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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
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My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do.
#26130996 - 08/11/19 11:59 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hi,
Like all my posts seemingly, this will be a long one, as lots of details are needed to convey what I am trying to say. Please bear with me 
The friend in question will be creatively named "A" here.
I met A about 7 years ago, he was a mutual friend of my then best friend B. A and I got along fine but we weren't that close, and I spent more time with B, however over time the opposite has become true, I hardly talk with B but A is now my best friend, or at least I see him that way.
Anyway enough of the background, haha.
As soon as I met him, it was evident that A is really into drugs, and he also seemed a bit reckless and "badass" to me at the time, which made him really attractive to me because, although I am equally interested in drugs, I do it in the sort of way your granny might, with a nice dose of painkillers curled up on the sofa watching Frasier, meanwhile A would be staying up partying for days on speed...
Our personalities are poles apart, I am introverted, sensitive, careful, moderate in most things, and I like to think I am fairly compassionate, whereas A is very outgoing, completely insensitive and pretty offensive at times, reckless in most things he does, not very moderate, and, I dare say, quite psychopathic; He has openly admitted that he doesn't really care for anyone, even his family or friends.
While A has been into drugs for many years, my interest is quite new, so we have become particularly close (or at least I have become close to him) over the last year or two, united in our fascination with drugs, pharmacology, etc.
Sometimes we have talked all day, every day, for weeks without ever getting bored.
However, things got a bit complex when I realised that I am actually in love with him. It's not really a romantic thing, it's everything else; I want to spend all my time with him, I love every minute of it, and I would do anything for him, absolutely anything. Furthermore there is nothing he could ever do to make me love him any less, that is how I feel about him.
I am bi, he is straight, but we often make sexual jokes about each other anyway and I have quite openly told him about my fantasies about him, he seems to find it funny.
I have also told him that I love him, many times...
But the problem is this; I have been blind to it for a long time, perhaps due to my adoration of him, but I have recently been coming to realize that he doesn't really treat me well, and when I explain politely and reasonably the problems that I am having with our relationship, he just laughs or belittles me by calling me various things such as "impotent", "gay", "emo", etc.
The thing is, I don't even mind that he insults me or treats me like his little slave, I'm not offended by these things, but the thing that is really bothering me is that I have zero evidence that he even cares about me, at all.
He has recently told me that I have "no willpower", that I can't control my emotions, that I am impotent (in the sense of not being able to take appropriate action), and he laughs at these things even when it is clear I do not appreciate it.
Recently we were discussing methamphetamine, and I said that I didn't really like the idea of it due to the neurotoxicity, addictiveness, injection risks, etc, stating that I prefer opiates to stimulants, and his response was:
"You worry about brain damage and STDs but you don't worry about missing out" "Have you heard the phrase "it's better to live a day as a lion than a lifetime as a sheep""
(I'm sorry for the lack of structure or clarity to this post, there is just so much to say and it is hard to condense it to a reasonable length)
So you might be thinking "so what, he said you are missing out on things, big deal!" But it's more complicated than that, because he knows about my anxiety, depression, lack of friends, self-isolation, etc, and he knows that I realize I am missing out on a lot, and he knows I regret a lot of things in my life, so why does he have to rub it in my face?
Recently he also said that he thinks the problems in my life are entirely my fault, even though I admitted I have made a lot of mistakes, but added that my anxiety and depression do not help, he doesn't even accept that. He says I am just lazy and unmotivated and it has nothing to do with any mental issues.
These criticisms would not be so bad if he EVER said anything good about me, but he does not, despite all the time I have spent helping him, all the free drugs I've given him, all the times I've told him that he is my best friend, etc, it all seems to mean nothing to him.
He has never even called me a friend, actually, he has never reassured me that I matter to him in any way, and he criticises without saying anything good, and without even having a reason to criticise other than seemingly to make me feel bad.
Furthermore, I have told him this. I have explained just what I have explained here, and I've said that all I need is one sentence to show that I actually matter, to show me that I haven't wasted 1000s of hours of my life on a relationship that is worthless.
But he will not even give me that. In fact, whenever I raise these topics, he directs it back at me, saying I only feel these things because I am too sensitive, because I don't have enough other people in my life, etc.
Recently it has gotten worse, or maybe I am just getting more aware of the imbalance of respect in our relationship. He even bosses me around "now go get this for me", etc. I never used to mind this as I thought it was just a joke...
I rarely lose my temper or say anything bad to anyone, however after a few of his recent remarks have left me feeling worthless, I have made a few responses along the lines of "Fuck you, A" and I have ignored him for a few days each time because I just can't face his bullshit straight away.
He also tries to belittle the issue, so when I raise these problems he will roll his eyes and say it's no big deal, he doesn't even seem to care when I ignore him for a few days.
This isn't like me, though. I do not ignore people or treat people like this, but I guess no one's perfect, and I can't expect myself to act like Mother Teresa while he treats me like shit.
But in spite of all of this, I can't stay away from him, 90% of the time we talk I feel great and I just love his company, the remaining 10% he makes me feel angry and totally worthless in a way that no one else could.
Ordinarily the advice I would give to someone in my situation would be "talk to him about it", but I have tried this many times and been met with frustration.
Even in the past, when we have had conflicts based on real things (like me not sending his drugs on time), he refuses to make any effort to resolve it, or compromise, or anything; It's like arguing with a brick wall, the wall always seems to win.
I really don't know what to do, I know that I don't want to keep getting treated like this, but I also don't want to lose him, because I would not only be losing him, but all the time I had invested in our relationship over those 7 years. I just wish there were some way to get through to him, to make him at least listen and respond to these problems.
There are so many more examples and so much more I could type but I guess I should leave it here...
Would really appreciate any advice, would really love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar situation as well...
Many thanks for reading this, and many thanks even if you just skipped to the end :P
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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Morel Guy
Stranger


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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 1
#26131015 - 08/11/19 12:10 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Drama
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 2
#26131019 - 08/11/19 12:12 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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you sound like a nice person and person A sounds toxic as fuck. i understand the attraction you have but you will never have a healthy relationship with this guy. sometimes your emotions are stronger than your sensibilities and will leave you feeling empty when trying to make a connection with the guy. use your head OP, not just your heart. if the guy is fun to be around, then just be casual friends. dont let yourself forget that.
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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thisbliss
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: split_by_nine] 3
#26131063 - 08/11/19 12:38 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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You need abit of a break from this person to see how you react. Don't even say anything just decrease the amount of time you spend with them. For at least a month. This will show you what's more important to you- their company or your self respect. It may also make them realise they miss having you around. But bottom line DO NOT tell them any of this.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: thisbliss] 4
#26131091 - 08/11/19 01:02 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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He has quite strangely used your attraction to manipulate you the way many women use it to their own advantage. Keeping you around as occasional entertainment and a punching bag makes him feel powerful, even if it's only subconsciously.
I feel like you already know the answer. You can't keep toxic people in your life, especially drug addicted toxic people. If you just needed to get it all down than I hope it helped you organize your thoughts a bit. But if you believe someone has some awesome magical advise to make this better, you are mistaken. Then only answer is the obvious one. Tell him he's a garbage fucking friend and never talk to him again
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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SkulletteDemystifi


Registered: 06/21/19
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: thisbliss] 2
#26131150 - 08/11/19 02:36 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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It's pretty obvious that your "friend" isn't your friend at all. He's definitely a narcissist and it's pretty clear that he's a functioning addict. Especially if he is getting mad and being a dick to you when you can't get him drugs or get them to him at a time that's most convenient for him.
As much as it would suck; the best thing to do would to just walk away from this guy instead of trying to hold onto to a "relationship" that you guys don't even really have. He's made it clear you guys just have a friendship and it sounds like an abusive one at that. And just because you love someone doesn't mean it should be okay or acceptable to allow that person to treat you like garbage So, you're going to have to figure out if it is really worth it to feel like shit about yourself every time your with him just to be friends with this guy. I guarantee you that it won't be though.
I'm a loner myself and I too have suffered from depression, anxiety, and a slight case of ptsd. I have been in a very similar situation myself accept my friend A is actually my mom. Some people are just toxic and all that toxicity does is just slow you down and eventually it stops you from experiencing things that you thought you never would.
By the way, the type of people who say "You worry about brain damage and STDs but you don't worry about missing out" Are the type of people who end up with brain damage or std's or are just f'd up for life from their drug use. So don't let him force you into doing things that you aren't comfortable doing. I was raised my addicts and I've heard both my parents say similar things. My dad ended up getting hepatitis from a dirty needle and my mom has multiple holes in her intestines(even with 3 feet of them being removed) from ingesting speed for decades on end and she has heart failure along with many other issues. I'm not saying I'm a saint myself but I am leary about what I experiment with and the people I hang around because of what life has given me to experience.
Sooo, this came out waaay lengthier than i expect haha. All I'm tryna say is that if you have fun with the guy; then stay friends. But don't waste your time, energy, and emotions trying to hold onto to someone who doesn't feel the same way. When it comes to people you choose to spend your time with; you should choose the ones who are going to build you up. Not the ones who try to break you down.
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: SkulletteDemystifi] 2
#26131177 - 08/11/19 03:00 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
SkulletteDemystifi said: When it comes to people you choose to spend your time with; you should choose the ones who are going to build you up. Not the ones who try to break you down.
sage advice right there
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: split_by_nine]
#26131274 - 08/11/19 04:21 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Thanks for all the replies guys, really appreciate it. I'm just gonna make a quick response now to respond to a few things, will reply properly as soon as I can...
I dont think he is an addict. I am actually the addict (initially morphine, now kratom). I use kratom to medicate my anxiety and depression so I use it medicinally and I'd say pretty responsibly As far as I'm aware , A isn't addicted to anything, he just uses drugs irregularly and recklessly. Oh, and he also seems to look down upon me for being dependent
An example is recently I sent him some home grown shrooms, and he took 5g and went walking around the convenience store and "lost his mind" while he was there apparently. That made me angry because I dont believe that is the correct way to use psychedelics but I guess its up to him how he uses them, haha.
Yes I'm kind of already aware that there is no magic solution although I do have a tremendous capacity for self doubt so I tend to question myself again and again, so it helps to have some others tell me if I'm being sensible.
I dont really value self respect too much, lol, because I dont really take myself too seriously, but I've always been the sort who is not willing to get really high if there is going to be a bad come down, so the same rule applies to A; it just isn't worth it for the fun times to endure the self loathing that results from his comments. I would rather not be happy at all if it means I dont have to feel that way.
Thanks again <3
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26131281 - 08/11/19 04:26 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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You will be happy again brother. This guy doesn't own your happiness.
--------------------
A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26131284 - 08/11/19 04:28 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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saying he isnt addicted is just plain ignorance pal. people who use illegal drugs are most likely dealing with substance abuse problems. not saying that someone who experimented with speed once or twice is an addict, but if they are using several times a month, then they are at a greater risk for physical addiction.
wake up friend. you are trying to protect this guy for no reason. he sounds like bad news for you.
however, you had admitted that you enjoy being dominated.. so maybe you would be happy with him ruining your life
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: split_by_nine]
#26131398 - 08/11/19 06:30 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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I'm not trying to protect him, I am just stating the facts. As for the addiction, well I dont really judge or care based on that. I have been there and I am still an addict, its not a relevant factor in how I perceive him, it doesn't excuse or explain his behavior so why you think I'm defending him is beyond me, its actually the opposite; if he did have a drug problem then that would partially explain his behaviour, but if it isn't drug related as I suspect then it just means he is a dick
However what you said was true for me, but doesn't everyone begin with using irregularly then move on to regular use.
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: bloodsheen]
#26131401 - 08/11/19 06:31 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
bloodsheen said: You will be happy again brother. This guy doesn't own your happiness.
<3 thank you
BTW I also have some kind of PTSD from my latest hellish trip. Some people might laugh at that, PTSD from a bad trip?? What a pussy I must be But not really; the ego helps to suppress a lot of these things, without much of an ego even a relatively trivial thing can be pretty traumatic. That's why administering morphine to soldiers on the battlefield reduces the incidence of PTSD; it boosts the ego.
I have a hard time sleeping these days and I am haunted by thoughts of death, weird auditory hallucinations etc
That shits real
Also I feel like I'm turning into another morel guy, even my writing style is becoming like his.
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
Edited by PoisonousLookalike (08/11/19 06:36 PM)
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26131500 - 08/11/19 08:04 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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your thread title is "best friend belittles me and treats me like shit". well best friends do not do that. then you go on saying how you feel so wonderful around him regardless of how unfavorably he treats you.
you are not going to make this guy treat you any better. you are enabling him to be an asshole to you. you have to realise that you are partly to blame by giving him any attention at all. he is not a good friend to you and you will continue to be disappointed or even hurt by this guy everytime you run back to him. maybe you're young and dont get what im saying, time will tell.
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: split_by_nine]
#26131511 - 08/11/19 08:12 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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also, you say he's not an addict.. but you also say this:
Quote:
As soon as I met him, it was evident that A is really into drugs
maybe you're in denial but someone who's really into drugs is definitely an addict. im not judging. i too am a drug addict.
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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SkulletteDemystifi


Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 93
Loc: Gulf Coast
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 1
#26131535 - 08/11/19 08:30 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't know the guy personally but from my experience with people who are addicts and just going off the few things you have said he is definitely an addict. That's why I said he's a functioning addict. I don't know anyone who isn't an addict that gets mad/upset when they're drug deal falls through... Disappointed maybe. But angry? There are actually quite a few addicts who don't think they are addicts at all. My mom is one of them. Because of all of her health problems from her former use and her exquisite manipulation skills she has been able to work the system and she now gets monthly prescriptions for morphine, xanan, lortab, dilaudid, and valium. She literally burns through all of that within a week to a week and a half at the latest and then she'll buy whatever she can get her hands on off the streets to hold her over until her next refill. But if you mention that she has a problem she goes off the deep end on how she's sick and needs all of these drugs and how she gets her stuff legally and then belittles me for my former heroine use(been clean for over 15 years) and says I'm the addict because I smoke pot(it's what i use for my depression) and do psychedelics occasionally(it seems to help with my depression as well). That's what narcissist who are addicts do. They deflect anything that is considered negative to their own image and turn the situation on you to make you look worse than they do. They'll purposely make you feel shitty about yourself so they can feel better about themselves.
It sounds like he is just manipulating you to boost his own ego and make situations convenient for himself. I feel like friendships and relationships are like mushroom hunting. It's easy to find a lot of mushrooms but it's hard to find the ones/types(people who genuinely care about you) you are looking for. A lot of times you think you found what you are looking for but it's just a look alike so there is a lot of weeding out. And right when you're about to give up or stop looking you somehow find yourself in front of them. And then it oddly feels like they found you.
I've held onto a lot of toxic people in my life and I've learned that it is better off to let them go no matter how much you may love them. You can still love someone from a far without letting their negativity make you feel worse about yourself than you already do. Especially with depression. It's an everyday battle as it is without friends and family making you feel lower than you on your own.
You know that nursery rhyme about friends? Make new friends but keep the old One is silver and the other gold
This dude's your silver... You need to hold out for your gold.
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: SkulletteDemystifi] 1
#26131683 - 08/11/19 11:24 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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You ever think he mocks you for your impotence because you put up with his behavior and he thinks you'll continue to do so because of your supposed lack of willpower?
The longer you let him use you and excuse it by telling yourself you don't care and your self respect doesn't matter the more you prove him right.
It does matter. You matter. A relationship doesn't have to last forever to be worth something. In fact the most important parts of relationships is helping us grow.
This does bother you so stop lying to yourself. You deserve better and it's time to move on. There are other great fascinating people out there who will treat you better and at this point your relationship with this person is just keeping you from getting out there and meeting them.
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Free time is the only time
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,146
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 1
#26131696 - 08/11/19 11:45 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
PoisonousLookalike said:
Quote:
bloodsheen said: You will be happy again brother. This guy doesn't own your happiness.
<3 thank you
BTW I also have some kind of PTSD from my latest hellish trip. Some people might laugh at that, PTSD from a bad trip?? What a pussy I must be But not really; the ego helps to suppress a lot of these things, without much of an ego even a relatively trivial thing can be pretty traumatic. That's why administering morphine to soldiers on the battlefield reduces the incidence of PTSD; it boosts the ego.
I have a hard time sleeping these days and I am haunted by thoughts of death, weird auditory hallucinations etc
That shits real
Also I feel like I'm turning into another morel guy, even my writing style is becoming like his.
Also this is exactly why people like your friend are toxic to be around. It encourages us to think negatively of ourselves.
You're not a pussy for having some residual anxiety and stress from a trip. Skim through the physical and mental wellbeing forum for a couple pages. It's not terribly uncommon and I'm certain it doesn't get talked about more because of friends like yours. I'd be willing to bet a major portion of the users here had a bad trip that effected them ror days or months and don't acknowledge it because of the ego and the culture.
I say fuck that. We are a forum that is dedicated to information and information is useless if it's not the whole truth. Not being honest with yourself is where the worst lies in our culture start.
Don't enable people like "A" to gaslight you and encourage you to embrace these lies as if they're your own. Struggling with anxiety and depression I'm certain you have had more than enough of that.
If I sound harsh it's because I care and I've been in almost the exact same position before. You sound so much like me when my self esteem was shit and I was so blinded by someone who actually wanting to be around me that I actually was interested in... You're literally coming out from under a rock friend. This is just a first. It hurts to let it go but in order for you to grow and experience the better that exists out further from your rock you do need to let it go.
I sincerely wish you all the best and hope you continue to develop your self respect. You do have some or you wouldn't have made this thread.
Do better, get better, find better.
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Free time is the only time
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AIRDOG



Registered: 10/16/99
Posts: 3,493
Loc: world's shroom capital
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: CookieCrumbs]
#26132264 - 08/12/19 12:57 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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look into narcissism, probably subject A is one of them... it never ends well with this kind of people
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: AIRDOG] 2
#26132514 - 08/12/19 04:23 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Hey
This is going to be a short response again
Thanks for all the nice responses. First of all, I'm sorry for coming over a little stubborn and retarded yesterday. You guys are the best and you've helped me a lot more with this one thing than A has ever helped me in all the time I've known him.
I appreciate all the advice and even though I already know that he is no good for me, it does help to hear from others who have had the same conflicts...
The bottom line is you are all right with what you're saying. I guess I'm finally admitting it to myself.
Yes I guess he does have a drug problem , I'd say its more than a drug problem, more like a problem with compulsive and destructive behaviour.
Yep, best friends dont do what he does. I guess he is not my best friend, I just meant that I spend more time with him than with anyone else but unlike him other friends of mine do care about me and have shown it in the past.
As for thinking negatively about myself, yeah I'm consciously aware of that. He does make me think in this way, I guess I always lacked self confidence but with A around I feel like nothing I do is valid, hence why I even procrastinated a lot about posting this thread.
I dont know whether I should even speak to him again to tell him that I am going to go my separate way, or should I just leave him hanging?
What would be the best thing to do regarding the 4 mutual friends who will inevitably ask why we are no longer speaking... I guess I will just tell them that we couldn't resolve our differences; I realise they will have a conflict of interest if I tell them he's a Narcissistic toxic psychopath.
Yeah, I do accept my part in the blame for this, for letting him treat me this way for so long.
Also another little thing, we both know rather a lot of secrets about each other. This would be quite worrying if it weren't for the fact that what I know about him is more serious than vice versa.. I'm.sure even A wouldn't want mutually assured destruction
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 12 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26132530 - 08/12/19 04:34 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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I sincerely doubt he cares enough about you to even be bothered to spread secrets. I could be wrong depending on what kind of messed up in the head he is, some guys like him take any remote slight at them very personally. But my money is on him thinking "Fuck that homo, what ever," and just minor trash talking you to other friends
I didn't know about the mutual friends, that does complicate things a bit. Definitely don't go telling him off or like explaining why you can't hang out anymore. I would say your instincts are right in this case, if friends ask just say you've been having some conflict that doesn't seem to get better and kinda leave it at that. You know them as people, hopefully you know basically who to trust and who to be careful of. These situations can get dicey if people are immature enough
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26132532 - 08/12/19 04:36 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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find yourself some new friends.. easier said than done, yes, but not impossible.. find some new friends to spend time with. maybe some work buddies or even old acquaintances you havent seen in a while. dont worry about how he is doing or how he feels. its more important for you to focus on you. ghost him or not, you need some space away.
-------------------- 🐴 hpoo or die
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Yonatin


Registered: 09/05/17
Posts: 654
Loc:
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: split_by_nine] 2
#26133679 - 08/13/19 11:45 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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It sounds like the best part of your guys' relationship is in your head. He is totally using you and you are letting him because of the fairy tale in your head. Stop the free drugs and see how nice he is to you then, I've been in this exact situation and it's worse when you realize they are using you and you did nothing about it for months. I'm sure you're desperate for a friend but this guy is no friend. I would first of all stop giving him free drugs, then stop talking to him, then delete his number and move on. People like that are only out for themselves, then you add free drugs, it's no wonder why he keeps coming around and it's not your company.
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Edited by Yonatin (08/13/19 05:29 PM)
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: Yonatin] 2
#26134004 - 08/13/19 03:41 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Very well put. To be honest I agree about the "in my head" part; it definitely is that way, as I can't really figure out why I have come to like him so much considering he's the worst person I know.
I mean I dont have a lot of friends but I think I have quite a few good ones (ones that aren't like A), so it isn't even like he is all I have. I feel pretty shit for having neglected the better people in my life for the sake of A...
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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Morel Guy
Stranger


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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26134059 - 08/13/19 04:07 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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He probably hates that you are bi sexual and honestly you might do things that you do not realize.
-------------------- "in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur" In filth it will be found in dung it will be found
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Yonatin


Registered: 09/05/17
Posts: 654
Loc:
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: Morel Guy]
#26134232 - 08/13/19 05:36 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Some people have that charisma that just draws you to them, I wouldn't beat yourself up over falling for it. Just remember who he is and remind yourself of it when he is around. When you start cutting him out of your life or cut the drugs see how he reacts and that is the actual "A." You sound like a really nice person so don't let him tear you down and kick him to the curb.
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Bumholio
What's the craic



Registered: 07/23/18
Posts: 4,269
Loc: Shroomsville
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26134820 - 08/14/19 04:36 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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So many alarm bells in your op man
Hes well in to his drugs and you're providing "free drugs". I'd say hes exploiting you for this reason alone.
You've made it clear how you feel about him and I think hes using this to get what he wants from you and nothing else. That doesnt sound like best friend material to me, I'd gtfo before you get hurt (if you arent already)
Like hes said he doesnt care about his family and friends, what makes you think he'll be any different about you? It sucks man, but toxic people do nothing for a persons mental wellbeing.
Good luck
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 "great things may come to those who wait, but only what's left by those who hustle"
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: Bumholio]
#26134943 - 08/14/19 07:28 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Sometimes by not being an asshole to someone you're either being an asshole to yourself or enabling the other guy so that makes you an asshole anyway. "Don't be an asshole" is more like a sprinkle on the sundae of life, it's not the ice cream. The ice cream is your "give a fuck." Two separate entities coming together for their ultimate form. Yet somehow, they don't actually need eachother. And no one just eats sprinkles. They'd think you're weird. Just like I'm cautious with people who are nice to me, because some of the nicest people I've ever met have been the most toxic and manipulative. So get out there and be an asshole slugger! You deserve it! Seriously. It's not a big deal. Let this be a lesson in timidity and self worth.
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flugelizor
Furious ball of nothing


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,107
Loc: Western NY
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: larry.fisherman]
#26137231 - 08/15/19 02:33 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Lots of long posts here, and I think I caught most of it. But what about the elephant in the room...
You are bi, obviously have a crush on this guy. He is straight, therefore incapable of the kind of relationship you want.
Just treat it as a platonic thing, or if you can't handle it, move on. I am guessing treating you like shit is his way of making it easier to move on.
I understand "move on" is easier said than done. But anyway, Good luck man!
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: flugelizor]
#26144365 - 08/20/19 10:34 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Yonatin said: Some people have that charisma that just draws you to them, I wouldn't beat yourself up over falling for it. Just remember who he is and remind yourself of it when he is around. When you start cutting him out of your life or cut the drugs see how he reacts and that is the actual "A." You sound like a really nice person so don't let him tear you down and kick him to the curb.
I know right! I didn't believe people could actually be so charming until I met him, haha.
Thanks, I try my best to be nice 
Quote:
Bumholio said: So many alarm bells in your op man
Hes well in to his drugs and you're providing "free drugs". I'd say hes exploiting you for this reason alone.
You've made it clear how you feel about him and I think hes using this to get what he wants from you and nothing else. That doesnt sound like best friend material to me, I'd gtfo before you get hurt (if you arent already)
Like hes said he doesnt care about his family and friends, what makes you think he'll be any different about you? It sucks man, but toxic people do nothing for a persons mental wellbeing.
Good luck
I agree, there have been many times in the past when he has pissed me off and I have come crawling back, so he has probably concluded that he can say or do ANYTHING and I will come crawling back.
I am the kind who could never use or exploit anyone, even people who have fucked me over... It is just not comprehensible to me... I can do and say shitty things from time to time but this is one thing I could never do. As a result I can't really understand why he would do this to me, considering that I have been probably the only person, aside from perhaps his parents, who has loved him this much. I don't understand why he would throw this away for the sake of getting what he wants from me, but maybe he just doesn't value friendship.
Quote:
flugelizor said: Lots of long posts here, and I think I caught most of it. But what about the elephant in the room...
You are bi, obviously have a crush on this guy. He is straight, therefore incapable of the kind of relationship you want.
Just treat it as a platonic thing, or if you can't handle it, move on. I am guessing treating you like shit is his way of making it easier to move on.
I understand "move on" is easier said than done. But anyway, Good luck man!
Haha. Well, he seems to be straight, however he seems to enjoy the fact that I am into him. He raises sexual topics quite often, seemingly encouraging me to flirt with him, and he seems to enjoy it when I do. But not so much like he is aroused by it, more like he finds it funny/amusing and maybe it gives him some feeling of power over me, and he seems to be the type who would like to be in a situation where he has some power over his fellow man. Whatever his intention, he has made me very comfortable with saying ANYTHING to him, I've told him many times that whatever he is saying/doing is making me hard, told him I want to suck his dick, told him I'd jerked off to pics of him, etc, I guess I love(d) this aspect of our relationship because I felt like I could be open about these things but in a playful way. I can see all of you rolling your eyes now... Haha. Suffice it to say that he seemed to encourage me to make these comments, send him dick pics, etc, without actually explicitly encouraging me... It's just the impression I got from the way he reacted, and also how he never once told me to stop.
But yeah, now that I think of it, he probably enjoyed the power he had over me, even in a non-sexual way.
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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SkulletteDemystifi


Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 93
Loc: Gulf Coast
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 1
#26144385 - 08/20/19 10:49 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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He only encourages you because he desperately needs to feed his starving ego. I know several women who do the same thing and then get all bent out of shape about the situations when a guy finally tries to make a move. It's a game of cat and mouse to them.
-------------------- When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead And the white knight is talking backwards And the red queen's off with her head Remember what the dormouse said Feed your head!
 
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PoisonousLookalike
A lazy bastard living in a suit



Registered: 06/14/18
Posts: 657
Loc: Between the Devil and the...
Last seen: 3 months, 27 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: SkulletteDemystifi]
#26144416 - 08/20/19 11:08 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
SkulletteDemystifi said: He only encourages you because he desperately needs to feed his starving ego. I know several women who do the same thing and then get all bent out of shape about the situations when a guy finally tries to make a move. It's a game of cat and mouse to them.
Yeah exactly. That kind of behaviour seems to be most associated with females but evidently there are exceptions :P
-------------------- "Well I've been where you're hanging, I think I can see how you're pinned" - Leonard Cohen "We are led to Believe a Lie When we see not Thro the Eye Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light" - William Blake
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SkulletteDemystifi


Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 93
Loc: Gulf Coast
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 3
#26144474 - 08/20/19 11:34 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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As a female myself I always call women out on this bullshit behavior. People aren't mind readers and it's obvious those types of people are purposely sending mixed messages. It's a mental and emotional mind fuck. They manipulate people to get what they want and then act like they did absolutely nothing wrong or flat out say "they are trying to be friendly". Pfft... They know exactly what they are doing.
-------------------- When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead And the white knight is talking backwards And the red queen's off with her head Remember what the dormouse said Feed your head!
 
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 12 days
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike] 1
#26144726 - 08/20/19 01:50 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Damn bro. The more details you post the more fucked this gets. Get the fuck out man, this has got to be one of the most toxic relationships I've ever heard of
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Bumholio
What's the craic



Registered: 07/23/18
Posts: 4,269
Loc: Shroomsville
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: SkulletteDemystifi]
#26144796 - 08/20/19 02:33 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
SkulletteDemystifi said: As a female myself I always call women out on this bullshit behavior. People aren't mind readers and it's obvious those types of people are purposely sending mixed messages. It's a mental and emotional mind fuck. They manipulate people to get what they want and then act like they did absolutely nothing wrong or flat out say "they are trying to be friendly". Pfft... They know exactly what they are doing.
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 "great things may come to those who wait, but only what's left by those who hustle"
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SkulletteDemystifi


Registered: 06/21/19
Posts: 93
Loc: Gulf Coast
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: Bumholio]
#26144885 - 08/20/19 03:27 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Lol. Just keeping it real. I don't have many friends that are female because it's too much drama. And bitches don't like being called out on their bullshit. It's a win win situation for me. I don't have to deal with the drama; they don't have their feelings hurt when they get called out.
-------------------- When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead And the white knight is talking backwards And the red queen's off with her head Remember what the dormouse said Feed your head!
 
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stzacrack
Stranger


Registered: 05/07/05
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: SkulletteDemystifi]
#26146707 - 08/21/19 05:52 PM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Be a man and stand up for yourself
Hes a piece of shit selfish junky using you for your time money and affection
Stop chillin with him, get high in your own (or with a co-dependnt girl preferably), and shit will b fun again fir you
This dude is gonna get you arrested
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already


Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: stzacrack]
#26147350 - 08/22/19 03:50 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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But he's trying to be nice about it!
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testtesttest
Stranger
Registered: 07/13/19
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Re: My best friend belittles me and treats me like shit, and I don't know what to do. [Re: PoisonousLookalike]
#26153109 - 08/26/19 01:32 AM (4 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
PoisonousLookalike said: Furthermore, I have told him this. I have explained just what I have explained here, and I've said that all I need is one sentence to show that I actually matter, to show me that I haven't wasted 1000s of hours of my life on a relationship that is worthless.
But he will not even give me that.
Just about this section. Maybe I'm old fashioned but most straight guys don't really interact with each other this way within friendships.
So even if this were a normal friendship (and to be clear, I agree with the others that it's not) then you wouldn't be reasonable to expect explicit declarations of best-friend-ness from him. The nearest thing you get is the realisation that he's the first person you think of to call to the bar when you have free time, and you're the first person he thinks of (assuming you're paying equally).
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