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Isger
Ok Boomer


Registered: 11/05/19
Posts: 6
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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What if it is your last time? 1
#26358614 - 12/03/19 07:29 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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The hook: "What if you knew for sure that this was your last time? What would you choose for set, setting and dose?"
Everyone is going to have a last time. Some will know it. How will they exercise their lessons learned and personal power? Thoughts?
I am age 70 and I am facing this question. My last session was 40 years ago, but I am a hunter and I have found them again. This will be my last time because of a promise made to a life partner, willingly made in recognition of her value to me, and one I will keep unless she of her own free will releases me.
I'm well into preparation, but I'm also seeking advice as to my choices:
Set, the main motivation is introspection, resolving internal conflicts, popping above the cloud cover for a sighting of the stars and a course correction before dipping down again into 'my life'. Issues: - The life lived. - The life yet to live, facing the last enemy of old age. Like a porpoise swimming up a fjord, there are miles to go and the end is not in sight but there are echoing returns to my sonar. - Related, the letting go of work, whether to continue at some lesser level or cast loose. - A host of supporting bit character neuroses waiting in the wings
Setting, as perfect as I can make it, my sister's family retreat cabin/home with cathedral windows and a short walk to a beach. Accompanied by my sister and my wife, both with no experience whatsoever in the ways of the spiritual warrior but representing the remaining significant others in my life. - How to bring peace of mind to my wife, who worries that I will emerge a changed person? We have traveled the earth together, and she is a brave and courageous person, but this is outside her experience. What advice from others who have sought the solitary journey within a committed relationship? - Look in a mirror? I'm tempted. For those who are strong of spirit, would you recommend it? - Look at your life mate? We've been together 37 years. We are in a settled place, and I am committed to her beyond the bounds of life (we've agreed to scatter our ashes together, as literal a commitment to being together forever as I can think of). But that doesn't mean there aren't areas where we 'agree to disagree.' I have asked her to be there as an untested companion, hoping her fears will not perturb the set, and that we move beyond to realize benefits. I even have a small hope of 'laying on of hands' to help her. For those with life partners, was their presence for the good or would you recommend against it? - Anger? I think this is the farthest thing from my mind, that the curled up ball is more likely. But I have had periods of anger, and my mate is uneasy. Should there be any concern?
Dose: I think I'm seeking a Level 3 for introspection. I have Psi. cyans, more than enough, and I'm thinking 1.25 g as gel capsules, maybe taken with some lemon tea. Not interested in lemon tek, or maximizing, rather spread it out. I'm familiar with the quick come up, I still remember smoking weed while impatiently waiting, and when it hit it swept everything away as if it was a mere dust motes.
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I will make a series of posts about the trip with the common header "Reawakening the Ally". It will be glorious! A paean to the narcissistic, sanctimonious, self-serving and tedious Ok Boomer way of life. Deciding whether the locus of meaning is as a guide or antidote will depend upon the reader.
-------------------- Acquire personal power to exert impeccable will right here, right now.
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feevers


Registered: 12/28/10
Posts: 8,546
Loc:
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26358638 - 12/03/19 07:51 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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My first thought is that with all this planning and forethought, it's possible you may be hyping yourself up to get let down by overthinking things in an attempt at the most perfect experience possible.
What if the dose is too weak, and leaves you feeling like you missed out on the full experience?
What if while peaking, you realize it's something you need to do more often?
One of the few constant messages that I walk away with after tripping is to just go with the flow, don't fight the current.
Sounds like you have a great setting picked, and how seriously you're taking it means your set will probably be solid as well.
Other than that, let the trip take you where it does. I think inevitably all of my trips end up having some mirror time, some bunkering under the sheets, some deep conversations with my wife, some nature, some music, etc. If I get impulses to switch what I'm doing I just follow them and see where it takes me.
Plans get thrown out the window quickly once the mushrooms take hold.
As far as your wife, if she's up for it I'd recommend Michael Pollan's book, it's shifted the tide for a lot of people. There are also certain documentaries and podcasts that could get the message across about the true potential these things have. My wife went from never having even smoked cannabis to vaping DMT while peaking on mushrooms within about a year, once she researched it all and the truth turned out to be the opposite of what she'd been taught.
Edited by feevers (12/03/19 07:56 AM)
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Isger
Ok Boomer


Registered: 11/05/19
Posts: 6
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: feevers]
#26358648 - 12/03/19 07:59 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Good answer, thanks for feedback. I think I watched a YouTube or Ted's Talk about Michael Pollan, did not realize he had written a book, will look into that. As far as the rest, yes, one episode of my trip report is 'anti-set', the big prep for what could be the big fizzle. Underlying all of this is grappling with the fact that as a solitary journeyer I am drawn towards making this voyage, but I simply don't know how to share with a life mate.
-------------------- Acquire personal power to exert impeccable will right here, right now.
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330ci
the unenlightened =D

Registered: 11/22/19
Posts: 344
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26358674 - 12/03/19 08:19 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I have yet to find my life partner, nor bear a child. but if it were my last trip, I'm going out at a rave and it would be a heroic dose. I'd want to reconnect with the younger generation and find my youthful spirit again before accepting life as it was. granted priorities change in life but I think itd be a way to go out
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Hotdog from Space
Stranger
Registered: 07/09/19
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Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: 330ci]
#26359366 - 12/03/19 03:18 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'd take a lethal dose.
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individualist
Stranger
Registered: 05/03/18
Posts: 387
Loc: Central Florida
Last seen: 2 months, 10 hours
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If you want to spread it out I highly recommend Syrian rue. It will potentiated the mushrooms (so take a lower dose) but make it last longer.
If I were in your position I would do a much, much higher dose than what you are proposing. “Level 3” is “fun” but not particularly life changing.
You’re looking for something beyond fun. You’re looking for a deep journey into the psychedelic unknown.
If it were my last time I would err on the side of being overwhelmed rather than underwhelmed.
-------------------- Question with boldness
Edited by individualist (12/03/19 03:39 PM)
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Antigov



Registered: 03/17/19
Posts: 792
Loc: Deep within the BibleBelt
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26359466 - 12/03/19 03:54 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Wow, I was thinking about this the other day. Maybe not what I would do, but I guess I was acknowledging that the last trip is coming in the not so distant future. I don’t think I would change what I do now. Fasting the day of, taking 5+ grams, I would trip with the ole lady and what pets I would have at the time. Probably outside at sunset, reflect on my life and what happens next.
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DJ Ed
Mushroom Engineer


Registered: 09/04/16
Posts: 2,326
Loc: UK
Last seen: 1 month, 28 days
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26359474 - 12/03/19 03:57 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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- How to bring peace of mind to my wife, who worries that I will emerge a changed person? We have traveled the earth together, and she is a brave and courageous person, but this is outside her experience. What advice from others who have sought the solitary journey within a committed relationship?
Great post. I’m 53, my wife is 50. We’ve been together for 36 years. Uncannily similar! And we’ve had some adventures together. For the two years in our 30s when we didn’t think we could have children, we did the rave scene, ecstasy, mdma, I was hooked. Life long cannabis aficionados! A bit of speed, base, very occasional coke. Travelled. Basically adventured together.
Then our beautiful daughter was born. Life changed inexorably, and for the better. But my depression over the loss of my first daughter hit me hard with the birth of my second daughter, and hey , depression is a real bastard. My wife almost divorced me, we separated for almost two years. Then I started anti-depressant medication and we tried again. Ten years later and so far so good.
But the SSRIs took their toll, and after being told I should be on them for life, I came off three years ago. With the help of psilocybe cubensis mushrooms. It took at least six months off the meds before I had a proper trip. But since then it’s been slow improvements. Today I am on fortnightly maintenance doses and life is good.
But here’s the real key. My wife hasn’t, and I don’t think ever will, take psychedelics. As a mother, her feeling of responsibility is too great. In my good fortune, she also supports me, in the most loving and completely ignorant way possible. She has absolutely no idea about the psychedelic headspace. She tries, but her presence, in the beginning very comforting, has become a distraction. While tripping, I am more concerned about her welfare and feelings, it detracts from my experience.
More recently, she has made arrangements to be out of the house overnight fortnightly, and these trips have been :-
1. More intense, more enjoyable, more free, and more useful 2. No vulnerability, all about my trip and what I can learn 3. Let go, go where the mushrooms take you, maximise the experience 4. Telepathically still be with your life partner.
So my post is to advise you: trip alone. If it helps, take a photo of your partner with you to focus on Your wife cannot be part of your experience, nor understand it, only hinder it. I know sometimes, maybe all of the time, once i’m at the peak, I sooooooo crave to share the experience. It feels almost criminal that I alone am seeing this magic, feeling eternity, seeing the abyss, knowing the void, feeling time, being the music, seeing the elves..... but then, on reflection, the magic wouldn’t be that good if I wasn’t on my own. Tough one, really is your call to make not ours, I wish you well in your choice and the experience.
That is all meant in the best poosible way.
I really hope it works out well, and you find what you are seeking.
Take care, DJ Ed
-------------------- “It’s like when you see a mountain lion,” he suggested. “If you run, it will chase you. So you must stand your ground.” Michael Pollan: How To Change Your Mind “The problem is not to find the answer, it’s to face the answer.” Terence McKenna

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Isger
Ok Boomer


Registered: 11/05/19
Posts: 6
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26364698 - 12/06/19 10:25 AM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thanks for replies and already some early learnings. I think the urge of most people here is to advise as to how to shoot to the stars. Appreciated, and an attraction for sure, but I think I'm more about what life is down here on earth. I'm 70 years old, a handful of mushroom experiences in my youth changed how I led my entire life, and I'm seeking introspection to untie my current knots and a refresher on how to engage in a mindful seeing of the world. It is not 'self-help' in the sense I have problems, I think I lead a 'tight' life, and it is not seeking a purpose for my life because mushrooms taught me that such concepts are temporary constructs, useful for as long as they last but retain thy fluidity as the world changes.
Hence maximum attention to set and setting, and seeking a Level 3 which is what I think taught me before. In fact, IMHO, if you do not treat each trip as if it was your last then you have missed one of the lessons mushrooms have to offer.
I would propose to the moderators here that you create a new pinned section "Mindful Mushrooming", kind of an offshoot of microdosing, focusing on how a few trips can lead to a changed attitude and increased personal power in leading your life. Some overlap with the academic studies into life-threatening diseases/PSTD administration, consolidate the 'self-help' postings, but more about how the ordinary person can learn to see the waking world with 4K resolution instead of 720p. I speak from experience and I am a living example.
-------------------- Acquire personal power to exert impeccable will right here, right now.
Edited by Isger (12/06/19 10:36 AM)
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330ci
the unenlightened =D

Registered: 11/22/19
Posts: 344
Last seen: 3 years, 11 months
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26365123 - 12/06/19 01:49 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Isger said: Thanks for replies and already some early learnings. I think the urge of most people here is to advise as to how to shoot to the stars. Appreciated, and an attraction for sure, but I think I'm more about what life is down here on earth. I'm 70 years old, a handful of mushroom experiences in my youth changed how I led my entire life, and I'm seeking introspection to untie my current knots and a refresher on how to engage in a mindful seeing of the world. It is not 'self-help' in the sense I have problems, I think I lead a 'tight' life, and it is not seeking a purpose for my life because mushrooms taught me that such concepts are temporary constructs, useful for as long as they last but retain thy fluidity as the world changes.
Hence maximum attention to set and setting, and seeking a Level 3 which is what I think taught me before. In fact, IMHO, if you do not treat each trip as if it was your last then you have missed one of the lessons mushrooms have to offer.
I would propose to the moderators here that you create a new pinned section "Mindful Mushrooming", kind of an offshoot of microdosing, focusing on how a few trips can lead to a changed attitude and increased personal power in leading your life. Some overlap with the academic studies into life-threatening diseases/PSTD administration, consolidate the 'self-help' postings, but more about how the ordinary person can learn to see the waking world with 4K resolution instead of 720p. I speak from experience and I am a living example.
They are on here, but as they don't trip as much they don't post as often from what i've seen. a light trip will definitely help you see the world in a better view. If the cabin is where you decide to do it, then just find some nice music that you think would be pleasant, lay down looking at some natural beauty and focus on the problems you see in your life. however you do it, I would look into studies of the sort, there's links on the homepage here about multitudes of subjects as well as the search function. get a clear plan of questions/unresolved problems and make sure to focus on those things while you're tripping. if you wanted your wife and daughter to ask you the questions it might help them be more involved with the experience, if that is what you wished. you could always find a ceremony with a guide which could allow you to speak with a guide first and do it in a more clinical setting. they're more common than you might think.
synchronicities, heres a headline about a new microdosing set up for PTSD/Depression. which might be another option to look at in your situation instead of actually tripping, but that favors semi longterm usage.https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/26361588
Edited by 330ci (12/06/19 01:52 PM)
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trippleblack
Stranger

Registered: 12/01/19
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: 330ci]
#26365170 - 12/06/19 02:13 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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if i had grand kids...
i would like my last trip to be with the entire family.. yes i do believe babies and young children should be exposed to trips. i would like to see it used as a family bonding ritual.
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nooneman


Registered: 04/24/09
Posts: 14,555
Loc: Utah
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Re: What if it is your last time? [Re: Isger]
#26365252 - 12/06/19 02:59 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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One day in the distant future when I'm old and all that, I'm hoping to actually die on LSD, but that's not quite the same thing.
As an experienced psychedelic user, for my last trip I'd take somewhere around 10 dry grams of mushrooms (psilocybe cubensis) inside a nice comfortable bathroom with a blanket, some pillows, music. But that's a harrowing terrifying mind destroying overpowering egodeath type experience I'd be going for. You're clearly not looking for something like that which is fine.
I recommend doing it in your bedroom at home, with music and blankets and pillows, with the lights relatively low but still high enough that you can read and write. Write out a list of things you want to think about or consider before hand, and review them during the trip. Also include a couple of your best memories that you enjoy remembering. As you're tripping, occasionally try your best to write down your thoughts on the subjects that you wrote about before the trip.
Then when your trip is over, review your list and what you wrote down, and spend some time thinking about the things that you thought about during your trip.
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