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OfflineM-420
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AD(H)D and relationships
    #26083464 - 07/01/19 01:50 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

TLDR: Read last paragraph.

From what I've read on this forum, I've learned that there is - just like anywhere else i guess, 2 camps here. The ones that believe in AD(H)D and the ones that don't. I don't intend to start that discussion again with this topic, i just hope to get some replies or input from both camps. Maybe people with similar stories? Or people that live together with somebody diagnosed with AD(H)D?

My whole life I've struggled with severe ADHD. All the classic symptoms apply for me.
I guess i suffer the most in daily life from postponing everything and losing/forgetting my stuff  all the time. I'm the type of person who loses his wallet with his entire monthly salary that was payed to him in cash, 3 days after he got actually paid. Been walking around with that money in it for 3 days, god knows why...

During high school i tried all the common meds. Ritalin, Concerta, Strattera (doctors don't prescribe Adderall in Europe AFAIK) nothing REALLY worked for me. I quit the meds after high school because the benefits where not outweighing the negative side effects. I am 24 now, and i don't feel like anything has changed for the better since my younger years.

I moved in with my girlfriend last year, not long after we met. Although we love each other a lot, i am driving her crazy. She always knew about my ADHD, but obviously it wasn't so extremely noticeable for her as it is now that we live together.

She is the organized, responsible type. I am the exact opposite.
She feels like she has to tell me everything, often 3 times. I know she is right.
If she doesn't tell me what has to be done i simply don't do it. Not because i don't want to; i simply don't see work, i don't see the next logical step. I don't consider myself a lazy person. I don't hate to do what has to be done, it just takes me somebody else to tell me to do it.

If i start something, i cant put myself to it to finish it. There's always something else, distracting me from what i actually have to do. I find it extremely hard to focus on one thought or action at a time.

She is the mindful type. I feel like i live on autopilot. I find it hard to think before i do. I'm super impulsive. This causes fuck ups both in my relationship with her as with my boss at work.
To be honest, I find it hard to think straight at all. When i listen to the voice in my head, it goes all directions, never focusing on one thought. So i prefer ed to shut that voice down for the bigger part of my life, i guess.

Now, i do realise that altough we do love eachother a lot, if i wont change, this relationship wont last for ever. 

She is in between the 2 camps i mentioned earlier. As far as she is concerned, my ADHD may be a real thing, but she believes I can train myself to think before i do, to see work in and around the house. I can force myself to not only make lists but to actually use them. I can teach myself to connect more to my thoughts and learn to be mindful. she mentions yoga and meditation a lot. So far i haven't found the motivation to start either one.

I WANT to believe her. I WANT to change. Every time we have a discussion about it i promise not only her but also myself that i am going to do something about it. I just don't know where to start. So far, not much has changed. I did start microdosing 2 months ago. I take 0.2 g following the James Fadiman protocol. Although i do feel generally much more positive, social and maybe even a little bit more clear in my head, the effects are not nearly what i hoped for. I read more promising stories online. I tried upping the dose but that makes me feel slightly intoxicated which is not what I'm looking for in this case. I guess i was hoping for a more Ritalin like effect. Not that I'm really disappointed, the above mentioned effects are beneficial enough for me to keep on md'ing.

I hope somebody here recofnizes himself in this post or has had similar experiences. I would love to hear them!

TLDR: Are there people here that have AD(H)D and have a relationship with a non-AD(H)D person ? Or maybe the opposite ? Does it cause frustrations ? How do you make it work ? Any advise?


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InvisibleJewstress
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: M-420]
    #26083713 - 07/01/19 09:12 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

1. Please do not believe the stereotype that you have to LIVE WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER for a successful relationship.

2. If you really want to try and "train" yourself out of these behaviors look into Cognitive  Behavior Therapy.  There has been success with some of my younger consumers in HELPING with severe ADHD symptoms, they never go away but you become more self-aware and learn coping mechanisms to help.

3. She loves you, she mentions things to try like yoga and meditation.  Unfortunately, if you have severe ADHD you're like the dog in the movie Up and when you see a squirrel it's about the squirrel and not whatever you were doing anymore. If you really want something to help with the symptoms... WORK OUT especially in the early AM, burn the energy that is within you... expel it bright and early.

4. Are you currently on meds or do you self medicate?


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OfflineM-420
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: Jewstress]
    #26084008 - 07/01/19 01:06 PM (1 year, 7 months ago)

Thanks a lot for your reply! I actualy left everything behind in my homecountry and moved to a diferent continent to live with her. The crazy shit we do for love, right!

I am not on meds atm, but i still do the microdosing. I used to have a very low self esteem, mainly because i keep fucking up at work and at home. Since i microdose i'm much more confident!


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OfflineM-420
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: M-420]
    #26085322 - 07/02/19 01:22 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

I would really apreciate some more input here guys! From what i have read, there's quite a lot of people here with AD(H)D.
I really tought this thread would be a a bit more active....


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: M-420]
    #26085350 - 07/02/19 01:51 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

Idk what to say honestly. If you don't like medication, there's only so much you can do. Mental illness is just generally a bitch. You can sorta kinda help your actions, like Jewstress said with CBT, but on your own you aren't likely to be super successful when it's clearly a brain wiring thing. Saying "Just concentrate more" is like telling a schizophrenic "Just don't listen to the voices in your head." Technically yeah, but no.

From what I understand in talking to others about relationships and mental illness, it's partly up to her to be tolerant and partly up to you to communicate how you feel and how much of a struggle things are. I went on a date with a girl who had epilepsy and she was on super high doses of medication, made her brain turn to mush. Forgot shit constantly. Again, not much she could do but try to mess with her medication, which could cause seizures so sorta not worth it. Trying medication again sucks if you hate the side effects, but it sounds like it affects more than just your relationship. Might be time to give it another shot


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OfflineM-420
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Registered: 05/08/19
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26087228 - 07/03/19 01:35 AM (1 year, 7 months ago)

I will defenetely have do some research about CBT. Sounds very interesting!
Yeah, the meds, been thinking about starting to take them again aswel... the side effects suck, but if it can save my relationship, its worth it! Thanks a lot for your input guys, i appreciate it.


Edited by M-420 (07/03/19 01:36 AM)


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Offline1uptoadstool
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: M-420]
    #26196658 - 09/19/19 01:08 AM (1 year, 5 months ago)

I feel you man. I was diagnosed with A.D.D. when I was 9yrs old I'm 33 now and I've been on and off amphetamine based medications basically my whole life. I take adderall now and even though it helps my symptoms I hate everything else about it and dont wish it on anyone.

I've had similar strugles with relationships and felt like I'm putting a burden on people because of my condition. constantly losing things, forgetting things, I literally zone out in the first 5 seconds while someone is talking me and dont retain anything they said

I've lost jobs because of it, jobs that I was good at and had a perfect attendance but got fired over repeated offences of forgetting to turnn it paper work or lock up areas that had to be locked my bosses got tired of me forgetting to do the little things.


Edited by 1uptoadstool (09/19/19 01:10 AM)


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InvisibleThayendanegeaS
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Re: AD(H)D and relationships [Re: 1uptoadstool]
    #26204405 - 09/23/19 12:59 PM (1 year, 5 months ago)

Quote:

I literally zone out in the first 5 seconds while someone is talking me and dont retain anything they said



This, I can certainly identify with...It's especially tough because this is the time when you learn their names, lol.I am terrible at remembering names.


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Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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