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Anonymous #1

Asexual
    #2601288 - 04/25/04 03:55 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

It took me 22 years to find out but I'm pretty certain now that I'm asexual. I'm attracted to the opposite sex physically but not sexually, meaning I have no desire whatsoever to have sex. The thing is, I don't know if I was always like this, or if I somehow made this decision and it solidified in my mind. As early as I can remember I wasn't interested in sex. I didn't even start looking at porn until I was in college. And even after that I've had no interest in porn, because I don't feel anything when I see it. It doesn't turn me on at all. It actually does the exact opposite and turns me off. I feel the same when I think about sex. It doesn't turn me on, because the concept of it just seems so strange and odd. The problem is that I'm stuck in a society obsessed with sex, and I feel like some sort of robotic alien. It's also really strange to be around my friends, who are in constant pursuit of getting laid. I just don't understand what people get out of it or why it would be pleasurable to them. I just don't get it. Another problem is, I'm a pretty good looking guy, and I get a lot of attention from women. The thing is, most of the girls I hang out with are party girls who are after sex just as much as my guy friends. I love women and I love hanging around with them. They make me happy in that way that being with the opposite sex makes everyone feel. But in the end I'm not interested in hooking up or fucking so I feel bad because I end up leading them on. I'd rather just hang out with girls and connect with them on a deeper level than just physically.

I just want to know why I'm like this. Are my hormones fucked up or something? I lift weights often so I know it's not low testosterone. And by the way I'm totally certain I'm not gay because I've thought about that so many times that it can't be possible. Even if no one here can help me I just need to get this off my chest, as I've never told this to anyone I know.


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OfflineBlowMiNose
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2601608 - 04/25/04 06:02 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

You're definitely not alone


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***--- Have You Opened Your Third eye?! ---***
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OfflineViaggio
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2602851 - 04/26/04 12:19 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Max, I think it's a hormone thing...or maybe some sort of childhood trauma? Do you masterbate? I'd consider seeing a doctor about this.


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"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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Offlinevalour
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2602860 - 04/26/04 12:22 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I'd consider seeing a doctor - both medical and psyciatrist*, to see if there's anything actually ~wrong~. (If the first thing the shrink says involves taking prescription meds right away, find a second opinion)

But some people just are pretty asexual. If you're happy with your life, make peace for yourself and move on.

Do know that unless you find someone else with the same feeling as you, you're going to face extreme difficulties in relationships. But it's not impossible.


--------------------
"Remember, son,
I didn't sell out-
I bought in."


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Anonymous #1

Re: Asexual [Re: valour]
    #2603967 - 04/26/04 09:21 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Thanks everyone.

viaggio-- It could be trauma but I don't remember anything traumatizing, so it would be totally blocked from my memory if it was there. I wasn't sexually abused or anything like that, grew up in a very ordinary family.

I don't have the money or time to see a doctor about this although I'd love to have a shrink pick my brain. By the way yes I do masturbate to relieve tension every now and then because I'm attracted to the female form, but I have no desire beyond looking, talking, and touching.


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Offlinedaba
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2603972 - 04/26/04 09:26 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

You are okay if you are asexual. Be who you are, embrace yourself.

Asexual is only looked down upon because of society. Screw that, be you.

BTW, your avatar kicks ass.


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OfflineViaggio
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2605207 - 04/26/04 05:19 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Max, (if you haven't already) consider doing some google to find what the the typical causes might be for asexual feelings.


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"...yet another in a long series of diversions an attempt to avoid responsibility."


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OfflineFrankieN
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2605778 - 04/27/04 10:58 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Your not alone man, I'm in about the same situation you are, and the only conclusion I've come up with is societies a bitch, I just got to accept myself an d make peace with it.


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Offlinemonkey_monkey
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2605882 - 04/27/04 11:30 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Perhaps when you find the right lady and connect with her on a deep and emotional level, you will experience a physical desire. Sex when you are in love is magical and it may be that you are someone who needs to love in order to express yourself sexually.
Sometimes sex without emotion can be empty and meaningless and contary to popular belief..I think that most people have a desire to connect in a more emotional and deeper way than just physical urges.

When the right lady comes along..sex will have some meaning im sure as a way to express you love and intimacy..good luck and be happy with who you are..


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Monkeys need lovin too!


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Offlinewaterbug
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2606254 - 04/27/04 02:09 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I agree with monkey, I think that the problem might lie in the fact that you are surrounding yourself with the type of women that you would never want a serious relationship with, and who probably also dont want serious relationships. Perhaps you are doing this because like you said sex can be a little intimadating, and perhaps you need to be in a real relationship with someone you really love before you can feel comfortable enough to even think about sex. I think I may be a little like you myself, porn turns me off, i think its silly, and a little too phoney for my liking. I prefer a long term relationship that is about more than sex.
well i wish you the best
lots of love waterbug


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Girls Poop!


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InvisibleSkorpivoMusterion
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2607487 - 04/27/04 07:03 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I am asocial, which creates an ostensive sub-characteristic of asexuality. I do however, have a substantially positive sex drive, but I'm quite content with releasing such sexual energy via self-administration. I'd also like to add that the efficacious disparity of pros and cons (much of which largely depend on one's perspectives) of innately possessing a unique combination of ambiversions with asocial tendencies in my personality, perpetuate my internal security of exhibiting such certain qualities of austerity.

For instance; due to my singularity and detachment from not only amorous relationships, but intimate socialization with folks in general, I've become more intrinsically enlightened. Solitude is the proving grounds of the spirit. For about 2 years, I've gradually delved towards a more ascetic lifestyle.. I've learned more about myself, evolved far more immensely in every internal-psychological way, in such a relatively short period of time, than I have ever in my whole lifetime. I've realized that I am incredibly far more productive and self-aware when I am consistently alone and not involved or muddied up with multiple egos on a constant basis.

Not only is the internal-enlightenment an aspect that fuels my comfort of having such a trait, but the security from all-too-common ramifications that occur when a combination of sexual-extrovertion and social-extrovertion amalgamates and often causes disastrous effects--i.e., undesired childbirth, sexually transmitted diseases, violent and mentally scarring altercations, et cetera..

Suffice it to say, this is natural for me because I am a natural loner. Other people may literally become psychotic if they were subject to my martinet lifestyle. By the same token, some people can develop neurotic tendencies as a result of unfortunate social-encounters and so forth.

Anyways..
Be grateful for all the fortunate aspects of having an asexual personality.. You're quite lucky... IMHO. :wink:



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Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Asexual [Re: SkorpivoMusterion]
    #2608062 - 04/27/04 08:55 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I can definitely relate. I'm a natural loner also. I'd generally always rather be by myself than with other people. Loneliness has never been the driving factor for me to form any relationships or friendships. The only time I really enjoy being around other people is when I'm doing the weekend partying thing. Otherwise people in general are just an unneeded burden on my life because they drag their problems along with them whereever they go. When people hang out with me I can sense a negative state of mind like a foul odor, and they disrupt my otherwise positive, playful state of mind. When people are in a party mood they forget their problems and this is why I enjoy being around them in that scenario.

How this relates to my lack of sex drive, I don't know. It probably does somehow in a roundabout way.

monkey, waterbug-- It could be I have to wait for "love." I just don't like the word love because when people say that they usually just mean the chemicals in your brain produced by infatuation with another person's looks and personality (yeah I'm a cynical bastard). If you meant that I might feel something when I find someone I really click with, then you might be right. There's only been one person that I've experienced a connection like this with, but it was on a vacation and we were both too drunk to even think of contacting each other when we got home. Oh well..

Anyway, thanks again everyone for the comments.


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OfflineGrok
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2608816 - 04/27/04 11:12 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Hey man I can realte. It seems all my friends lives just revolve around trying to get laid. They make such a big deal about it...I've never really understood. I get tons of attraction from women, and I love hangin out with them, but I really don't have a high interest in having sex with people I'm not in love with. I'm definatly attracted to women but I have no problem passing up sex. but You're not alone man, and for ahwile I thought maybe I was. Just be yourself and enjoy it...think of how much time other people waste trying to get laid, you're probably better off this way anyway (I think I am).


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Offlinel0st
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2610257 - 04/28/04 03:50 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

i've been offered sex before, and had plenty of oppurtunities to pursue a relationship with a girl, but i never had the motivation. i guess i can blame that on my porn access, having a comp in my room for the last 5 years. but i never got lonely, and i was pretty afraid of getting some chick pregnant and being stuck with a teen pregnancy or getting a disease.

i have a lot of regrets but not pursuing chicks at a young age isn't one of them.


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Offlinepeachy
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2659847 - 05/10/04 04:44 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Out of curiosity: how would you guys reckon your childhood influenced this ascetic/loner/individualistic lifestyle several of you profess to lead?

I ask only because I see many parallels with myself. I'm a fairly introspective person, I've always attributed my lack of "need" for social or sexual contact to the alienation I experienced in school as a result of my background. Having said that, I'm very much at ease with my current state of affairs, I regard it somewhat as a period of transition toward something better. Though I don't have any clear conception of what that might be.

I've always looked at my "peers" constant persuit of sex as a fundamental lack of control over biological desire.

To return to Max's post, whilst I don't feel I'm asexual - I don't (currently) feel the need to persue sex nor any form of sexual relationship. Max, you seem to regard your situation as something disturbing, why? I've personally found my distance from this particular set of social conformity to be liberating. I've gained a great deal of knowledge about both myself and the world around me during this period of "abstinence".


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"Time bends, space is boundless. It squashes a man's ego. I feel lonely. Tell me, though... does Man, that marvel of the universe, that glorious paradox who sent me to the stars, still make war against his brother? Keep his neighbor's children starving?"


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Offlinejarby
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Re: Asexual [Re: peachy]
    #2660563 - 05/10/04 07:35 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

I'd say I'm a loner soley because I'm gay; I'm still 'closeted', but personally I've felt uncomfortable recently being around my friends, as nice as they are, because I feel like I'm constantly lying and can't click with them. I also think its kind of unfair to them since they don't know and probably wouldn't want me around if they knew. But overall I'd say I've always had that 'loner' quality, but I think it's all stemmed from my sexuality :frown:

I don't mind being on my own though, I feel more relaxed and comfortable with who I am, like there's less stress. I did still enjoy going out on weekends sometimes, but once it got too 'getting laid'-oriented it wasn't as much fun. I don't know if my situation is really that comparable to you guys since I'm guessing maybe there was a single event in your lives that made you that way.


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Offlinel0st
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2665373 - 05/11/04 10:42 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

how do you know you're gay? do you like guys that much, or guys that you would like to be? maybe you're just scared of being with a girl for some reason. i dunno, i'd stick to saying bi, before declaring yourself gay, girls aren't that bad (if u find a balanced one)


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Offlinewrong
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2665764 - 05/11/04 11:56 PM (12 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Max Headroom said:
And by the way I'm totally certain I'm not gay




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Offlinel0st
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Re: Asexual [Re: ]
    #2665936 - 05/12/04 12:47 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

i was actually responding to the last guy who posted, the one above mine.


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Offlinewrong
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Re: Asexual [Re: l0st]
    #2666057 - 05/12/04 01:16 AM (12 years, 6 months ago)

gay = men turn you on, girls dont
straight = women do it for ya
im pretty sure he can figure that one out :/


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