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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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So turns out my mom is a huge racist
#26424294 - 01/09/20 10:05 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Idk if it was always in her or if it’s a recent thing but, yeah, mom’s a big ol’ bigot. First noticed it last year and it’s been bugging me since. She was driving me from the eye doctor and, out of nowhere, it’s all “mesikins this, blacks that”, “When is Trump finally gonna get rid of all these mesikins?”
Thing is, she’s an immigrant who came over to the states on refugee status. I spent my childhood listening to how she kept getting fired and kicked out of places for being Jewish (in the USSR).
I tried talking to her multiple times, but she just answers with more right-wing craziness. I’m no freedom warrior, but it’s making me hate being around my own mother, and I know she doesn’t have that much time left anyway... I’m even wary of letting her babysit her own grandkid.
Anyone going through a similar situation? Did you find a way to deal with it? Any advice?
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114]
#26424310 - 01/09/20 10:13 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Advice? What did you have in mind? Racism doesn't develop overnight, she was probably always a little racist. As far as your kid goes, that's your choice. I think as long as you've established tolerance and you've addressed the subject of racism, it's not like she will turn him/her into a racist overnight either. It's that kind of thinking that leads people to put their kids in Christian school, which any one who isn't a moron knows doesn't do shit
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Dilsnique
Admiral Admirable


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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114]
#26424322 - 01/09/20 10:23 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Anyone going through a similar situation? I've been dealing with this my whole life. My parents are not racist but their parents sure the hell were. They were always talking down to and about non-whites. My great grandfather was the worst. Back in the 1930s and 40s, he personally assisted the police with murdering black folk and burning their bodies in ditches. I remember as a wee lad visiting him once and he was tying to find something to watch on TV. He tried to watch wrestling (his favorite show) and changed the channel because of too many black people. He then tried to watch football but too many black people. He tried to watch Wheel of Fortune and all the contestants were black. He angrily turned of his TV and angrily said, They've taken over everything!" My current main squeeze's family are just as bad.
Did you find a way to deal with it? Trying to talk or reason with any of these people on this matter turned out to be a complete waste of time. I often change the subject, ignore them or sneak into the bathroom and toke a doob.
Any advice? Invite your mother to an Afrocentric pool party or Mesikin fiesta! I wished I would have orchestrated a fake marriage with one of "those people" and caused heart attacks and being cut from the family.
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Amanita86
OTD Keymaster


Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: Dilsnique]
#26424335 - 01/09/20 10:28 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Holy shit they burned bodies in ditches? That’s pretty hardcore.
Feldman, I would be curious where the line between ‘racist’ and just a product of the USSR lays at. I know that sorta doesn’t make sense or a difference but it sort or does. A curiosity thing. I’d probably just be weary about leaving the kid alone with her unsupervised.
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Orange clock, pencil "They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34  Gam zeh ya’avor...
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VP123
Strange



Registered: 06/27/19
Posts: 1,341
Loc: Midwest
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: bloodsheen] 1
#26424342 - 01/09/20 10:31 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Not much you can do. You choose your friends but not your family. Depending on the the level of trust in your relationship with her you could tell her that you don't want to hear anything demeaning about other people when she is talking in your presence and much less when your kid is around. You will not change her but you can set your boundaries.
You will need to talk to your child. It is actually a unique opportunity to teach him/her that these people exist. Hopefully your kid has some friends who are not caucasian too. Because that will help your kid understand that color of the skin doesn't matter. You may have to talk to your child every time he/she goes to grandma just to make sure she is not pushing her ideas on your child.
It also happens that people put all kind of garbage in their heads through the internet and talk radio Maybe she wasn't racist but in other aspects of her life she was intolerant in other ways. That could've opened the door for her to embrace bigotry.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: VP123]
#26424354 - 01/09/20 10:36 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Funny story. When I was a little kid my parents took me somewhere and for whatever reason they interacted with this bigass black dude. And when we got back into the car my dad said "Did you notice anything different about that man we were talking to?" And I said "Well yeah. He was totally bald!" Nobody is born racist, it's how they are raised.
I agree that it might be a good idea to just say, hey keep your thoughts on race to yourself around my kid and we are cool. But actually having a legit convo about it will make you even angrier
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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TheStallionMang
Do U know who yur fuckin with?


Registered: 10/18/17
Posts: 4,528
Loc:
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: bloodsheen] 2
#26424409 - 01/09/20 11:06 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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I think people feel a lot freer to voice their racism because Trump has made it less taboo to be a bigot and act like a fool
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114]
#26424449 - 01/09/20 11:25 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Quote:
Anyone going through a similar situation? Did you find a way to deal with it? Any advice?
I feel ya man. I too am waiting for Trump to get rid of all those pesky Mesikins
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: Tripsurfer]
#26424471 - 01/09/20 11:35 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Does she still care about YOU? cos, I mean, Id rather have a racist mother than a narcissistic sociopathic one.....
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
Last seen: 3 years, 9 months
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: Dilsnique]
#26424474 - 01/09/20 11:36 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Quote:
TheStallionMang said: I think people feel a lot freer to voice their racism because Trump has made it less taboo to be a bigot and act like a fool
I honestly think there’s at least some truth to this. Like I said, I first heard a racist comment from her only a year ago.Quote:
Amanita86 said: Holy shit they burned bodies in ditches? That’s pretty hardcore.
Feldman, I would be curious where the line between ‘racist’ and just a product of the USSR lays at. I know that sorta doesn’t make sense or a difference but it sort or does. A curiosity thing. I’d probably just be weary about leaving the kid alone with her unsupervised.
Well the USSR was never that racist, just anti-Semitic and anti-Roma. Not obsessed with race like the US seems to be at times anyway...(obv USSR life was shitty and just horrific, just not in this way) Growing up, I never even thought about black people as a minority. Kyiv is full of African college students and business people, so 99% of the black people there are successful, well-off people. The only black stereotype that exists in Ukraine is “they’re all rich spoiled brats”, and only cause it’s kinda true for 90% of the students - rich Ukrainians send their kids to study in Europe, and rich Nigerian/Ethiopian families send kids to Ukrainian colleges.
Quote:
Dilsnique said: Anyone going through a similar situation? I've been dealing with this my whole life. My parents are not racist but their parents sure the hell were. They were always talking down to and about non-whites. My great grandfather was the worst. Back in the 1930s and 40s, he personally assisted the police with murdering black folk and burning their bodies in ditches. I remember as a wee lad visiting him once and he was tying to find something to watch on TV. He tried to watch wrestling (his favorite show) and changed the channel because of too many black people. He then tried to watch football but too many black people. He tried to watch Wheel of Fortune and all the contestants were black. He angrily turned of his TV and angrily said, They've taken over everything!" My current main squeeze's family are just as bad.
Did you find a way to deal with it? Trying to talk or reason with any of these people on this matter turned out to be a complete waste of time. I often change the subject, ignore them or sneak into the bathroom and toke a doob.
Any advice? Invite your mother to an Afrocentric pool party or Mesikin fiesta! I wished I would have orchestrated a fake marriage with one of "those people" and caused heart attacks and being cut from the family.
Ugh that sounds super cringe. And I totally agree that talking to them and using logic is useless. I just end up extremely pissed off and exhausted afterwards. Haha might borrow your fiesta idea! The wife never skips the block parties during the warm season...I’ll just say it’s a “Caribbean theme” party lol.
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theRealrollforever
I DID-DENT



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Posts: 12,736
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114] 1
#26424479 - 01/09/20 11:40 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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The only thing to do is repent for having white bigot family members! Make sure you make friends with minorities and really let them know they’re different, but that’s ok!
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sunshine said: The order has to be secret and no one is sure.
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feldman114
Stragler


Registered: 09/06/19
Posts: 3,365
Loc: Bravos
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: spirit_shadow]
#26424486 - 01/09/20 11:42 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Quote:
spirit_shadow said: Does she still care about YOU? cos, I mean, Id rather have a racist mother than a narcissistic sociopathic one.....
Idk, I guess. It’s always been more about stuff I did that she can brag about with her stuck up friends.
Compared to most of my friends, my relationship with my mom is super fucked up, but I still cherish it. I just really hope I’ll remember all the good times and not the racist talk when...you know. I was an angry teenager growing up and left home on my 18th bday, but 20 years later - when all I have left for her is love and gratitude - she goes and gives me real reasons to stay away.
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spirit_shadow
Feature not a bug



Registered: 08/15/11
Posts: 25,665
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114]
#26424496 - 01/09/20 11:49 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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I don't blame you for being upset at all. I would be as well. I just had to cut my mother out of my life I just hope yours isn't as shit.
-------------------- ERROR 418 IM A TEAPOT.....(this account is automated, all posts related to illegal activities or advice thereof are strictly from numerous online sites and are for informational purposes only)- Circa 2011 Ban lotto
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mt cleverest
clevendafodil

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 2,348
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114] 2
#26424498 - 01/09/20 11:50 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Your moms a little racist so what. sad youre actually thinking about distancing you and your kid from her over it. If one of my family members says something racist I just laugh, its not like theyre planning on hurting anyone. If its so bothersome to your righteous sensibilities maybe try having a talk with her about it. just be prepared that she might show you some unsettling statistics on IQ, race and crime.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 13 days
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: mt cleverest] 4
#26424503 - 01/09/20 11:55 AM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Quote:
mt cleverest said: Your moms a little racist so what. sad youre actually thinking about distancing you and your kid from her over it. If one of my family members says something racist I just laugh, its not like theyre planning on hurting anyone. If its so bothersome to your righteous sensibilities maybe try having a talk with her about it. just be prepared that she might show you some unsettling statistics on IQ, race and crime.
Sounds like you're a little racist yourself
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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VP123
Strange



Registered: 06/27/19
Posts: 1,341
Loc: Midwest
Last seen: 10 days, 1 hour
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: bloodsheen]
#26424521 - 01/09/20 12:09 PM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Dude, she's still your mom. Maybe not the perfect example of motherhood. Parents raise children and put limits on their behavior. As the children become adults and the parents age, the roles turn around. Certainly you are not going to put her in time out, but you no longer depend on her. Draw the line about what you don't want to hear. If she crosses it, walk away and tell her you'll come back when she stops that. You don't need to distance yourself from her forever, but you can leave her alone as many times as needed to make her understand that if she wants a relationship with you, she needs to show restrain. For the relationship to work, both of you have to feel comfortable around each other.
And as you noticed it was just a matter of time for people to get triggered here and come in support of your mom's ideas and behavior. Just mention mexicans and some people get triggered. Weird!
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mt cleverest
clevendafodil

Registered: 08/19/12
Posts: 2,348
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: bloodsheen]
#26424547 - 01/09/20 12:20 PM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Is it racist to laugh at black jokes?
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum



Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114]
#26424552 - 01/09/20 12:23 PM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Quote:
feldman114 said:
Quote:
spirit_shadow said: Does she still care about YOU? cos, I mean, Id rather have a racist mother than a narcissistic sociopathic one.....
Idk, I guess. It’s always been more about stuff I did that she can brag about with her stuck up friends.
Compared to most of my friends, my relationship with my mom is super fucked up, but I still cherish it. I just really hope I’ll remember all the good times and not the racist talk when...you know. I was an angry teenager growing up and left home on my 18th bday, but 20 years later - when all I have left for her is love and gratitude - she goes and gives me real reasons to stay away.
https://old.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: feldman114] 2
#26424569 - 01/09/20 12:29 PM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Live and let live comes to mind.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum



Registered: 03/16/17
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Re: So turns out my mom is a huge racist [Re: Thayendanegea]
#26424576 - 01/09/20 12:32 PM (4 years, 20 days ago) |
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Quote:
Thayendanegea said: Live and let live comes to mind.
Doesn't work too well if you come from an emotionally abusive household though.
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