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OfflineMitchnast
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A little late night nihilism * 1
    #26405620 - 12/29/19 02:34 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

It's the holidays, and so I am not working, which means I go to bed with mental energy and do not sleep,  I play with my phone, scrolling, Mah-Jong, just trying to absorb the conciousness,  feeling hypocritical as I once stayed up creating art, writing, creating. And thought the people on their phones to be crazy. Well maybe I diddnt do so well at all that, but allow me to ramble.

I have tried to stay true to myself, to never become a different person in my heart than the person I portray, understanding all distinctions among men to be transient facades.
I have tried not to give into malice, or to be a slanderer, to judge with careful consideration, to patiently bide storms of hostile intent from my detractors, and providence has rewarded me with the dawn of peace and redemption.  But it is never the spring again, and the heart grows afraid of shadows,  my memories fade, and horror takes their place, I no longer regret failures, for I have the triumphs that happened in spite to light the world, yet, I know more every day, I will be robbed of them, inexorably.

I'm not bothered that I am not rich, nor even really ahead.  I deign not to partake in the golden splendor of an arrival in the halcyon years of happy reflection, or even some hereafter. There is no goal in this.  I have tried to make my mind known, yearned to feel one with the hearts of humanity. And now as I stand in the now, as myself, the product of my careful code, I am less able to connect, stirred by disappointments in society, saddened by the disconnect that I know, if rectified, would foster only a desperate grief in sympathy.

Things do not confuse me,  I do not have doubts about politics or reality. It is all very easy for me, very interconnected.  Information fills blanks in the shape of the picture to form the picture, I don't draw the design, I only trace it.  I know when people are wrong, I know why, and how. It hurts my heart to see the pattern marred by scribbles of madness, all the hands tracing the same madness with different colors, to force the picture to change.  When you engage in escapism, either passive or active, a very important element is lost to all, and I believe you're foolish to think otherwise.  I think myself foolish sometimes that I think I resist, but when I look to the pattern, I see it with the same dull disinterest as one who would veil it with the purple cloth of vice.  And what virtue I might hold in my little sac of blessings turns to rain, that drips into boots, swells the carpentry, chills the body, cultivates mold, and leaves a heavy ruin where once light hoped to shine.

What really makes this troubling, is that it can only get worse. There is no trick, no treatment.  Time goes one way, to the end, making the impermanent, permanently so.

I began seeking light, love, grace, truth.  Divine and pure principles, that when combined, form something too great and terrifying to have and lose.
Time rolls on, with greater gravity, leaving the earth behind.

I have stood in the presence of such art, known wonders, travelled the road, seen the tree, the serpent, the source, been on my knees, followed the signs, came out the better. Time goes on and the picture decays, little old me will be ground into dust beneath it without mercy.  For even the magic, is part of the earth.  Memory and all,  the energy will spread, but life is the quality that resists entropy, a struggle for which it sacrifices all its children. from it's very conception.  From the first eukaryotic cells, each generation a sacrifice to the next, every human male, a space colony of mitochondria that will be destroyed and never share its lineage, just to support a haploid spark to build another ship in the womb of the colony of creation, never even aware.  All eukaryotic life is the dominion of the mitochondria, in the same way technology society and the spirit are the dominion of man.  You are right to think the spirit returns to God.  But are you really thinking that nothing is lost?  I require such humility to exist and yet feel unworthy of it.
Because I am so selfish as to wish it completely different.  Sometimes I feel rage, like a restless passion.  A promise of pleasure in the form of a clenched fist taking flight.  For however mighty the tree grows, it grows crooked for however meekly the snake winds about it.  The meek shall inherit.


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Offlinemitchell_danger
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Mitchnast]
    #26405660 - 12/29/19 03:36 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

You cab only make life what you make it. Your subjective experience is only what you make it out to be.

I feel that it is fucked, personally, but my outlook depends entirely on my perspective. There's good and bad. Existentialism admits both perspectives and fundamentally relies on a person's perspective.

If it is good or bad, know that it is validated. The question is whether or not you validate what you are feeling.


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OfflineMorel Guy
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: mitchell_danger]
    #26405683 - 12/29/19 04:37 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

The very air can catch fire.  Seeing the room become alive.

I day dreamed that the middle east statues are actually aliens.


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"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Morel Guy] * 1
    #26405719 - 12/29/19 05:32 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I shared that mood for a while last night, shiftlessly, but then put my attention on my breath,
"beginning, middle, end" - out breath - "beginning, middle, end" (in breath)
and space and time expanded thrillingly.
it is not always like that, but if I never did zazen, I would not have pierced the nihilistic bubble so splendidly for myself.


--------------------
:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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OfflineLoaded Shaman
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26408693 - 12/31/19 02:09 AM (4 years, 29 days ago)

Does late night nihilism change once morning arrives, or is it just nihilism regardless of the hour? :cool:


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"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius


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Invisiblelaughingdog
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Mitchnast]
    #26414652 - 01/03/20 04:06 PM (4 years, 26 days ago)

perhaps all you say is true...
then again viewpoint, may make a difference.
Regardless of whether Casteneda's writings are fiction or not, there are some gems among the quotations, that may apply here, who knows? you may find some you like?

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=casteneda+carlos%2C+quotes&ia=web

https://www.azquotes.com/author/2613-Carlos_Castaneda

etc.


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OfflineKickleM
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Mitchnast]
    #26445946 - 01/22/20 09:36 AM (4 years, 7 days ago)

Huh. Nice writing. I enjoyed reading it :thumbup: Haven't seen you around this forum before but I hope you will post more. I think you have some interesting insights to offer the crowd here.

Information fills blanks in the shape of the picture to form the picture, I don't draw the design, I only trace it.

I do wonder what has resulted in this conclusion though? Futility is IMO one of the worst feelings. But before even trying to discuss I'd like to get more specific and less broad. Can you help with that?


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain


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Offlinesideroxylon
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Kickle] * 1
    #26451491 - 01/25/20 09:18 AM (4 years, 4 days ago)

Nihilism is philosophically useless.


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OfflineKickleM
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: sideroxylon]
    #26451594 - 01/25/20 10:16 AM (4 years, 4 days ago)

How so?


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Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction?
Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain


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Offlinesideroxylon
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Kickle]
    #26451672 - 01/25/20 11:08 AM (4 years, 4 days ago)

It signals the end, not a beginning.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: sideroxylon]
    #26451694 - 01/25/20 11:23 AM (4 years, 4 days ago)

Nihilism begins in denial, then accumulates evidence of validity.
Positivity begins in confidence which slowly crumbles.

I like a more neutral beginning.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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InvisibleRahz
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: Mitchnast]
    #26451701 - 01/25/20 11:30 AM (4 years, 4 days ago)

Quote:

What really makes this troubling, is that it can only get worse. There is no trick, no treatment.  Time goes one way, to the end, making the impermanent, permanently so.




Part of the issue is the brain/mind trying to solve a problem with no solution. It only get's worse if you hold onto the need to solve that problem. Many things in life have solutions and the brain's default path is that problems have solutions. There's also an ability to let a problem go. It's not easy when one believes there may be a solution. No one want's to be defeated. But if you have explored all avenues and can see there's no reasonable solution, it can become easy because in actuality a problem without a solution isn't a problem.

There may still be anxiety over death and other things which are out of one's control, but you don't have to give it the attention you would as if it were still a problem. Letting go of the need to solve a problem can be much like breaking up with a SO. You know it's for the best but it's still uncomfortable. With time you eventually you feel good about the decision.

Maybe you were just voicing thoughts, but I thought it was worth pointing out that it's a fault to believe it can only get worse. Regarding the last few sentences, that's also a problem with no solution. You don't need a reason to deserve being happy or humble. These are baseline things that can only be disturbed by thoughts, not made by them.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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Offlinesideroxylon
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: redgreenvines]
    #26451799 - 01/25/20 12:39 PM (4 years, 4 days ago)

Quote:

redgreenvines said:
Nihilism begins in denial, then accumulates evidence of validity.
Positivity begins in confidence which slowly crumbles.

I like a more neutral beginning.




Look up LOGOMACHY.


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Invisibleredgreenvines
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Re: A little late night nihilism [Re: sideroxylon]
    #26452677 - 01/25/20 10:23 PM (4 years, 3 days ago)

through logomachy I could have a musical experience, but I  would miss how beginnings and ends of a journey are different, and I think the way opposites work is interesting.


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:confused: _ :brainfart:🧠  _ :finger:


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