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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: PurpleHaz] * 1
    #25938388 - 04/16/19 04:25 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

You're doing the right thing brother, and I'm really glad you came here to seek advice and talk this out. It's a really difficult situation and my heart goes out to you.

Personally, I think Jewstress has it spot on. She'll either work with you to get the help she needs or she won't, and you'll have to make your decision about whether you stick around depending on if she's willing to put the work in.

Cause at the moment, from the way you talk about it, it sounds like this situation is causing you too much harm to allow it to continue.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Offlinemojotoke
Apprentice
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Registered: 04/06/19
Posts: 238
Loc: Colombia Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: PurpleHaz]
    #25939197 - 04/17/19 01:28 AM (4 years, 10 months ago)

:heart:


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Ascension Energy & Alien UFOs
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 69,657
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 2 hours, 6 minutes
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: PurpleHaz]
    #25939206 - 04/17/19 01:40 AM (4 years, 10 months ago)

U dont have to be embarassed. Theres much worst things to be embarassed about. Sounds like u have a plan thou, which is good.


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OfflineJewstress
Momma
I'm a teapot

Registered: 03/21/19
Posts: 5,475
Loc: everywhere.
Last seen: 1 day, 15 hours
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: PurpleHaz] * 1
    #25939530 - 04/17/19 08:36 AM (4 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

PurpleHaz said:
I can`t express how much your responses are appreciated.

Not planning on getting rid of her cats behind her back. I`ve claimed it while in a heated argument but its just because of how long this has gone on.

I obviously didn`t let her get all these animals at once.
She gradually took in more and built a bond that I couldn`t break.

I
Quote:

Jewstress said:she is probably suffering from CPTSD and has child abuse she needs to work through.




You are correct here..
I feel bad because I knew it all along but I just figured I`d put up with it for her sake. They obviously make her so happy but Its definitely not realistic thinking if I`m just gonna turn sour in the process.
Thanks again everyone, sorry about this story. I am embarrassed.
I don`t have any friends, so I thought the intellectuals on the Shroomery would jump in.





Don't apologize, you're seeking assistance on something way deeper than most can handle.

I only recognize the signs and symptoms because I have a Bachelors of Social Work and worked for 6+ years with children in emotional support classrooms.  I know how far the rabbit hole will go for your girlfriend if she doesn't start addressing the CPTSD and root issues now.

She is seeking a love she never felt she had through her cats, this could get dangerous quick.


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😇


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OfflinePurpleHaz
The Fool on the Hill
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Registered: 06/18/15
Posts: 393
Loc: North Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: Jewstress] * 3
    #25940159 - 04/17/19 03:32 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

So an update...
I've told her she has one month to move out.

She doesn't feel like having a civil conversation about her problem with the cats. Won't even admit it is a ridiculous number.
She constantly claims "I love my cats!! Even if I did talk to someone about my issues in the past, I wouldn't suddenly get rid of my animals."

I told her "You've been dragging me through this and the cats pretty much run the household. You know the problems they've been causing but ignore it.
I want no more than 5 cats if you want to stay. I care about you still, but you don't even want to work it out or admit how ridiculous this has been."

She says "why can't you meet me in the middle? Even if I get rid of my cats you won't love me still.."
(Meanwhile, 'in the middle' technically would be 5. We used to have 10)
I told her "then why have I been with you so long? Why have I been putting up with it and trying to work it out? Why did I let you move back in after you went to your parents? Its after all this fighting and no give on your stance of our animals, you've made me lose respect for you."

(I got her out at one point for a week, she said it was hell back at her parents place. She brought all her cats that time and I thought it was like a breath of fresh air! But apparently shes gonna have to rehome them even if she goes to her parents because they aren't taking that many in again..)

I've been trying to be sensitive to the situation but she doesn't give a fuck about 'us' as much as the animals. I've seen her feed the animals waaaaay more than she's prepared dinner or food in general for us.

Either way, I'm done with it and I don't even feel sad. Sort of relieved.
I'm only gonna be really upset if she doesn't let me keep the doggo.


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
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Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,812
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 5 hours, 30 minutes
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: PurpleHaz]
    #25940207 - 04/17/19 04:04 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

You're still gonna find cat hair 3 years down the road.


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OfflineStillSong
Nomfortably Cumb
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Registered: 07/01/17
Posts: 657
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
Re: Dating a crazy cat Lady.. Need advice. [Re: Patlal]
    #25940319 - 04/17/19 05:18 PM (4 years, 10 months ago)

Yall are getting a dogvorce soon. I feel ya though OP. I kinda have a similar situation going on here with polly wanna cracker. She will find homes for them and move back in if she respects the relationship you guys have.My girlfriend feels the need to care for animals too and it costs us alot to take care of them and they keep me up at night as well. Best of luck to you sir.


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