Watching Mooji's (an Advaita-zen-christian-hell-knows-what-else spiritual teacher) videos prior to trip often gave me profound spiritually-flavored experiences. So I decided to try watching one right during the trip.
It started cool, I was meditating, watching some satsang with Mooji and enjoying mild caffeine withdrawal which is a somewhat heavy state, but at the same time very relaxed and calm. I mean, it may feel unpleasant in regular life when you're trying to keep up, but it works wonders in trips, at least for me.
So, at first Mooji was enlightening as always, but after some time I couldn't help but notice how disgustingly perfect everything was in that video. His voice, his facial expressions, and especially the color scheme. It wasn't a teacher before me, not even a real person, but a mere commercial product, a good performer playing a role, repeating the same empty nostalgic shit over and over. I tried switching to another video, which was in ASMR genre (ear massage sounds). Simple, pleasant, true, tingly... But the disappointment remained, it grew quickly and unlocked deeper feelings in me. I turned off my laptop and fell on bed. I thought: "What am I doing? My dog died a week ago, he'd been my friend for 16 years, and I'm like 'eh, he was old already', and now I took mushrooms and I'm just trying to feel as much pleasure as possible, as if it's all that matters? Fuck it. I don't have to be like that, I don't want to be like that, I don't want to be happy, I need to mourn".
Then I cried and crawled for about an hour, feeling how every warm memory about my dog transforms into pure pain tearing my heart inside out. I mean, really crying when it's almost like you pee yourself, but through face. It's weird how feeling such strong suffering brings relief whereas being ok turns out to be a burden. My favorite thing about mushrooms is how they allow people cry, and how they confuse us so much that we lose our ability to lie or hide things, and thus crazy illusions reveal deeper truth. I really missed this kind of trips in my life.
After crying there was the best comedown and afterglow in my life. You know, when you're 'pleasantly dead', humbly listening to the music of your own existence, and there is absolutely nothing to add or remove, life's just perfect as it is. And that's when I had a beer which finally delivered my caffeine-withdrawal headache.
So that's pretty much it, happy new year and stuff.
P.S. Mooji is still a great guy teaching beautiful things, and it's totally fine to be famous, rich and spiritual at the same time. I just described my experience.
-------------------- You gave me a wonderful, wonderful world, And you gave me eyes to see it, And you gave me LSD to open them.
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Your post has made me cry brother
There is no greater love than that you get from either your mother or your dog.
After 5 months of getting SSRIs out of my system, I had my first real trip in over 30 years. It was from 7.5g dried liberty caps ; Psilocybe semilanceata. The next day, a very physically difficult dog walk, one of my two labradors ran in to a buried Victorian iron railing while bringing his ball up the valley side. He yelped, I had to help him up the valley side not knowing yet what had happened, I thought he’d hurt and / or cut his paw. At the top of the valley, the blood then started to spurt rhythmically out of his chest. He soon laid down on his side, I cradled him in my arms, then his eyes rolled back as he passed away.
I have never been so traumatised; even when I heard my 10 month old daughter had suffocated in her sleep back in 1999.
You can never replace the love of a true best friend. Dogs love unconditionally. This next joke gets the point across about how dogs love us unconditionally so please don’t take it in the wrong Way: if you want to find out who loves you more, your best friend or your dog, lock them in the boot of your car for an hour and see who is most pleased to see you when you let them out!
I miss Lewis everyday. Sometimes when I walk past where he died, with my current dogs Skye and Max, I start to cry. I miss him so much. But I feel privileged that I was the one that got to bring him up,, and give him true happiness and love before he died.
I feel so emotional, kyu, after reading and replying to your post.
I hope you find another faithful companion, and a happy new year.
DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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