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Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend.
    #26084636 -

I've found myself in quite a dilemma the past three months.

To give some background, I'm a 24 year old male in a relationship with my 25 year old girlfriend that overall is perfect. We share a passion for medicine (she is currently apply to PA school and I'm finishing up my bachelors thinking about grad schools). The only problem I feel we have, is my inability to cope with my extremely high sex drive and her busy life.

We actually have lots of good sex, normally 5-6 days a week and sometimes daily unless she is on her period. However, when she rarely declines my advances I sometimes get upset and feel like she is withholding affection. I don't feel that way every time, only when her reasons don't make sense compared to the past. My response often hurts her feelings and she gets upset with me for putting her under pressure.

I thought that this problem had to do with me being immature and could be dealt with by challenging the idea that my girlfriend is withholding affection from me and to remind myself that "life-happens" and sometimes couples can't have sex as much as they would like. Both of these ideas seemed to do little, so I tried to dig deeper to figure out a solution.

What I'm now worried about is that my constant need for sex is from requiring something to convince myself that I'm straight, when I'm actually bi-sexual. This idea is supported by me in the past seeking out hardcore NSA-BDSM sex with men, but always deciding last minuet that its a bad idea. I will also preface this by saying that I never had an interest in men until after watching years of hardcore pornography.

I really never felt like there was anything more than horny curiosity in that department. Until going onto a fetish website about two months ago and opening up to a man about fantasies I'd had for several years. I only went onto this website to explore kinks and get ideas, not to hook up with anyone. Despite being fully committed to my girlfriend I was almost talked into cheating on her with him. I ended up telling him that I was not comfortable cheating and deleted my profile to discourage myself from letting things go further.

However, after making the connection about perhaps using sex with my girlfriend as a way to cope with bi-sexuality, I wonder if its unfair to keep all these feelings a secrete from my girlfriend. I still think about what he said to me, and recently can't stop thinking about how much I want to explore that part of my sexuality. However, I'm still unsure If I would actually go through with any of it.

I also doubt that my girlfriend would handle me telling her that I'm bi-curious very well. Basically, if I tell her we would break up. Either because she would not want to be in a relationship with me, or me feeling unaccepted/misunderstood/constricted.

I feel totally torn about making the decision, because on one hand I truly feel like I love her and can't stand the idea of losing her. But on the other, feel that if I don't explore this now it will poison our future and doom me to a life of regret and unhappiness. Ideally, I would just explore this on the side but know that I'm incapable of doing something like that. But I feel stuck and don't know what to do.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26084710 -

Hm. That is indeed quite the pickle. I definitely don't believe she is with-holding affection, just to dismiss that one aspect. Sex every day is a lot, especially months on end. My ex-gf and I would occasionally go on fuck-a-thons but I always needed a day or two to recover, her drive was higher than mine and sometimes I'd help her masturbate (which was certainly no chore).

But I've never struggled with sexuality, being straight has always been very easy. I could easily see you trying to basically fuck your homosexual desires away fruitlessly. Ive tried to masturbate my loneliness away in the past, that shit don't work for long lol.

Ok so maybe think of it this way. If you perhaps loved anal sex and your girlfriend was just like, fuck no, not now not ever, would that make you really consider leaving her or cheating? Or anything really, shitting on your chest or peeing on her face, etc. Is this feeling of curiosity and need for fulfillment getting worse or staying the same? And finally, how out of the question is a threesome?


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26084713 -

Oh, also what about pegging? That's like kinda halfway in between


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26084743 -

Quote:
Ok so maybe think of it this way. If you perhaps loved anal sex and your girlfriend was just like, fuck no, not now not ever, would that make you really consider leaving her or cheating?


Nope, I would not.

However I worry that I'm repressing something fundamental to myself being whole and authentic. I wonder if it will create a rift in our relationship because it will effect my ability to connect with her and be honest. So I guess it feels more important then just a fetish, I'm also worried about having to constantly fight the desires to follow though with the many fantasies I have. Because I feel like that clearly means I'm not straight.     



Quote:
this feeling of curiosity and need for fulfillment getting worse or staying the same


Honestly, it was getting better until tripping three days ago and then suddenly got worse.

It was pretty bad after I got on the fetish website, until I chose to decline the guys advances then it all went away until the day after tripping.

Quote:
And finally, how out of the question is a threesome?


I assume totally out of the question. Because, I've brought up how I've had a threesome before (MFF) and she basically said that any sharing of a partner is a deal breaker for her. She is not experienced sexually and I don't think she would even want to sleep with another guy, much less watch me sleep with another guy.

Quote:
Oh, also what about pegging? That's like kinda halfway in between


I've thought about bringing that up, but again worried that she would shoot it down and not understand the appeal of it. The idea of getting rejected in that department worries me greatly.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26084774 -

This is just a guess, but do you think you're addicted to porn and you have to gradually keep stepping it up to get off and this is what you've landed on? I think that is common for a lot of people that watch a lot of porn, they eventually need to step it up and it sounds like maybe that could be the case for you.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26084788 -

Yes, but my problem is that I've stopped looking at porn for over a year before and still was curious. I also, stopped looking at porn since getting onto the fetish website and again still think about it.

My view on the idea that I'm addicted to porn is that regardless of where the desires came from, I've got to deal with them. The only way I know how to is to face them. However, in this case if I chose to do that I risk ruining the best relationship I've been in.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26084833 -

The choice seems obvious to me, don't do it. It's a bummer you are in this pickle. What could you're GF do right now to help your situation?

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #2] * 1
    #26084965 -

I would say more than your gay fantasies, your inability to be open and honest with your girlfriend will absolutely eventually poison the relationship. I just broke up with a girl basically because neither of us could open up entirely with one another. We both kept shutting down in terrible ways, and things turned to shit pretty fast.

I think it's clear you have to at least start with the pegging if only to build trust with her. It sounds like you have a lot of fear of rejection of who you really are, and your trip likely broke down the wall you put up to keep that fear away. It seems very reasonable of her to feel pressured when you lash out at her desire to have sex less frequently. You've redirected your fear of openness and honesty into feeling rejected for simple sexual desire, which will probably soon just not be enough


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26085217 -

That's a really good point.

I guess that while I feel like I could talk about anything with my girlfriend, I'm unsure how to frame my feelings. 

Mostly, I'm unsure if I'm even Bisexual or if like another poster (and I myself partly believe) is purely fantasy, shaped by a mix of heavy pornography use, trauma and a high libido. 

I also feel that in time she could open up sexually to ideas like pegging but I wonder when is the "right-time" to bring up such fetishism in a relationship. She enjoys bondage and rough sex but so far nothing more. I've asked several times if there is anything she wants to try and always get the same response of "No, but you know i'd tell you"

Also, the only reason I'd feel like my girlfriend would break up with me coming out as Bisexual is because if I did that, I feel like I would have to tell her I want to explore. The opening of the relationship would be the deal breaker not me being bisexual. I think she could handle that fine.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26085231 -

Yeah I don't think there's such thing as a " good time" to bring up pegging. Id say if you are in this much turmoil, the sooner the better. I doubt its super common for women to specifically seek that out, but that's like the whole point of experimentation. I'm not 100% into rough stuff, but with my ex it was fun because I loved turning her on and making her cum buckets. If y'all are at the point of having bondage sex, only your fear is holding you back. Shoving this down in your soul is the worst thing you can do. Having a fake penis in your butt seems pretty mild compared to a threesome. If she doesn't want to even try it, I'd say you are just too adventurous to be compatible sexually. You took your fantasy waaaaay too far with talking to that dude online to turn back now. That's like the first step toward an affair, no matter what you say now.


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26085249 -

Thanks for the advice, after both having sex with my girlfriend and then later masturbating to the idea of seeing that guy I talked to online I actually feel closer to how I felt before tripping. That if given the opportunity, I would not really go through with anything because at the end of the day...its just a fantasy. Maybe I am bisexual, but even if I was that would give me no excuse to cheat and ultimately still have a strong preference for women.

I'm starting to think that this is nothing new and I should just not give it more energy then its worth, after all its normal to have fantasies which one would never actually act on. When I posted this, I was worried about the contrary but now...that feeling is gone. 

LSD is a hell of a drug.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26085338 -

Nothing wrong with having a fantasy you never act on. Just don't try to shove it anywhere deep down. Just like, idk be bisexual. You can still jerk off to dudes. And bro, for both of your sakes, tell this girl you're kinky. Sexual inexperience does not equal vanilla. Could be awesome


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26085475 -

One thing that isn't very clear from what you wrote at this point is whether you're attracted to gay sex or to guys, which is not entirely the same. Many guys would love to suck dick or take it up the butt, but aren't attracted to guys in the least.

Do you check out guys thinking they're cute, or not? Or is it more about the submissiveness? In the latter case, you could explore that within your relationship. If it's the former, you may be bisexual... but you can still choose to remain monogamous. Up to you to figure those things out, I guess.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Aldous]
    #26085768 -

No, I'm not attracted to guys at all. I just think the submission and taboo is hot. :shrug:

I've told my girlfriend that I'm very kinky and that I'd try anything once so I feel like she knows. I'm still feeling better about things, wondering if perhaps it was just a acute stress reaction from tripping making me second guess myself.

I don't feel like me leaving my girlfriend from some rando is a temptation anymore and feel comfortable with my kinks and fantasys staying that way. I also feel like if I wanted to tell my girlfriend about them she would be open to exploring them with me. She would perhaps not be into them, but she always does her best to please me and I trust she would try.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26086349 -

In that case I would definitely advise against hooking up with a guy, you'd be weirded out, possibly disgusted.

Try to introduce submission and pegging within your relationship instead, even if you have to go about it very gradually. Ease into it with her, you may have divine moments ahead if you're lucky.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Aldous] * 1
    #26086634 -

sexuality is complex... sometimes someone can develop an interest for the same sex later in life, it happens a lot.

i've had a LOT of partners and encounters with guys who are into women primarily but guys sometimes, guys who are equally into both, and guys who are with a woman but primarily into guys or *only* into guys.

the important thing is to be open and honest. if your girlfriend isn't into it and you need to hide things, you might find yourself in more trouble down the line.

i've had friends and lovers who are married to women of all ages, and it's better to be honest early than to find yourself in an unhappy relationship for decades that is not built on honesty.

love yourself first.

Edited by sophocles (07/02/19 05:07 PM)

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #26090459 -

Anonymous #2 said:
This is just a guess, but do you think you're addicted to porn and you have to gradually keep stepping it up to get off and this is what you've landed on? I think that is common for a lot of people that watch a lot of porn, they eventually need to step it up and it sounds like maybe that could be the case for you.


This.

I'm in a similar mindset to you OP. No GF though. I often fantasise for a long time on men and even shove things up my ass. Lots of gay porn and pretending I'm the woman in straight porn.

Then I blow and I think, "what the fuck was I thinking?"

This has been going on a long time. I think if I could get a GF, which I'm starting to work on, these behaviours will go away.

It's called FRUSTRATION. SEXUAL FRUSTRATION.

When I'm out in public I never look at guys. Sometimes I occasionally think a guy I inevitably have to meet/talk to is kinda handsome but I think most guys evaluate that a lot. I've never, ever had a crush on a guy my entire life.

Meanwhile I'm checking out every hot woman I can find, turning around to look at her ass as she goes by, smiling at them when it's appropriate, feeling better inside after just seeing a hot woman around.

I've been trying to reason I'm bisexual, but porn has taken over my life in the last decade while I've had a significant brain injury. I think it's that.

At one point I thought I was transgender but that's ridiculous. I'd go straight through a guy that threatened my mum or family or something, you know what I mean? I wouldn't care if I win or lose as long as I hurt them. I discipline myself hard and stay independent as possible in all matters. No conformity. Courageously seeking a decent path in life.

No that a woman wouldn't do that, but they are more passive. A gay dude wouldn't do that.

Anyway,

I love women. But I fear I'm going keep jacking off to this gay stuff until I find one to enter my life.

:frown:

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26090517 -

Sexuality is weird, I think that's the real take-away message here lol


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #26091750 -

Anonymous #3 said:
Anonymous #2 said:
This is just a guess, but do you think you're addicted to porn and you have to gradually keep stepping it up to get off and this is what you've landed on? I think that is common for a lot of people that watch a lot of porn, they eventually need to step it up and it sounds like maybe that could be the case for you.


This.

I'm in a similar mindset to you OP. No GF though. I often fantasise for a long time on men and even shove things up my ass. Lots of gay porn and pretending I'm the woman in straight porn.

Then I blow and I think, "what the fuck was I thinking?"

This has been going on a long time. I think if I could get a GF, which I'm starting to work on, these behaviours will go away.

It's called FRUSTRATION. SEXUAL FRUSTRATION.

When I'm out in public I never look at guys. Sometimes I occasionally think a guy I inevitably have to meet/talk to is kinda handsome but I think most guys evaluate that a lot. I've never, ever had a crush on a guy my entire life.

Meanwhile I'm checking out every hot woman I can find, turning around to look at her ass as she goes by, smiling at them when it's appropriate, feeling better inside after just seeing a hot woman around.

I've been trying to reason I'm bisexual, but porn has taken over my life in the last decade while I've had a significant brain injury. I think it's that.

At one point I thought I was transgender but that's ridiculous. I'd go straight through a guy that threatened my mum or family or something, you know what I mean? I wouldn't care if I win or lose as long as I hurt them. I discipline myself hard and stay independent as possible in all matters. No conformity. Courageously seeking a decent path in life.

No that a woman wouldn't do that, but they are more passive. A gay dude wouldn't do that.

Anyway,

I love women. But I fear I'm going keep jacking off to this gay stuff until I find one to enter my life.

:frown:


Hey, I thought the same thing. But even in relationships, still found myself fantasizing about submitting to males, becoming a 24/7 no-limits slave, sissy porn, chastity etc etc. I however, stopped watching porn and most of these fantasies cooled off. I've basically concluded, through a lot of soul searching, that I just use taboo kinks as a way to rebel rebel against authority and keeping them to myself is fine. I would however be open with exploring them with my GF as long as she is also interested. I don't want to push fetishes on my girlfriend in a self-serving manner. 

However, If I can offer you any advice, it would be to fully explore your curiosity before seeking out a girlfriend. I would open up to someone who is experienced to your kinks and just follow your gut on how you feel. You don't want to get into a relationship and then feel trapped because you can't explore your sexuality. Also avoiding porn might be a good option to see if your fetish is simply porn induced.

Also, reading "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin may give you some insight.

Best of luck.

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Re: Temptations About Gay Submission...Risking Loving Girlfriend. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26092053 -

Thank you.

I've been exploring it a lot lately. I actually get on methamphetamine and go hard. But when I come down I'm back to thinking what my above post has to say.

I've met some guys online and met in person and had sex, it was pretty weird, I wasn't excited at all. If I'm in denial this is some pretty fierce denial. Sometimes I think I'm more or less a freak. Bound to happen while having such a high sex drive then being denied sex for 10 years because of a severe head injury (mostly just slept all day).

I guess I must say that I understand the role of women in sex much better than most males. I understand submission and how erotic it can be.

Been cutting down on the porn. I need to clean my whole life up now that my brain is kicking over.

People have said to me I just need to get my mind out of the gutter.

When I see really high-class hot women walking around in their yoga pants, especially when there's a group of them, my heart and groin explode, I have to really keep my shit together with force to get past them sometimes, HAHA. Some symptoms of a panic attack. After seeing really hot women I get my mind straight out of the gutter and think screw doing anything gay anymore.

So yeah.

Hold me...

Edited by Anonymous (07/05/19 06:47 PM)

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