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Staples
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3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression 2
#26417023 - 01/05/20 04:14 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have been an avid fan of psilocybin since 2013, however it was only three years ago that I began microdosing. It started as an experiment, just to see what would happen. What a ride it has been!
I grew up in a very cultish and emotionally oppressive fundamentalist Christian environment. As a result of spending a large part of my life in utter terror of the eternal flames of hell, not to mention the twisted and distorted version of “love” I received from my parents, I became deeply suicidal from my early teens onward. At its most extreme, I fell into a state of severe anhedonia (inability to experience pleasure). My color vision faded and I started to literally see the world tending towards greyness and darkness. (I actually found some research that confirmed that depressive states can cause the sufferer to see the world more darkly, with less color.)
In October 2016 I began microdosing and instantly noticed that my color vision was off the charts in terms of intensity and richness. I felt a new aliveness and emotional sensitivity that had been missing from my life for many years. Thoughts and phrases came to mind faster. I felt a new closeness and connection with people, a connection I had been missing. I developed a true lust for life, a simple experiential appreciation for being alive.
Psilocybin is not a magic bullet. I still have suicidal thoughts and can lapse into periods of deep darkness on occasion. But these lapses are less frequent and shorter in duration now. I’ve recently been putting energy into reviving my meditation practice and trying to be consistent every day with it. Microdosing and meditation are such excellent counterparts! Microdosing brings automatic depth and deeper awareness to my meditation practice. The combination of the two is a godsend.
I have never taken psychiatric medications so I can’t compare them to psilocybin. However, after three years of near-daily use, I have no negative side effects to report. Of course, you don’t want to overdo it, especially in a work setting. I typically take a microdose after work is done, right before I head out the door. Microdoses that are too large give me mild anxiety and sensory overstimulation. But as long as you are consistent and careful with your dosage, everything is great.
If you are thinking about microdosing, go for it! It has changed my life for the better and I am so glad I started.
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curious.psychonaut
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Staples]
#26417029 - 01/05/20 04:31 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thanks for sharing this. I'm considering micro-dosing as well. Could you perhaps give more detailed info on the doses/frequencies you tried and what worked best for you? Also what form (capsules, etc.) and what shroom?
-------------------- My LAGM2020 grow log
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DJ Ed
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Staples]
#26417031 - 01/05/20 04:34 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have never tried microdosing to treat my depression! I need to be security cleared for work so have always been nervous.
But I am finding great success from dosing every two weeks; I take approx 3.8g dry cubensis. I get a real trip, with a great after-glow for a week. The next week I am planning the follow up trip, so my mind is kept active.
I was treated with SSRIs for 7 years. They did save my life, but replaced suicidal thoughts with a complete inability to experience pleasure. For me I was existing and heading towards a death that couldn’t come soon enough.
So had to get off then SSRIs when I realised what my life had become.
I haven’t looked back.
A thought for you to consider though: by microdosing, are you not swapping an SSRI pill every day for life, with a psilocybin “pill” every day for life? I hate being reliant on medication: with type 1 diabetes I simply MUST take insulin everyday - that isn’t a real choice. But tripping every two weeks has scrubbed out my lowest lows, I have regained my “natural highs”, and I have the added bonus of an awesome tripping experience every two weeks......
Mush love fella, thank you for sharing, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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curious.psychonaut
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: DJ Ed]
#26417114 - 01/05/20 07:17 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: A thought for you to consider though: by microdosing, are you not swapping an SSRI pill every day for life, with a psilocybin “pill” every day for life? I hate being reliant on medication: with type 1 diabetes I simply MUST take insulin everyday - that isn’t a real choice. But tripping every two weeks has scrubbed out my lowest lows, I have regained my “natural highs”, and I have the added bonus of an awesome tripping experience every two weeks......
How is taking a large dose every two weeks less reliant on medication than taking smaller doses every day, resulting roughly equivalent intake?
Nobody likes being reliant on meds, but illnesses, including mental illnesses, sometimes leave us with no real choice (as you know first-hand). I've also tried anti-depressants for many years, several different classes, around 10 in total, all with doctor's prescription, some with nasty side-effects. I would happily accept taking them for the rest of my life, if they only helped me, but they don't. (Though I still recommend them as something to try to anyone who asks, because studies indicate that such multi-class treatment resistance is in the minority, if not exactly rare.)
But there's also an entirely unhelpful element in all of this: the stigma against taking meds for mental/brain issues (as opposed to "purely physical" ones, like chronic heart/kidney/pancreas issues). I think it plays a role in your reasoning.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happy you found something that works for you, while also getting some nice recreational use out of it. Your experience is just as valid and something to consider/try for anyone who can/would like to trip on a regular basis (1+ a month). But, while you acknowledge psilocybin helped your depression, it also seems you are somehow eager to frame your use as recreational. Maybe something fun that you would do for entertainment anyway, but it just so happens that it took care of your depression as well. "I'm not taking meds everyday"... Ok, if it helps you to think this way, but not ok when you extend it towards others to suggest that this regimen must be superior--that purported superiority is based on the stigma.
When you get to the point of seriously treating depression with psilocybin, what matters is what works, how well and how fast, not whether you get to trip often or whether you need to take daily or monthly. (It's obviously preferable if you can discontinue treatment at some point and stop being reliant, but that's not even the most critical consideration.) In that sense, every report of it working/not working is useful, but judging methods you haven't tried--not so much.
-------------------- My LAGM2020 grow log
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DJ Ed
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Thank you for your reply, curious.psychonaut, very well received. And you have made some very good points.
I’m not however (deliberately) trying to advocate that my regime is better, I was simply curious. It’s a thought I’ve had since starting my research to come off SSRIs a few years back. A recurring theme was to do with the large pharmaceutical companies who are not interested in psychedelics: they can’t patent psilocybin and the patent on LSD has long expired. They are more interested in chronic conditions that require a pill a day for life. If that makes more sense what I’m getting at?
Yes in honesty I do consider my current usage “recreational” but that has had the added benefit of alleviating my depression. Having returned to psychedelics after a 30 year hiatus, and now using them in a sensible setting, I am discovering so many aspects to these wonderful molecules that were never possible in my heady youth days. But I am now working up towas a Johns Hopkins style of trip with the sole intention of addressing the roots of my depression. The hope is that I can “solve my depression” and remain drug-free for life thereon. BUT I would continue to take regular-ish psychedlic trips.
So your initial comment; “How is taking a large dose every two weeks less reliant on medication than taking smaller doses everyday”. Well again it is no different. But for me I actually look forward to each dose every two weeks, because in general it is so uplifting, and dare I say, so fun.
I think why I was really trying to convey, but not very well, was asking OP to consider the fortnightly dose because you get a bigger experience; with microdosing, and I have never done it so please be aware of that fact, but surely you don’t get that same psychedelic headspace, and all those lovely effects, and the resulting after-glow?
Not trying to offend anyone, I’m not trying to advocate anybody copy me, and your comments were well thought out, so thank you for taking the time to write.
Mush love, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Socrateshroom
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: DJ Ed]
#26417653 - 01/05/20 02:26 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I’ve microdosed in the past and am doing it again (5 days on, 2 days off @ 0.2g dry cubes, powdered, average strength). It is like a “coffee” for true awareness instead of “energy”.
Many people drink coffee daily or even multiple times daily and we don’t bat an eye so I see no issues with microdosing. And I agree with you DJ Ed, that one must not get into the mindset of relying on a daily “magic pill” to fix their issues (this is why I microdose for a month then take a couple off). But I think if you use it as a tool, even if it is to get relief from your dread, it’s much better than pharmas or other vices.
It’s a weird subject when it comes to taking something daily but hordes of people drink coffee, eat overly salty/sugary foods, and binge TV everyday and we don’t take notice because it’s normalized. Some people rather exercise, microdose, meditate, etc daily and I think those are better habits than the former.
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Edited by Socrateshroom (01/05/20 02:26 PM)
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DJ Ed
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Socrateshroom]
#26417694 - 01/05/20 02:52 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Absolute fair point, Socrateshroom.
Mush love, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Staples
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Hello curious.psychonaut,
I don't weigh my doses anymore but in the early days I ranged from 0.1 to 0.3 grams. 0.3g was on the high side, it could be overwhelming and was not great for functioning and getting things done. My average dose today is 1/8 of a teaspoon, although at this point I just go by eye.
Capsules would definitely work but I haven't used them. I use a coffee grinder to powderize the mushrooms and then mix the powder with water and lemon juice in a shot glass to mask the taste. I tried taking it everyday just to see what would happen - the effects started to weaken after about 5 or 6 days of continuous use. So I always take at least one day off every week to reset my tolerance, sometimes two days off.
As far as strain, I have always used golden caps.
As per your second comment, I have strongly considered using SSRI's. I guess my main hesitancy is that if if I use SSRI's I shouldn't really be using psilocybin because of possible problems with serotonin syndrome...I would like to try them just to find out what they are like.
Psilocybin is a powerful tool but it is not a magic bullet. I use it in addition to trying to eat a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, meditation practice, etc etc.
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footpath
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Always awesome to hear of another person who these fungi friends have aided in life.
I've been µdosing for about a year now. All of it has been on non-PE varieties of cubensis.
It started with, for years prior, almost always taking 1 - 1.5g dose once a week, usually on the weekend. Occasionally a bit more, occasionally a lot more. So, I'd consider this period to be an uncontrolled pseudo-therapeutic method of dosing. It did improve my depressive/bipolar symptoms, but I still swung in and out of mania/depression when nearing the end of that cycle. So, let's say maybe 3 days of stability, 2 days of minor swings, and 1 day of drastic swings. Normally, unmedicated, my swings were probably most frequently in the minor range, sometimes stable, and less frequently extreme. I'd say once every quarter year or so I was in dire straits, ready to pull the plug. That period was often when I'd take heavy (10g+) doses. And that levels me out. Not always miraculously overnight, but it gives that new light on the world to help you appreciate things.
Then, about a year ago, I finally decided to try daily µdoses. I started with ~350mg. It was great as long as I was quite active. I work in graphics, so, as long as I was stimulated with work it would simply get me hyper-focused and give me a maintained stamina/energy and, most importantly, it really leveled out my manic/depressive swings... almost unbelievably so. But, if things were slow at work, I'd notice those minor hallucinogenic effects - vibrancy in sound and vision, being scatterbrained, and sometimes getting... jitters, I'd say. Kind of like the physiological aspects of minor anxiety without the psychological distress.
So I dropped down to ~250mg daily. That did me quite well for ~8 months. Same therapeutic advantages with less of the occasional (somewhat) undesired perceptive effects. I don't like anything I take daily to effect my body so much that I feel much different than plain old sober human me. Which leads me to where I am now. I also don't like to depend on anything but food, water, and shelter. Especially what goes into my body. I've always rejected medication for my bipolar disorder and it's a bit of a task to even get me to take cold medicine or advil. I cut my frequency of dosing to once every other day. It still gives me the therapeutic benefits and I'm half as dependent - sweet. However, I started to notice, to a lesser degree, some of those undesired perceptive effects if I wasn't actively engaged in something. It's very minor. But, as I said, I like to be as clear-minded as possible. So, my next step is reducing my dose to ~150mg every other day. I have high hopes.
Anyway, I've spent a year without actively wanting to kill myself. I still have a weird 'sense-of-will' approach to the end of my time in this life, but that's more so in the case of terminal illness or something of the like. It's conscious as opposed to chemically delusional.
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Staples
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: DJ Ed]
#26417767 - 01/05/20 03:23 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hello DJ Ed,
I'm sure the fortnightly dose would work too, I'm glad you have success with it. As you point out, that would give you a deeper experience than microdosing.
The main reason I microdose and haven't been doing a lot of large doses is because I have been suffering from a stomach ailment that makes ingesting large amounts of mushrooms extraordinarily physically painful. Entering hyperspace is difficult when your stomach feels like its being ripped apart with barbed wire and battery acid...
Microdosing does give you a psychedelic headspace, however slight. It's like the afterglow and only the afterglow effect from a normal trip.
My stomach is getting better so I'm looking forward to being able to do full-size trips as soon as I can.
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Staples
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: footpath]
#26417802 - 01/05/20 03:49 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hello ὕδωρχοίρος,
I am so glad for The Shroomery, I've been creeping around here since 2010 and I've learned so much I like the sense of community and opportunity to hear other people's experiences.
That's interesting to hear you say that microdosing leveled out your bipolar symptoms because just off the top of my head, my intuition would have been that microdosing might lead to increased mania. I guess there is still so much for me to learn
There is an effect of my microdosing I left out that I would like to mention, just so no one is surprised if this happens to them:
Flashes of buddhist-style insight randomly and repeatedly during the day are very common for me as a result of microdosing, especially when I am diligent with my meditation. It's been happening for years now. At first I found it scary and confusing but I developed an intellectual framework to understand what was happening, and at this point I'm used to it. So the fear is mostly gone now. I just wanted to let people know it's normal, you aren't going crazy. In practical terms, my felt sense of identity jumps around a lot. I often feel like I am outside of my body. Everything feels connected to me. Rather than feeling like a person walking through a room, I may feel like a room experiencing a person walking through it. I hope that makes sense to yall. Sometimes it feels like I am everything and nothing at the same time (yes I know that doesn't make literal sense).
I've been reading a lot of books to try to understand what's going on. So far the most helpful ones I've found are Waking Up by Sam Harris, The Science Of Enlightenment by Shinzen Young, and The Mind Illuminated by John Yates.
Anyways that is a whole other very long and involved discussion but if anyone has an idea of what I'm talking about, it would be my fellow Shroomerites.
Thank you
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DJ Ed
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Staples]
#26418646 - 01/06/20 01:15 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hi Staples,
Regarding your stomach issues, have you ever tried / considered drinking a mushroom tea, where you have strained and thrown away the used mushrooms before drinking? I rarely get any nausea doing this.
Take care, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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curious.psychonaut
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Staples]
#26418647 - 01/06/20 01:16 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Staples said: Flashes of buddhist-style insight randomly and repeatedly during the day are very common for me as a result of microdosing, especially when I am diligent with my meditation. It's been happening for years now. At first I found it scary and confusing but I developed an intellectual framework to understand what was happening, and at this point I'm used to it. So the fear is mostly gone now. I just wanted to let people know it's normal, you aren't going crazy. In practical terms, my felt sense of identity jumps around a lot. I often feel like I am outside of my body. Everything feels connected to me.
I had this on my second-ever trip last month (on a relatively low dose, too: tea from 35g fresh). I think I had what people here call total or near-total ego death. A sense of connection to everybody, a better understanding of everybody, a "whatever the universe is about, it is not you, and there is endless beauty in that fact" kind of vibe, a whole new "danceability" to the world, a total release from clinging.
If you ever tried a Goenka-style Vipassana meditation course, it felt a lot like what the last day, "Metta," should have felt like (but didn't for me). I actually think that meditation course prepared me for the experience and taught me many "non-intellectual" concepts that came in handy, even though at the time I was annoyed at the religiosity, pomposity, and nonsensical parts of the teachings (of which there are many, you just have to ignore them: part of it you don't understand yet, while another, larger part is just cultural baggage that you can safely discard, once you understand the concepts).
But that feeling wore off quickly in the coming days. I came to realize that, at least part of this all-encompassing love, was based on just momentarily forgetting simple facts about the world and my own past. I came to view the experience as adding another perspective but not really changing that much. I am still figuring it out and looking for a better understanding, but subsequent trips didn't help so far.
Quote:
Rather than feeling like a person walking through a room, I may feel like a room experiencing a person walking through it. I hope that makes sense to yall.
Lmao, let's see... On my last trip, two days ago, I spent a good amount of time contemplating what it means to be a bathroom, and more specifically, the bathroom in my flat. How the fan blows, etc. And then, suddenly, I *was* the bathroom. The fan *did* blow. And I thought about the ups and downs of life as a bathroom, which, let's face it, mostly come from earthquakes, of which, statistically, a bathroom will experience only one or two in its lifetime, so it may as well enjoy what it got. That seemed somehow relevant to my life as well. All in all, I thought it was quite nice being a bathroom, at least until I considered what comes in and out, which made me prefer to be human again, but not before I realized how much better connected to the neighbors my bathroom was. So yea, can relate .
-------------------- My LAGM2020 grow log
Edited by curious.psychonaut (01/06/20 01:28 AM)
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Staples
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: DJ Ed]
#26418684 - 01/06/20 02:35 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hi DJ Ed,
Thank you, that's a good suggestion. I have tried tea and a couple other variants. Unfortunately they are all quite brutal for me to digest. As a result it's been two full years since I have done any medium-to-high dose tripping
I acquired something known as Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome (CHS). In my case it resulted in constant and severe stomach pain, nausea, appetite loss, and severe weight loss. Many people blame CHS on pesticides, however, I have found roughly 10 independent personal accounts of people who say they grew their own herb without any pesticides and still got CHS. So I don't believe the pesticide explanation.
In my case the only thing that seems to help is long-term abstention. I tried using cannabis again after a 5-month break and got pretty severely sick after only 2 days of blazing. I loved pot but I can't use it anymore, and anyways TBH I was abusing it and taking it too far.
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DJ Ed
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Staples]
#26418695 - 01/06/20 02:50 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hey Staples, that’s terrible. I don’t know such a thing existed. Ignorant old me! I’m so ignorant, I knew nothing of the symptoms of diabetes....until I was diagnosed!
Don’t quote me on this because I’m terrible at memory and spelling, but I’ve heard the nausea and stomach distress is caused by “chittins” in the mushroom flesh, which serve as an irritant. That’s why it is so much less irritable when you drink from a tea.
I always do a “lemon Tek Tea”: soak broken up shrooms in lemon juice, pour over boiling water, simmmer gently 20 minutes, then strain out and throw away the cooked shrooms. I occasionally get slight nausea, but always get a full and intense trip .
But I reckon don’t give up just yet, pal. Do some searching on here. I know for example there’s a thread recommending lemon balm tea, which helps with come up anxiety. So I reckon there may be threads with advice on something to drink before the tea that will help the stomach.
I wish you good luck in your search, and for your future health.
Mush love, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Staples
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Hi curious.psychonaut,
Excellent, you can relate to these experiences then I knew I wasn't the only one, but it's nice to get confirmation.
I've tried attending a few Buddhist meetings but quit very fast. The information they presented was fine. However, as you mention, there was a lot of meaningless religiosity and silliness. Given my cult background I have zero-tolerance for groupthink and the dynamics of creepy closed-off religious groups. There is so much good information available in books and also on Youtube that there is really no need to attend physical meetings.
The meditative attitude is great for mushroom trips IMO, my personal favorite is the do-nothing technique.
Regarding your comments on ego death:
I can only speak from my own personal, limited experience. I was confused by this term "ego death" for quite a few years, despite tripping many times. Feeling connected to everything is certainly part of it. I also think the Buddhists have a point when they talk about the identification with the traditional experience of self dropping away. Two years ago I had a very powerful experience. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING became automatic. I somehow felt and experienced at a deep level that none of it was me. I was just pure awareness, empty, watching the show. Thoughts and actions still happened, as normal but *I* was not making my thoughts occur. They simply occurred, by themselves.
Anyways eventually the experience ended and today I'm back in more or less normal consciousness. But I still get glimpses of it and I want to go back
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Korean Jesus



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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Staples]
#26420110 - 01/06/20 09:47 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Great job man! Success stories like this are why mushrooms are still illegal. The pharmaceutical companies could not afford something that people don’t get addicted to becoming a mainstream treatment for depression
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curious.psychonaut
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: Korean Jesus]
#26420282 - 01/07/20 01:57 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Korean Jesus said: Great job man! Success stories like this are why mushrooms are still illegal. The pharmaceutical companies could not afford something that people don’t get addicted to becoming a mainstream treatment for depression
What an extraordinary claim! Do you have extraordinary evidence to back it up?
-------------------- My LAGM2020 grow log
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DJ Ed
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I’d tend to concur with KJ on this, curious! Part of my anger though against “taking a pill a day for,life” fuelled my determination to get off SSRIs. So in my case was a bonus, but yeah, why would they invest billions in researching a “new drug” that they can’t then cream profits from? They’re not a bunch of philanthropists, I don’t think. Bottom line, as I believe I n most large corporations, is the shareholders are the number one priority; even in companies that claim, “people are our greatest assest”.
Could be wrong, and would be happy to be corrected, but that’s my view.
Mush love, fella, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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curious.psychonaut
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Re: 3 Years Of Microdosing For Suicidal Depression [Re: DJ Ed]
#26420314 - 01/07/20 03:02 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
DJ Ed said: I’d tend to concur with KJ on this, curious! Part of my anger though against “taking a pill a day for,life” fuelled my determination to get off SSRIs. So in my case was a bonus, but yeah, why would they invest billions in researching a “new drug” that they can’t then cream profits from? They’re not a bunch of philanthropists, I don’t think. Bottom line, as I believe I n most large corporations, is the shareholders are the number one priority; even in companies that claim, “people are our greatest assest”.
Could be wrong, and would be happy to be corrected, but that’s my view.
Mush love, fella, DJ Ed
Suggesting Big Pharma might not be willing to invest billions into psilocybin research is different from accusing them of fielding an international lobbying apparatus to keep it illegal. One is a reasonable assumption one can make/not make for the same of argument. The other is a sensational conspiracy claim and the burden of proof is on the one making it, not on anyone else to prove it wrong.
-------------------- My LAGM2020 grow log
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