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DoneKildatReason said:
Exactly.. well put.  I've been seeing a woman for about 6 months, and have known her for almost a year.. we instantly clicked and now she wants to be serious and see me more than one night on the weekends.... she wants to meet my kids, has openly asked me when she will and why I have not introduced her yet. She wants to know I am serious. 
it is a maternal desire that she has.... she knows my kids went through a lot of pain watching their mom slowly disappear and she just wants to mother them....  i never thought of it so simply, thanks for that.  it's just too soon for them to even want to see another prospective mother other than their own.  But that isnt this women's fault, and I'm lucky to have someone as sweet as that in my life right now. It's just too soon though.  I should have waited a few years.... it's hard not to let things get serious sometimes when there are exciting connections and good feelings between people.

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Don’t go letting her leverage you into situations you don’t already want to get into.  Chicks like to use ultimatums and play these mind games on a brother that gets guys to ‘give in’ even when they really don’t want to do whatever it is.  I see this shit on the daily, they play mind games.  I’m sure this doesn’t need to be said but keep what’s good for the kids first and if she somehow tries to categorize that as a deal breaker then so be it.  You can’t shake a real chick, they stick around..

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living_failure said:
I know there is a single mother in the thread. I am ruling  out single mothers of the equation because reasons

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DoneKildatReason said:
Exactly.. well put.  I've been seeing a woman for about 6 months, and have known her for almost a year.. we instantly clicked and now she wants to be serious and see me more than one night on the weekends.... she wants to meet my kids, has openly asked me when she will and why I have not introduced her yet. She wants to know I am serious. 
it is a maternal desire that she has.... she knows my kids went through a lot of pain watching their mom slowly disappear and she just wants to mother them....  i never thought of it so simply, thanks for that.  it's just too soon for them to even want to see another prospective mother other than their own.  But that isnt this women's fault, and I'm lucky to have someone as sweet as that in my life right now. It's just too soon though.  I should have waited a few years.... it's hard not to let things get serious sometimes when there are exciting connections and good feelings between people.

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"Don’t go letting her leverage you into situations you don’t already want to get into.  "

....and....

"You can’t shake a real chick, they stick around..."

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Yes I'm most definitely aware of the games, and thankfully this woman seems pretty mature for the most part, although she does have a way of spoiling me with things I love and making plans for activities or gifts that are a month or two off, and being so openly excited about them, that I cant seem to plan a time to let her go that wouldn't make me feel like a huge asshole.... but leading her on is doing the same thing!  So I am kind of stuck.... and to be honest, she would be an amazingly supportive partner, and we get along great.  I dont know what more i could hope for.... but i dont like how she says certain things that put me under pressure to have her meet my kids.... for example tonight.  It was Halloween.  She said , "they look great! I hope next year we can all be together...." or she said once.... "I cant wait for Christmas, I said fuckit and ordered your gift.... hopefully you will have told them by then, but it's cool if not... but hopefully..."  Or she has a sensory deprivation thing she said she wants to do early next year..... which is awesome!  I love that stuff!  And she gets me the sweetest most thoughtful gifts.  It's just things like that kind of make me feel guilty, because I dont see myself having anyone around my kids for another year or two..  I cant decide if she is planning the far off gifts or activities to make it harder for me to split with her, but i think she may be, because she has asked me multiple times: "Are you going to run away?" Or, "can I keep you? Like, forever?"  Its just a little too much for me right now, and anyway how does she expect me to answer that?  It isnt fair dammit!  But life ain't fair, is it?  It is rough, and I feel like such a fucking asshole for not ending it with her sooner....  but how do you end it with someone who just bought you a really sweet gift?  She bought me this blanket for my 34th b-day in September, a rendition of my favorite Alex grey painting....



And she is always buying books online and sending them to me, because we read a lot together.... we have read 12 books in the last 10 months together... I love it!  She is really so damn awesome and cool, and I would be lucky to have her as a partner, because she is a hard worker and a great mother to her own 2 kids.... we would make a great team.... but I didnt want this to get so serious so soon after I am out of an 18 year relationship with my kids' mom.. and the way she left was so painful....

From jewstress:

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have you talked to your kids about dating, specifically you dating again? seeing how they feel? what their nonverbal communication says?

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No, I have not talked to them.  But you are keen enough to ask about the non-verbal communication,  which is exactly what tells me they arent ready.  My daughter, 6th grade, has taken up playing the flute, which her mom played.... she also has pictures of Mom up in her room of them two smiling, right above her drawing and painting area where she spends most of her time.  She also saw a text from the woman I am talking with.  It wasnt anything mushy or anything, but it was saying "I cant wait to see you!" and similar things with heart emojis.... this was back in August that she saw the message.... then she made me this card on my birthday....



My daughter is so sweet, and I think about her well being all the time.  All my boys' too.  I think itd stress them all right the fuck out.  They ask me now and again if I've heard from Mom, if shes doing better, and when they can see her.  I almost think that I should wait UNTIL she IS doing better before i openly move on, so that my kids can see her and feel better....

I dont know guys.. i dont know WHAT to do.... i realize the above is very personal,  and i thank you all for reading, and also offer my apologies to Jewstress for being so off topic in her thread.... though it is about dating.... lol.

But i dont know guys.... i was just wanting to have some fun with a cool woman and the natural progression of things led to here.... and now i feel like whichever way i turn, I will feel like an asshole.  The woman I am talking to is very cool like I said, and we really click.  When we have sex, too, it is great, and we go for hours sometimes.. the first time it was like 5 hours, and I came 3 times.  It was amazing.  And the connection we have made it that way.  So after the sex, she really wanted to get serious, but I was still okay with having fun and keeping it with no expectations of long term .... not her.  She wants to KNOW that I want her, and only her, forever.... 

And I just dont think that I do.... not only do I worry about my kids' feelings, but her and I clash on spiritual matters somewhat.  I have faith in a higher power of some kind.  She thinks it is okay to fucking mock God and I cant stand that.  I usually dont respond when she says shit like that, and somehow she hasn't noticed that I dont like it.... so theres that too.... I'm no holy roller, and even have some agnostic leanings, but I am not an atheist, so her jokes rub me way wrong... plus she is too pushy with the long term commitment.... And another thing... she has 2 kids... one is 15, one is 5.  The 5 year old is a terror!  He is probably going to be diagnosed soon with Opositional Defiance Disorder and ADHD.... he gets into lots of trouble and doesnt mind his momma at all.... and this young man has his Dad in his life.... I could see that stressing my kids the fuck out.  My kids are super calm and respectful.  I've spent their whole lives paying close attention to their individual  natures and trying to nourish that with strict and consistent boundaries and love and understandings.... I dont know if she has done that with the youngest, although her older daughter is very cool and smart and calm.... they have different dads.... I dont know I think she is a good mom but this kid is wild!  He seems cool though... but damn he is wild.  And he may grow out of that, but my kids wouldn't deal well with that at all. 

Also, I think she is worried about her time of finding a good guy running out, and she has had a lot of bad dates too, so when we clicked, she was so excited.... she is 2 yrs older than me, too, and is just very happy with me.. and so was i.... she treats me like I always thought people should treat each other, but I never got from my kids' mother.... who I will likely always miss and love and be sad for, because she let her sadness control her to the point of true self destruction....

From yeah:

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Most men who haven't had children yet and don't register on the soy scale aren't interested in single mothers...

All the guys I know of who are respectable men and don't mind have already had children of their own.

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I’m sure this doesn’t need to be said but keep what’s good for the kids first and if she somehow tries to categorize that as a deal breaker then so be it.

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yeah said:

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living_failure said:
I know there is a single mother in the thread. I am ruling  out single mothers of the equation because reasons

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Most men who haven't had children yet and don't register on the soy scale aren't interested in single mothers...

All the guys I know of who are respectable men and don't mind have already had children of their own.

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DoneKildatReason said:
It is rough, and I feel like such a fucking asshole for not ending it with her sooner....  but how do you end it with someone who just bought you a really sweet gift?

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Kryptos said:
I also think that women pick up on those vibes, even if they don't explicitly understand the vibes, and some will try to hold on tighter, depending on their past experience. That will not only make it harder to end, but more suffocating to stay.

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JonathoCrisp said:
I've used online dating a lot before,  now it's very rare  I give preference to traditional dating. I heard many stories about scams in this area, and someone makes money on this, so stoped to use it so often and always carefully choosing a site, reading reviews people who use it. For me, very important things are a security of personal data and protection from scams. I use applications such as Tinder or trusted platforms like this one for example spam .I’ve been using it for several years and don't have any problems. It's convenient to use and most important- it's safe!

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