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Offlinebloodsheen
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The intersection of sex and love * 1
    #26426522 - 01/10/20 01:13 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I think most people would agree that you can't have a successful relationship based entirely on sex, and most relationships can't survive without any sex. But that balance, that middle ground, is pretty interesting to me

I'm not sure I believe most people can determine how much their relationship is dependant on their sex life. When I look back at my last relationship, as much as I loved her, I gotta admit that 90% of my positive thoughts are based around sex. Maybe marriages of like 25 years can survive without it, but I don't think we could have lasted a month.

So I'm just curious about your experiences where the balance was way off. Which one was worse, no sex or no love? When did it become clear that the off balance wasn't working out?


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Registered: 08/15/11
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: bloodsheen] * 1
    #26426558 - 01/10/20 01:24 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Ive been in long distance relationship for a long time and the no sex for months is rough but I like it cos it tests me. I want to surpass my limits always....anyway the plus side is when we do get together its pretty much sex every night without even planning it just happens haha. Now once I move over there in a about a year we will see how it balances out.


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Those content with the least have the most.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto


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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: spirit_shadow] * 3
    #26426613 - 01/10/20 01:54 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I've been with the same woman for a very long time. The balance of love and sex ebbs and flows over the years as we change, move away from each other, recommit and find new common ground, move closer again. Some years we bang uglies almost every night and other years it'd be lucky to be once a month. Fortunately this isn't the foundation of our relationship though.


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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.


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Offlinefeldman114
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Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: Northerner] * 1
    #26426643 - 01/10/20 02:13 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Northerner said:
I've been with the same woman for a very long time. The balance of love and sex ebbs and flows over the years as we change, move away from each other, recommit and find new common ground, move closer again. Some years we bang uglies almost every night and other years it'd be lucky to be once a month. Fortunately this isn't the foundation of our relationship though.




This gives me hope.

We’ve been together for 4 years or so, and the sex went from 5-7 days/week to 1-2 pretty suddenly at the 3-year mark. But, come to think of it, the relationship hasn’t suffered because of it at all. It just gets awkward sometimes cause I feel like we’re “supposed to” bang more.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,331
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: feldman114] * 2
    #26426672 - 01/10/20 02:31 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

"The researchers concluded that couples who were having sex once a week were the happiest, while couples who reported having sex two, three, or more times a week were no happier than those having sex once a week. ... So couples having sex at the average of once a week are happy"

I think people put too much emphasis on sex. It's great, but having a mental connection in conjunction with sex is absolutely phenomenal! I never thought I would fall in love again after a break up with a 20 year relationship (on and off, moved out 4 times, mental head games, some physical bad shit, etc...), but all of a sudden, this person comes into my life and I am filled with a love I thought I would never have, or ever love/be loved again, period.:heart:


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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: feldman114] * 4
    #26426727 - 01/10/20 03:10 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

feldman114 said:
Quote:

Northerner said:
I've been with the same woman for a very long time. The balance of love and sex ebbs and flows over the years as we change, move away from each other, recommit and find new common ground, move closer again. Some years we bang uglies almost every night and other years it'd be lucky to be once a month. Fortunately this isn't the foundation of our relationship though.




This gives me hope.

We’ve been together for 4 years or so, and the sex went from 5-7 days/week to 1-2 pretty suddenly at the 3-year mark. But, come to think of it, the relationship hasn’t suffered because of it at all. It just gets awkward sometimes cause I feel like we’re “supposed to” bang more.



Best not to let expectations get in the way of reality I guess. Just go with the flow man.
I've been with my woman for 15 years. Many of them good, some of them bad. Realising that as humans we grow and change is important in relationships. The whole thing cannot be based on the initial romance period, because after a certain point those people don't exist anymore. They've grown and changed and have different wants and needs to what they did back then. Recommitment is absolutely key in any long term relationship. Rekindling of the fires, but using different fuel.


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The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: feldman114]
    #26426740 - 01/10/20 03:20 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

feldman114 said:
Quote:

Northerner said:
I've been with the same woman for a very long time. The balance of love and sex ebbs and flows over the years as we change, move away from each other, recommit and find new common ground, move closer again. Some years we bang uglies almost every night and other years it'd be lucky to be once a month. Fortunately this isn't the foundation of our relationship though.




This gives me hope.

We’ve been together for 4 years or so, and the sex went from 5-7 days/week to 1-2 pretty suddenly at the 3-year mark. But, come to think of it, the relationship hasn’t suffered because of it at all. It just gets awkward sometimes cause I feel like we’re “supposed to” bang more.



I don't think I have a strong enough sex drive for 5-7 days a week. I do prefer very long sessions though, so maybe that has something to do with it. When it takes up like at least an hour each time it's just a big hunk of time and energy. I feel like most people couldn't maintain that often for that long so good for you mate


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlinekneesocks
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Registered: 12/25/11
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26426763 - 01/10/20 03:32 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

To me the two are inseparable.  I can't have one without the other.


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"An ignorant man is lost, faithless, and filled with self-doubt;
A soul that harbors doubt has no joy, not in this world or the next."
-Bhagavad-gita 4:40


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Offlinefeldman114
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Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26426780 - 01/10/20 03:42 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Northerner said:
Quote:

feldman114 said:
Quote:

Northerner said:
I've been with the same woman for a very long time. The balance of love and sex ebbs and flows over the years as we change, move away from each other, recommit and find new common ground, move closer again. Some years we bang uglies almost every night and other years it'd be lucky to be once a month. Fortunately this isn't the foundation of our relationship though.




This gives me hope.

We’ve been together for 4 years or so, and the sex went from 5-7 days/week to 1-2 pretty suddenly at the 3-year mark. But, come to think of it, the relationship hasn’t suffered because of it at all. It just gets awkward sometimes cause I feel like we’re “supposed to” bang more.



Best not to let expectations get in the way of reality I guess. Just go with the flow man.
I've been with my woman for 15 years. Many of them good, some of them bad. Realising that as humans we grow and change is important in relationships. The whole thing cannot be based on the initial romance period, because after a certain point those people don't exist anymore. They've grown and changed and have different wants and needs to what they did back then. Recommitment is absolutely key in any long term relationship. Rekindling of the fires, but using different fuel.




Yeah, I guess we really AREN’T the same people we were 4 years ago.

Thanks for the advice man, I do appreciate it. Now if I could just figure out the right “fuel”... hopefully, it’ll present itself in due time.

Quote:

bloodsheen said:
Quote:

feldman114 said:
Quote:

Northerner said:
I've been with the same woman for a very long time. The balance of love and sex ebbs and flows over the years as we change, move away from each other, recommit and find new common ground, move closer again. Some years we bang uglies almost every night and other years it'd be lucky to be once a month. Fortunately this isn't the foundation of our relationship though.




This gives me hope.

We’ve been together for 4 years or so, and the sex went from 5-7 days/week to 1-2 pretty suddenly at the 3-year mark. But, come to think of it, the relationship hasn’t suffered because of it at all. It just gets awkward sometimes cause I feel like we’re “supposed to” bang more.



I don't think I have a strong enough sex drive for 5-7 days a week. I do prefer very long sessions though, so maybe that has something to do with it. When it takes up like at least an hour each time it's just a big hunk of time and energy. I feel like most people couldn't maintain that often for that long so good for you mate




Haha thanks but, if I’m being honest, she initiates the sex 4/5 times. That’s prolly why the lack of it is bothering me so much - insecurities screaming “she don’t want you no mo” in my ear.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,029
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: bloodsheen] * 1
    #26426870 - 01/10/20 04:33 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

You don't think your marriage could have survived 1 month without sex? That sounds precarious. 

Many people have long-term close intimate relationships without sex. We're so stuck on the idea that intercourse is the ultimate peak activity, we often ignore the importance and impact of other types of physical intimacy (non-genital). I've had plenty of non-sexual physical interactions that were more deeply meaningful to me than the "best" blowjob I ever got, or a 5 hour sex romp.


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OfflineNorthernerM
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: feldman114]
    #26426890 - 01/10/20 04:44 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Keep those lines of communication open mate. Maybe your woman isn't really aware that you're not the same person anymore too. The whole "getting to know again" the person you've been living with for years is totally weird at first, but it gets much easier. Maintaining and upgrading your relationship over years is a skill that takes practice. My wife has said things to me like "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?", to which I've replied something like "It's the brand new me baby? Do you like it?". We laugh.

Just trying to say, don't let those new differences become distances. Celebrate them. Grow together. Get your woman on board with the idea too.  :heart:


--------------------
The nearest we ever come to knowing truth is when we are witness to paradox.


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Registered: 08/15/11
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26426894 - 01/10/20 04:47 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
You don't think your marriage could have survived 1 month without sex? That sounds precarious. 

Many people have long-term close intimate relationships without sex. We're so stuck on the idea that intercourse is the ultimate peak activity, we often ignore the importance and impact of other types of physical intimacy (non-genital). I've had plenty of non-sexual physical interactions that were more deeply meaningful to me than the "best" blowjob I ever got, or a 5 hour sex romp.



Sex is the APEX of activity if you hardly ever have it and actually treat it with respect.


--------------------
Those content with the least have the most.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011
Ban lotto


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Registered: 09/24/08
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Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26427009 - 01/10/20 06:11 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

RJ Tubs 202 said:
You don't think your marriage could have survived 1 month without sex? That sounds precarious. 

Many people have long-term close intimate relationships without sex. We're so stuck on the idea that intercourse is the ultimate peak activity, we often ignore the importance and impact of other types of physical intimacy (non-genital). I've had plenty of non-sexual physical interactions that were more deeply meaningful to me than the "best" blowjob I ever got, or a 5 hour sex romp.



No I wasn't married, just a gf. I was worried that part of why we were together is because the sex was stupid good. Like, we said at least half a dozen times "There's no way sex can be better than this." And then two weeks later a session was even better and we said "No no, now THIS has to be as good as it could be." Idk, it was decent at first but it seemed like as we fell more in love it became something else entirely.

Which is why I made this thread. It wasn't something I ever expected to happen. Partly because of confidence issues on my end and partly because I never wanted a purely physical relationship. I found I lusted for her as a person, physically she wasn't my perfect ideal mate. In fact my first gf was a solid 9, my god she was so far out of my league. But the sex fucking sucked, for more than one reason.

But yes, it made me feel like we did have a tenuous relationship (and to be fair we did). One time we didnt have sex for a week because of a horrible argument, and when we got back together I made her cum without touching her genitals at all. It was so fucking hot, but by the same token I thought, shit man where does lust end and love begin?

I've never been with a girl long enough to reach an equilibrium. The fact that my first girlfriend and I were totally incompatible...was it because the sex was bad, or was the sex bad because we were incompatible? I'm really not sure with either relationship In talking about. Shit is confusing


--------------------


A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Offlinesanta mose
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Registered: 01/10/20
Posts: 51
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26427102 - 01/10/20 06:51 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I have been dealing with years of bullshit where I should have been pounding pussy. I am looking for a girl or 6 or 7 to be company with. I don't know how much sex is tooo much sex but I think a healthy dose of always would be a good answer for the season. We will see how that goes as I manifest beings in other realities and give love to a lot of girls out there...


It's just the thing I do when there is a world that needs love. Ho ho ho santa mose is bringing the mosey to the season for the next generations. I just can't help but write and have fun as I travel around looking for that perfect someone. Maybe it will happen before you know it. :shemp: maybe I will call this next art piece shemp, we'll see how it goes.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: The intersection of sex and love [Re: santa mose] * 1
    #26427479 - 01/11/20 01:54 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Like so many things in this life, sex can be a real double edged sword IMO.

It's difficult as fuck for us to navigate it correctly.

I have also come to conclude that we have been given an ideal learning evironment. I defy you, in your imagination, to come up with a more ideal environment for human learning than life, than this life. It seems to me, in my gloomier moments, a kind of celestial boot camp, replete with obstacle courses which have been, almost fiendishly, designed for our learning. And I think the most fiendishly designed of all obstacles in life is the obstacle of sex.
--M. Scott Peck


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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