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330ci
the unenlightened =D

Registered: 11/22/19
Posts: 344
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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leaving this realm
#26382331 - 12/14/19 10:08 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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has anyone else here tried to commit suicide? I find that death is such a feared topic to discuss. 11/1/18 I tried to kill myself. I ate a handful of pills and drank a shit ton of vodka and a 6 pack by 8am. my ex left at around 6. she was cheating at the time and I didn't feel like dealing with life. I wish I didn't do it but shit happens. I woke up to 4 police in riot gear breaking into my house. they confiscated 2oz of marijuana,38 firearms and some other shit but left the pills. I agreed to go to the hospital so I didn't lose my gun rights, but went crazy in the hospital. My family showed up, my Ex showed up and everyone was shocked, disgusted and surprised. I was in a state of shock. eventually they all left the hospital, and I was left there told I would have a psych eval at 8am. unfortunately when I went to the bathroom , one of the male nurses was a dick, I went to the restroom and he said I couldn't walk in the hallway unless I was using the restroom, I called him a cunt and said I was waiting, he said there was another bathroom down the next hallway as if I should know. I went in and pissed all over the walls, Sink, Floor, etc. and went back to my room and fell asleep happier than I had ever been, only to be awaken at 2:30am to be transferred to a psychiatric hospital. I lost my shit again and was almost restrained by guards but I just wanted my phone and my watch back which ended up being in the safe since they were so valuable. I spent a week in a psychiatric hospital after. it was the worst experience of my life. I would not reccomend flipping out, and just try and deal with the bs. but I often think back of me trying to leave life. and I wonder if anyone else thinks back fondly of their suicide attempts? I constantly wish I was gone, but I'm glad i'm here. what were your experiences if you don't mind sharing?
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Darwin23
INFJ



Registered: 10/08/10
Posts: 3,277
Loc: United States
Last seen: 1 day, 15 hours
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Re: leaving this realm [Re: 330ci]
#26391806 - 12/20/19 02:33 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I've never tried to kill myself though I had pervasive suicidal thoughts for years straight. My fiancee has very severe mental health issues, at times. Around 2 weeks ago she began sobbing for hours. She eventually cracked and locked herself in the bathroom. I nearly had the kick the door in to find her hanging from a noose she had just made.
Literally two days later she was being really mean for no reason. I told her to stop and decided to ignore her by watching some Youtube video. She sat down, thought for a second and then ran into the kitchen behind me. I turned around to see her trying to carve into her neck with a steak knife. She hasn't tried anything since then, but it always comes back eventually.
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Take a look at my journal
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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Re: leaving this realm [Re: Darwin23]
#26392233 - 12/20/19 10:21 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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“I constantly wish I was gone but glad I am here.”
I have heard this sentiment before from someone who has attempted their life and had a hospital stay. They struggle with psychotic bipolar and refuse treatment.
I firmly believe mood stabilizers could really help and benefit people. Y’all to your doctor, form a treatment plan, and try hard to stick to it. Although I don’t recommend ever going off meds, if you dislike them this could be a goal while learning your moods, triggers, and coping mechanisms.
There is help, lots of options and information but the only way it is gonna work is if you work it.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: leaving this realm [Re: Jewstress]
#26392346 - 12/20/19 11:54 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Jewstress said: “I constantly wish I was gone but glad I am here.”
I have heard this sentiment before from someone who has attempted their life and had a hospital stay. They struggle with psychotic bipolar and refuse treatment.
I firmly believe mood stabilizers could really help and benefit people.
You know I really don't think that is an unreasonable stance for any rational, thinking, self-aware human being. Certainly not one that should be treated with a mood stabiliser/big pharma poison.
I think any honest human knows this feeling. Of course there's many that would rather live in delusion than face the truth that life is often hard, and ugly, and painful, but I think it takes more strength to admit it and take it as it is.
I don't think it any way that it is a sign of mental illness to feel this way, given the world we live in, and our inherent condition.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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I would have to disagree.
I haven’t ever gotten to the point or desire of self harm or suicide.
There is a concern when there is because somewhere in the biopsychsocio realm of the individual is out of balance. If suicide or suicidal feeling has become a norm in any aspect, this is news to me.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: leaving this realm [Re: Jewstress]
#26392986 - 12/20/19 07:15 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Jewstress said: I haven’t ever gotten to the point or desire of self harm or suicide.
Neither have I. But I don't see either of those things in the sentiment that you quoted.
Have you ever woken up in the morning and just wished to fuck you didn't have to deal with the bullshit on that particular day?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Jewstress
Momma


Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,402
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 2 days, 3 hours
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Tbh, not really unless there was a personal morale/motivation issue that I needed to work on.
Like avoidance of responsibility. But even still, I recognize I have to get things done and do them. Maybe not with a happy attitude but never to the point I just don’t want to deal with a day.
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