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Morel Guy
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Registered: 01/23/13
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Meditation jhanas ecstasy terror
#26397690 - 12/23/19 03:01 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Seems long ago I witnessed sex, perhaps my first memory. I was very very young and filled with terror.
During pueberty and sexual exploration there was often a lot of fear. Having also been raped at 5.
But I'm finally feeling that great power during meditation. It's a terror that is addictive. I lost a lot of interest in sex because of a lot of reasons. But not associating that terrifying pleasure as much as a sorta torturous going through the motions.
Sex can hurt us, so can drugs. My second to last time taking a pressed pill I was filled with incapacitating terrifying ecstasy with a vision. I saw dragon people that then mellowed out into military people. Still to this day I gravitate, an attachment and intensely perplexing repulsion to military conduct.
It's so much better to feel that fear and not be troubled by it. The man that coined schizoaffective disorder thought of it as a sexual disease. It has the highest suicide rate and is filled with loathing one's experience.
I have been unable to bond this deep power with other people. I do see why marriage is so powerful and all to often a disaster. I used to want this with people when I didn't find it in meditation. Using drugs was a very rare and complicated search to learn and understand. Ecstasy was very uncommon and being on a med was not very much easier. It takes a long time to develop willpower to obserfve attachments and aversions.
It's better than a drug and like one very much. I used to wonder how I could change my cannabis reaction as I experienced many varied responses. That has been put of the equation a great deal, I never thought possible.
I can breathe easier. Was not thinking of God or anything. But I do ask for being taught and did earlier. I feel a satisfaction and wanted to share.
I did have a lsd trip many years ago where a puzzle of Jesus told me many things. One was "the best orgasim". Transcendence is just very orgasmic like in effects. It's very difficult to find with drugs or even think about. Totally spontanious without anything externally inducing it. Jesus also said I'd have my revenge, the quest was all one package to me. Because nothing can hurt worse than be fucked. There's a lot of ways humans developed bad ways of going about that.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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NeuroJuice
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Registered: 09/15/19
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Re: Meditation jhanas ecstasy terror [Re: Morel Guy]
#26398689 - 12/24/19 06:21 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I think you are saying some interesting stuff. What form of meditation do you practice?
-------------------- Psilocybin Mushroom Handbook Everyone is just doing the best they can with what they know and have. We are all just perfectly being ourselves. Everything that happens is absolutely, perfectly, exactly what is supposed to happen. How do we know this? Because it happens.
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Morel Guy
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Registered: 01/23/13
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Re: Meditation jhanas ecstasy terror [Re: NeuroJuice]
#26398705 - 12/24/19 06:42 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I see it as levels of cognitive operation. Tantra can drive someone insane but the release found in meditation, is goal direct. Sometimes it's wondering more stressful analytical mind set. But then there is the tantric release that can be a limitless ecstasy in my opinion.
The analytical can be hell, it can also wonder into heaven. Observing resistence or release creates a whole larger picture of fate. A lot in the past and still some now the fears of where fate might go are resistance to larger dreams of possibility. Which is a good sign in my opinion.
There's a magnatism and we use our best will to navigate that. Fact is that strong will can create powerful restience. The only peace comes is that great tantric high. Call it the hand of God or the creation power of the universe. It's evident to a subtly aware mind yto exist in illusions.
I meditated on the story of the garden of eve. Just how we don't recagnize the creation force. We seperate one force into it's lower forms which distract our monkey mind from there being only one force in existence.
My opinion is that dark physics are simply subtle and beyond our usual sensitivity. They aren't inherently dark, as just that Sensitive. Having much more creative potential. We don't even know at what all levels of physics are brains interact with.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
Edited by Morel Guy (12/24/19 07:34 AM)
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