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OfflineHuskies
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Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best
    #26351945 - 11/29/19 12:45 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Hello everyone! This is a little journal with some of my experiences dealing with mental illness, I am sure there are those who deal with similar things, and I would love to hear your personal insights on how mushrooms play into it.

I'm bipolar II, my mania is only hypomania, I am taking my medication, mood stabilizers, a dopamine anti-depressant (wellbutrin) and Adderall for my ADHD.

My biggest issues have always been with depression. Mania due to dropping LSD gets out of control a bit, it's embarrassing in retrospect, so I have stopped LSD. Other than my first big hypomania (Mexico, on SSRIs only, no BP diagnosis) or LSD, what I identify as mania now honestly only feels like me being content, inspired, more social and proactive, personally and professionally. It could also just be not depressed. I cannot differentiate between happiness and hypomania.

Before getting diagnosed, I was self medicating with mushrooms, and that was the only thing that could lift the veil of depression, for like 2 weeks or so, but it worked. After my diagnosis, I began second guessing this: did it make me feel better, or did it just trigger mania?

I still don't know, but I know mushrooms don't do what LSD does to me. I feel safe with them, rejuvenated, inspired, encouraged. I still often doubt myself or feel anxious about using it therapeutically, but it always ends up being worth it.

They have been on the news within the past week, and personally, they have been calling me again. I only have like 1.7g left, so I'm thinking of just doing a lil taster to see what happens, because currently I am depressed, not super bad, but it keeps me from being who I want and need to be. I need to know how it makes me feel again, because it simply might be the answer.

I am seeing my psychiatrist on Monday, I have a LOT of question for her about serotonin deficiency, hypersensitivity and yadda yadda. I will ask for a prescription for an SSRI, but might not start it immediately. I honestly feel like I am serotonin deficient, I have responded well to ALL SSRIs I have tried, but of course, did it just trigger mania that will make me crash after?

I guess my question for all of you is, have you found mushrooms being a better alternative than SSRIs, especially if you are bipolar? Have you found them to be worse, destabilizing? Has it been small trips every few weeks or months, or is it a heroic dose? What about supplements such as tryptophan or 5-htp, has that been enough for anyone? SSRIs don't have a great track record, plus the sexual side effects, but I do respond well to them, and mushrooms, but it really does seem to be since my body seems to crave more serotonin.


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I call them Huskies cause you tell them to go "Mush! Mush""


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies] * 2
    #26351956 - 11/29/19 12:48 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Mushrooms will fuck with your bipolar. Avoid them.


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OfflineHuskies
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26351982 - 11/29/19 12:58 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

So far I have not found that to be the case with mushrooms, although DEFINITELY the case for LSD. Personal experience there bud?


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I call them Huskies cause you tell them to go "Mush! Mush""


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26352332 - 11/29/19 04:10 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Hey man I am bipolar fosho.  I don’t take meds but I read something that made everything click for me.  The way primalsoup(that’s his username here you could PM him he seems like a good guy) put was that  with bipolar there are manic and depressive stages.  He says that psychedelics reliably reset his bipolar to a manic phase.  To me that is good because it is the depressive states that ultimately have a more negative effect on me.  I’m really not saying there is any definitive science about it good vs bad but used responsibly I think it can have a net positive IME


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sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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OfflineHuskies
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #26352424 - 11/29/19 04:55 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

First of all, I straight up cannot differentiate between mania and happiness. I'm even beginning to believe that there isn't one, and maybe bipolar is just a simultaneous deficiency and hypersentivity to serotonin.

My issues are not with mania, it is the depression as it is with most. Before I knew it was mania, sure, maybe. Now that I am hyperaware of what mania is, I for sure know that it is easier for me to control that versus trying to control my depression with good will and positive thinking.

What scares me is that after mania, there tends to be a crash, not that I noticed last time I did shrooms in the summer. LSD for sure fucks me up, I am still unsure if mushies end up being an overall benefit. Of course, I would like to feel "hypomania" all of the time, that is the only time I feel comfortable in my skin, and the positive reinforcement I get from others is huge. Normally I am that guy who you see and you know he is so anxious and depressed that he's having a bad time, when in my hypomania I become the life of the party.

I cannot access that version of myself when I am depressed, and that has been my status quo.

I need to finish a grant application soon, but depression has been getting in the way, on a bad day, even if I manage to put effort, I get stuck and nothing comes out.

I feel like a gram tea could help free me a bit, but at the same time, I have no clue.

I am seeing my psychiatrist on Monday, and I don't know if I should try a tiny trip first or not. I cannot afford to waste more days to depression, but I can't risk becomming erratic, which honestly, never is an issue.

One time my old roomate new I was tripping. I asked him is it this obvious? He said it;s because you are smiling, and you only smile on shrooms.


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I call them Huskies cause you tell them to go "Mush! Mush""


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OfflineFungiMaster
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26352554 - 11/29/19 06:10 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I'm bipolar 2 as well but I think it's funny. I've also been on anxiety drugs, which I think is bad. The problem with a psychiatrist is they load you up on so many drugs, I think.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26352570 - 11/29/19 06:20 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Huskies said:
So far I have not found that to be the case with mushrooms, although DEFINITELY the case for LSD. Personal experience there bud?




I was bipolaar 2 until I started microdosing for a few weeks.  I became bipolar 1 and I had a full blown manic episode.


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Offlinepixelpopper
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26352572 - 11/29/19 06:21 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Shane Mauss is a comedian with BPD, has done lots of psychedelics for years, and made a recent documentary about his experience of psychedelic related psychosis.

https://www.psychonauticsfilm.com

Although his experience was due to taking large doses continually while coinciding with a period of mania.

He also has a podcast called Here We are and lots of material out there regarding pro-psychedelic usage. Maybe check 'em out, might find some insight since he has bi-polar and has used lots of psychs, and continues to.


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: pixelpopper]
    #26352627 - 11/29/19 06:50 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

It sounds like you know it will be good for your happiness but you are getting caught up in diagnoses.  You said it yourself that losing control hasn’t been an issue for you with psychedelic use.


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sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Offlinepixelpopper
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #26352634 - 11/29/19 06:54 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Regarding diagnosis of these kinds of things, its helpful to remember that psychological disorders are more of a sliding scale - its not an all or nothing kind of thing

You can have varying levels of the different disorders, and combinations of them. Its not a simple "you have this, you are this way"

Many therapists only use diagnosis just to get insurance to pay for the coverage, but otherwise they don't view the labels as very helpful. Its just a general framework, some of which will apply to you to varying degrees.


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InvisibleCrazy_Horse
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Patlal]
    #26352666 - 11/29/19 07:14 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

Huskies said:
So far I have not found that to be the case with mushrooms, although DEFINITELY the case for LSD. Personal experience there bud?




I was bipolaar 2 until I started microdosing for a few weeks.  I became bipolar 1 and I had a full blown manic episode.




Is that when you had the swimming accident?


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OfflineFungiMaster
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Crazy_Horse]
    #26352673 - 11/29/19 07:16 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I don't know man, pretty trippy world with psychedelics. I sometimes have a snap when I come back to reality.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Crazy_Horse]
    #26352679 - 11/29/19 07:20 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Crazy_Horse said:
Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

Huskies said:
So far I have not found that to be the case with mushrooms, although DEFINITELY the case for LSD. Personal experience there bud?




I was bipolaar 2 until I started microdosing for a few weeks.  I became bipolar 1 and I had a full blown manic episode.




Is that when you had the swimming accident?




Yes


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OfflineHuskies
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Patlal]
    #26352699 - 11/29/19 07:32 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you everyone.

For sure, I should stop defining myself so much by the illness. It's just hard to not do when you are hyper-aware of your symptoms, and the drastic difference of what an up day feels like versus a down one.

I did decide to do a .8g tea, just to see what happened, no testing of my limits, I just want to see if it helped because I cannot afford to waste this week wallowing.

That was two hours ago. trip wise, I don't feel anything besides the tingling sensation of being on the edge, yeah I'm "high", but less high than smoking a joint for sure. But my mood is so much better.

I keep catching my face defaulting to a smile, for no reason.

Thanks mushrooms.

I will be updating this thread during the next days as a personal scientific experiment, so feel free to ask anything.


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I call them Huskies cause you tell them to go "Mush! Mush""


Edited by Huskies (11/29/19 07:32 PM)


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OfflinetheRealrollforever
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26352919 - 11/29/19 10:44 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

:thumbup:


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sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.


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Offlinelearnlovelive
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: theRealrollforever]
    #26353049 - 11/30/19 01:48 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I'm not bipolar, but I have been trapped in cycles of major depression since about 12 years old. I never felt free not to be depressed until I stopped referring to myself as depressed. It isn't that it fixed the issue, it's that my previous mentality prevented me from ever growing in this aspect because I was so determined that this label was me, and that it meant everything. We're also different in that I find LSD extremely helpful, a trip appearing to be something I can rely on to pull me out of a depressive episode. I was on several SSRIs in my teens and found them largely useless other than welbutrin and possibly vyvanse, both I enjoyed simply for their stimulant effect combating my lethargic personality. Psychedelics have an undeniably powerful effect on my mental state, effective in a way traditional drugs just AREN'T. It sounds like you're similar to me in the obsessive manner you reflect on your behavior and brain - so I say use your best judgment but give yourself room to live and experience the results of your actions. Adding the additional pressure of "am I making the right choice?" on top of existing mental difficulties is frequently more harmful than helpful. Live, be free to make mistakes and experiement. No one has an answer for you but yourself, we can only give your our experiences or dogmatic imprints. Same, unfortunately, is the case with professionals.  They can act as advisors but ultimately we're on our own journeys and you should be skeptical about accepting anyone else's answer.


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Invisiblesh4d0ws
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Patlal]
    #26353051 - 11/30/19 01:53 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Quote:

Huskies said:
So far I have not found that to be the case with mushrooms, although DEFINITELY the case for LSD. Personal experience there bud?




I was bipolaar 2 until I started microdosing for a few weeks.  I became bipolar 1 and I had a full blown manic episode.




Were you on medication prior to starting your microdosing? Did you stop using the bipolar meds while you were microdosing?

Every SSRI I have tried has been garbage, make me lethargic, hungry, irritable, gain weight easily, more depressed. I haven't even tried one in 7 or 8 years because it seemed like it made things worse for me. I don't really know. I still dose LSD about once a year. I think quitting the booze has helped my manic episodes become less frequent, but I still go through them :shrug:


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: sh4d0ws]
    #26353512 - 11/30/19 10:17 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I always use my meds, religiously.


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OfflineFungiMaster
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Patlal]
    #26353627 - 11/30/19 11:08 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Man I try to live without meds. I'm on invega eventually will be off of it and I think I'll be more sain. Because as far as I've experienced it's just stress levels and excitement that happen when I'm more sober. And I had hallucinating visions last night, didn't sleep either.


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OfflineHuskies
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: FungiMaster]
    #26354413 - 11/30/19 06:28 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Did my tea, went to a party, had a splendid time, good vibes. Only went to bed at 5, so my lamotrigine was taken late.

Today I was slightly hungover, distracted, anxious, but there were a lot of factors that played into that.

Overall though, I still think my mood was better than the previous day, tomorrow i want to have a full work day so Ill see how that goes.


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I call them Huskies cause you tell them to go "Mush! Mush""


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Offlinemorrowasted
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26354606 - 11/30/19 08:36 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Hypomania can be a gift if you manage to have just enough self control not to do anything stupid. Some people just become very creative when hypomanic, others become impulsive. I myself go through bouts of hypomania but I just become extremely productive.


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OfflineHuskies
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: morrowasted]
    #26355209 - 12/01/19 09:19 AM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah so I have different ones.

An extreme one I can become impulsive, mostly LSD triggered ones, and my first one in Mexico, due to SSRIs and maybe some speed laced weed. Those I get impulsive, a manic presence, spiralling delusional ideas.

My more regular ones are bouts of creativity, happiness and confidence. I always wondered why despite being chronically single, women would arrive in twos or threes. Well, it was mild mania.

I am not sure if I crash hard in depression after both, or just the more intense ones. This is one of my concerns.

But for sure, controlling my mild mania is much easier than my severe depression.


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I call them Huskies cause you tell them to go "Mush! Mush""


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: learnlovelive]
    #26355479 - 12/01/19 12:20 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

learnlovelive said:

I never felt free not to be depressed until I stopped referring to myself as depressed.




That's interesting. It can be dangerous to adopt a label, because when we self identify with a label, especially one that defines us as being abnormal or defective, we often succumb to the self fulfilling prophesy and it can permanently damage our self-image and harm mental health. 

Many people struggle with an intense craving for control. When they feel in control they are elated and when they feel out of control they engage in depressing. This can lead to wild mood swings. It's pretty interesting to uncover how we create moods with our cognitive behavior.


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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #26355563 - 12/01/19 01:20 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Everyone's body reacts to chemicals differently. Keep that in mind when experimenting. ALWAYS start low and work your way up. Good luck soldier :salute:


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OfflineFungiMaster
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26355679 - 12/01/19 02:27 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I think bipolarism is somewhat of a sham. Just because some people are extreme doesn't mean they need pills.


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OfflineHuskies
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: FungiMaster]
    #26356007 - 12/01/19 06:02 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

To be fair, I was suffering from the same things for years without the label. The label just helped put it into context, give me a guide for recovery, things to avoid, and understanding of my cycles.

I did definitely internalize too much of it, and was being so careful and responsible with managing it, but second guessing happiness is a step too far that I think mushies helped solidify.

FungiMaster, unfortunately it runs in my family, and those people never did anything to try to get help for it, and they suffered for it, never living up to their full potential.

Meds are sketchy, you cant trust all doctors, but I have been feeling better and less lost since. Most of the time I am not too intense, but I have also spent 1000 dollars at a festival because I was sure that my new altcoin would make me a billionaire.

Either way, it is the depression which is the big fucker. I can CBT the mania into control, not feeling that my life is meaningless and devoid of pleasure, love or comfort.


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OfflineFungiMaster
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: Huskies]
    #26356226 - 12/01/19 08:34 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Yah but they just want to drug up people the psychiatrist gets paid for it


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: FungiMaster]
    #26356241 - 12/01/19 08:46 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Good friends are better than any psychiatrist.


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OfflineFungiMaster
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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: spirit_shadow]
    #26356253 - 12/01/19 08:52 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

spirit_shadow said:
Good friends are better than any psychiatrist.




Yah but a doctor you can talk to about problems vs a friend you shoot the shit with, at least me personally.


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Re: Bipolar, Mushrooms, Serotonin, Mania ( or is it Happiness) and trying to figure out what is best [Re: FungiMaster]
    #26356269 - 12/01/19 09:01 PM (4 years, 1 month ago)

I dont have many friends at all but the ones ai do have are closer than family to me. My best friend and I have literally talked each other out of some stupid shit before at different times in our lives.

I do however know that everyone's lives are different so if a psychiatrist can help you then by all means go for it :shroomeryhead:


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Edited by spirit_shadow (12/01/19 09:02 PM)


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