spirit_shadow said:

maybe your subconscious knows that sex isnt everything and is trying to get you to focus on what really matters in life

---

bloodsheen said:

there's a tendency to push the envelope, either toward extreme or fetish-y type sex, whatever that means for each person.

I definitely agree that having a sexually compatible partner makes it feel better overall. You sort of expose yourself both literally and emotionally, and being accepted for that IMO takes some of the weirdness out of it.

and you know you look like an animal just tearing into it but you don't care? Very similar.

---

Very insightful post.

I guess my perspective is just coming from a vastly un-caring person of sex, growing into a body that needs/wants sex, or is addicted to it, and then being confused about it.


Standard stuff for the self to consider.


I'm just trying to find a healthy balance, as I'm not looking for a relationship of any type at all, sexual or not. But yet I am a middle aged man. So logic says sex, family , houses, grandkids and stuff ensues. But I don't feel that way.

Forget the physical stuff, just trying to cope with biology sometimes. But I don't care about that, my deeper side wants to figure out who I am as a person spiritually, and then the sexuality can follow.


Oh the woe!

HELP ME FOLKS!

Fiery said:

I'm just trying to find a healthy balance, as I'm not looking for a relationship of any type at all, sexual or not. But yet I am a middle aged man. So logic says sex, family , houses, grandkids and stuff ensues. But I don't feel that way.

Forget the physical stuff, just trying to cope with biology sometimes. But I don't care about that, my deeper side wants to figure out who I am as a person spiritually, and then the sexuality can follow.


Oh the woe!

HELP ME FOLKS!

---

Aninator said:

I think there is something virtuous about not engaging sexually with someone until you have some serious feelings about them. i personally don't want to share that much of myself with someone i don't care about and want in my life long term. have i had casual sex? sure. and there isn't anything wrong with that. but thats sorta what religion taught me about sex. Not to take it lightly. id take whatever values come from that but don't live in a world of shoulds or nevers or absolutes.

that being said. there is value in porn because it can help you explore things that you may never have thought of from vanilla to extreme kink. and i've found it rather awesome to watch porn with my partner and we have a strict rule. we know were gonna see shit thats probably gross. its a matter of finding what we like and we can only comment on what we like. it helps foster a more positive and accepting conversation around sex and understanding each others curiosities. and like sure its . not real but i'm not quite ready to go to a sex party and watch this shit in real life. lol. have you ever read erotic literature? its way less gross and way more...appealing? educational? personal? there are these erotic magazines from the 80's that are gold. i've spent hours reading them. they are great for discovery. sometimes my partner and i read them to each other. thats when things get fun.

your sexual identity, is like any other part of your identity. it grows and evolves alone and with other relationships. The most important thing is not to shame yourself along the way unless its like... fantasizing about children.

Edit:

Also maybe reading Vedic philosophy on sex? i mean christianity leaves like NO room for a healthy conversation about sex. I talk to God about sex regularly (born and raised christian over here) i'm also sexually active.  but yea spirituality can speak on sexuality and there is plenty of literature on that

---

ReposadoXochipilli said:

live for yourself, if you are not hurting anyone of being an asshole about sex then there is nothing to worry about.

go get off, enjoy the rush, and let it go.

---

This.

Aninator said:

its like any other urge. be mindful... mindful walking. mindful eating. mindful sex. mindful mind. don't succumb to monkey mind and monkey action.

---

Aninator said:

i mean even that word. "Lust" i mean is it bad to lust? or is it bad to let lustful feelings resonate for so long that you act on it and do something irrational or  inappropriate?

i don't think fantasizing about anything is inherently wrong unless there is dangers of acting on it? Mindful lusting

---

nicechrisman said:

Nothin wrong with feelin a little dirty

---

nicechrisman said:

Maybe some psychedelic sessions with the set intention of understanding and healing your underlying feelings about this could help you learn to be more comfortable

---

Lophosaurus said:

Stop with religion and feeling guilty. It's a waste of time. Just be a good person, do good things, and that's it.

---

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

I think my thought process is messed up, because I grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong, and that pornography and sexual thoughts were a sin, and even though my human biology says that it's ok, and healthy to do these things, I feel some sort of religious guilt.


Anyone have any advice for me, about how to be a healthy solo sexual individual, and justify my carnal nature and not have that guilt or remorse for something that I know I need(physical sexual release)

My thoughts are generally pure, but WHY do I feel so dirty sometimes for watching other people having sex and enjoying it?

---

i'm honestly not sure if this is a serious post, especially considering some of your own replies, or if you're trolling. 


But, i'll bite.  I agree with Lophosaurus and will add this:  So long as you aren't hurting others, physically or emotionally, it really doesn't matter what you do.  One should also strive to not hurt themselves, but, in my mind, it's less important compared to not causing others pain. 

Unfortunately, no one is going to be able to give you anwers to the "Why do i feel this way?" question; that is only for you to decide.  You're in your 30's, man.  It's beyond time to shrug the guilt associated with religion.  Much of what was "taught" (likely pounded into your brain, aka indoctrinated with) to you are extreme interpretations used to fit someone else's personal agenda, be it someone today or a few thousand years ago. MAKE YOUR OWN WAY IN LIFE AND LIVE BY THE RULES YOU SEE FIT!  FUCK WHAT ANYONE ELSE WANTS YOU TO DO!

The reality is, in regards to sex, there is no "right" or "wrong" way(s) to have sex so long as it is between two [or more, if that's your thing ] consenting adults.  Shed your fear, shed your guilt.


lyrics to part of a song for you:

Quote:

.....
And I spent too many years
Searching for somebody
To be my wrecking ball
And rebuild all that's broken
And I spent too many nights
Without ever thinking
Maybe I'm a wrecking ball
And I'm breaking all that I'm touching
And I spent too many days
Drowning in the shallows
From the mess of the man that I've made
And the nest of mistakes that I have to lay.....

---

Tulipslave said:

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

I think my thought process is messed up, because I grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong, and that pornography and sexual thoughts were a sin, and even though my human biology says that it's ok, and healthy to do these things, I feel some sort of religious guilt.


Anyone have any advice for me, about how to be a healthy solo sexual individual, and justify my carnal nature and not have that guilt or remorse for something that I know I need(physical sexual release)

My thoughts are generally pure, but WHY do I feel so dirty sometimes for watching other people having sex and enjoying it?

---

i'm honestly not sure if this is a serious post, especially considering some of your own replies, or if you're trolling. 


But, i'll bite.  I agree with Lophosaurus and will add this:  So long as you aren't hurting others, physically or emotionally, it really doesn't matter what you do.  One should also strive to not hurt themselves, but, in my mind, it's less important compared to not causing others pain. 

Unfortunately, no one is going to be able to give you anwers to the "Why do i feel this way?" question; that is only for you to decide.  You're in your 30's, man.  It's beyond time to shrug the guilt associated with religion.  Much of what was "taught" (likely pounded into your brain, aka indoctrinated with) to you are extreme interpretations used to fit someone else's personal agenda, be it someone today or a few thousand years ago. MAKE YOUR OWN WAY IN LIFE AND LIVE BY THE RULES YOU SEE FIT!  FUCK WHAT ANYONE ELSE WANTS YOU TO DO!

The reality is, in regards to sex, there is no "right" or "wrong" way(s) to have sex so long as it is between two [or more, if that's your thing ] consenting adults.  Shed your fear, shed your guilt.


lyrics to part of a song for you:

Quote:

.....
And I spent too many years
Searching for somebody
To be my wrecking ball
And rebuild all that's broken
And I spent too many nights
Without ever thinking
Maybe I'm a wrecking ball
And I'm breaking all that I'm touching
And I spent too many days
Drowning in the shallows
From the mess of the man that I've made
And the nest of mistakes that I have to lay.....

---

---

Urb said:

Flowie, have you ever actually engaged in sex.... With a woman?

---

Only with you, that one steamy nights years ago in my tent when you dressed up like lady GAGA and did spice girls dance moves for me.

FOnd memories.

Quote:

WHY do I feel so dirty sometimes for watching other people having sex and enjoying it?

---

Fiery said:

Tulipslave said:

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

I think my thought process is messed up, because I grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong, and that pornography and sexual thoughts were a sin, and even though my human biology says that it's ok, and healthy to do these things, I feel some sort of religious guilt.


Anyone have any advice for me, about how to be a healthy solo sexual individual, and justify my carnal nature and not have that guilt or remorse for something that I know I need(physical sexual release)

My thoughts are generally pure, but WHY do I feel so dirty sometimes for watching other people having sex and enjoying it?

---

i'm honestly not sure if this is a serious post, especially considering some of your own replies, or if you're trolling. 


But, i'll bite.  I agree with Lophosaurus and will add this:  So long as you aren't hurting others, physically or emotionally, it really doesn't matter what you do.  One should also strive to not hurt themselves, but, in my mind, it's less important compared to not causing others pain. 

Unfortunately, no one is going to be able to give you anwers to the "Why do i feel this way?" question; that is only for you to decide.  You're in your 30's, man.  It's beyond time to shrug the guilt associated with religion.  Much of what was "taught" (likely pounded into your brain, aka indoctrinated with) to you are extreme interpretations used to fit someone else's personal agenda, be it someone today or a few thousand years ago. MAKE YOUR OWN WAY IN LIFE AND LIVE BY THE RULES YOU SEE FIT!  FUCK WHAT ANYONE ELSE WANTS YOU TO DO!

The reality is, in regards to sex, there is no "right" or "wrong" way(s) to have sex so long as it is between two [or more, if that's your thing <img src="https://files.shroomery.org/smileys/shrug.gif" alt="" title=""/>] consenting adults.  Shed your fear, shed your guilt.


lyrics to part of a song for you:

Quote:

.....
And I spent too many years
Searching for somebody
To be my wrecking ball
And rebuild all that's broken
And I spent too many nights
Without ever thinking
Maybe I'm a wrecking ball
And I'm breaking all that I'm touching
And I spent too many days
Drowning in the shallows
From the mess of the man that I've made
And the nest of mistakes that I have to lay.....

---

---

Great advice. Thanks for sharing!


A good perspective. Some people bloom late. Cheers.

---

Fiery said:

Very insightful post.

I guess my perspective is just coming from a vastly un-caring person of sex, growing into a body that needs/wants sex, or is addicted to it, and then being confused about it.


Standard stuff for the self to consider.


I'm just trying to find a healthy balance, as I'm not looking for a relationship of any type at all, sexual or not. But yet I am a middle aged man. So logic says sex, family , houses, grandkids and stuff ensues. But I don't feel that way.

Forget the physical stuff, just trying to cope with biology sometimes. But I don't care about that, my deeper side wants to figure out who I am as a person spiritually, and then the sexuality can follow.


Oh the woe!

HELP ME FOLKS!

---

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

---

Its inexcusable and impalatable to my tastes that you would choose women of all people to force your sick twisted sexual urges on. Another sex man, what the fuck are you thinking

You gotta stick to your own, its not right, the gender barrier should not be crossed and especially not with a gnarled veiny throbbing dick. To take a WOMAN, innocent, delicate and refined and stick that into her, you need help man seriously.

How long have you been fantasizing about women? You disgust and disappoint me. The other sex man, what the fuck?!

And then peacefully? Do you seriously think a non fantasy real-life woman would go along one second with your twisted views on sexuality? Thats one skewed perception right there.

Check your bible! Women like APPLES since the dawn of time.

Maybe you should jerk off five times a day so you wont get inapproprate erections around women.

Have you considered castration? I would seriously consider that before laying hands on a woman in a lapse of self control.

MEN AND WOMEN ARE LIKE CATS AND DOGS.

Get help, seriously.


To give you a pointer:


THIS IS NOT NORMAL:

Asante said:

Its inexcusable and impalatable to my tastes that you would choose women of all people to force your sick twisted sexual urges on. Another sex man, what the fuck are you thinking






You gotta stick to your own, its not right, the gender barrier should not be crossed and especially not with a gnarled veiny throbbing dick. To take a WOMAN, innocent, delicate and refined and stick that into her, you need help man seriously.





How long have you been fantasizing about women? You disgust and disappoint me. The other sex man, what the fuck?!



And then peacefully? Do you seriously think a non fantasy real-life woman would go along one second with your twisted views on sexuality? Thats one skewed perception right there.





Check your bible! Women like APPLES since the dawn of time.




Maybe you should jerk off five times a day so you wont get inapproprate erections around women.





Have you considered castration? I would seriously consider that before laying hands on a woman in a lapse of self control.




MEN AND WOMEN ARE LIKE CATS AND DOGS.

Get help, seriously.



To give you a pointer:


THIS IS NOT NORMAL:

---

Fiery said:

even the priests and and religious elders struggle with spirituality and sexuality.


That's why I left myself open to advice from some higher advice.

---

Asante said:

The subtext of that message is that, its OK to have any sort uf mutually consenting sexual relation between adults, any gender pairing as well as polyamory group or asexuality is OK, if it happend out of love.

Quote:

I agree

---

I'm gay,





I also talk with God.







I asked God about homosexuality, he said: "I am all about love and among reasons I also created homosexuality so that there can be love, not just between genders but within them."




I asked him about the bible, he said: "Those were my rules then for the Israelites in an underpopulated world. You are not an Israelite and today you live on an overpopulated world. It is fine to be gay if it is born out of love.




Slavery is regulated in the bible too yet it is abolished now and the world is better for it.





Everything in proper measure. I am the Living Word. What I say to someone, today, is more to the point of the present moment than what I said to others, long ago.




The world changes,  whether we bolt solar panels to our roofs."

Let go of the zealotry you were brought up with. No matter what your gender is, if you are attracted to any gender, born out of love, that is perfectly fine. Dont lose sleep over that.




Love is God's Way, literally any form of mutual love is God's way, flowing directly.

---

Fiery said:

Next.




I googled the term and it was the same result- but it made me realize that life is just a temporary place for the eternal.


E terminal are like the eternal- they are full of souls-
And when one is brought before the grinding mill it takes a long time.

---

Quote:

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 corinthians 13

---

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

I think my thought process is messed up, because I grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong, and that pornography and sexual thoughts were a sin, and even though my human biology says that it's ok, and healthy to do these things, I feel some sort of religious guilt.


Anyone have any advice for me, about how to be a healthy solo sexual individual, and justify my carnal nature and not have that guilt or remorse for something that I know I need(physical sexual release)

My thoughts are generally pure, but WHY do I feel so dirty sometimes for watching other people having sex and enjoying it?

---

Quote:

He says (feel free to disregard):

It is My preference that people wait for the right moment, for when they are united with the one I intend for them, to have sexual relations. That moment is between us and us alone, and that is the genuine marriage, the marriage before God, the longterm commitment to each other before Me, which stands apart from the earthly or churchly institution of marriage.

It is my preference that people bond with full commitment and live in each others hearts before they enter each others bodies, so that they may offer their bodies and minds unspoiled by superficial experiences to the Sacred Union with their special one, which, I stress, might not last all their lives.

If lovers choose to capture their lovemaking, to themselves or each other, no matter how unusual the acts, on media, to then share these media with others, without money changing hands to incentivize it, it is an indiscretion of theirs to share it and an indiscretion of yours to watch it, but it is of an entirely lesser objectionability than when people who have little affinity for each other are brought together, incentivized by money, to engage in scripted sexual acts where no love flows from soul to soul.

In terms of Divine approval, if one is inclined to pornography, Divinity prefers "home videos" that are made between lovers over "porn stars" where participants violate the principles of love, each other and themselves, for the sake of money. Sin is when it is pornography made against the will or best interest of participants.

See that the degree of love being exchanged again determines the moral weight of the situation? It is by far a greater sin to strike two dead than to strike one dead, and it is by far more sinful to strike dead one innocent over striking two attackers dead in self defense. That each sin is absolute in the sense of that it carries equal weight is erroneous.

YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN.

I urge you to seek the path of Greater Love in your life in all things. If you succumb to the indiscretion of pornography, seek out the kinds made and shared out of love by lovers, which is readily accessible on the Internet today, even if it is of the unusual variety, and steer clear of the professional kinds born out of profit. The only acceptable profit on love should be greater love, not money.

The path of Greater Love I intend for you is for you to find a special someone to share that love with, so that it may multiply. In doing so, try not to settle for second best, lets your hands and perhaps toys be second best, making love to yourself so that you can focus unhindered by unfulfilled lust on following your heart towards the one it longs for, who longs for you, who has my hand in their back just as you will have my hand in your back as I join the both of you together.

If your hearts completely say YES to one another, you can rest assured that it is My Voice speaking through them both.

That is a Holy Union before God, regardless of gender, regardless of the ways that higher love comes to expression.

This is My word to you, and you are free to disregard it entirely, as it comes through a messageboard. Consult your heart about it, heal and strengthen your connection with your heart because it should be the compass on which you sail.

Sail your ship of life, steadfast and secure in my loving acceptance of you.

You are Blessed.

---

Asante said:

Quote:

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,

Quote:

Men desire love and envy which required boasting

---

it is not proud.





5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.







8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.




9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 corinthians 13

---

theres your bible verse.





Its not about the bible, its about what God wants of You, Now. Books are the written word for those who cannot hear the Word. They are a crutch. There are undiscovered tribes where people live closer to God than many so called "christians" because they follow their hearts and minds and don't have to read in a book whats right and wrong, they feel it by heart. And not having known Jesus they will soar straight to heaven.



I will channel now and you are completely free to disregard it, He insists on me saying that.

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

I think my thought process is messed up, because I grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong, and that pornography and sexual thoughts were a sin, and even though my human biology says that it's ok, and healthy to do these things, I feel some sort of religious guilt.


Anyone have any advice for me, about how to be a healthy solo sexual individual, and justify my carnal nature and not have that guilt or remorse for something that I know I need(physical sexual release)

My thoughts are generally pure, but WHY do I feel so dirty sometimes for watching other people having sex and enjoying it?

---

Quote:

He says (feel free to disregard):

It is My preference that people wait for the right moment, for when they are united with the one I intend for them, to have sexual relations. That moment is between us and us alone, and that is the genuine marriage, the marriage before God, the longterm commitment to each other before Me, which stands apart from the earthly or churchly institution of marriage.




It is my preference that people bond with full commitment and live in each others hearts before they enter each others bodies, so that they may offer their bodies and minds unspoiled by superficial experiences to the Sacred Union with their special one, which, I stress, might not last all their lives.






If lovers choose to capture their lovemaking, to themselves or each other, no matter how unusual the acts, on media, to then share these media with others, without money changing hands to incentivize it, it is an indiscretion of theirs to share it and an indiscretion of yours to watch it, but it is of an entirely lesser objectionability than when people who have little affinity for each other are brought together, incentivized by money, to engage in scripted sexual acts where no love flows from soul to soul.





See that the degree of love being exchanged again determines the moral weight of the situation? It is by far a greater sin to strike two dead than to strike one dead, and it is by far more sinful to strike dead one innocent over striking two attackers dead in self defense. That each sin is absolute in the sense of that it carries equal weight is erroneous.

YOU WILL GO TO HEAVEN.




I urge you to  love, not money.






The path of Greater Love I intend for you is for you to find a special someone to share that love with,







so that it may multiply. In doing so, try not to settle for second best, lets your hands and perhaps toys be second best, making love to yourself so that you can focus unhindered by unfulfilled lust on following your heart towards the one it longs for,







who longs for you, who has my hand in their back just as you will have my hand in your back as I join the both of you together.




If your hearts completely say YES to one another, you can rest assured that it is My Voice speaking through them both.

That is a Holy Union before God, regardless of gender, regardless of the ways that higher love comes to expression.

This is My word to you, and you are free to disregard it entirely, as it comes through a messageboard. Consult your heart about it,



heal and strengthen your connection with your heart because it should be the compass on which you sail.



Sail your ship of life, steadfast and secure in my loving acceptance of you.

You are Blessed.

---

---

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

---

Mr.GuessWork said:

Fiery said:

I've been struggling recently with sexuality, feeling guilty and even dirty for my sexual behaviors, which involve fantasizing about sex with women in peaceful and sometime intense sexual situations.

---

This sounds like perfectly normal intimate fantasy to me.


Nothing to be ashamed of

. People commonly fantasize about way less vanilla stuff than this.


you could even play these fantasies out with a lady in the right setting and have both of you enjoy it as part of a healthy relationship.

maybe explore what you feel guilty about, why you feel guilty, and if you believe that guilt is justified after you understand it better.


I went through a phase where I explored this side of myself too ( I still explore it to be honest).


I'm not a very sexually needy person, and I enjoy being single, but I like getting mutually lost in the pleasures of a sexual experience with a girl I care about, and it's satisfying to know it when somebody feels that way about me.



I still enjoy sexual fantasy in the absence of a real partner, and I don't feel shame about that anymore

. It's nice to have somebody else validate those feelings, but ever since someone I cared about helped me explore that in a relationship, I now believe that indulging in sexual bliss as part of caring for someone or as part of caring for myself is not wrong and isn't justifiably shameful.

Great emotional bonding and trust can form around meaningful sex, and sex and lust are a great part of an honest and healthy relationship. there's no shame in embracing that idea or in exploring it through fantasy. Enjoy it.


Maybe someday you can share that joy with somebody else for mutual benefit.

---