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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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All I ever think about is suicide.
    #26014572 -

I get no joy out of life, I have no friends and it feels like everyone in the world wants to attack me and watch me suffer and die.  Why shouldn't I kill myself?


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"Fuck that Morpheus, I'm takin em both!"                                                     
                                -Cheeze

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: OMGitsBigCheeze]
    #26014610 -

Not too many reasons why you shouldn't, but not too many reasons why you should.


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http://bunkpolice.com/basic-test-kit/
Vienna Declaration
Salvia Divinorum The Docudrahma

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Konyap] * 1
    #26014627 -

Friends aren’t that important. Just do the best that you can to improve yourself and find a partner, if you don’t already have one.

The older that I get, the less that I care to interact with my friends. Or to make new ones...

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: ChemicalSpark]
    #26014665 -

You may see that attachment - whether to people or things - is the source of suffering as the potential created for the absence of these things is what creates our unhappiness.
I'd say you're an intelligent enough person with a decent grasp on the nature of things. And I'd say this is what is alienating you to others.
But remember 99.999999% of the time 99.9999999% of the people you see are operating simplistic inward looking reality tunnels completely oblivious to the nature of reality which makes them harder to relate to.

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: ChemicalSpark]
    #26014672 -

Generally, most other people don’t acknowledge your existence to the point that they’re actively wishing for evil to befall you. Our existences don’t have any significance to a stranger. Outside of family members, close friends (if you have any), and perhaps a few coworkers or associates nobody cares whether we’re here or not.

If you don’t have anyone depending on you, and your suicide will not have any negative impact on the lives of others, and most importantly if life has lost all fascination and enjoyment for you with there being no possibility of hope that a renewed interest or passion might be sparked within yourself—there’s not much reason to go on.

Things can always change right up until the point that you’re actually dead or truly dying. I think that “Nobody likes me and I’m not having any fun” is a somewhat shallow reason to do yourself in. If you want to find a decent reason for suicide just start researching almost any human endeavor in depth and you’ll find plenty of reasons to conclude that the world would be better off without most people. We are ultimately the ruination of all things

Edited by Stone_Shrine (05/26/19 04:37 PM)

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Stone_Shrine]
    #26014942 -

I read one of your recent posts and it sounds like you’re going through hard times. You need to keep grinding for awhile, sober up a little bit, and see if things shape up.

I hope you have some family that can offer you some material support.

Too early for suicide, there’s still a chance that your personal life will turn around


PS-Don’t let the douchebags out in the world or on this site get you down. Many people revel in the misery of others because it gives them a chance to feel good, superior, and condescending about themselves. I’m not sure where all the Shroomery druggies get off making light of your struggles and claiming that you’re simply irresponsible. Hypocrisy knows no bounds

Edited by Stone_Shrine (05/26/19 07:10 PM)

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Stone_Shrine]
    #26015148 -

Summer is beginning, so if you need to live out of your car you’ll survive.
Your immediate priority should be to get your vehicle’s papers in order

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Stone_Shrine]
    #26017532 -

There's something wrong with your brain and it's not your fault.

The brain can easily make suicide reasonable, through a chemical imbalance or structural damage.

Maybe you should look into professional help, but I don't recommend ANY of psychiatry's medications, I'd go for alternative therapies.

For depression, I'd look into regenerating the brain and get onto supplements and a diet that increases neurogenesis and neuroplasticity.


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Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26017552 -

I'll begin by saying I don't know what you're going through because for me you're just text on a screen and I don't know you personally however I have gone through some hard times in the past and was at a point in my life or I felt like no one cared nothing was getting better and I was just going through the motions someone suggested to me the exercise would be good for me and it really helped immense amounts no I'm not saying you have to go out and become a bodybuilder or a marathon runner but what I found was in my worst moments if I just ran around the block did a couple push-ups afterwards I felt better slowly I began to improve and the laugh of the matter is now I am a marathon runner I'm a member of three run clubs I've created personal connections and friends that will last the rest of my life I'm healthier happier through this I've learned to eat better and respect myself more this may or may not work for you however it worked for me so I will say it can't hurt to give it a shot we all go through bad times I need to figure out a way to power through them I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better for you

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: OMGitsBigCheeze]
    #26017838 -

OMGitsBigCheeze said:
I get no joy out of life, I have no friends and it feels like everyone in the world wants to attack me and watch me suffer and die.  Why shouldn't I kill myself?



Please do not take this as personal criticism.

You get little joy out of life, in part because you lack friends to be close with, friends you feel safe with.

A priority is to find a friend.

Something like 1 in every 5 people experiences loneliness, so it's likely that a fitting friend for you may be closer than you think.

Try to find something you like doing that can be done in proximity of other people. Humans are social animals so if the proximity is there and you are being sociable, its a matter of time.

A good place may be to join a gym or pick up a martial art. (no shady gyms or dojos, research!)

Exercise is associated with mood improvement and also, bonding.


--------------------
Omnicyclion.org
personal empowerment for the world

:nyan: LGBT - Love God Before Tradition :nyan:

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Asante] * 1
    #26017857 -

The gym is my saviour in this life. I prefer the shady ones. Real salt of the earth types there. My kind of people. Made more friends at the gym and feel better for going than any other single activity I've taken up.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 2
    #26017937 -

Everyone else here has brought up good pieces of advice. But I wonder, why do you think of suicide so frequently?

If you get no joy out of life maybe you could find new hobbies or try new things

If you have no friends you could try meeting new people or connecting online with people who share your interests

If you feel attacked,remove the toxic people from your life. It can be difficult to move away from those who've been in your life for a long time, but if they are hurting you and making you miserable then it's the best thing to do

I know that all of these things seem obvious, but I only state them to illustrate that there are practical solutions to the problems that you stated

But, in truth, people who are fixated on the idea of suicide start coming up with problems to explain their thoughts and feelings. Not saying that your problems aren't real, but I am saying that if a person has their mental health in order, their first thought is to change their life rather than end it

So if there is an underlying problem with your mental health, these issues you stated may only be manifestations of the true issue. Do you have substance abuse issues? Did you suffer from traumatic events in your youth? Have you had periods of apathy and depression?

Suicide will end your suffering, sure. Suicide ends EVERYTHING. So consider whether there is any good things in your life that make life worth living, even if only for short instances

Work on yourself. Don't worry so much about your surroundings. The truth is that most adults have only a few close friends. Some don't have any and are still living fulfilling lives. On the flipside, many people have committed suicide despite having lots of friends (or "friends", meaning fake friends that aren't there for you at your lowest).

I have experienced suicidal ideation, in varying degrees, for much of my life. I have had friends/lovers and pushed them away because my self-loathing was telling me that nobody could truly care about me. I have, at times, felt attacked by my peers. I've felt misunderstood

But I've made peace, or am in the (LONG) process of making peace with my past mistakes and my personal shortcomings. Suicide is a very tempting idea when you feel worthless. You feel like others will see you as a tragic figure, or feel bad for not treating you better, if they find out you killed yourself. Plus, as an act of self-violence, it satisfies that part of you that says you're worthless

It's all BS, though. Suicide doesn't accomplish anything. "The world" you speak of, that wants you to suffer and die, is mainly you describing your own mind. It's your own self-loathing talking. If people out there dislike you, who cares? Why should you let them have control over your life?

Why are you equating popularity or likability with the value of a life? Yours is just as meaningful as it would be if you had lots of friends and no enemies. People nowadays are so convinced that their life only has value if they are succeeding in a way that others can recognize from a superficial glance. If you have money and a thriving career, a beautiful partner, lots of friends, etc.

It's the trade-off that we make by living in modern society. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others and being sold things that promise to improve our lives in some way, as if every element in your life is always inadequate and needs to improve. No matter what you do or what your life is, the world can always find a way to make you feel worthless

tl;dr. Whoops, didn't mean to write a whole novel. You shouldn't kill yourself because there's no point. Change the way you think and I promise what you have in your life now will seem good enough. Once you are in a better place then those things you feel are lacking in your life will find their way to you

Edited by meowjinx (05/28/19 09:59 AM)

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: meowjinx]
    #26018084 -

Yea I'd definitely echo the exercise thing - become Forrest gump if you have to just go for it.

Also tidy - no serious - tidy the fuck out of your surroundings and remove anything you have negative association with. Your surroundings are a reflection of your inner thoughts and feelings. U got this

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: thisbliss] * 1
    #26018107 -

Meowjinx just read ur second last paragraph - ain't that the truth. Just thinking of the endless stream of advertising essentially making us feel worthless. Another thing in modern society is this idea that you should be happy all the time and if you're not there's something wrong with you - bullshit.

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: thisbliss]
    #26019484 -

thisbliss said:
Meowjinx just read ur second last paragraph - ain't that the truth. Just thinking of the endless stream of advertising essentially making us feel worthless. Another thing in modern society is this idea that you should be happy all the time and if you're not there's something wrong with you - bullshit.


Yeah, dude. Obviously, every single person has their own personal insecurities. Usually, it's several insecurities. That is how we are pressured into constantly upgrading phones, laptops, or any other type of computer. People feel the pressure to constantly upgrade computer devices or add new ones (smart watches, useless pieces of shit) because they see others with them and need to keep up with those status symbols. Upgrades occur every 2-3 years, WAY before the old ones stop working. Why upgrade? Because the new ones are 5 seconds faster? It's just a way to display our status. Or keep up with fashion, as if clothes serve any other purpose besides keeping us warm or covering our genitals. Or trading in their cars for the latest models just because they want others to know how successful they are

It's all just sad. I never liked consumerism, but reading Henry David Thoreau's "Walden" really showed me how foolish I was for ever putting any importance on consuming, or working full-time jobs that I hated just to spend on frivolous crap

And YES, I totally agree. Feelings of depression, anxiety, and suicidality are all highly stigmatized. And social media makes people feel a need to live uber-happy, uber-successful lives, because they compare themselves to their friends/acquaintances

I know I'm not the first person to whine about all this shit. It's just that most people don't ever reflect on how they're living their lives, and WHY they are living them in that way. If you were to rewind 1,000 years, wealthy people then would be lower-class now. And yet they were probably just as smug and arrogant as wealthy people now. Happiness has way more to do with how we view ourselves in comparison to those around us than it does to our actual circumstances

Edited by meowjinx (05/28/19 09:44 PM)

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: meowjinx] * 2
    #26024064 -

Another thing to consider is how gruesome, nauseating and painful your suicide will probably be - you will experience pain and disgust that you've never experienced before. And what if you fail? You might be left with brain damage, nerve damage, organ damage etc. that could lead to even more pain and an inability to do better next time. You might be left with REAL reasons to do yourself in.

Just forget about suicide. Even if your life is left in pain and suffering well work from there, or tough it out, at least. Because suicide will be painful, disgusting and terrifying.


--------------------
Hostile humankind
Can't you see you're fucking blind?

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26024369 -

beforethedawn said:
Another thing to consider is how gruesome, nauseating and painful your suicide will probably be - you will experience pain and disgust that you've never experienced before. And what if you fail? You might be left with brain damage, nerve damage, organ damage etc. that could lead to even more pain and an inability to do better next time. You might be left with REAL reasons to do yourself in.

Just forget about suicide. Even if your life is left in pain and suffering well work from there, or tough it out, at least. Because suicide will be painful, disgusting and terrifying.


Very excellent point. Suicides occasionally do get botched. I believe there are some things worse then death.


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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: OMGitsBigCheeze] * 2
    #26029671 -

I'll tell you this: I have the word WEAK carved into my leg. I was totally isolated and felt completely rejected by society. I was so shy and socially anxious that I would spend over an hour responding to a text saying "How have you been?" I was a 25 year-old kissless virgin. I believed I would die from suicide and it's amazing that I didn't. I couldn't see a future for myself.

In 2018, I turned 26. I decided to let go. I traveled through 13 countries that year. I saved many lives in Venezuela by illegally shipping in medicine and food. I was banned from Venezuela. I snuck into Venezuela. Women seemed to be drawn to me and I became social, which I never thought possible. I fell in love and finally understood why everyone loves sex and relationships so much. I traveled solo through the Colombian Andes and through the Amazon rain forest. I've experienced things that seem so unreal, you'd think that I'm crazy. I took a flight to Guyana and then took a private plan to the Brazilian border and caught a ride into town. I met one of those third-world camgirls on MyFreeCams and we ended hanging out in Colombia. I traveled through regions that the US State Department labels as "DO NOT TRAVEL". I feel 50% reckless and 50% like some kind of spy or some shit.

Now, why I'm telling you all of this is because I felt a lot like you do, right now. I felt futureless, destined for loneliness, too broken to function in society, doomed to a life of failure and suicidal every single day. I didn't see ANY future for myself, let alone, a future that sounds like my unrealistic childhood fantasies. I have not thought of suicide in a very long time. I promise you, you will have a change happen. It might sound impossible, but it will happen.


--------------------

Take a look at my journal

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: beforethedawn]
    #26031454 -

beforethedawn said:
Another thing to consider is how gruesome, nauseating and painful your suicide will probably be - you will experience pain and disgust that you've never experienced before. And what if you fail? You might be left with brain damage, nerve damage, organ damage etc. that could lead to even more pain and an inability to do better next time. You might be left with REAL reasons to do yourself in.

Just forget about suicide. Even if your life is left in pain and suffering well work from there, or tough it out, at least. Because suicide will be painful, disgusting and terrifying.


Yep. When I was 20 years old I got to a point where I was seriously contemplating suicide

Suicide has stages. First you think about it in an abstract way, then you start planning out practical steps on how to actually pull it off

At my worst I was researching online how to do it in the most painless way. The only reason why I didn't actually kill myself is because I couldn't find a for-sure painless method of suicide that also didn't make a big mess. So I researched treatment options for depression instead

Severely depressed people tend to romanticize suicide, but in reality it's pointless and just makes a big mess. Not just a physical mess, but an emotional one too

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: meowjinx]
    #26031705 -

Come hang with us at the gathering in Humboldt cheeze!


--------------------

"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: Darwin23]
    #26031942 -

Darwin23 said:
I'll tell you this: I have the word WEAK carved into my leg. I was totally isolated and felt completely rejected by society. I was so shy and socially anxious that I would spend over an hour responding to a text saying "How have you been?" I was a 25 year-old kissless virgin. I believed I would die from suicide and it's amazing that I didn't. I couldn't see a future for myself.

In 2018, I turned 26. I decided to let go. I traveled through 13 countries that year. I saved many lives in Venezuela by illegally shipping in medicine and food. I was banned from Venezuela. I snuck into Venezuela. Women seemed to be drawn to me and I became social, which I never thought possible. I fell in love and finally understood why everyone loves sex and relationships so much. I traveled solo through the Colombian Andes and through the Amazon rain forest. I've experienced things that seem so unreal, you'd think that I'm crazy. I took a flight to Guyana and then took a private plan to the Brazilian border and caught a ride into town. I met one of those third-world camgirls on MyFreeCams and we ended hanging out in Colombia. I traveled through regions that the US State Department labels as "DO NOT TRAVEL". I feel 50% reckless and 50% like some kind of spy or some shit.

Now, why I'm telling you all of this is because I felt a lot like you do, right now. I felt futureless, destined for loneliness, too broken to function in society, doomed to a life of failure and suicidal every single day. I didn't see ANY future for myself, let alone, a future that sounds like my unrealistic childhood fantasies. I have not thought of suicide in a very long time. I promise you, you will have a change happen. It might sound impossible, but it will happen.


Wow, this is a badass story! Your life sounds super adventurous, and to come back from such a place of loneliness. I can relate to the loneliness, not so much the adventure lol. But it sounds amazing

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: sui]
    #26032103 -

sui said:
Come hang with us at the gathering in Humboldt cheeze!


https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/25740879


--------------------

"There is never a wrong note, bend it." Jimi Hendrix


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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: OMGitsBigCheeze]
    #26038974 -

OMGitsBigCheeze said:
I get no joy out of life, I have no friends and it feels like everyone in the world wants to attack me and watch me suffer and die.  Why shouldn't I kill myself?


Because shit might be awesome in the coming years, no knowing what ten years from now will be like

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: stzacrack]
    #26041041 -

Great posts here.  Darwin thanks for saying that story up there, I bet you could write a book for each week of those years.

I just wanted to say my opinion, about some of these extremely dark roads of the psyche we find ourselves in - it is a kind of presence or an entity of some kind that is attacking us through our thoughts.  This isn't an original idea.  I wonder if any agree....


--------------------
This was an experiment.

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #26041285 -

Totally dude. I remember at Ayahuasca sessions people would talk about spirits - good, bad, mischievous etc all being attracted to the 'energy' of the session in the room. Then I realized it's basically the thoughts being generated in everyone present - people's neuroses being played out and brought to the surface. We're like animated matter being controlled/attacked/guided/caressed whatever by the thoughts that appear in our consciousness

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Re: All I ever think about is suicide. [Re: sui]
    #26192056 -

God dammit I just saw this. I've been trying to get a hold of cheese and he hasn't responded for months now. He was talking serious about suicide a couple years ago while vending with me and then bailed. That was the last time I saw him. I see he hasn't posted here in over 3 months. In that time I got in a bad car wreck, fucked up my ribs, back, shoulders, neck, hit my head and had major stuttering/seizure activity, but healed up just in time for burning man. I didn't think I was gonna make it but it happened. I wish cheese had an outlook like this. I could tell the whole story but it takes too much time.

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Unfolding Nature Shop: Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order

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