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Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity?
    #26092839 -

So, my fiancee has been distant, almost absent for the past few months. She says it's depression and stress. When I try to help with that, she shuts me out. A handful of incidents have pushed my insecurity level to 1000. What's your take on these:
  • We both have each other's Facebook passwords. One day, just messing around looking for old pictures, I told her I was checking out her chats with her best friend Abbi. She immediately logged in and deleted the chats. She said it was because of discussion of her ex, but I know everything about her ex and their history.
  • Our engaged status on Facebook disappeared from her page. When I asked her about it, she told me it must have been an accident and she doesn't know how it happened.
  • She began texting a dude. I wasn't too concerned until their conversations were hours long and she would pay more attention to their conversations than ours. This is especially significant considering we're on opposing schedules and don't have much time to talk.
  • In response to all of those things, she suddenly gets explosively defensive and starts screaming that she's not cheating on me, which I have never even accused her of.
  • On a stupid Facebook chainmail thing, a female friend gave her the assumption that she has a boyfriend but doesn't love him (me). My fiancee's only response was "engaged"

She always calls me crazy, paranoid etc. and I am prone to overthinking, but I have a strong feeling that something is up.


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Take a look at my journal

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Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23] * 1
    #26092999 -

I'm sure there's "more to it" but from the summary of your post the only advice I could give is relieve yourself of this person permenantly, you don't need that kind of stress and confusion in your life. It's not going to ever stop with her. She's adapted to this kind of communication with you. Trying to un-adapt or rehabilitate communication with a person is damn near scientifically proven to be impossible. Ask yourself do you actually need that in your life? Can you see yourself dealing with that for the rest of your life? Marry her and that's how it's going to be.

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Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26093024 -

Ya no that's really bad


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: bloodsheen] * 1
    #26093133 -

I will tell you my experience. Lived with a woman for years, eventually we engaged. That stopped nothing, she started to be on her phone all day long, sometimes, if i looked at her while she didn't know i was looking, she smiled at the screen.
I don't know when and for how long it happened, but it happened, she cheated.

If i were in your skin now, i would be honest, i would tell her that lately this situation is killing the relationship and hurting you. Give her a chance to join you in fixing this together. If she doesn't respect your feeling with just a "you are too jealous, trust me" she is no listening to you, your needs or your feelings, and that would give you enough intel about her (even if you don't get the info if there is something happening or not).


I guess being rational, getting more information, and giving her the option to work this out together is the rational way to think.

BUT. If you already feel she cheated, stop the relationship. The damage is already done, and after that, check with a therapist if those were delusional feelings

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Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: living_failure]
    #26093799 -

If she's texting with another guy, that's already off limits in my book.  That's a major sign that she has already lost all respect for you as a man.

In my opinion, this relationship is already beyond repair and it's time to be grateful you never married this girl.

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Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26094034 -

Why would you want to get married in the first place. Fuck htat shit


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[quote]koods said:
Asante, I don’t think we should have any sympathy and should celebrate the deaths of antivax/antimask activists. They are responsible for far more American deaths than al Qaeda ever was. Every time one of them dies ther movement of death is weakened.ut[/quote]

[quote]koods said:
Chasing variants with vaccines is a dumb idea[/quote]

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Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23] * 1
    #26094186 -

Darwin23 said:
  • In response to all of those things, she suddenly gets explosively defensive and starts screaming that she's not cheating on me, which I have never even accused her of..


    • If she's not cheating on you already, she probably will be soon. Bail man. And next time, keep your private lives separate. IMO.


    --------------------
    Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
    --Jac O'keeffe

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
        #26094314 -

    Sounds like the road goes both ways on this one. She's going to cheat on you soon and the goofy Facebook password sharing and open snooping relationship might be what pushed it there.


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    Everything you need in one spot.

    My Q&A thread. Ask me questions here rather than in Private Message
    Bod's chat thread

    5g a day keeps the 5g away

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: bodhisatta] * 1
        #26094347 -

    Thanks y'all. Sometimes you just really a need a few confirmations. I appreciate it.


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    Take a look at my journal

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23]
        #26094513 -

    Darwin23 said:
    Thanks y'all. Sometimes you just really a need a few confirmations. I appreciate it.


    Is this the Venezolana you were helping out of the country? If so, you had been told what to expect in your other post.


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    How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: MadValley] * 2
        #26094560 -

    Yeah, it's rather fucked up and I'm sure that alot of your goals and dreams in life were depending on this marriage working out but it's just a thing in life where you have to accept reality no matter how bad you want it to continue as you expected normal. This chick is really really bad for you. Forget about the promises you made to her and her family. It sounded like her family didn't give a shit about you either. If I were you, I'd surpress the feelings of "humanity" and "helping" and "positivity" and just walk away from the whole situation cold. Stop sending them money if youre still doing that. Cut all contact with them. They dont deserve anything more from you. If you can't bring yourself to do this then you'd stuck in a delusional sense of obligation.

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Anonymous #1]
        #26094707 -

    I really appreciate the bluntness. I really need it sometimes. Thank you.


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    Take a look at my journal

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23]
        #26094796 -

    Im sorry brother. This is why I just auto-default to never trusting anyone. It's not exactly healthy but I can honestly say I've only been truly betrayed once as an adult.

    Let no good deed go unpunished


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    A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23]
        #26094909 -

    If you feel really down about it, remind yourself that if you decide it's best to make a change and you do it, it'll open your life to something so much better and you'll know from these lessons how to navigate towards it better than before.

    In the last recent years I've had to cut my ties with a situation that I thought would last me happiness till the end and it was soul crushing. But things have gotten so much better and the path I'm on now is definitely healthier than before, hind sight is always 20/20 and looking back I can see that I was trying too hard to the point of dellusion to make something work that was basically absolutely fated to not work out for me

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23] * 1
        #26095022 -

    Darwin23 said:
    Thanks y'all. Sometimes you just really a need a few confirmations. I appreciate it.


    I really appreciate your appreciation. I'm glad you came here to share your conundrum with us.

    We all have them, and I think we'd all be better off if we shared them and asked for opinions more.


    --------------------
    Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
    --Jac O'keeffe

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Anonymous #1]
        #26095195 -

    Anonymous #1 said:
    If you feel really down about it, remind yourself that if you decide it's best to make a change and you do it, it'll open your life to something so much better and you'll know from these lessons how to navigate towards it better than before.

    In the last recent years I've had to cut my ties with a situation that I thought would last me happiness till the end and it was soul crushing. But things have gotten so much better and the path I'm on now is definitely healthier than before, hind sight is always 20/20 and looking back I can see that I was trying too hard to the point of dellusion to make something work that was basically absolutely fated to not work out for me


    I know you're right. I'm just really struggling with a mix of guilt and shame. I've abandoned this life, here. I've lost this year and become less. I suppose, the biggest hurdle is coming to terms with that.


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    Take a look at my journal

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Darwin23] * 1
        #26095198 -

    The year is only half over. Less in what way? Hurt and used doesnt make you less, just damaged. You can fix damage


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    A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: bodhisatta]
        #26103544 -

    for One if she is cheating she should be adult enough to admit to it. Second If she wants it to work maybe you can point how toxic holding on to 300 childhood friends that you had feelings for at one time is harmful to any successful relationship, which allows people to fill up on a self esteem smoothie vs relying on each other in the first place. Tbh most women have low self esteem and usually doubt the fact that you want to be with them the way they want i.e commitment (children marriage expensive shit they all love lol) if you aren’t telling her how proud you are of her and how beautiful she is (in person not text -it isn’t personal enough) then she will find it else where. The internet and dating apps will make marriage a thing of the past. It takes a traditional take like her willingly giving up her access to her phone all together. People who share phones are able to ease the insecurities that each other have be just being transparent and putting everything on the table. You also want to take mental health in to consideration and realize that you partner may have had a lot of trouble before she ever started cheating but feels it may push you away so she deals and abuses herself with careless partners it’s very sad tbh. Also if you guys have careers maybe it’s time for them to merge somehow for the sake of time spent she may need you more than you know and it’s up to the man to realize that. Her relationship with her family is important as well and can give you insight on anything that may be causing her to hold back now

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    Re: Red Flags or Unjustified Insecurity? [Re: Thekd95] * 2
        #26103901 -

    You are wasting your life on people who are vampires of life force. They are using you.  She was nonchalant about you fearing for your life man she doesn’t give a flying ****


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    theRealrollforever said:
    That’s not possible; even with computers

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