,139
Loc: FNQ
Last seen: 58 minutes, 34 seconds
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: pineninja]
#26435225 - 01/15/20 04:04 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Also substance abuse. Not anything in particular, but always something.
Firmly under control but could easily get out of hand if I let myself become less self aware again.
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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Monkey on your back.. [Re: Northerner]
#26435227 - 01/15/20 04:06 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
Northerner said: Firmly under control but could easily get out of hand if I let myself become less self aware again.
Any tips on that one?
I'm fairly under control these days - at least compared to many of my younger years - but man, that desire, that craving.. I feel like that shit never fucking leaves me alone.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,711
Last seen: 46 minutes, 16 seconds
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Quote:
wrestler_az said: self hate.
i have a really hard time convincing myself i'm a good person.
Yoo, I always enjoy reading your posts. I think you're a good person who deserves to treat yourself better. 
--------------------
  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,711
Last seen: 46 minutes, 16 seconds
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:Mine, he's substance abuse.
Try to improve relations with friends and family, that should help get your mind into a better spot to avoid that monkey getting on your back. Or put some slippery oil on your back so the monkey can't get a grip!
Quote:
Asante said: Eating fattening foods in sufficient quantity to greatly fatten me.
Yes, that can give a good feeling, but next time you get that urge just make a big bowl of broccoli and lightly salt it and then just eat it all really quick. Should make you feel good.
--------------------
  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
Edited by lifeiswhatyoumake (01/15/20 04:15 PM)
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theRealrollforever
I DID-DENT



Registered: 08/31/13
Posts: 12,736
Loc: Bada-Bing!
Last seen: 2 days, 1 hour
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It’s so simple! All I needed was some easy advice
--------------------
sunshine said: The order has to be secret and no one is sure.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood



Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,711
Last seen: 46 minutes, 16 seconds
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Quote:
theRealrollforever said: It’s so simple! All I needed was some easy advice 
--------------------
  I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ;   
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