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yeah


Registered: 02/08/09
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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: feldman114] 1
#26426939 - 01/10/20 05:16 PM (4 years, 19 days ago) |
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Quote:
feldman114 said: Spirituality is weird nowadays. I consider it the most important aspect of my existence, yet, when I hear someone go “I’m not religious, I’m spiritual” I want to kick them right in the soul.
Why?
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R.I.P.Zappa
Myco Melyco


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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: yeah] 2
#26427180 - 01/10/20 07:41 PM (4 years, 19 days ago) |
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That pretty much sums it up. It's your life, live it and don't let other people drag you down. I would bet money your friends are always like, "oh stop over, how come ya don't stop over?" Yet they never pop in to say hi themselves unless they need something. Misery loves company, don't be an enabler. Tell them what they are doing, such as canceling plans and tell them how it makes ya feel. The will ether meet ya half way or not be the friends you thought they once were. People change according to the environment, wife, kids, jobs, debt, news, politics, state of humanity, death of a loved one. Depression is a symptom of ones environment and male suicide has been a epidemic particularly in first world countries over the last decade. Everyone cannot be rich, Brad Pit or Kim Kardashian no matter how much they lie to ya.
If anything, set up a camping trip for a few days in hopes to revive that spark of life that has died down for em. Take em out of there comfort zone or routine per-say to hopefully regain a new perspective.  In the end, just like the native american parrable; "you cannot wake a man that is pretending to be sleeping".
-------------------- -The heaviest thing one will ever carry is a thought- -"Like a Blind man In an orgy you gotta feel things out.".- -When we agree about our hallucinations, we call it “reality".- -If you defy authority because your told to, that's no better than blindly trusting authority.- psychonautwiki.org How it should & shouldn't look - NEW CULTIVATORS GUIDE BOD's Easy AF OAT prep tek. Principles of mushroom growing for beginners
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Rahz
Alive Again



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Kmacmo] 1
#26427201 - 01/10/20 08:00 PM (4 years, 19 days ago) |
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Everyone has their burdens to bear. I think this viewpoint is worth consideration because another would be that they like their pain and that's why they're not receptive to your better alternative. Either way, oneness and all that aside, they are not you and burdens are personal so in many cases there will be resistance to someone trying to relieve these burdens from them with "positivity" as if that would substitute for really understanding how they feel, or them wanting help or your help in particular. Being yourself and offering positivity is different than trying to help someone. I'm not saying you shouldn't try but there's only so much you can do. If your attempts feel pushy there can be push back or aversion. At that point it can become bad drama. Best to just be a friend and also let them be depressed, in so much as they are choosing it. One may find that waiting to be helpful is better than pushing for it. Hoping for some positivity in return can be hoping for a lot but when it happens it's due to trust and want. A desire to talk about it while looking for positive solutions and someone trusted enough to talk about it with. There's no assurance that our words will have any quick or instant effect on those willing to listen with open ears. That's why acceptance is so important, because if you can't change someone your words may be an influence over time in so much as they are able to change themselves, and just being yourself is more likable than always trying to change someone. You can get mad about it or firmly offer help but that can only happen every so often or it can start to feel co-dependent. Is it good to take those paths to begin with? Don't worry. Be happy.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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falcon



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Kmacmo]
#26427356 - 01/10/20 10:20 PM (4 years, 18 days ago) |
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If they're ambulatory get them to go for walk, with you or on their own. If they're not, it's likely why they're down.
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RJ Tubs 202


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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: falcon] 1
#26427359 - 01/10/20 10:24 PM (4 years, 18 days ago) |
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It's fun to interrupt a negative person with the question, "What's the good news?" or "What are you grateful for today?"
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falcon



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#26427384 - 01/10/20 10:44 PM (4 years, 18 days ago) |
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Positive people are more likely to fit the 10 pounds of shit they get every day in the 9 pound bag.
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Loaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#26427473 - 01/11/20 01:41 AM (4 years, 18 days ago) |
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said: Chronic negativity and depressing can be as seductive as the sweet allure of opiate intoxication. We're all susceptible to various forms of suffering.
"Empathy is the poor man's cocaine."
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  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius
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laughingdog
Stranger

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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Loaded Shaman]
#26429176 - 01/12/20 06:12 AM (4 years, 17 days ago) |
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A big part of all cultures is negative. War, torture, gangs, rap music, prisons, crime, news, wealth inequality, alcoholism, tobacco addiction, creating cities with killer smog, obesity, bad schools, weapons development, nuclear stockpiles, biological weapons, chemical weapons, land mines, pollution, undernourished children, ghettos, toxic dumps, strip mining, fracking, bulk data collection, cyber war ...etc. ...
Given the above another huge aspect of culture is just stupid, as its only designed to distract us from both the above & ourselves. It is of course called "entertainment, and especially in the USA consumerism performs the same function.
Now it has reached surreal proportions. Television was already thought of as something George Orwell never imagined, but the iphone (& other "smart"phones), have taken distraction to a level even the best satirists & cynics could never have guessed at.
Some might find world wide health statistics, & mental health & suicide statistics surprising. Its Not just an odd friend here and there, or folks with some diagnosed neurosis. Much of cultures & governments world wide are not nourishing, but often quite the opposite.
Edited by laughingdog (01/12/20 06:27 AM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: laughingdog]
#26429240 - 01/12/20 07:15 AM (4 years, 17 days ago) |
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I have come to believe that finger pointing (assigning causes for problems) is easy, while sharing your time and attention is hard.
what do you do when you are faced with a knotted shoelace? if you work it the shoelace is restored, but if you grumble about shoes that need laces, the fact that it is hard to see knots, that your fingers are too numb, or some other tripped out revelation, the cup will half empty remain.
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Virtualjay
Human for now


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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Kmacmo] 1
#26429301 - 01/12/20 08:37 AM (4 years, 17 days ago) |
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I need more posts to view certain threads so you're getting what amounts to a spam reply but I hope it helps anyway. (My way of saying I care, but not a bunch .)
Like draws like so stay positive. Misery loves company and once people around you who are miserable find out you aren't as well, and they can't get you to be miserable, they'll move on. Which is a win for you. People are going to be who they are and asking how to change them, while noble, isn't going to get you far when you try to bring about that change. Also, some people just don't know how to be happy unless everyone around them is miserable and are lost causes. In the end, people will be who they want to be and that's okay. It's also okay to not want to be around that and waste your finite time and energy on people who only want to be negative. Some times you just have to walk away.
-------------------- Forever seems like a long time.
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RJ Tubs 202


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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Virtualjay]
#26429932 - 01/12/20 03:43 PM (4 years, 17 days ago) |
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Developing a strong sense of autonomy can help us stay centered and avoid being strongly influenced by the emotionally disturbed people we encounter.
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dodgem
Learner



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: DividedQuantum] 2
#26434956 - 01/15/20 01:27 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
DividedQuantum said: It's a perennial question, how can we help others? The world has grown quite messed up over time, and this leads to behaviors such as depression, nihilism, pessimism and addictions of all kinds. So it's no surprise that millions of people are distinctly unhappy these days. What's more, they seem to want to spread their unhappiness, or at least reinforce it, and wallow in it to an extreme degree.
That said, it seems there's little we can do really to change people. (Whether we even should is a big question). I am reminded of Ram Dass' approach: He said that, no matter what the circumstances, all that one can do is be the best possible you that you can. We don't control others, and we barely control ourselves, so working on oneself and trying to spread the most positive vibes possible -- if we can -- is all we can do for other people. And sometimes it works.
I find that approach to be the most realistic I've come across.
I appreciate that quote, and can relate. I work with a lot of at-risk youth and find myself 'helping' the most when I am just there for them and listening to them. At times I find myself in the 'how can I fix this person and their problems', but that usually does not end in the way I hope. More often, just hearing them out and letting them know 'that sucks' or 'yea, that makes sense that your are pissed at your parents' or 'why do you think you feel that way'.
And the spreading of their unhappiness is definitely a thing, especially when you get 8-10 teenagers living together for weeks in the wilderness. I consistently see the theme of hurt people hurt people. I think it is due to the idea that it can be hard to struggle and view others as not struggling. So by bringing them down with you, you aren't alone in your despair. No one wants to struggle alone. Even when it comes to something like swimming that I have done my whole life. It is so much easier to make it through a grueling practice when their are 30 other individuals suffering right next to you in the pool. There was a time when I had chem labs during practice time so I have to do the workouts on my own.. so much more difficult to be the only person in the pool and put the effort in.
On the opposite end of things, I also see the theme of healed people heal people while at work. When the kids start to figure their shit out it allows them extra freedom to help the other folks in the group. Kind of along the line of you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.
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Walk where you like your steps
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: DividedQuantum] 2
#26435001 - 01/15/20 01:54 PM (4 years, 14 days ago) |
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Quote:
DividedQuantum said: I am reminded of Ram Dass' approach: He said that, no matter what the circumstances, all that one can do is be the best possible you that you can. We don't control others, and we barely control ourselves, so working on oneself and trying to spread the most positive vibes possible -- if we can -- is all we can do for other people. And sometimes it works.
I find that approach to be the most realistic I've come across.
I honestly think that's pretty much all one can do.
As someone coming off the tail of of a year spent deep in nihilism, this feels especially relevant as it seems, after much thought and consideration, the only tried and true path away from that desolate state of mind.
If one shoots for being the best one can be in any given moment, it really is a purpose. And hey, if it helps others along the way, then that's one hell of a bonus too.
Trying to change the world from the outside in just seems like an exercise in futility to me.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#26436493 - 01/16/20 10:03 AM (4 years, 13 days ago) |
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sharing your time and attention is the less ambiguous and non-new age way of saying "spreading good vibes".
realistically, what is a vibe anyway, and how is one good etc...
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Mr. D Green
Stranger



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Kmacmo]
#26439888 - 01/18/20 09:13 AM (4 years, 11 days ago) |
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pros and cons to anything...nothing wrong with "negative minded" people...just leave them alone, if you do not understand them.
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mt cleverest
clevendafodil

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 2,348
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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Mr. D Green] 1
#26453521 - 01/26/20 01:04 PM (4 years, 3 days ago) |
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Spending all your time pretending to be positive & happy isn't natural or honest just like looking at everything half empty isnt. both outlooks are needed for growth/change and work best in cooperation. all the better if you can hold both perspectives simultaneous as potentially true for the broad picture cus we really dont know whats good or bad since we dont know the future and dont have all the info.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: mt cleverest]
#26453587 - 01/26/20 01:42 PM (4 years, 3 days ago) |
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true - honesty about what is happening - at least paying attention to what is happening as it happens is good, but as regards people, some have a commitment to being darker than anything else, and those really are not easy to be near on an ongoing basis
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kitten6
hiker

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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: redgreenvines]
#26455084 - 01/27/20 12:33 PM (4 years, 2 days ago) |
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I think negative minded people are fully justified in being negative minded and if you don't like people being negative minded then why don't you take another look at your cup. No point trying to convince yourself its half full when its only a quarter full. Probably has been for quite a while for most people at least.
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Kmacmo
The aborted pin



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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: kitten6]
#26455117 - 01/27/20 12:53 PM (4 years, 2 days ago) |
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Gotta have positivity and negativity working together to figure life out, as said above its all important to learn/develop but if someone can only see the negitives then they will be consumed by misery itself. (sounds fun right)
I could give them a small gold nugget and their reaction is... Its too small. Can you not see the free gold!?
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: How to deal with negative minded people(cup half empty) [Re: Kmacmo] 1
#26455187 - 01/27/20 01:19 PM (4 years, 2 days ago) |
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Negative is a person's prerogative til they start being a pain in the ass.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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