I’ll preface this with the fact that I’m a boring “old” lady. I smoke plenty of weed, but I never seriously considered taking hallucinogens. Even when my fascination with mycology kicked up a few years back I was, and have been primarily interested in the culinary aspect and how I can use fungi to improve the soil health of my garden. I regularly document what’s growing on our property and well, this year I came across a beautiful and pristine patch of cyans. I descended upon them, and approached my partner with wide eyes. He laughed, asking what I planned to do with this new knowledge, but got confused when I harvested the patch.
I dehydrated them according to recommendations found here. After staring at this jar for a solid month, opening- grabbing one just to chicken out- I finally worked up the courage to try ‘em. I popped a few caps with a big glass of water and went back to cooking.
About an hour in I wasn’t feeling anything, so I went out with the dog and took a hit. Another 20 minutes or so went by and while I was feeling a bit more stoned than usual, I didn’t think they were affecting me... until I looked up at the orchid in the kitchen. It glowed with life and I felt as if I was watching it grow and breathe. In the background, the sparse yellow leaves on the cottonwood resembled a timelapse of those gorgeously drippy slime molds as the winds moved through the branches. Next to it was a bright orange maple that slowly morphed into a beautiful and fiery kaleidoscope while the green pines behind it melted in it’s glow.
I worked on my recipes, taking extra time to appreciate all the colors and aromas of all the spices. The flavors were amazing, but I had absolutely no appetite. There was a music- or at least, it felt like there was? I didn’t have anything playing, but it was just... there. I jumped in the shower as I felt the come down- just to come out to my partner informing me we were having an impromptu playdate with the two kids next door. Lemme tell ya, 3 rambunctious and stereotypical little boys isn’t how I expected to end that beautiful experience, but it is what it is.
I’ve been on a good creative kick since... and most importantly, most shocking to me is an actual ease up in my depression. No one would really think I have a problem. I’m anxious, yeah- but generally pretty down to earth. Yet I think about suicide... a lot... I don’t talk about it, I certainly don’t tell anyone- and I don’t think I’ll ever actually go through with it- but... it’s just there. Whenever my mind starts to drift, it’s there. This last week has been easier. I find my mind drifting to artistic patterns and new projects instead. It’s a welcome reprieve from what I assumed my existence would always be.
I definitely didn’t go all in. I’d say it was a solid level 2, based on the descriptions. I’m frankly afraid of what I will discover within myself if I do go further, though after this experience I’m a bit l more open to the idea.
I have had some residual anxiety from the “omg, I done did drugs” aspect of this- and while my partner is curious, I don’t think he really approves and absolutely no one in my circle does this kind of stuff. I needed a place to talk this through, if nothing more than to re-examine the experience with myself. If you got this far, thanks for your time.
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I'm glad you went through with it! Don't be afraid to go deeper but pace yourself to what you are comfortable with.
Shrooms are no more a drug than what weed is, so don't sweat it. It's not like you did harm to yourself or others, the opposite is actually true that you can see a positive outcome from taking it.
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