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r00tcmplx
Stranger

Registered: 02/19/18
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: laughingdog]
#26416835 - 01/04/20 11:05 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
laughingdog said: Some people are naturally friendly. And they often had a happy childhood. They expect to be liked and others pick up on it. Others had a miserable childhood, much of the time, and they no longer expect to be liked, just for themselves, and others pick up on it.
Just calling this complex phenomenon 'anxiety', & thinking its simple, and that 'the cure' is also simple, seems to miss the mark.
Abuse is not a joke. Unfortunately one demonstration of this maybe the mass shootings.
Not everything can be explained by arm chair psychology. Not everything traces to some foolishness from someone's childhood. Happiness is a state of mind. People can be brought up in the 'happiest' childhood and be a crazy nutbag.. Actually, if you look closely that's been a number of people who were... People don't end up wound to tight when not exposed to a diverse range of experiences/people/environments..
Giving someone a silver-spoon is just as bad as abusing them. Actually, it is abuse. As you become an adult, you take control over your life. Time to stop explaining shit through your childhood and grow the fuck up.
Ultimately, a lot more people in the west have this problem because there is so much babying and a lack of accountability. There's always an 'excuse' for being shitty or doing shitty thing and its always someone else. Nah, its you choosing to be who you are daily.
I was bullied and picked on. What I learned was that the people who do it are low iq, low confidence, shitbag, losers. Why let such people get to me? They're nobodies and losers. So I learned to let it go. I even at some point counseled some once they no longer could 'beat me up physically' and i beat some of their asses... why? because they were the ones in a dark place projecting it on others. But in general, this is the world and society which is why sufficiently good people have anxieties about it. Being a good person in life isn't easy because so many people aren't.
And stop making excuses... Be accountable and find the inner happiness and peace. Nobody owes you it. If someone did something fucked up to you in your past, learn from it and grow. You're still here and alive right?
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Muh happy childhood !!!
No offense but this is an ethnic meme from a group of people whose fucked up kids often do the wild and depraved things in the world. You want your kid to have a good chance of being a good person? Give them a real upbringing, expose them to different culture, people, talk with them, spend time with them, love them.. etc. Few people actually do this especially in modern times which is why you have so many drugged up tatt'd up degenerates running around in their crucial development years trying to find themselves. Everybody's busy chasing the all might dollar and 'social progress' as opposed to realizing that's not happiness nor life. You want to live life? Be good and normal? Make sacrifices.. have empathy.. devote your time to something that doesn't benefit you.. Give instead of take. talk to your neighbors. do introspection. Think before you talk. Be willing to change. Be open minded. That's the antithesis of modern happiness.
Kids don't even have a childhood anymore in this society..


And that's thank to few adults. Clown world man

sick world and sick societies lead to damaged kids. parent's don't raise kids anymore.. society/media/internet does.
So i restate, what sensible aware person wouldn't have an anxiety towards this. To a kid with such an awareness they must think they're in hell

Eventually they learn, a lot of people are and its best to avoid them. Anxiety goes away then. It's that simple.
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Loaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist



Registered: 03/02/15
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26416941 - 01/05/20 01:56 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Jesus Root, I love you and your posts dude but please tell me you're not wasting all your daily brain power HERE vs writing a book on this shit!
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  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26417258 - 01/05/20 09:57 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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how is this Quote:
So, not trying to put myself on a pedestal.. I'm a nobody and a piece of shit I remind myself to stay humble. However, nah man.. this world especially in modern times is socially/societally fucked and it aint normal/healthy. All of the links I provided point to this. Introverts/aware people see this plainly.. extroverts who are always bullshitting and filling the air with their commentary rarely do. So, guess who thrives in this shitty environment and guess who has aversions to the status quo? Guess who often has anything of true value to offer? Who does and why one is drained while the other is not. Give and take...
different from this
Quote:
Take the party example I gave you.. prior me would have been having a panic attack.. Instead, I knew this @#!* was up to and decided to troll the shit out of her. I essentially learned how to spin the negative bullshit back on people and watch them melt.. That was young me though.. I've learned it is better for me and them to just avoid it all together.
does it mean you are no longer young and easily threatened, or does it mean that you are threatening and no longer young? is it about extraverts and introverts, are you one and not another, on a pedestal or humble? you offer so many angles in a single (albeit lengthy) post that I am having difficulty following.
I would tend to agree that writing a book, integrating your links and summarized Eureka's will be an excellent exercise, and a good opportunity to present a unified theory outside of the context of defensive small talk waste. (if you think it is a waste, which I am not sure it is or even if you think it is).
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r00tcmplx
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: Loaded Shaman] 1
#26417295 - 01/05/20 10:28 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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redgreenvines said: does it mean you are no longer young and easily threatened,
When you're young and haven't learned how to navigate away from the things that trigger social anxiety or deal with them constructively, you have 'social anxiety'. As you get older and find solutions you just have aversions and knowledge of what are shitty people and shitty exchanges and avoid them and/or while being present in one, know how to mitigate it.
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redgreenvines said: is it about extraverts and introverts, are you one and not another,
I'm moreso an introvert. I feel that extroversion is bullshit thus understanding it can do it on command but prefer not to. I have social aversions. Social interaction can drain me even if I remain in it passively because unlike others I am able to see in detail the intent and heart of people conversing. So, I often abstain. I can put on a show of extroversion but I still am drain as I introspect as to the nature of my own heart and others actively in exchanges.
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redgreenvines said: on a pedestal or humble?
I am humble and I humble others. I am above no one and no one is above me. World is flat. I don't put anyone on a pedestal including myself. This isn't as easy a concept as it appears.
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redgreenvines said: you offer so many angles in a single (albeit lengthy) post that I am having difficulty following.
Thus is the nature and state of a flat perspective in which one removes themselves from it.
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redgreenvines said: I would tend to agree that writing a book, integrating your links and summarized Eureka's will be an excellent exercise, and a good opportunity to present a unified theory outside of the context of defensive small talk waste. (if you think it is a waste, which I am not sure it is or even if you think it is).
People have told me this several times in different capacities... Why is this? If it is fruitful, aren't you appreciative of this. What is this reaction that makes you say : "Send it wider?"
Hmmm and here too :
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Loaded Shaman said: Jesus Root, I love you and your posts dude but please tell me you're not wasting all your daily brain power HERE vs writing a book on this shit! 
Explain this to me and why this comes to your mind. What does writing a book achieve? Or trying to go more mainstream/push a range of my thinking into the world more deeply do? Won't this remove my ability to speak more freely and take the heat off the message? Who would be my audience except for the very people who my commentary would indict? If I go to a broader audience won't the chance heavily increase that the message gets out of control? That people will want to know 'who' the author is? Wouldn't this be bad for me? I dunno provide your thoughts on this. What makes you jump to a feeling of : Write a book... What's the more drawn out thinking behind this? I appreciate it.
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Ferdinando


Registered: 11/15/09
Posts: 3,664
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26417364 - 01/05/20 10:58 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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to be humble is to succeed
to be good and compassionate is to
advance one's bodhi-mind
we need to save it/make it finer
by realizing the folly and negative detracting of destruction and being mean
with simple things
taking care of the garden and practicing being kind
when will the whole world know that it is always like being on lsd!
adjust your expectation to finer pushing people in a good way
-------------------- with our love with our love we could save the world
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r00tcmplx
Stranger

Registered: 02/19/18
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: Ferdinando]
#26417395 - 01/05/20 11:15 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
Ferdinando said: to be humble is to succeed
to be good and compassionate is to
advance one's bodhi-mind
we need to save it/make it finer
by realizing the folly and negative detracting of destruction and being mean
with simple things
taking care of the garden and practicing being kind
when will the whole world know that it is always like being on lsd!
adjust your expectation to finer pushing people in a good way
The infinite is composed of both good and bad and all such things in a lattice. The whole world should never know what it is like being on LSD less you want to bring to bear an amplified portion of both good and bad. Many don't know the true nature of their creation or this universe mainly because they don't bother themselves to know it. You can't take a pill to know/understand this. You can to get a 'window into it' and sometimes that can be dangerous.
You speak from a more enlightened understanding which is valid for your current state and if a person sufferings along the path towards it but it most certaintly doesn't scale to those who don't. After one passes through the stage of utopic/positive/nervana enlightenment, they are prepared and ready for the next stage which exposes the more chaotic and raw nature of creation and the comsos. In this state, "good" and "bad" exist equally as do a number of things. They can be composed into things and thus is the nature of 'creation'.
One strives and wants to be surrounded by good but recognizes the purpose and place of bad. Nothing is simple. Tis a bad/evil thing to suggest this to a person and placate their sensibilities. Tis a disservice to their development. Somethings as you state yourself are bad and they deserve fitting language and descriptors. When bad things are ignorantly magnified in the world, the act deserves mean and strong language and towards more true enlightenment one grasps that. For there is yet another level beyond 'nirvana'. Not all is peaches and cream as you can already see.
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: redgreenvines]
#26417433 - 01/05/20 11:42 AM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Ochy has me On Ignore.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26417471 - 01/05/20 12:18 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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when you write Quote:
Quote:
Quote: redgreenvines said: on a pedestal or humble?
I am humble and I humble others. I am above no one and no one is above me. World is flat. I don't put anyone on a pedestal including myself. This isn't as easy a concept as it appears.
I am seeing a paradigm that relies a great deal on pedestals. pedestal detection pedestal disruption pedestal ointments for blossoming blemishes and special pedestal diets to prevent any unsightly pedestals from popping up later. hopefully others will manage their own unsightly self importance outbreaks.
this can be brutal until all the puss settles.
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r00tcmplx
Stranger

Registered: 02/19/18
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: redgreenvines]
#26417491 - 01/05/20 12:31 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: when you write Quote:
Quote:
Quote: redgreenvines said: on a pedestal or humble?
I am humble and I humble others. I am above no one and no one is above me. World is flat. I don't put anyone on a pedestal including myself. This isn't as easy a concept as it appears.
I am seeing a paradigm that relies a great deal on pedestals. pedestal detection pedestal disruption pedestal ointments for blossoming blemishes and special pedestal diets to prevent any unsightly pedestals from popping up later. hopefully others will manage their own unsightly self importance outbreaks.
this can be brutal until all the puss settles.
You're speaking of the earlier stage with personal ego and force involved as opposed to an arrived atconsistent perspective.
At the later stage, if a person or self attempts to render a pedestal, as the arrived at 'reality' is that there aren't any, it simply doesn't register or render. There's no entrenched effort to do this. It's just a 'reality' you either see with enough understanding and exist in or don't. You're speaking a lot about the run-up work to such a reality. I'm speaking of a total and unconscious grasp of it after-the-fact.
Any sufficiently powerful concept/perspective requires work and complexities that seemingly are contradictory and self-defeating. You either wade through this and get to something more promising, have zero awareness it's even possible, or continue to toy with framings at step 1. I can't give detail to what lies on the other end that appeases someone at step 1 or has no awareness, it clearly just goes right past you... namely because your ego can't let go of your current paradigm which is that ego is driving everyone's commentary including your own.
What is being stated is either true or false. The minute you start focusing on the messenger as opposed to the message is your own declaration of your ego and your projections from it. This is the beginning of lies you tell yourself to avoid something which you are uncomfortable with grasping.
Edited by r00tcmplx (01/05/20 02:30 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26418060 - 01/05/20 05:59 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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so there is always a message, even if it is a medium of pedastles.
is it an invitation to a party, or you got mail?
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r00tcmplx
Stranger

Registered: 02/19/18
Posts: 419
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: redgreenvines]
#26418088 - 01/05/20 06:15 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: so there is always a message, even if it is a medium of pedastles.
Most definitely and especially.. I personally like individual spring coils for cases when I want a nice contour to the curved bits.

Quote:
redgreenvines said: is it an invitation to a party, or you got mail?
We can approach it from both ends if you like...
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26418332 - 01/05/20 08:20 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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party on a mattress it is from small talk to gang bang in 4 easy posts.
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r00tcmplx
Stranger

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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: redgreenvines]
#26418358 - 01/05/20 08:33 PM (4 years, 24 days ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: party on a mattress it is from small talk to gang bang in 4 easy posts.
I told you.. in depth conversations is where its at.
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: laughingdog]
#26418503 - 01/05/20 10:24 PM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
laughingdog said:
Just calling this complex phenomenon 'anxiety', & thinking its simple, and that 'the cure' is also simple, seems to miss the mark.
Of course I didn't invent the term anxiety. We use terms to describe various disturbing emotions. I haven't spoken about a "cure" for this experience - more of a curiosity about it's nature and the psychological motivations involved. There may be 50 different reasons a person engages in stress prior to and during a social event. There might be 7 reasons. Or 2. I never assume an issue is complex without evidence that supports that assumption. Many people assume complexity - often for no reason.
For me, social anxiety has always been a boundary violation. When I choose to focus on speculating about other people's thoughts, opinions, and perceptions about me, I break 2 boundaries - mine and theirs.
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Loaded Shaman
Psychophysiologist



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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26418648 - 01/06/20 01:20 AM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
r00tcmplx said: Explain this to me and why this comes to your mind. What does writing a book achieve? Or trying to go more mainstream/push a range of my thinking into the world more deeply do? Won't this remove my ability to speak more freely and take the heat off the message? Who would be my audience except for the very people who my commentary would indict? If I go to a broader audience won't the chance heavily increase that the message gets out of control? That people will want to know 'who' the author is? Wouldn't this be bad for me? I dunno provide your thoughts on this. What makes you jump to a feeling of : Write a book... What's the more drawn out thinking behind this? I appreciate it.
Granted you're only on here once a day for a period - I feel like your posts are exceptionally thorough and well said, and only the people on Shroomery read them. Pearls before swine, so to speak to a degree. I have several books published under my real name that I'll never, ever share here unfortunately. I took that advice from someone years back (just write books you're good at writing stop spending time with people online exclusively chatting about deep topics- more need to read this shit), and it changed my life.
It's not the end result of a book; it's the medium of reaching more people than exclusively come here, IF that's your thing. I think you have that potential. You might feel Shroomery is fine, which is fine! .
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  "Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance." — Confucius
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Darwin23
INFJ



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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#26418683 - 01/06/20 02:35 AM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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I have heavily over the years owing to a severe shyness. Your principles are correct and actually date back to a book written many years ago: How to Win Friends and Influence People. The key to being a good conversationalist isn't in being witty or making charming jokes, it's literally in asking questions and engaging with them about their answers. I also agree that small talk is not insignificant, it's actually hugely important in building relationships and can grow into something engaging.
I believe a lot of people hate small talk for the reasons you mentioned and in many cases, that same reason is really just a low self-esteem. Those who feel like they're boring, worthless, creepy etc. are a lot less inclined to ask questions.
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Take a look at my journal
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: Loaded Shaman]
#26418806 - 01/06/20 06:43 AM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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microplastics before swine, not exactly real pearls.
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r00tcmplx
Stranger

Registered: 02/19/18
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: Loaded Shaman]
#26419133 - 01/06/20 11:17 AM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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Quote:
Loaded Shaman said: Granted you're only on here once a day for a period - I feel like your posts are exceptionally thorough and well said, and only the people on Shroomery read them. Pearls before swine, so to speak to a degree. I have several books published under my real name that I'll never, ever share here unfortunately. I took that advice from someone years back (just write books you're good at writing stop spending time with people online exclusively chatting about deep topics- more need to read this shit), and it changed my life.
It's not the end result of a book; it's the medium of reaching more people than exclusively come here, IF that's your thing. I think you have that potential. You might feel Shroomery is fine, which is fine! .
Ah', I type really fast.. 82-85 WPM. When I go to do one of my posts, I sometimes already have the thought completed and it just flows off my fingers. Thank you for elaborating on your point. It is a good point. One I thought of taking up but have seen too many serious truth seekers/declarers of truth crucified for doing so. I am not a fan of censorship to any degree and the things I say often would or to the degree I say them would have to be if I went more mainstream. Then there's the 'correctness' of how I structure them, etc etc. Too much effort vs just letting my thoughts flow off my fingers from time to time AND getting feedback from it .. The feedback is the crucial part. I learn and grow from it no matter if its good or bad.. crappy or a pearl... Because I am always listening and trying to understand. I had to think on this into this new year because I largely have gathered pearls over the years and its getting repetitive the feedback. In that though, I had to reflect on what my real work was and how to stay 'in that' always. Once I recaptured this, I was able to go back and participate in lessor capacities in some of the social online communities I am a part of. I definitely slimmed them into the new year. Deleted/closed out accounts and blocked them in my hosts files... the whole nine yards. But there were some, to me that were still cool.
As for reaching the wider world, that ultimately is a goal of mine and is related to what I am working on. Reflecting on that, that will be enough. My honest opinion is that man, given their free-will, won't change. Technology though can change that and usher in progress. So, I focus there. I think there is enough information and books to wrap around the world. Most are just not reading them/not understanding them/not implementing them. Technology can though and will.
So, progress will occur. That make sense? I too recognize your efforts and do agree that authoring formal material to wider audiences achieves a similar goal. Mine just involves spicy code.. And in order to not become a tech prune, one must mix it up. Gotta bounce my wild ideation off people.. See if I'm on target.
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,532
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: r00tcmplx]
#26419259 - 01/06/20 12:43 PM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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a motivating interest is revealed, dream to code the new web so that it virally alters humanity, all of whom are asleep to their true natures, anyway (resistance is futile), and so they will be easy to herd into coded and preferred (self affirming) pathways.
deus ex machina reverso affirmatto
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Pinkerton
Ultrasentient

Registered: 02/26/19
Posts: 3,127
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Re: The art of conversation and social anxiety [Re: redgreenvines]
#26419271 - 01/06/20 12:50 PM (4 years, 23 days ago) |
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Ochy ignored me. What does it mean?
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