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OfflineVillageBoomer
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Registered: 11/30/19
Posts: 23
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ * 1
    #26353073 - 11/30/19 02:43 AM (4 years, 3 months ago)

My Spiritual Awakening

11/13/2019

Setting:

Basement(my room) 930pm, just arriving home from a friend’s house. Settling down for the night with cartoons and Avatar. (never seen)

9:45 First dose 47g fresh B+

To kill time I hop in the shower and tend to the mushrooms. Afterword sitting on the couch I start watching Adventure Time. Waiting for the effects to set in with patience but I am ready to go.

Noticeable effects from first dose but I know it will not get as strong as I am looking for.

11:30 Redose 44g fresh

Watch more Adventure Time until effects get somewhat stronger.

At this point I feel as though I am going to get the effects I want and start the movie Avatar. Having never seen the movie it quickly grasped my interest in a way I have noticed in previous trips.

Probably less than an hour later I start becoming memorized by the movie. The colors, the avatars and the story was very intriguing, not that I could really follow along. Everything started looking mystical, especially the parts where they are in their avatars in the jungle. Dialog started sounding like gibberish or like it  was being speed up or warped.

As I start getting wrapped up in these beautiful distortions in perception I feel unsatisfied. I feel very good, perfect, happy, loved, but nothing too intense.  I grab a bag of dried mushrooms (a little less than an oz) take one out and bite the cap off. This totally changed the vibe for a moment because the cap was so dry and did not taste good. I gagged slightly trying to find water. Finding my bottle I rinsed and spit out the cap into my bathroom sink. I felt better as soon as  I rinsed my mouth out. Now looking in the mirror to see how dilated my pupils are. I pull my head away from the mirror and experience a sort of backwards tunnel vision, turning my head to leave the bathroom, I still see my reflection for a moment. This was very cool to me, the type of effects I was looking for. I play around with this effect for what was probably only 5 or 10 minutes. Putting my head close to the mirror and pulling back feeling as my head is flying through a tunnel, looking away to still see my reflection looking back, thought this effect only lasted a moment or so.

Back to feeling great having fun I head back to the couch to start the movie back up. Still with the feeling of wanting more mushrooms I eat a dry one, eating more carefully this time. Thinking about how hard I actually want to trip and how many I should eat as to not have a bad time I decided to let my body tell me when I have eaten enough. Snacking on dried mushrooms which I am now loving as I continue to become enchanted by this movie. The mushrooms taste very good exactly like crackers. I feel my relationship with the mushrooms grow.

I continue to enjoy myself and the visual effects of the mushrooms very much.
The visuals during this trip were definitely some of my favorites. With the lights off the TV looked like it was floating, sometimes bobbing around, this did not make it difficult to watch the film at all. The jungle scenes had twinkling lights everywhere like they were surrounded by stars or fireflies. The warped voices were hilarious and crunch of the dried shrooms I was eating was very satisfying. This sound gets louder and more satisfying with every mushroom I eat, it becomes very loud as I eat a lot of mushrooms. (I wind up finishing the bag and starting a new one while walking around and coming up, eventually putting the new bag down not too emptied. Though I did notice at one point I was mindlessly shoveling down mouthfuls of shrooms needing lots of water.) The shadows during this trip and the way the light or lack off affected my perception was also very interesting. Going from dark to light looking like a black and white sketch that dimmed throughout the trip. (As the TV turned black then off)

Now walking around there is still enough light from the TV for me to see the decorations in my room. It makes me feel happy, as these are things that express myself. As I continue avatar the effects of the low light condition produces very cool effects. At some point I get intrigued looking into the darkness. I pause the movie and venture in, walking around my basement in and out of different shades of light, still snacking constantly. I start to understand why people take mushrooms in the dark, as I venture into the darkest side of the basement I see colorful lights. Not many a handful or so. I am aware that only one of the lights is real, though it is now a small cluster of lights.

At this point the trip is intensifying a good amount, nothing overwhelming though. Forgetting about the movie I was watching I venture around the basement in and out of the shadows experiencing very interesting visual effects. This interest continues to build up a lot and leads me throughout the rest of the trip.

In the darkest parts of the basement my vision becomes engulfed in a translucent kaleidoscope of shapes and colors. All the shapes were trapezoids or something close and were all the same color. They were all layered with two or three colors with red on top. Past this I see lights twinkling like colorful stars.


Walking around the basement stopping in different parts. I go thought to thought, nothing to specific but I get this feeling of visiting different parts of my mind. I feel as if I am looking for something, but I do not know what it is. Like waiting to stumble across whatever it is i need.  As the trip continues to build I slowly find myself inside my mind. Feeling like the basement walls are the walls of my mind and I am literally walking around inside my brain, a feeling remembered from a DMT experience. It is almost as if my reality had turned inside out. I recall a time where I felt as if I could possibly be laying on the couch or something and had left my body and entered a different space, but we were not there yet. Though I do become aware that I am indeed having a fully conscious out of body experience or building too one.


The transition is slow though, not intense or overwhelming. On the other end of this transition is where I find myself inside my head and I am out of my body. I am 100% out of my body but I still have full control.

Walking back and forth across the basement I become aware that I am going to break through.


During part of the transition I noticed everything in my room that expresses myself, which gave me the feeling of being surrounded by myself. This is where all aspects of reality slowly fall away one by one. The concept of money, jobs, seeing my friends after this was all over, all these things fall and disappear but I do not grasp onto any one concept.

As everything falls away I am in total darkness, I take my last few paces around my room with only my phone light to guide me. I am only capable of pushing the power button which lets the screen on for five seconds or so. The light seems to pulse as it radiates a minimal amount of light in the pitch black. 

This is the start of the most intense part of the trip. This is where I lose all connection to reality and fully leave my body with no control. At this point I become overwhelmed. No longer able to use my phone or do anything at all, I lower to the ground on my hands and knees with my head to the ground. I feel as though I am entering my pineal gland, another similar feeling to a previous DMT experience. I break through.

The venture down the rabbit hole begins, I am fully submitted to the experience. I am no longer inside my mind, I have broken through to another place. I feel as though I am being lead on this spiritual voyage by some sort  of ancestor or ancient shaman or being. I feel the presence of my mom, then my step dad who has been dead for some years. Faintly in the background I feel my grandparents, almost watching over from afar never to interfere or become significant in this experience.

The presence of my deceased stepdad made me feel as though I had finally got to know him, as I never felt I really did.

At this point all other family disappears and I feel as though my mothers nurturing love is now guiding me. I become greatly aware of everything she has done for me in life that has led up to this moment in existence, this experience that had to happen. My mother and I become one being on a spiritual and molecular level as am getting to know her as a person. As our beings merge I see colorful visions of what seems to be our DNAs merging with a colorful mushroom in the middle, that seems to be responsible for this being possible.

That was probably the most visual part of the trip after I had broken through. A lot of the travel into the depths of my mind felt as if were floating forward through an endless black tunnel, with accompanying visions pertaining to the different feelings and experiences I was having.

I remember at one point breathing so heavily I became aware of it. I was like I was hyperventilating or doing some sort of chant.

I feel as though I have reached the end of this portal I have been traveling in. I am now face to face with the universe itself, an enormous black wall with a cluster of colorful shining lights in the middle.

I feel as though I am being given as very special gift that is to be cherished, a gift that not many are able to be given.

At this point I am show the meaning to life.

I am shown that the meaning of life is what you make it and who you hold close. The love of your family will always live on in every person for eternity. Love is what keeps us moving forward. I feel as though am being gifted a second life, another chance to be my true self. I experience my rebirth on the same level of which I merged with my mom I experience another similar vision of what I understand to be DNA. I am the only being in existence, though can again feel my mom's presence upstairs sleeping. For a moment I realize that I am god, I am the universe. Everything that has ever been has lead up to my rebirth. I feel as though I have found myself, my strength, my confidence.

I descend to find myself sitting at the bottom of the rabbit hole, all my lessons have been learned but I am dead. I know for a fact that I am dead. I am stuck in this dark abyss existing in my own death, making it feel as though I am dying over and over. It feels as though I am stuck part way through the process of dying. It will not end and I cannot go back the way I came. I exist here for a timeless amount of time, as though I might exist here forever.

During part of this decent to the bottom of the rabbit hole I became very hot and started sweating profusely, I somehow removed most of my clothes except for my boxers. At one point I am not exactly sure when I had started crying very intensely, I could feel the tears pouring down my face like rivers.

This is where I find myself. I have found the true me who am and have felt like I could not find. I realize I am a god, my god, I have found the strength to not let myself die forever. I know if I lay down and give up or pass out I will be gone forever and will not be able to come back. I hold onto the only things I know, I am breathing and I am in my basement, which I know because of normally unnoticed noises that are now so crisp, clear and loud. Various pipes knocking and my dogs moving or snoring.

I start to reach out looking for a wall to find a light that I can use to save myself and bring me back. I cannot find anything. I try to stand but cannot due to overwhelming nausea. I cannot rush the trip, I have made it this far I must see it through all the way to the end. I am pretty much told I am not getting out early.

I spend more time in the dark abyss holding on to my mind I am strong I will not give up, I will save myself. Nothing else exists only me it is fight or die.

Still very intense at some point I stand and projectile vomit all over the floor I almost see it though I am still in complete darkness. Back on the floor I puke a couple more times not nearly as bad. Huddled on the ground with hard to explain intense feelings, my body fully purges itself, which was extremely relieving.

Now that I have fully purged I have gotten a good portion of my head back. I reach out again struggling to find anything I can use to guide myself to the light. I reach over and grab my dresser, it’s hopeless, I have no clue how to get to a light from there. After a few moments I reach out again, I find my long board which I recognize by the texture. I know it is leaning up next to my bed. With a wave of relief washing over me I hold on not letting go as I have found the only thing to save myself I reach out lifting myself onto my bed, I find the wall and lead my hand to my light switch.

I emerge back in this realty, stepping through the fabric of reality itself into a three dimensional psychedelic fog.

This fog reminds me of when you fall asleep on the couch drinking/smoking and wake up in the middle of the night and everything is blurry expect very thick and made of 3D colors, red over blue. This effect remains for what must be the next hour.

As I stand up in the light I feel as though I have become a man. Partially for making it through the experience and saving myself. But also from all the lessons I learned and I feel as though my step dad taught me that lesson deep in the spirit world or wherever I just came from.

Before fully coming out of the trip.

As my mind stabilizes and reality starts coming back together I have various thoughts. Is this trial in life is preparing me for something extreme I am about to become aware of?  I wonder if I had died. I wonder if meeting my mom means I will go upstairs to find her dead. I remain calm just wondering after such an intense and meaningful experience, which if felt very humbled by during the trip. What does this all mean was kind of the vibe.

Getting out of the shower I get dressed, I  am still in this thick fog, I rush upstairs into my moms room sure that she made just meet me in that reality in her dream.

Very hyped after this incredibly amazing experience I assure my mom everything is ok and begin to ramble for an hour or so how I realized how important she is and everything I learned. By the time I am done the fog has mostly cleared. She did not a similar dream.

The time is now 3am.

I will experience minor visual glitches for another couple of hours. Such visuals include blurriness, minor distortions/waviness. I watched cartoons for a while and the lines would remain longer than the scene. So a character would move and I would still see a few lines that made their face, like eye or mouth outlines. I feel very clear headed and extremely peaceful. I experience positive feelings all day everyday after the trip, a lot stronger than normal, though my life is also changing and have a bit of a break to reflect and absorb. I also notice reduced anxiety especially when thinking of certain things that normally induce more anxiety. My general feeling is calm, peaceful, happy, uplifted, clear minded and a lot more confident and certain. These effects continue, it is one week later.

Reflections

Overall the whole experience was amazing. I had no bad feelings, I felt very calm and safe throughout the whole trip. I could feel a strong love guiding my way caring for me, as if I were being carried in the hands of love. The whole thing felt right as if it were meant to be. It also seemed as though my subconscious took the wheel to deal with feelings I did not know how to. I knew nothing lasts forever and I would make it through. It felt as though I was plunged into one lesson ripped out and plunged into the other like my soul was being cleansed on a washboard. These lessons are helping me harness positive energy, look in directions of positivity leaving anything negative holding me back behind. I feel my spirit has been awakened, I can feel a light inside, like a lantern that was waiting to be lit.

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OfflineOrioncat
C student of the Golden Teacher
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Registered: 11/16/19
Posts: 338
Last seen: 1 hour, 19 minutes
Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: VillageBoomer]
    #26353344 - 11/30/19 08:07 AM (4 years, 3 months ago)

That sounds pretty intense and awesome. What do you think would have happened if you didn't fight the whole dying part? If you just let it happen... do you think the trip would have gone south? Obviously in the moment you chose to fight it but now looking back on it would you have still fought it? That is for sharing!


--------------------
Things I've learned so far:

Death with consciousness can be boring. Balance is important. Set intentions, not expectations. Sad trips can be helpful as well as challenging trips. Stick with your first dose. We learn more when we listen rather than speak. Be kind. The small moments in life that tend to go unnoticed are sometimes the most beautiful.

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OfflineVillageBoomer
Stranger

Registered: 11/30/19
Posts: 23
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: Orioncat]
    #26353375 - 11/30/19 08:20 AM (4 years, 3 months ago)

I have considered this. I had an ego death years ago on LSD I fell spiraling down and endless abyss and found myself at the bottom stuck in death. I was with people at the time, I started crying and heard "is he crying?". I opened my eyes like Wtf just happened. I got over it in a day or so it didn't fuck me up I just didn't know what to think of it. When I broke through and entered this state during this experience I recognized the feeling, along with the understanding you must submit to the experience I was able to stay calm. If I was not able to get up myself and turn on the light, or if I fell over and passed out I think the trip would have had a similar outcome or yes possibly gone bad. My turning on the light symbolized me recognizing that I am not going to quit on myself. If that did not happen I do not think I would have found the strength and confidence I have taken from this experience. Finding this in my self was the only option, while in this state of mind there was very little that made up my reality.

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OfflineAldebaran
Psilo-Scribe
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Registered: 11/26/09
Posts: 1,328
Loc: Altered States of Europe
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Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: VillageBoomer]
    #26362659 - 12/05/19 10:07 AM (4 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

For a moment I realize that I am god, I am the universe. Everything that has ever been has lead up to my rebirth. I feel as though I have found myself, my strength, my confidence.

I descend to find myself sitting at the bottom of the rabbit hole, all my lessons have been learned but I am dead. I know for a fact that I am dead. I am stuck in this dark abyss existing in my own death, making it feel as though I am dying over and over. It feels as though I am stuck part way through the process of dying. It will not end and I cannot go back the way I came. I exist here for a timeless amount of time, as though I might exist here forever.

During part of this decent to the bottom of the rabbit hole I became very hot and started sweating profusely, I somehow removed most of my clothes except for my boxers. At one point I am not exactly sure when I had started crying very intensely, I could feel the tears pouring down my face like rivers.

This is where I find myself. I have found the true me who am and have felt like I could not find. I realize I am a god, my god, I have found the strength to not let myself die forever. I know if I lay down and give up or pass out I will be gone forever and will not be able to come back.




Intense stuff!

:shitsintense:

Nice report - it's not easy to explain what you went through on a trip like this :thumbup:


--------------------
I wrote that, but I meant something else

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OfflineVillageBoomer
Stranger

Registered: 11/30/19
Posts: 23
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: Aldebaran]
    #26367625 - 12/07/19 06:42 PM (4 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you Aldebaran, It was extremely intense and powerful I started writing about it the next day. I have tripped more since, but still experience new perspectives and revelations upon reflection.

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OfflineKorean Jesus
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Registered: 11/13/19
Posts: 554
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Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: VillageBoomer]
    #26367792 - 12/07/19 08:07 PM (4 years, 3 months ago)

Is this 47g dried or wet?


--------------------
:rastamon::getstoned::rastamon:

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OfflineVillageBoomer
Stranger

Registered: 11/30/19
Posts: 23
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: Korean Jesus]
    #26520204 - 03/06/20 08:39 AM (4 years, 23 days ago)

wet

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OfflinePandemoon
Ἧeẍeᾐmeḭsṫeŗ ͛
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Registered: 01/28/14
Posts: 5,846
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Last seen: 13 days, 1 hour
Re: HEROIC DOSE 1.5OZ [Re: VillageBoomer]
    #26524945 - 03/09/20 04:00 AM (4 years, 20 days ago)

Yeah, high doses are truly special. Nice report.

One time I dosed high, but didn't reach what I wanted to, so I kept redosing more and more. Ended up eating 14g (dry) in one session.
One of the best trips I had so far. :sun:

-

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