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Anonymous #1
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 I'm really sad 
#26010429 - 05/24/19 02:15 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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I feel like, no; I know I'm partially to blame for the semi destruction of someone else life. It's my boyfriends.
We've been dating for over a year, almost that entire time we've been using heroin together. He didn't use before me, but I am sure he will after. I feel like I stole something from him he can never get back. I love him but I know a lifetime is a long time and I've done a life time of damage.
I want to get clean. I want him to get clean, I want to put this nightmare behind us and stay together through it. I just worry I've done something I can never make right. Its horrible. I feel horrible. Everyday I think about what I've done and how I hurt the people I love the most.
I'm sorry I just needed to vent somewhere
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 Nikanoru
Stranger
Registered: 02/02/19
Posts: 262
Last seen: 3 years, 10 months
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You just have to accept your mistakes and do the best you can going forward. Its all any of us can do in this life. I doubt he views it as your fault, and if you support each other through recovery it will build your bond. Good luck, you can do this.
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DoneKildatReason
Chemical in the body
Registered: 02/25/05
Posts: 1,061
Loc: Green Country 
Last seen: 2 months, 7 days
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 Re: I'm really sad [Re: Nikanoru]
#26011978 - 05/25/19 01:06 AM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Oh damn, do you see the lifetime-junky in him? In yourself? If you two aren't on the same path, make the break while there is only a year of love. 20 years of love hurts a lot worse to break. If you're not on the same path, then part ways now or experience true chaos and pain. ):
And.... If you make the break.... Don't blame yourself or beat yourself up. That pain and guilt will subside sooner than you think.
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This was an experiment.
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meowjinx
Stranger
Registered: 05/20/19
Posts: 492
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
I feel like, no; I know I'm partially to blame for the semi destruction of someone else life. It's my boyfriends.
We've been dating for over a year, almost that entire time we've been using heroin together. He didn't use before me, but I am sure he will after. I feel like I stole something from him he can never get back. I love him but I know a lifetime is a long time and I've done a life time of damage.
I want to get clean. I want him to get clean, I want to put this nightmare behind us and stay together through it. I just worry I've done something I can never make right. Its horrible. I feel horrible. Everyday I think about what I've done and how I hurt the people I love the most.
I'm sorry I just needed to vent somewhere
Your feelings of guilt are understandable. Hope things are going well between you and your bf. Maybe you did make a mistake, but you weren't trying to hurt him intentionally. You had a problem with drugs, he cared about you so much that he took part in it with you. Unfortunate for him, but he made a mistake too
My advice is to focus on the things that you can definitely control. You don't know what will happen to him in the future, so worrying about it won't help much. Instead, try to focus on getting yourself clean first. Use that guilt as motivation whenever you feel like you don't have the strength (I've battled with addiction myself, so I know the struggle)
If you manage to quit for an extended period of time and continue showing him support, it may inspire him to do the same. If he loved you enough to take up such a dangerous habit, then seeing you overcome it may make him want to quit too
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 Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
I want to get clean. I want him to get clean, I want to put this nightmare behind us and stay together through it.
Seems to me that, out of love for both of you, this is absolutely what you need to do.
No time like the present.
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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe
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Anonymous #2
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If you really want to get clean, being in a relationship with another addict is probably not going to work. Your weaknesses will feed off each other. Your relapse will be his relapse. His relapse will be yours. Your and his health are more important than your relationship.
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