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OfflineBlipstir
Human
I'm a teapot


Registered: 05/05/14
Posts: 437
Loc: CO Mountains
Last seen: 19 days, 6 hours
How does love find room in today's world?
    #25943294 - 04/19/19 10:01 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Yo, I don't want to sound like some fool claiming that love is a pointless and self defeating thing. I never been in a relationship with anyone so I know there are levels to such a phenomena that I can't comprehend yet. But I still want to share my observations and hear what others truly and honestly feel about love.

I have tailored my lifestyle to what I feel is striving to be the best life form I can be on a rapidly changing planet. I strive to live mentally emotionally physically and spiritually balanced.

When I'm not working my free time is used for drawing and painting. I feel that driving a car, taking showers, flushing the toilet and living in an apartment, cooking with gas stove, are the parts of my lifestyle that have room for the largest improvement when measuring my individual level of symbiosis with the earth.

maybe it's because I'm still 24 years old, but to me every single relationship I have been near enough to observe doesn't seem like a symbiotic relationship, it seems more like shared parasitic state of being. Not just parasitic to each other but the environment as well. It seems to me people form relationships out of drugs, a shared "wounded complex" that they find meaning in which often times enables self defeating mental patterning, the obvious sexual attraction, and just because why not?

I feel like once people get into a relationship there can immediate budding a growth in certain areas of the psyche, but it seems like a bad exchange or investment or something, I don't know why. Like the new growth you can achieve with each other is just that, only for each other.

I know some people could care less about the world as long as their comfortable, and from what I have noticed love seems to replicate this at an alarming rate.

Again, I don't hate good vibes, I don't hate love, I do see a lot of positive things for the individuals who are spending their time together, But the negative or self defeating behaviors that love seems to create and replicate just seem to out weigh the benefits.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: Blipstir] * 1
    #25943359 - 04/19/19 10:29 AM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Regardless of the fact that I suspect many people stay in relationships out of societal pressure to be in one, combined with not wanting to be lonely in a society which is so overly... distanced.. in regards to personal connection, I do feel like each and every relationship - in fact every experience - can inspire growth:

Life always gives us exactly the teacher we need at every moment. This includes every mosquito, every misfortune, every red light, every traffic jam, every obnoxious supervisor (or employee), every illness, every loss, every moment of joy or depression, every addiction, every piece of garbage, every breath. Every moment is the guru.
--Joko Beck

The fact is, people tend to be most 'themselves' in intimate/physical relationships. And in a world which acts like a mirror to us, to our very souls, the clearest reflection comes when one is most 'themselves'. And with a clear reflection we can see where we most need to grow.

I highly suggest you grab the experience with both hands when it comes your way. For better or for worse, you will learn.

And learning is never a bad thing.

As an aside, I think it's important not to confuse 'love' as something which only exists in a defined kind of relationship. Ironically, it seems that the humans of many thousands of years ago (I'm thinking of the ancient Greeks here) had a far better understanding of the word 'love' than we do today - in that, there are many kinds of it - rather than this silly distilled and blunt understanding that we have in today's world.

In fact, they had six words for it.

On top of that, I think that the true nature of love is something unconditional. It never expects, and once felt, it never goes away. This man said it far better than I could:

You can't kill love. You can't even kill it with hate. You can kill in-love, and loving, and even lovliness. You can kill them all, or numb them into dense, laden regret, but you can't kill love itself. Love is the passionate search for a truth other than your own; and once you feel it, honestly and completely, love is forver.
--Gregory David Roberts

So when we hear people falling in and then out of love, I think that it was not love in the first place, but instead those chemicals which urge us to procreate. I think lots of relationships get based on chemicals and lust, hence why so many collapse so easily, and why you see these 'negative or self defeating behaviours' in your observations.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,123
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 15 days, 18 hours
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: Blipstir] * 1
    #25944435 - 04/19/19 07:55 PM (4 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Blipstir said:

maybe it's because I'm still 24 years old, but to me every single relationship I have been near enough to observe doesn't seem like a symbiotic relationship, it seems more like shared parasitic state of being.




Parasitism when one organism lives at the expense of another. A healthy intimate relationship is a two way street that includes respect, kindness, and true caring. No matter how many people proclaim, "I'm happier alone!", we are social creatures that seek various forms of companionship. Many of us have endured trauma, and this can lead to fear and isolation, but at our core, we are social animals that crave connection.

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OfflineJacksonMetaller
Stranger

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #25966599 - 05/01/19 04:40 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

Relationships demand sacrifice. Which basically means compromising yourself in more ways than you can imagine. Honestly it sucks sometimes. But it can have positives too.

"So when we hear people falling in and then out of love, I think that it was not love in the first place, but instead those chemicals which urge us to procreate. I think lots of relationships get based on chemicals and lust, hence why so many collapse so easily, and why you see these 'negative or self defeating behaviours' in your observations."

I don't know if I totally agree with this. I never got with my wife out of lust. We are deeply compatible in many ways and I would say I have definitely loved her. But I am losing interest in her out of lack of lust. Sexlessness over many years has made my love for her shrivel up and I find it harder and harder not to view her with contempt unfortunately.

Anyways my point here is there are plenty of compatibility issues people can have and given that people change over time there is no reason to assume that two people who fell out of love never loved each other in the first place. Love is more like a verb than a noun. It's not something you just have. You have to actively cultivate it and this applies whether you are talking about romantic love or universal love. I've also thought many times that I've found love for myself and life only to be thrown back into depression and self-loathing. The darkness can have it's way if you're not mindful

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OfflineJewstress
Momma
I'm a teapot

Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,765
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 8 hours, 21 minutes
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: JacksonMetaller]
    #25966962 - 05/01/19 08:41 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

I’m a bitter hag; dropping in to say it ain’t worth a hoot


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😇

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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,833
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 31 minutes, 46 seconds
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: Blipstir]
    #25967034 - 05/01/19 09:16 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

Love relationships are tricky, which is why many fail.

Both people have to benefit from it. If there is an imbalance, such as one person needs a lot of emotional support while the other doesnt need it, its gunna cause conflict.

Being in a love relationship is all about balance and comprimising to eachother in a way that "fair" for both partners. Love relationships can be super frustrating, draining and annoying but at the same time wonderful, exciting and soothing. Gotta find that balance in wants and needs so you and your love interest benefit from *each other* instead of one leeching off the other.

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Invisibleridley
Psychonaut
Male

Registered: 11/01/18
Posts: 28
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 3
    #26005867 - 05/21/19 04:34 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

The main thing I have to say about love is that the more of it you cultivate and share with other people, the more of it that exists out there.

You sound like you're a very thoughtful person when it comes to the ways in which your actions impact the rest of the world (not just other people, but everything). I think that just means that the love you share with other people is well-thought-out and authentic. You don't just share it with anyone (and you're not just doing it because "why not"), and I think that's a good thing. It's healthy to be skeptical of relationships in general. Not all relationships are healthy, and it's a good thing to notice that (and to be able to accept that you might end up in an unhealthy relationship).

Having said that, even my most unhealthy relationships always had something to teach me about myself. I try not to think of these sorts of things in terms of "good" or "bad". You could make a convincing argument either way about any of my relationships, whether they were healthy or unhealthy. Some people say that bad trips are often the most important ones, the trips that you really needed to have at that time. I think there's an analogue with relationships: a toxic relationship drains you, it takes more than it gives to you, and it can really feel like you wasted your time. However, they also teach you the most about who you are and what you want out of your relationships with other people (that is, if you have the self-respect it takes to walk away from a toxic relationship - and that's a big "if").

I don't consider my toxic relationships to be failures. I ended them as soon as I figured out that things weren't working out. More often than not, I transform into a stronger person than I was before the relationship after I've ended it. I think the real failure would be if I discovered I was in a toxic relationship and still tried to hold on to it for some reason (sex, loneliness, familiarity, whatever).

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Offlinebroshammy
Just a dancer
I'm a teapot


Registered: 07/19/19
Posts: 53
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: Blipstir]
    #26119479 - 07/20/19 08:49 AM (4 years, 8 months ago)

Love in a relationship is something that can be defined by trust, empathy, and discipline.

I love my wife.
Not in the hollywood, sleepless in seattle sense. The fleeting wim of infatuation. My love is so much deeper than that. In the sense that I have found someone that I connect with so deeply that remembering my life before I met her seems false. When I see her playing with my children. I feel something that most people only wish that they could imagine for themselves. She's kind, caring, unbelievably intelligent, and most of all. One of the most personally responsible people that I've ever met. I love and respect her so much that every action that I take in life is solely for her benefit. When she's sick, depressed, or flat out frustrated. I find myself in a state of distress that consumes me until I can help find a way to fix it.

I can say that she does all of these things in return, ten fold. She's helped heal my wounds and raised me up into the man I am today. Unabashedly faced my inner demons with nothing less than compassion and empathy. Been the mother to my inner child, and my backbone when it's time to be a man. There's nothing that I wouldn't do for her.

and I'd never sacrifice that for all of the resources in the world. Or even the sexiest woman on earth. Because, no earthly material or desire could ever amount to the LOVE that my wife gives my family day in and day out. Rain or shine, heaven or hell. She is the only person that has ever earned my full respect and trust. I could never sacrifice that, ever.

Love is co dependence.
Because, there are things in this life that you are far better off exploring and suffering though with a partner. There are parts of you that you never knew needed exploring without one either.

Love isn't innately selfish and parasitic. Though, some days it can present itself that way. Immature people will only scratch the surface of what it means to love something, but once the clear coat rubs away. They will ditch it, and find a new one.

Love is what life is all about. The greatest discipline of all. If you truly want to humble yourself in this life. Find yourself an honest, caring, intelligent, woman. But, be prepared to measure up. Because, she'll be asking the very same thing of you.


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"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word ‘happy’ would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness." - Carl Jung

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OfflineBlackbird33
Stranger

Registered: 12/31/11
Posts: 761
Last seen: 9 months, 21 days
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: broshammy]
    #26120291 - 07/20/19 05:17 PM (4 years, 8 months ago)

Finding love I have a better chance of winning the lottery

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: How does love find room in today's world? [Re: Blackbird33]
    #26120524 - 07/20/19 07:55 PM (4 years, 8 months ago)

Love is everywhere. Perhaps a better chance of winning the lottery than having a successful long term relationship (i.e making it until death together without hating each other), but there's a fuck ton of love out there to be found, even if one doesn't get the grand prize payout.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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