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 Blipstir Human    Registered: 05/05/14 Posts: 437 Loc: CO Mountains Last seen: 2 days, 16 hours |
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Set: I have done mushrooms several times in lower doses. The most I have consumed before this was 3.5 grams. I was starting to quickly realize these drugs are far more than just some recreational drug to catch a buzz from. Going in to this my mindset was I'm on an exploratory mission.
Dose: 50 grams of Freshly Picked Albino Penis Envy Psilocybin mushrooms. Age: 19 weight: 126 Lbs. Biological Gender: Male Setting: myself in my room, minimal noise and in complete darkness. I lived in 2 bedroom apartment with roommate and his girlfriend. Time of ingestion: 11:04 P.M. About 40 minutes after ingestion I smoked 3 bowls of cannabis and as the 3rd bowl started I felt this very slight tickle in my head and at the top of my spine. A feeling with suggestive themes that I would describe as a Cosmic Mycelium type Aura slowly drifting down from above, branching and wrapping it self around my body. I thought to myself, "alright here we go hang on tight." I was on the floor and almost unknowingly started saying things aloud like "be good to me" and "we can be friends" I suppose I was addressing that to the mushroom? I all of the sudden I sort of snapped back into myself with an intense focus. I realized I was beganning some sort of trance sate and was muttering things aloud. As the effects start getting stronger an energy started slowly creeping up and down all through my spine. Lying on the floor in my dark room, my legs were constantly moving and shifting, I couldn't sit still for the life of me. After crawling around the floor changing positions rapidly I thought to myself that I was losing my way or something, maybe just paying to much attention to the body-load and getting distracted. Eventually fed up, I got up and with one big sigh flopped onto my bed and was able to calm down a little bit. Some time passed while lying on my bed, then out of no where the thought of how whales communicate through song forcefully exploded into my brain completely capturing all of my attention and train of thought. A few moments later I felt a ball or lump in my stomach, This lump started to slowly roll up my throat into my mouth and if I opened my mouth I just somehow knew a very weird sounding language would spew from it. But my earlier thrashing around and talking aloud to myself startled my roommates quite a bit. So I was trying to hold back some of the happenings at this time. For some reason My roomate and his Girlfriend stopped the movie they were watching in living room, quickly turned off all the lights, sprinted into their room and quickly acted like they were sleeping once they heard me saying things to my self and moving about in my room. Their reaction initially freaked me the hell out but I realized I was already well on my way to somewhere that would require all my attention and I kind of just ignored and forgot about them. Originally they were not going to be present for this experience and were suppose to stay at my roommate's girlfriend's house. Time: 12:30-1:30 am Some more time has passed and Out of nowhere I felt a presence in the room, almost like a switch just got flipped powering down some sort of mental filter. It was a very strange mental red flag feeling knowing someone just joined me or made their presence known to me. I tilt my head to my right and there standing is a faint 7 - 8 foot tall person made of what looked like mist. It begins to slowly sway left and right walking towards my bed where I'm laying on my back. It very gently gets on top of me and begins Intercourse with me. As soon as that happened my whole body gets warm and a wave of this bliss and euphoria washes over me. I become completely calm and just as quick as the mist person was there, it was gone, but leaving me feeling calm, content, safe and the very intense body-load I was dealing with had completely vanished as well. Starring at the ceiling Feeling amazing and content I started to noticed my face was going numb. Then a very physical sensation that a helmet, like an astronaut helmet or an old style scuba-diver helmet was put onto my head and it was doing something with what I assumed to be my pineal gland. Weird yet pleasant physical sensations where being swirled around in what felt like a round container possibly the size of a shelled walnut in the center of my brain. At this point that energy in my spine from earlier was radiating furiously up and down, up and down, so much so it almost hurt. Then all of the sudden the energy bridged up through the top of my neck, connected to the base of my skull and it exploded out the crown of my head in what felt like a huge funnel shape that went up, out and around my body. This Funnel looked and felt like raining rainbow colors At that moment I was filled with this tremendous awe-inspiring feelings of spirituality and connectedness to the universe. Something I have never experienced or even knew was real for that fact. That was my first feeling or experience of something truly mystical. Suddenly this very monumental feeling, like a sheet or filter was ripped away revealing a whole other plane of reality or way of comprehension. It felt like It was kind of just behind the scenes of everyday reality. Everything that ever happened suddenly made sense in a "I know crazy amazing right?! sooo, now what are you going to do about this? " Kind of suggestive tone. Simultaneously what felt like a small blockage in my inner-ear that felt round in shape, became dislodged. I could hear and feel it become uncork. This sweet, heavenly or divine tasting nectar flowed down and drained into my throat through my ear-sinus passage and cleared away the blockage that just became dislodged. I don't know how to discribe a taste like that, It's like a deep golden nectar that has the essence something etheral and yet familar, more familar than any childhood feelings and memories. If you were to imgaine a source of just pure nuturing, healing, life giving essence, then try to imagine the taste of that condensed into a nectar. Even now the memory of that flavor is there as soild as ever but is simultaneously and paradoxically beyond my capability to imagine. Some more time passed and eventually out of nowhere a Gigantic wheel/tire shaped object appeared floating in front of me. This vision brought a wave of different meanings or information with it. It had this aura kind of like it has always been floating there forever. In the weirdest way It suggested or downloaded this idea that earth is like a young fresh planet in a real old place. Witch made me want to start cheering like somehow our planet pulled it off and was able to incarnate and wiggle it's way into existence. I felt I had to calm myself for my roommates sake again. There was also a very strong theme of extremely advanced technology and ancient Civilizations at this point. I found these things very strange because of how Instinctual or obvious these feelings or suggestions were, like this information or these ideas were being downloaded into me. This wheel shaped object, Instead of being rounded and flattened out where tread would be on a regular car tire, it came to meet at a point. I thought it was made of an exotic metal not naturally found on earth. It had 6 to 8 engraved lines equally spaced going down/around the wheel. They all had their own color and the colors were something like green, blue, brown, yellow, purple, I can't remember them all. I kind of thought or felt, that it represented all the types of life or something? it felt like the lines represented something like insects, mammals, reptilians, plants, fungi etc. But human or ape maybe? Had their own engraved line on the far right, it's color was the exact shade of my skin and it was the only line that had a big kink about 45 degrees going off this wheel. Now as soon as I realized these things, the wheel vanished. Soon after, all of the sudden I felt like I was moving very fast and I realized I was zooming down a very large double helix, backwards. Eventually I came to the end and slowly 1-80ed off it like a skateboard ramp to a small distance away and observed the whole DNA structure floating there in front of me. I unknowingly and instinctively whispered aloud, "was that me?" and then it vanished. Very soon after that a stereo-typical airlock decompress noise sounded with a very psychical sensation of a helmet being taken off my head. At the same time the flow of that rich, Divine nectar flowing down the back of my throat was suddenly caught off and I gasped as if I wasn't breathing for a while, although my breath patterns may have been extremely unique at the time, I was just fine. I realized then I had to pee all the sudden but I thought I was dead. I questioned myself "well if I'm dead, then why would I have to get up to go to the bathroom?" well luckily I changed my mind and said out loud "wait, just in case." On the walk to the bathroom my whole body was in a violent storm of trembles. Trembling everywhere in my body, every single muscle and nerve ending was just going haywire I was able to kind of bounce-walk over to the bathroom. (It was winter in Wisconsin and below zero. Looking back now part of these trembles I think was my body unable to regulate it's temperature properly, I also have had multiply friends report some adverese effects from wet / undryed mushrooms such as random twiches or even fainting) In the Bathroom I was looking in the mirror laughing and giggling to my self as I resembled an alien! I'm skinny but toned, pasty white, and was bloated as fuck from the mushrooms with giant saucer eyes, I looked like an alien and was astounded! (specifically a Small Gray species as you see in sci-fi movies or literature). Out of no where my arms started picking up stuff on the sink counter in front of me, putting it back down and shuffling stuff around really REALLY fast by themselves without my will doing so for about 6 to 10 seconds. A pleasant feeling radiated up and down through them while this happened. All I could do is stand there and laugh and giggle at my appendages. After my arms stopped, something caught my eye in the bottom corner of the bathroom floor. My vision zoomed out of my head and in very close to where my focus was, with a sudden EXTREAMLY high spike in visual clarity. My body felt like it got pulled back at the same time and I fell down. I left the bathroom and got side-tracked on the way back to my room. I find my self proceeding into the living room and for some odd reason I try to start watching TV. It was straight up bejeweled patterned jewels on the screen. Red and orange circles and squares, purple and blue diamonds, green triangles equally spaced. So I slinked up on to the couch and thought I was watching TV but after the jewels didn't do anything for what at the time felt like 5 minutes, I said aloud "wait..." And they then faded fast. I retreated back into my room and back onto my bed. The trembling came back again but also that's when the music started. laying on my back in bed, It was like a rhythmic machinery trance style of music in the upper left corner of my vision. A slightly different softer trance style in the bottom left corner of my vision and in the far right part of my vision was playing some speedy high pitched laser style trance music. Every time I would look in the direction of where the music was coming from, a single word used as an umbrella term would accompany the shift in vision. It felt like my brain was recreating/rewiring/reeginerring This was by far the most profound, terrifying, inspiring and transformative experience I have had in my life yet. My 19 year old self truly had no idea what He was getting himself into that night. ================================ 4 years have passed from when this has taken place. I was only 19 at the time and in my infancy of experimenting with hallucinogens, and still am. But I did have a high respect for these psychedelic substances and had an honest approach trying to understand and use them as the powerful tools that they can be. This experience has shaken the foundation of all my realities to it's core. In a certain sense everything about me died besides my physical body and was built back up. In many ways this experience was positive and some ways it was negative. Let's start with the negative. 1.) Being 19 I was kind of fresh out of high school and my view on the world was terrible. I was all like "MAN! I'm just a fucking slave to the rich 1%!" " The world is being destroyed by us dumb fucking monkeys!" "wake the fuck up you stupid sheeple!" "this system is built to keep me dumb and poor and a corporate slave!" that type of mentality and all the self defeating mental patterning and clutter that comes with it. Even though these are all true things, I understood that I needed to not let that mentality rule my life because I would only remain part of the "death culture." I was spun off into a 2-3 year depression trying to get over that hurdle. 2.) The first year of the Integrating process for this experience was probably detrimental to my social life. I feel many people thought I "finally went off the deep end." 3.) I had to cut ties with a lot of people and isolated myself which made people worry about me. Many of the people I cut ties with turned out to be for the best anyway. I kept in touch with my 4 best friends. Now for the Positive changes. 1.) I was shown this sacred connection between the human species and the universe and how infinite this ride we call existence really is, nothing is good or bad, right or wrong, it just is. I feel I was able to form a new unique sense of camaraderie with my fellow humans after the 3 years of integration and mediation. It almost gave me a point of reference on how to see the mystical side to life that is so hidden in our everyday operations 2.) What that shadow / mist entity showed me was I was in continuous state of hyper or toxic-masculinity. I was afraid to truly confront my feelings and questions about sexuality and gender. That experience somehow balanced the Masculine and Feminine energies within me for a while. The results of this have helped me grow tremendously mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This has been the longest, hardest and yet most rewarding things that came about from this experiance. This opened up so many new channels and pathways of inner and outer and self expression that I couldn't access before. EDIT: To word this more, This entity jump-started something in me that let me began to try to unravel all the harm and trauma that came about from growing in a culture of Church and toxic masculinity. Like there was some sickly or mutated psychic mass, and that sickly mass was removed or basiaclly destroyed which resulted in a opening of this amzaing new channel or connection of my being, instantly. What began to come through this freshly opened channel was an entire part of my self I became cut off from at an early age. This part expressed itself as this emotionally intelligent, accepting and loving, feminine and compassionate or empathetic type energy. 3.) It was like my brain hit the reset button or something. I felt I had a blank slate or all my mental patterning had been stopped and were ready for reprogramming. 4.) As an artist this experience gave me an extremely Archaic, Galactic, Divine, Alien yet familiar type slice of inspiration that may not be as strong years later, but is still there. I have been able to appreciate my own art more as well and not feel like a total creative failure. 5.) In order to integrate this experience properly, gracefully and as healthy as possible I was forced to heavily encompass myself in meditation. My channels for this are Drawing, Painting, poetry, and classic sensory deprivation and breathing. Doing so help forced me onto long-term paths of healthy decision making, which is still a day to day struggle. Edited by Blipstir (05/22/20 06:40 PM)
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 Thayendanegea quiet walker    Registered: 02/20/12 Posts: 7,600 Loc: 7 Lodges Nation 
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That was a good read, thanks for sharing. These entheogens certainly have some transformative qualities.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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Beel-Zebub Stranger Registered: 08/12/14 Posts: 51 Last seen: 5 years, 8 months |
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So basically this trip worked the way 'Soma' does in Brave New World. Your angry resentment of the state of our society was feminized as you said, and you instead learned to be happy with chewing the cud because "negative thought-patterns" (which you say are actually conforming with reality) weren't getting you anywhere.
This is a sad case for the hypothesis that psychedelics are used for hypersuggestive mindcontrol. You should really rethink the Crowleyian rhetoric of Do What Thou Willt that manifested in your trip. There is wrong and there is right. The report was well-writ and I applaud your detailed memory. 4/5
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Blipstir Human Registered: 05/05/14 Posts: 437 Loc: CO Mountains Last seen: 2 days, 16 hours |
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I have not yet read Brave New World but I have heard the title quite a bit. I can understand what you mean Beel-Zebub, but don't get me wrong here. There is still a vast amount of unrest with in me when it comes to our current collective state of being. I think all culture is kind of a trap. I feel getting too familiar and too use-to a certain mode of operations is hindering to human development from an individual stand point and most certainly at the collective stand point.
This experience wasn't an act or process of submission and acceptance to all the cultural mind control and conditioning. It was more a reformative or even a metamorphoses type process that is still unfolding today. The way I was coping and dealing with humanity's path of self-destruction before this mushroom experience was basically just following that trend of numbing and destroying my own self while bringing others down with me. I was becoming exactly what They want the masses to become, a silent consumer. I was smoking 3 grams of Cannabis a day to stay always high. When I wasn't at work I would be partying. I was drowning myself in this whirlpool of negative mental patterning and blaming the current state of the world for why I was like that. I had no productive / healthy outlets and no self disciplining practices. I had my art, but all the self-defeating jazz was getting in the way of it and I was basically unable to produce anything for a long time. When I say Quote:I understand that's a very questionable statement. I feel Many people would see that and think well that means I can do anything and who ever gets trampled on in the process, well then fuck-em. I'll try my best to clarify this but It's going to be hard. Most humans will agree that bullying people is wrong, tearing someone down emotionally because the bully can't cope with his own internal conflicts is not acceptable. Obviously many people will agree killing another human being for these same reasons is not acceptable. Many humans will agree Beating the shit out of a cat for thrills is wrong and not acceptable. I just use these as rough examples. Many people will agree that extending your time and empathy to someone and helping navigate them through their trauma in order to obtain healing is a good thing. Many people will agree that giving food to the starving is a good thing. Many people will agree that taking care of yourself a good thing. But these are things that have been decided for humans, by humans. Does a jaguar feel bad or remorse for taking the life of a Deer that the jaguar is going to eat? Does that act of taking a deer's life make the jaguar a merciless rotten assassin compared to herbivores of the forest community? maybe, maybe not. who's really to say? But the things that seem so obviously right and wrong to humans are still human formed concepts. I'm not going to advocate for war or withholding medical cures as population control. I'm not going to act like it's okay to hate a whole group of people based on their skin color, gender, beliefs etc. Does that make me a good person? maybe, maybe not. Edited by Blipstir (01/07/18 06:11 PM)
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heatlessbbq LSD Groundhog  Registered: 12/04/15 Posts: 1,448 Loc: United Kingdom Last seen: 4 years, 7 months |
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 Quite a read and journey there, Mate? Very impressed with the layout and nature of Your report. This has given Me the hankering for the mushies. -------------------- LSD Dosage Effects - Tolerance - FULL Version - Bluelight.org    SSRis + Psychedelics
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DJ Ed Mushroom Engineer Registered: 09/04/16 Posts: 2,326 Loc: UK 
Last seen: 17 days, 4 hours |
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Thank you for sharing and bumping, Blipstir.
Wonderfully written, and very thought-provoking. I had a “way-too-strong” Liberty Cap experience 30+ years ago that I’m still trying to integrate. I can draw certain similarities with your trip 4 years ago. Though I do believe i ”went further”. Some thoughts I got from Aldebaran would suggest I went to a void beyond god, Satan, and the universe! Still got loads of reading to do to help try and understand this. I have an inner worry that if I do find out the truth, it will scare me even more than I have been all these years; if anything, mushrooms taught me we don’t physically die, but potentially we go to an “after-life” that is not what you’d expect from the various scriptures (white light, love etc - no, darkness, cold, and loneliness!) And the more I read about Penis Envy / Albino Penis Envy, the more I want to grow some ✊🏻 Mush love, DJ Ed -------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna   
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