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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Half empty home
    #25939664 - 04/17/19 10:28 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

So my girlfriend of almost five years decided to up and leave Monday. Came home after work to find most of her stuff gone without even a single explanation. She said this has been a long time coming, but yesterday we went to eat and I still felt the connection.

I’m kinda lost with all this... not sure why I’m posting it here. Not for sympathy, not for advice, I may just need to vent. We were looking to move in to a new home by May 1st. We had some leads and everything seemed alright. We got in a argument Sunday, but nothing to bad...

I’m just lost here, stuck in a home we shared together, picking up the pieces. I was thinking of just tossing all my stuff in storage and going to a National Park to work for the season. I’m still clinging to the hope that we may be able work this out. I was going to sell my grow desk to someone, and myco fridge, but I am holding on to the hope that we still can make this work.

I want to make this work! Is it time to move on though? Am I just exhausting myself? I love her to death and want what’s best for both of us. If this is it, maybe I should move on. But maybe there’s still a chance.


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OfflineBondobih
Porkchop
Registered: 03/13/19
Posts: 55
Loc: FL
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25939723 - 04/17/19 11:08 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

All you can do is try to talk to her to understand her point of view. Decide if you can see her side and reasoning for doing what she did, and then decide if you want to try and fix those things. Once that's decide, offer ways to try to move forward and fix those problems she may see in the relationship. Keep in mind,I'm not saying you did anything wrong in your relationship.

If it were me though, I would try to move on. Avoid contact and RIP the bandaid off. This wasn't a spontaneous decision on her part. This was thought out and planned, her mind sounds made up and likely wont be changed. Don't blame yourself... some people aren't compatible for one or the other and sometimes it takes time to understand that. It's going to hurt for awhile, but it will get easier. Keep your head up dude.


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InvisiblePecheur
sinner and soulful savage
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/05/18
Posts: 330
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25939786 - 04/17/19 11:38 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

A huge part of relationships is communication and that you want someone who is going to fight with you through the tough times as you go.  That means speaking up before you get to the jump ship phase- although perhaps she had periods of frustration that got overlooked, who knows.

If she doesn’t want to sort things out and talk it out- it’s time to move on and find someone who is going to fight to communicate with you too.  We all want relationships with low friction, no fights and to survive on cruise mode- but we forget discussions often help us grow with our partner and avoid either partner from falling into ruts of apathy in our partnership.  It’s hard to speak up and ask for what we need or to potentially hurt our partner by hashing out something that is keeping them pressed.  You do deserve a partner who will talk it out in a healthy way. 

You can put out feelers and show her you are open to talking it out and wanting to both hear and understand her feelings- but it takes two.  You cannot sustain fighting for the relationship by yourself and burning yourself out trying to keep something like that alive.  Relationships aren’t 50/50 everyday but you can’t fight for someone who isn’t fighting to invest and grow with you as well. 

I hope it works out and you find something fulfilling, healthy and truly awesome!

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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: Pecheur]
    #25939820 - 04/17/19 11:58 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Thank you guys so much for these words. It’s a tough thing to move on from something so deeply. We are still on talking terms, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop caring about her. She’s going to come over to help with stuff today around 8. I’m going to a Kung Fu class to get these emotions out in a positive way.

We will talk more tonight, and hopefully come to a mutual understanding. When we met up yesterday so I could get my boxes from her moms attic, we went out to eat, and came back to our old home. I’ve been sleeping alone in the home for the past couple nights. We cuddled on the couch last night, and I ended up passing out quick because her energy is so soothing. She left a hour later and I was once again alone..

I drove by her fams place like a stalker around midnight. She was outside with her aunt and got upset over text. I need to knock that stuff off... it’s just a challenge.

Thanks again guys, I’ll keep y’all posted on what else is up.


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InvisiblePecheur
sinner and soulful savage
Female User Gallery

Registered: 07/05/18
Posts: 330
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25939869 - 04/17/19 12:21 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Finding someone you have such a deep connection and attachment to is tough and I totally get that it would be really hard to move on- your hope and willingness to keep trying and wanting her to be happy says a lot about your character.  Maybe you can reach her emotionally and get her to talk it out and keep giving it a shot but the ball is in her court seemingly.  Your reaction is completely natural and you are handling it really well from the sounds of it.  Sending you good luck vibes!

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25939882 - 04/17/19 12:31 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Personally, I wouldn't go chasing anyone who pulled a move like that. If she's the type to just up and leave with no warning then there's a good chance she'll do it again in future.

I know how hard it is to let go, but often times it really is for the best.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25940018 - 04/17/19 01:54 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

I still have a feeling we can make this work. It may just take a bit of time apart to really figure ourselves out. I may start dating a bit just to see what’s out there. Don’t want to get serious, just maybe friends or something. This may be good to see what else we can do with our lives. Maybe if we dated someone we would realize we still love each other. Or maybe the new connections will be even better.

It’s up in the air right now, and the ball is in her court for sure. I think I’ll be more desirable if I focus on myself and where I’m headed rather than begging for her to take me back. Yesterday I barely texted her and when we met she was loving to me. Today I blew her phone up and she wasn’t as loving. May just have to play it aloof.


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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25940051 - 04/17/19 02:13 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

I definitely agree with your conclusion. The absolute worst thing you could do right now is to go chasing her like a lost puppydog. I think this is a serious mistake that lots of us men make, and it only ever seems to send women running further from what I've seen.

It fucking sucks bouncing off the walls in a house that you used to share with someone so close to you. Been there, got the t-shirt, and got all kinds of fucked up to cope with it at the time too.

Stay on top of your game as much as you can brother. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25940106 - 04/17/19 02:50 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Thank you JSB. I’m headed to play some disc golf right now to clear my mind. I haven’t been drinking much at all because I know it will send me into a negative head space. Monday I did do some blow and got pretty drunk at a buddies. Yesterday I only had a few shots while she was around, she took a couple too. Today I’ve only taken Kratom. Not going to drink for a while until I get my head straight.

Got some people I plan on connecting with this weekend. Just some friends who want to help me clear my mind and have some fun. One step at a time.


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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333]
    #25945687 - 04/20/19 12:53 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Update:

She has stayed over the past three nights and we have been packing little by little. We have a tendency to procrastinate and get high or drunk instead. We were planning on still looking for a place together, but she says we have went to long being toxic to one another. She needs to think about herself and her daughter.

I completely understand, and she says I’m a grown man and can go it alone. It’s just confusing because we had sex and still feel close. The connection has been off lately though, and she says it’s partially our need to be altered all the time.

I’m thinking I just need to get my stuff in storage and move on. It’s been a rough five days, and it’s all hitting me in waves. Was going to trip, but maybe I should lay off the psychs for a while. So freaking lost.. but maybe this is a blessing in disguise.


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Offlinegizmodo
Woodland Creature
Male


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/21/18
Posts: 2,064
Loc: Behind You
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333] * 3
    #25945815 - 04/20/19 02:18 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

I've had someone do the exact same thing to me, I know how you feel.
Exactly how you feel and how you felt coming home to something as shocking as that.
If getting back together is something that is of interest to you and fitting to your particular situation, don't go too stir crazy give it time and space if it is to happen it will.
Solid advice has been given above as well.. stay grounded friend.


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One must be mindful to maintain their balance on the slippery earth.

Bod's Comprehensive Agar Resource
Gizmodo's Market Stall
Say No To Grow Kits

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InvisibleNothingsChanged
Striving for Excellence
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 10,270
Loc: North/Western WA Flag
Re: Half empty home [Re: gizmodo] * 1
    #25946502 - 04/20/19 09:23 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Yea brother take some time for yourself like hittin the road you where thinking about. I know from experience(My own and i'm not a no all future see'er) It's a serious taxing endeavour trying to get back what once was! Next time it happens with her and the next, your level headedness turns more angry and blaming and really makes moving on a tougher challenge for the beat down feeling you will be carrying with you.
    There's so many beautiful people in the world don't sell yourself short.
Get a move on and experience life.
Keep your head up. What ever route you take i still got love for you.

  One good thing has come of this as of yet. You learned how to change your links into words. Great job.


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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: NothingsChanged] * 1
    #25946571 - 04/20/19 10:27 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Hahaha my links into words. Kinda ridiculous I didn’t know that already.. I understand though man. Really do want to move on.

We went on a 4/20 nature walk today. Got myself a new oil pen for on the go. It wasn’t hard being around her today. I know we are going to split anyway, but it’s mutual and for the best right now. We still want to be friends down the road.

I know you went through a similar situation with some drama a while back. Really glad to have guy friends on here who have been through similar situations. We went through the ringer, but we still want to be civil and have a nice clean break. Make the best of our last days.


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Offlinegizmodo
Woodland Creature
Male


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/21/18
Posts: 2,064
Loc: Behind You
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333] * 3
    #25946574 - 04/20/19 10:29 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

My heart goes out to you MadHatter.
Keep your head up and be strong even if it is extremely difficult right now, you'll come through just fine.


--------------------

One must be mindful to maintain their balance on the slippery earth.

Bod's Comprehensive Agar Resource
Gizmodo's Market Stall
Say No To Grow Kits

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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: gizmodo] * 1
    #25946583 - 04/20/19 10:46 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks a bunch gizmodo :hug:


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InvisibleNothingsChanged
Striving for Excellence
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/28/11
Posts: 10,270
Loc: North/Western WA Flag
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333] * 2
    #25946649 - 04/20/19 11:50 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Giz, i thought your title said "wonderful creature" and i completely agreed.

Hang in there mad, i wish you the best.





(I still don't no the link thing:shrug:)


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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: NothingsChanged] * 1
    #25946659 - 04/21/19 12:00 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

We just took 2.1g APE and .6 GH, also had a weed cookie and have been smoking since 2:00 haha. Starting to feel the shrooms. They sky is clear so I’m thinking a walk would be nice.

Thanks NC for being a G :thumbup:


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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333] * 1
    #25946661 - 04/21/19 12:04 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Here’s how it’s done just make sure to clear the http thing first.

Really starting to feel these shrooms!!!


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OfflineShaperDreaming
Weirdo
Female User Gallery


Registered: 10/30/18
Posts: 3,429
Loc: United States Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Half empty home [Re: MadHatter333] * 2
    #25948811 - 04/22/19 09:22 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Hey there, just wanted to chime in and say that this is always rough and confusing. Take care, you got this.

I've totally had long term break ups end with a weird amount of closeness and sex. I think there's something to getting closure out of it, like knowing you can move on even with those other things. :heart: It's super confusing, unfortunately.

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InvisibleMadHatter333
We Are All Mad Here

Registered: 09/20/17
Posts: 4,650
Loc: Your Mom’s Rabbit Hole
Re: Half empty home [Re: ShaperDreaming]
    #25949054 - 04/22/19 12:27 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

It’s kinda nice she’s staying with me until we get everything moved out. We talked about being apart for two months, saving up money, and coming back together. We will be renting a storage unit together since most of the stuff is shared.

The trip was pretty sweet. APE has a little different feel to it, even tastes more potent. Had some good conversation for two hours just cuddling on the bed. I was by the bathroom door and heard her pooping :lol: I was busting up! We had some good laughs. Was a great 420!


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