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Fake family * 1
    #26064767 -

I talk to this girl who has a bf and three kids.

He works a lot. Me, her and the kids spend a lot of time together, doing whatever, just hanging out, going to movies, parks, etc...

We don't have sex, it's complicated, there was a time where we almost did but I couldn't and things got weird, now little things happen, but never too much. Been going on for over a year. She lies to her bf about spending time with me.

I love her and especially the kids and I love playing daddy.

I don't think she particularly likes her bf, idk, it seems that way at least.

We spend 2-3 days a week together, sometimes more, rarely less, it's usually all of us but sometimes it's just me and her.

She knows fully how I feel.

I love her with everything I have, I want her and want her to be my family, and I hate that it's this big dishonest thing where she has a bf and lies to him and that we can't do everything I want, and I hate the thought of them spending time together.

I love her and I get that's it's complicated and she obviously doesn't love me how I love her.

But am I a bad person? If there was any way where I could be with her and it not be "wrong" I'd do it man, but I can't just leave her alone.

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #26064814 -

Are you a bad person? You sound like an amazing person; that's one big unselfish love right there. She's lucky to have you supporting her like that. It makes my heart hurt for you OP. I've got no advice atm, but you sound fucking great. Would you be OK playing daddy full time?


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We're all mentally ill. We're all delusional. We're all junkies. It's just a matter of degree
(the Venerable Robina Curtin)

Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.

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Re: Fake family [Re: Acuriousmycologist] * 1
    #26064863 -

I'd be more than okay. It's the dream man. I seriously love it so much.

I love all of it, there's a 5 year old, 18 month old and a newborn.

I love going out to eat with them and how crazy and hectic it is just trying to keep it together, and I love changing diapers and feeding the baby. I love when the baby cries and I get to be the one to try and figure out its needs and make it okay, I love when the 18 month old is tired and crankey and I get to deal with him, and I love the look on all three of their faces when they see me, it's all the best feeling in the entire world.

I just wish it was easier.

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26064893 -

Lets see.

1)What do you want? to be her partner? or would you be with her while she loves other man? what if its only sexual with no emotions? do you want to be her sexual partner too?

2)do you want her and the children for being them or for being a woman or children? (theres people who enjoy being in a relationship because they enjoy the situation, they really don't care about the who. i guess the same might happens with fatherhood?

3)You don't sound a bad person, you are loyal and you care about your people. That's good enought

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26064894 -

Everything will get better OP just hang in there.


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AndAwaaaaayWeGrow

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Re: Fake family [Re: living_failure] * 1
    #26064918 -

I want to be her partner, yes. I want to be with her and co-parent with her.

I dont want to be with her while she's with someone else, it's just kind of the situation I fell into. I don't want to just have sex with her, but I do want to have sex with her. I would probably if the situation presented itself again even when she's with someone else, but that's not ideal situation.

I do very much enjoy the whole fatherhood/family thing as situation/idea. But I used to talk to this girl that had two kids and after a while I got to know the kids and we bonded and stuff and it was cool, but it wasn't the same as this. With my relatively limited knowledge of love I would say I am absolutely in love with this girl and have a significant amount of unconditional love for the kids.

I just hate the dishonesty/sneaking around and feeling like a homewrecker and all that stuff. I just wish I could change the situation.

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #26064968 -

This situation is negative, you are not a tank you are an human being.

Be honest an direct with her, tell her your desires and feelings.
Try to work a solution of this with her.
She might be waiting to you to do a move.

Think that, if this situation keeps going, you are going to suffer and damage everything with your suffering and eventually leave.
You are a good man. you deserve love, and i think she knows that.

Good luck friend. Tell us how it goes and what are you going to do. you look like a good and worried guy so i already like you, imagine how much she must like you!

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26065031 -

Sounds like a pretty troubling situation.

First off, youre an awesome person for being so involved with her and her family like this. You should be proud of that. Its a rare thing. I wouldnt call it a fake family, perhaps an extended non-traditional family. Theres nothing fake about your love for her and her kids, from how u describe it.

I would try to convince her to make a serious choice of being with you or being with the BF who she doesnt really like. Its pretty selfish of her to mislead you like this, to keep you as the "secondary" guy. It sounds like she isnt fully in love with you to push her into a relationship with you. I wonder what is keeping her in this odd situation.....

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Re: Fake family [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #26066789 -

We just spent three days together, and as I left her tonight I told her that maybe we shouldn't talk anymore.

Then we texted after and I told her I'm not gonna talk to her anymore that it isn't working, and she was okayish at first but then was like how can you do this to the kids? etc... I just basically ignored it because she probably wrote it out of anger and I don't want to fight with her.

It's just rough and been a really taxing situation on me and I don't know how much longer I could keep it up.

Who knows if I'll actually stick with it or what's gonna happen, this isn't the first time we've "quit talking" only to resume doing so shortly after, but I think it is the first time I've ever been the one to make the decision and vocalize it.


And I do feel really bad for abandoning her and especially the kids, but idk what else to do, I feel like I'm gonna go crazy if I keep doing what I'm doing any longer.

I already miss the kids man.

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #26066828 -

I had a weird situation like that before. Met this girl, she had a boyfriend, we became friends. At first it was mostly hanging out with both of them, but after awhile it became half with just her and half with both of them. The bf was ok, not my favorite person in the world but he basically treated her alrite. At some point, probably the first time drunk after her bf went to bed, we started doing little things. Holding hands, sitting thigh-to-thigh, etc. One night I was feeling particularly lonely and she had sorta half passed out, so I (not in a creepy way) started touching her arm, and she like scooted over so I could spoon with her. But it never turned into sex, the closest thing was I kissed her neck once.

I think she was sorta hoping her boyfriend would do something about it? He caught us spooning once and nothing was said. He didn't get angry or look offended, more just WTF? She and I NEVER talked about it. No matter how far it went it was just like an unspoken agreement that we wouldn't talk about what we were doing.

Anyway, long story short (too late), a little over a year later I was starting to lose my fucking mind over it. I loved her and hated her. When we were alone together I felt good, really good. Then I would leave and think, wow maybe if I wasn't such a pathetic loser I wouldn't have to get my jollies with another man's girl. So I basically dumped her. We were best friends for more than two years. I told her I was tired of feeling manipulated. I wasn't her second boyfriend, one for sex and money and one for fun and emotional support. That she was a terrible friend who made me feel terrible so much of the time. And that I was leaving the state and moving on with my life. It was hard, I know I was really unnecessarily cruel and I wish I had done it differently. But the top ten best decisions I ever made was cutting that poison out of my life.

I don't think it's unfair to make her choose, you or him. I didn't want this girl at that point, I didn't want her to choose because I already chose. You aren't a bad person, but you have been making bad decisions. If you want to be done with her, you need the closure of telling her the whole truth of what you've said here. If her baby daddy is a shitty father, that isn't your problem. She is using you, even if it's not on purpose. Do yourself a favor, spend the next week or two thinking about what you want to say, say it, and move on, one way or another.


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26067077 -

You sound like a nice guy but my guess is this wont end up good for you.


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"The Rolling Stones will break up over Brian Jones' dead body"    John Lennon

I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either.

Simulacrum
The truth which conceals that there is none

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #26067092 -

I don't think you're a bad person but possibly not too bright. After a year of being an emotional tampon you would know if he's abusive. Maybe he's a great guy, but you're the dick she's emotionally cheating with. Most people tend to think that's worse. You have become a tampon and a purse holder. You're the puppy she pets to make herself feel better and you love it. Grow some dignity and make something happen or forever be the limp noodle that got dragged along. :shrug:

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Re: Fake family [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #26068483 -

Woah man.

Can you have kids of your own?

Does she tell the kids, "okay billy, you're 5 so you can talk to daddy.... So don't tell yer faaaaahhther that mommy's side-dick - I mean, Uncle Mikey - is coming over.."

Do you know they guy at all, personally?  Be careful man, if I'd found out about a guy like you changing my fuckin kids diapers and fucking the mother of my children, I'd beat your ass so damn hard.... You are out of place in that home.  You don't belong there.  Let them two adults over there work their shit out without your interference.
I am shocked that you've manipulated this situation in your mind and have managed to oresent it in a way to our community to gather sympathy!  You don't fool me dude.  You're a problem who does not respect relationships or family.
And this girl.... What is wrong with her? She needs to break it off if she's so unhappy, and stop bringing other dudes around those young kids, confusing the he'll out of them.  Bitches these days I swear.... Both of you are fucked up in my book.
Stop caring about these people until she's done with the kids dad dude.  Then knock her up with one of your own, love on her all night, and hope she don't do to you what she did to get you....

You titled this Fake Family .  so make a real one for yourself man.


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This was an experiment.

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #26068517 -

Anonymous #1 said:
And I do feel really bad for abandoning her and especially the kids, but idk what else to do, I feel like I'm gonna go crazy if I keep doing what I'm doing any longer.

I already miss the kids man.


It sounds like you are taking on a larger proportion of the responsibility than is fair - did you abandon her or did she make it very difficult for you to keep offering the same level of support? Because the fact that she is lying to her bf suggests  that it's more than is acceptable in her current relationship. But also - you have a lot of unconditional love which is awesome, but you get to control how or whether you express it. Sometimes love is not enough and we have to learn to tolerate carrying that while avoiding the person we hold the candle for, because they fuck us up in the head.

OP, you sound awesome, but this doesn't sound like a situation that will go well for you. You mentioned a newborn - it's not like she has older kids and has been stuck in a shitty relationship for a long time looking for a way out. She has made her choice by her behaviour.

I would suggest that you maintain consistency though. It's not fair of her to pull the kid card, but it's also not fair of you to dip in and out of their lives after being so intensely involved (2-3x per week or more). That is confusing for kids. Either stick in there until you have decided, or get out and stay out.

You sound like you would love a family and to have your own person.


--------------------
We're all mentally ill. We're all delusional. We're all junkies. It's just a matter of degree
(the Venerable Robina Curtin)

Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.

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Re: Fake family [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #26069384 -

He's not abusive, physically at least. Their relationship has its problems, on both sides, but I really do try my best to stay out of it because I'm a manipulative person by nature and I find it hard not to do that and try and twist things to help me get what I want, so I tell her not to complain about it to me and she listens 99% of the time.

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Re: Fake family [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #26069402 -

I am not sterile, if that's what you mean, but I am not in a relationship with anyone to have kids nor am I financially ready to make that leap by myself.

Idk, the one kid that can talk knows pretty much the whole situation, she wants me to be with her mother, doesn't like the guy she's with, etc... So idk, she just doesn't say anything, I think hoping that things will change.

I do not know the guy at all, I've seen him in passing like twice in my life, and he didn't even really know who I was. He only knows I exist because a situation arose and he had to know, also he sees my name on her phone because we text and stuff.

I know I am not a perfect person, I'm kind of a POS, I just really do love the girl and the kids so I use that to justify our actions, which I guess isn't right.

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Re: Fake family [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #26069487 -

DoneKildatReason said:
Let them two adults over there work their shit out without your interference.



^

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Re: Fake family [Re: PatrickKn] * 1
    #26069773 -

If I was the husband I would certainly shoot you.... probably empty the whole magazine on you... Not trying to be rude, but doing that kind of stuff has gotten hundreds of people shot.

Dude your playing with fire, wanna earn a medal by stealin someone else's family??? dont be that guy, move on, find one of the plenty of childless girls in the market.


Edited by AIRDOG (06/30/19 06:57 AM)

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Re: Fake family [Re: Anonymous #1] * 3
    #26069806 -

Personally i think you don't have enough self respect. Time away from her is the best damn thing you can do. Now you're away, let her go. If it was meant to be she'll find her way back. In the mean time get a job, independence, and do some self improvement and self love. Grow as a person and you'll find that a whole heap of new opportunities will become available to you and you'll look back later on and wonder why you hung around all that time.


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Re: Fake family [Re: Magenta]
    #26070475 -

I know we are just a bunch of idiots on the internet, but fuck man you just got like 10 responses that varied from "get out" to "someone should shoot your ass." If this isn't enough, idk what you're looking for to make you see this has to end


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog

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Re: Fake family [Re: bloodsheen]
    #26072583 -

It sounds like she is using you to make her and his life easier. I bet he knows about you and lets it happen because he can't be there right now. As soon as you've served your purpose you will get burned badly. The situation you're in will only result in pain, 3's a crowd and there isn't room for you. For her to bring the kids into it to guilt you is fucked up. You're right where she wants you and that will always be on the outside of her family. She has had 3 kids with dude and won't even kiss you, that should tell you where you stand. Don't get me wrong I'm sure you're really helping her out and I be she appreciates it but, that's all you are to her, is the the help.

Get your own family and it will be much more rewarding, if dude is a POS then that's not your problem.


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Re: Fake family [Re: Yonatin]
    #26081922 -

Actually that's a great point.do you want to be with someone who uses kids to guilt you long term? That's not great.


--------------------
We're all mentally ill. We're all delusional. We're all junkies. It's just a matter of degree
(the Venerable Robina Curtin)

Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.

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