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OfflinewiIIow
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/11/19
Posts: 9
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Newbie has unexpected life-changing experience on 1.75g shrooms * 1
    #26376322 - 12/11/19 11:57 PM (4 years, 2 months ago)

Hey all, long-time lurker and first-time poster here. Im Willow, and I'm a 20-something year old artist. I've had an interest in psychedelics for many years, and I'm excited to finally be a part of it.

I had my first "real" trip a week ago, and I'd really like to attempt to get it out in words. I'm still in awe, and still processing the experience, so I may wind up rambling/going into a lot of detail. I'm just so amazed and have to share in the hopes that it reaches somebody. At the very least, maybe this will help me sort it out. Cheers! :cool:

----------------------

Quick background info:

I tripped with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. I've taken psychedelics twice before: once on acid, and once on shrooms; both were incredibly mild, and about 4 years ago. The strongest experience was shrooms, and that basically involved giggling, slightly enhanced colors, heightened creativity, faint kaleidoscope visuals in the sky, walls swelling a bit, and slightly different, more "open" headspace. Always fully rooted in reality, nothing too crazy. I'd had more intense experiences with weed. My boyfriend, whom I will refer to as "Fish," had tripped a ton of times in the past but it had been about 15 years since his last time (he's in his early 40s).

We both suffer from severe depression/anxiety, as well as diagnosed bipolar disorder and PTSD. We'd been struggling significantly, and were entertaining the idea of tripping together to see if we could learn something/benefit from it. If not, then maybe experience a bit of enjoyment at least. Things were pretty bleak at this point lol.

So I recently came into contact with someone who could get me shrooms. One night, I made really good money in tips (delivery driver), so I impulsively decided to get an eighth and surprise Fish. As I was making the exchange, the guy was like "hey man, be careful. These are really strong, a gram had me stuck on the couch and facemelting for hours." I'm thinking, "yeah, okay. Typical guy talking up his shit." Oh sweet jesus, how wrong I was.

----------------------

So I come home with my freshly acquired travel tickets, and Fish happens to be coming down from an anxiety attack. So I comfort him and calm him down, and then pop the question. "Hey, this might be a bad time to ask, but... wanna do shrooms?" He looks shocked and panicked. "Like, right now?" He ponders for a minute, and then says "Sure, fuck it. Let's go."

We crushed up the shrooms, and decided to blend them into a fruit smoothie. It worked really well, barely tasted the mushrooms. I was very excited and scared at this point, I wasn't sure exactly what to expect. But I thought, "at least I'm vaguely familiar with what it feels like." I was wrong, but it provided a slight bit of comfort at the time, lol.

So as I'm drinking the concoction, I hastily threw together a music playlist. Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd (duh), Music Has the Right to Children - Boards of Canada (holy shit this was perfect), Com Truise (was too much, had to come back to reality to skip it), Tycho, Carbon-Based Lifeforms, Aphex Twin. Fish queued up a couple movies, as we thought we'd just end up sitting and watching stuff and being amazed by the visuals. Wrong, again haha. For now, he threw on Family Guy.

----------------------

Part One: Oh Jeez Oh God Oh Christ Please No

So, these puppies hit fucking quick. Like, 5 minutes in and I was starting to feel a weird heavy feeling in my body and I was having a hard time focusing my vision. No big deal, it's just placebo. I'm just nervous. 10 minutes in, the screen on my phone takes on a very cartoony, "bloated" appearance and begins to pulsate... hard to explain. Basically, my vision is getting real fucky and I'm in trouble. "Oh, shit... oh shit oh shit no I'm not ready I'm not ready no no nonono!!"

I'm lying in bed at this point, and I find it very difficult to move, I feel confused and disoriented and uncomfortable. I quickly turn on my speaker and start the playlist, I ask Fish to turn off the TV because it's absolutely jarring to me and I can't get up. He does this, then kneels down beside me as he can tell I'm beginning to panic. He assures me that everything I'm feeling is normal and humans have been eating these mushrooms for thousands of years. Reassuring for a second... until I see the terror appear in his eyes.

"Oh, shit," he whispers.

Fish asks if I'll be alright while he runs outside for a smoke. I won't be, but I tell him I will, I could tell he was getting freaked out and I didn't want to keep him from doing what he needed to do. He leaves the room, and suddenly everything ramps up several levels and I know I'm screwed. There actually wasn't much in terms of visuals yet, besides the weird green/red outlines on everything, and the fact that everything was fucking vibrating intensely. Like my surroundings were shattering apart. It felt like I was in a rocket ship, and I was going for a ride whether I was ready or not. Spoiler: I wasn't. To be fair, nothing on this earth could have prepared me. All I could think to do at this point was cling very tightly to the bedsheets, and hold on for dear life.

Right around this point... the nausea. Oh christ, the nausea was so bad. And I was COLD! At the same time I was sweating profusely, which made it pretty much impossible to warm up. I can't really describe what I was feeling at this point, except that Everything Was Too Much. I looked over at the wall, where this wall lamp was hanging, and noticed a very pretty kaleidoscope pattern. I tried to focus on that, and nothing else. Fish comes back into the room after what seems like an eternity (we were only halfway through Breathe on Dark Side, so...) and says, "I'm going to be honest with you, I cannot wait for this to be over. Also, don't go into the fucking living room. David Bowie fucked with me hard. And the BUTTS... oh my god (referring to the David Bowie poster and Pink Floyd painting we have)." We're both just overwhelmed and terrified. The room is shaking, and there's so many things happening at once. I remember lights dancing around the room very rapidly. Fish says, "it feels like a space ship in here," which was accurate. At this point his pacing and fidgeting was making me nervous so I asked him to come lie down next to me. He does.

"Baby, this is really strong. I think we're peaking already. It should start to calm down soon," Fish says. "Lol oh yeah? WATCH THIS," say the shrooms. Every time we thought it couldn't get any worse, it absolutely did. And very quickly. The layers kept building, and building. At one point I just closed my eyes and accepted my fate. "I wanted this. It's just a drug. I did this to myself, I wanted this. It will be over soon. Please be over soon." This is what I told myself, and I surrendered to the music. The nausea was making it very hard, but eventually I made it past the chaos and let everything just happen. Fish asked if I was okay, and I told him, "well, I'm gonna have to be." I told him to close his eyes and let go.

----------------------

Part Two: Pink Floyd, You Sons Of Bitches

This was the most visual part of the trip, and also the hardest to remember. I let the music take over, and it painted incredible and indescribable pictures in my head. Right now, trying to remember what I saw is like trying to remember a dream... but it was hypnotic. The colors, the patterns, the serpent-like creature, all changed and danced with the music. It wasn't just 2d imagery either, I was fully immersed in the psychedelic landscape. Every time the next song started, one of us would say something to the effect of "Pink Floyd, you sons of bitches." "God, they knew what they were doing, huh." "Nope, they're not done with us yet." "Oh my god, that makes so much sense." By the time "Us and Them" hit, I was no longer afraid. Still physically uncomfortable and aware of my body, but I was finally okay with what was happening. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, and as this song progressed I started feeling very emotional and euphoric. I was so happy to share this moment with Fish. I held his hand, he said, "Yeah, it's okay now."

Then, Any Colour You Like hit. I felt the blanket move - at first, I thought Fish was pulling on it. But then I felt... wind? Under the blanket? I started to physically feel that I was surrounded by clouds, and that's when I realized that Pink Floyd was working in conjunction with the mushrooms to yoink me out of my body. My first instinct was to be scared, but I reminded myself to surrender. Fish and I didn't talk for the rest of the album, and I don't remember much of that part anyway. But the world around me was gone, and I was okay with it.

----------------------

Part Three: :mushroom2:

Music Has The Right To Children starts up. Fish says, "oh my god how did you know the perfect music to play. I love you so much." At this point, we realize that we have the ability to explore wherever we want... also hard to explain. We were no longer in the realm of crazy colorful visuals, we were physically somewhere else, and somewhere profound and beautiful. We felt nothing but pure love for eachother, and for awareness. We also had a feeling of recognising eachothers... "souls?" "essences?" Basically, we realized we'd been looking for eachother for a very long time, and also that we were eachother. Wait a minute... We've begun to see and think and experience the same things together!

Once we realized we were synched up, we just explored... whatever that place was. That place was consciousness, it was a friend, it was us and them and it was beautiful. I wish I could put it into words! I felt this incredible child-like wonder, and the assurance that everything is okay. Everything is exactly as it's supposed to be. I remember seeing a great expanse of green, trees, light. Kinda like this, I guess. I remember being inside of some sort of... infinite grid system. Like, these sort of sparkles, or stars, were floating in different directions. But there would be slight trails of lines behind them sometimes, revealing a grid.

As we explored, Fish kept saying, "I get it now. It all makes sense." I felt this too, like everything I had made out to be so complicated was actually very simple. It's all a game that I'd been taking way too seriously. A great, cosmic joke. At this point, an infinite expanse of bearded gnomes appeared before us, and started laughing at us. We laughed at how fucking absurd this was, how silly it all is! We kept on like this, I said, "baby it's so beautiful." At this point I started crying, it was just all so incredible and made me feel things I had never felt before. I became aware of my body for a minute, because tears felt weird. But I went back to the place, and it felt like a dance. We'd use the music to help guide us to another place. And another. We could go anywhere we liked! It was like lucid dreaming. We realized that we are God, God is consciousness (We've been atheists, mind you). We're just like... information collection probes. The universe exploring itself. I found myself inside of my brain, which was actually consciousness/the universe/whatever, and physically was rewiring shit and making new connections.

Every time I felt something, Fish would say it out loud. At one point, he tells me that he feels that he's my translator. I just smiled and squeezed his hand. "Hey, look! Do you see that? ...I know you do." He also said that when he saw my soul, that he felt an overwhelming need to protect it, the quiet and soft one. We both experienced a vision of the Yin-Yang fish, but we were the fish.

We swam around like this, and then eventually we blended together into one singular consciousness. Seriously, there's no way I could explain this feeling but... we were eachother. It felt as if we joined the "source," the... idk, celestial blob of pure consciousness. We came upon a temple, which we later agreed looked almost exactly like this.

Things get a little fuzzy now, because at this point I couldn't hear the music anymore. I wasn't anything, there was no "I" as a concept. I was just pure consciousness. I was there, but "I" wasnt there ya dig? Anyway, everything faded at this point... and eventually after being nothing for a while, there was a bright, white light. It felt like being born.

----------------------

Part Four: Rebirth

After coming back into being, I encountered some pretty dark parts of my mind. They presented themselves as vines, spiky and intrusive. Everything was gray, and I didn't feel scared but I didn't feel good. I was actually ready to dive in and deal with this shit, but then I realized that it didn't matter. It was just a construct, it was part of a character I'd created. It can't hurt me. At this point, I'm pulled back to my body. I look over, and Fish is in the fetal position, he's crying in despair. "So much sadness... my dad hurt me so bad... there's so much pain!" I instinctively reach out and try to comfort him, while trying not to let this pull me into a dark place. He resisted my touch and started saying, "let it out... just let it out... just let it out." I realized he was having a cathartic experience and didn't want me to interfere. But now I was aware of my body again, and I couldn't quite escape it. Besides, this horrible pressure... what is that? Oh shit I have to pee! Now how the fuck am I supposed to do that?

I was still very much tripping at this point, and getting to the bathroom seemed like an ordeal. But I couldn't just sit there in discomfort, either. Damn this particular vehicle! Why did I choose this one (I was also under the impression that I had chosen to live in this body, to experience this life willingly)? Eventually I did, and it was indeed an ordeal. Motor functions were... lacking. And sounds were all echoey and distorted, and I was seeing infinite spirals and patterns in everything I looked at.

Eventually I made it back to bed, and I look over at Fish... jesus, his face! His skin was very "dewey" and waving around all willy nilly, kind of like water. His eyes looked like they were filled with water, and they were bulging out of his face.

We lied back down, closed our eyes, and tried to go back to the place. For a while, we were able to phase in and out at will. Like, this world was parallel to ours, and was always there. We could go there if we chose, and then return to our bodies if need be. But eventually we were beginning to lose contact with that world. We decided to stand up and walk around, maybe to have a smoke. Fish looked like a hologram, with trails behind him. But we were so excited that we could finally talk about what the fuck just happened to us, while we were still in this fluid state. We ate a banana, and it was the best goddamn banana we'd ever had.

There was a feeling of total peace, and pure gratitude and appreciation. We couldn't believe what had just happened to us. This changes everything, there's no way we could ever see the world the same way again. Everything is okay.

----------------------

For a couple days after, I noticed small details in things that I never did before. The world looked new and different, I was thinking differently. I had no anxiety. Music sounded incredible. I felt sick and tired physically, but I was in too much awe to be too bothered by it. I've felt closer to Fish than I've ever felt before. We've truly seen eachother, and it enhanced our connection by a lot.

Now some of those effects are fading a bit, but I still feel like I've been permanently changed. I'm sure it'll take a while to fully process everything that happened, but I'm just so grateful for the experience. I wasn't expecting it at all, especially at the dose I took.

I'm not in a hurry, but I am looking forward to doing it again. I want to know what else this thing can show me, what else there is to learn.

Just... wow. This experience is so so precious to me.

Anyway, thank you so much if you managed to read the whole thing! I tried to remember as much as I could, but it really is like trying to recall and describe a dream.


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 2 months, 15 days
Re: Newbie has unexpected life-changing experience on 1.75g shrooms [Re: wiIIow]
    #26377513 - 12/12/19 03:31 PM (4 years, 2 months ago)

Wow, willow, that is such an amazing trip report. Thank you for sharing. Organic mushrooms can vary in potency 3, 4, 5 times the average reported potency. So you may have had a particularly strong batch 👊🏻 Nice one.

Having that experience with your partner must have been doubly rewarding. I have taken ecstasy, mdma, and cannabis with my wife of 36 years. But not mushrooms. And I so crave to share the same experience you had with your partner, with mine. I am convinced if we ever do, we will have an ethereal link for eternity, wherever we are, whatever happens after “death”. Do you think you found you soulmate on that trip, willow?

Cheers,
DJ Ed


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflinewiIIow
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/11/19
Posts: 9
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: Newbie has unexpected life-changing experience on 1.75g shrooms [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26377874 - 12/12/19 07:21 PM (4 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
Wow, willow, that is such an amazing trip report. Thank you for sharing. Organic mushrooms can vary in potency 3, 4, 5 times the average reported potency. So you may have had a particularly strong batch 👊🏻 Nice one.




thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And yeah, I suppose we hit the jackpot there... heh. I initially hoped it wouldn't be that strong, but now I'm really grateful that it was. This profound of an experience is forever going to be with me.

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
Having that experience with your partner must have been doubly rewarding. I have taken ecstasy, mdma, and cannabis with my wife of 36 years. But not mushrooms. And I so crave to share the same experience you had with your partner, with mine. I am convinced if we ever do, we will have an ethereal link for eternity, wherever we are, whatever happens after “death”. Do you think you found you soulmate on that trip, willow?




Yes, absolutely. I've never been more sure that this is who I'm meant to be with. We both experienced the sensation of having gone through many lifetimes trying to find eachother... and many other things that only served to strengthen our understanding and love for one another. There was so much warmth, peace, security, unity. I'm now convinced that we'll always find eachother again, even after we leave these particular vehicles we inhabit.
I definitely recommend it, if your partner is up to it!

Thanks again for taking the time to read my experience, take care :sun:


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OfflineDJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer
Male User Gallery

Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK Flag
Last seen: 2 months, 15 days
Re: Newbie has unexpected life-changing experience on 1.75g shrooms [Re: wiIIow]
    #26378736 - 12/13/19 08:58 AM (4 years, 2 months ago)

I really enjoy the trip reports on here, and learn something from everyone’s experiences; so no need to thank me for reading, I really took a lot from your report. And I’ve taken much motivation to really share an experience with my wife. I think the perfect next step is to let her read your trip report, and let it sink into her subconscious; you’ve done such a good job, I’ll not need to add anything.

Mush love, and take care,

Oh. And thank you!

DJ Ed.


--------------------
“It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.”
Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind

“The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.”
Terence McKenna



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OfflinewiIIow
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/11/19
Posts: 9
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: Newbie has unexpected life-changing experience on 1.75g shrooms [Re: DJ Ed]
    #26378978 - 12/13/19 10:43 AM (4 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

DJ Ed said:
I really enjoy the trip reports on here, and learn something from everyone’s experiences; so no need to thank me for reading, I really took a lot from your report. And I’ve taken much motivation to really share an experience with my wife. I think the perfect next step is to let her read your trip report, and let it sink into her subconscious; you’ve done such a good job, I’ll not need to add anything.

Mush love, and take care,

Oh. And thank you!

DJ Ed.




Im so glad I could be helpful, then! That makes me happy.

And if the comeup sounds scary to her - it is scary, but I want her to know that it's 1000% worth it as long as you can let go and surrender to the experience. I have severe anxiety and a tendency to obsess/dwell, and was still able to do this without much trouble. I surprised myself here!

I also felt later on that the unpleasant comeup was necessary to reach the point that I did... almost like some sort of trial, or lesson. Like climbing a mountain. All of these layers to break through, in order to reach ultimate serenity and gratitude.

:heartpump:


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