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Sexual Chemistry importance ?
    #25937193 -

( sorry if anything seems Braggy I’m just trying to get my point across )
So I’ve had a lot of partners in my life since around age 13 , I’m 20 now. And I’m beginning to suspect that sexual chemistry isn’t only important for a good sexual experience, but is nearly if not everything honestly.
( sorry if this is like well known and I just some how never heard of it lol)
But there’s been times where I would really feel a woman and the sex would be amazing, both of us would climax some times multiple times , sometimes even if with some one I didn’t know very well it would feel beautiful right down to the “soul” and we would be closer , sometimes it would just be extremely “physically” gratifying
And then idk, other times ( although not very frequent in life I KNOW they were all for the same reason ) I just would find I really wasn’t feeling a Oman and we would end up going anyhow and really neither one of us would be any good for the other and the whole thing would be disappointing and not real fun, little awkward after cause it’s like you don’t wanna be the one to go “well our chemistry is off” and she roll her eyes or something lol, ( which would be the type of person I’m not into anyways)

Anyone else feel this ? Or for you guys or girls are you able to just perform regardless of sexual chemistry ?

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten]
    #25937200 -

Specific example
I had a friend over , like a real friend while I was house sitting and we went at it for a while , lasted like an hour hour and a half maybe longer it was light when it started , dark as ever when it ended and I remember she kept finishing and so much I was worried for the home owner cause there was like a legit gigantic puddle on the carpet we were done and shit
And not even a few days later I was hanging out with a girl I thought was cool and as the hang out progressed idk, she was just so annoying and mean to other people about dumb shit and when it got tome for the sexual play it just felt , off ?
No heart, just slamming away till it was done, didn’t feel statisfyign for me or her
Idk , looking back any Time I would have a great experience with a girl it would be some one I really vibed with
And anytime it was a stupid or disappointing experience it would be a girl I didn’t really like being around
I guess I’m asking cause I always hear about these strangers booking up at parties or “hate fucking “
And I’m just like
How lol I can’t unless I’m feeling them for real.

Edited by Tripsten (04/15/19 11:07 PM)

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten]
    #25937215 -

As I've aged, I've learned not to waste time going there unless MAD chemistry exists. I'd rather stay home & masturbate than have crappy sex & regrets with someone I'm not that into.

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Gr8tful]
    #25937221 -

At this point I’d say your absolutely right

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten] * 1
    #25937557 -

Finalizing my stages of morphing into a crazy cat lady at 28.


Young padawan, the hormones a flow for you.


One day, it will be chemistry or nothing but that happens no one knows.

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Jewstress] * 1
    #25937762 -

I’m not sure quite what you mean oh wise cat lady

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten]
    #25939542 -

Tripsten said:
I’m not sure quite what you mean oh wise cat lady



One day the drama is gonna be for your llama and if there isn't chemistry then it will get too messy and mess with your heady so you won't waste time or a dime unless

there is chemistry. :smile:

different things in life become more important.

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Jewstress]
    #25939638 -

I’m not talking about what’s important in all of life though lol
But thanks

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten]
    #25939665 -

I’m more just asking how important sexual chemistry is for others as well

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten] * 2
    #25939807 -

It is important,  there is types of chemistry and some are more fiery than others but with no chemistry things tend to crash and burn.  Your brains response to a human physically is a large part of the most exaggerated chemical responses we identify as “love” and how that feeling develops/sustains.

I met a guy who was pretty much what every women would have wanted in their life partner.  There was effort and stability and constant good morning texts.  But he didn’t smell right.  I know that sounds weird but physically we just had conflicting pheromones etc.  I couldn’t stand his awkward physical advances and he was always more “on” than me to the point I felt aggressed.  I had zero physical attraction to an otherwise healthy and attractive guy when it came down to intimate contact.

  It broke my heart to leave because he deserved an awesome partner who could give back what he could put in and I had been waiting for someone like that to invest in for a long time (svelt nice guy is a rare find)- but a lot of my emotionally fluency is attached to my ideal love language being intimacy with a dash of intellectual stimulation.  Not only was intimacy like a cheese grater to my brain, but he felt like I was sometimes talking to an automated but sincerely eager brick wall. 

It’s so necessary to have a partner you WANT to drive crazy in bed.  It’s so necessary to have a partner you WANT to have pillow talk with and keep up all night.  The best relationships I’ve had were those where there was a fiery enough deep seated connection that you actually “make love” not just fuck once a night and pass out.  I think it becomes easier when we like ourselves and dont mind being alone because then we don’t settle for people we don’t exactly smolder for.

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Pecheur]
    #25939844 -

I like the way you put a lot of that and I must agree
Especially that understanding and loving oneself is extremely important to find the external partner you can have and be in love with
I’m glad you say all you say in your post actually cause the real reason I post this is cause I’m with some one right now
And she’s perfect for me emotionally , just real sweet and artistic , funny at times , not a mean bone in her, takes great care of me and vice versa, but sexually there’s just like nothing there , like I’m so bored with it I could cry, I don’t think I’m gonna leave her, and I THINK about finding other sexual partners but of course would never do her like that ( and truly I wouldn’t I do have the restraint )
But it’s rough at times and I was more wondering if I myself was just a shitty person who was mentally oversexed having been sexually active since a young age with many partners and honestly used in those regards by many people ,
I just don’t know what to do about it lol
She’s very insecure which I know is part of it , so it’s hard to even try talking with her about it

Edited by Tripsten (04/17/19 12:14 PM)

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten] * 1
    #25939891 -

Women get judged hard core for having a sexuality or even lack there of- maybe you can talk to her about it and get her to open up a bit.  She might be shy about being viewed as slutty or being judged for the things she might like?  The majority of women are pretty dang kinky when their guy is down for them and they can really trust them.  In the end if you guys can’t seem to find some satisfactory ground it’ll be really hard to leave and it’ll hurt but ultimately you both need someone who works for you in that area.  If you haven’t been together too long, maybe she just needs some encouragement. 

Not everyone becomes a personal pornstar over night you know?  And keep in mind you don’t know what she’s lived through sexually- she may take a little to get comfortable with you- although I’m very aware that some people just aren’t compatible.    Sometimes affirmations work and if she is not as experianced as you- you could potentially express that you want to experiment and discover together the things that get her going too.  She sounds a bit shy and while that’s not the sexiest thing in the world- you might be able to encourage some sex goddess out of her with the right tact and affirmations. 

With Mr Nice guy I tried ALOT, to get him to the point where things needed to be but it just wasnt there.  I still feel guilt because I’ve had my share of shitty guys who aren’t half of what he was character wise- but ultimately I did the right thing by doing EVERYTHING I could to resolve things before ending it.  He will make someone a really lucky girl someday and I just hope she takes care of him 110 percent too.  Some people just have different tastes and love languages- but it sounds like your lady might be shy and a little insecure and she might just need some affectionate and supportive encouragement.    I hope it works out the best for both of you.  I know it’s so tough.

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Pecheur]
    #25939918 -

That they are
The world is very sexually unfair to women and I definitely am sensitive to that
I don’t necessarily want her to go pornstar or anything and her sexual past is similar to mine but hers was less enjoyable as she states she was forced into it by like literally all her partners nearly
And so it’s hard for her to open up with it
I definitely want to talk her about it and ease her into it
My main thing is that I’ve never really been with some one with these problems and am unsure of how to begin with it
It isn’t so pressing I like NEED to start right away or anything
But I don’t know how to even start that talk and what not with her in general

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten]
    #25939931 -

Like I’m not wondering why she’s that way at all
I completely understand and am sensitive to it with her
I just don’t know how to go about helping the matter as I’ve never had to and am indeed inexperienced in that regard

The only thing like this I ever really did was I had a friend who was a lesbian and later I found it was due to some trauma from her childhood and she wanted to be intimate with me a couple times and so I gently just kind of let her experience whatever she wanted in those times
But that was just as easy as using my body and being gentle and kind ( those were very sweet, tender and sexy experiences, good times truly )

I’m not quite sure how to tackle my girls current problem
I’m certainly not asking you to know everything about it
But in your opinion ( which as another woman, I would trust ) how would you go about this

Edited by Tripsten (04/17/19 01:05 PM)

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten] * 1
    #25940405 -

It would be hard to give you an exact blue print on how without knowing a lot about her.  It sounds like other men made it all about themselves and her needing to fulfill their needs on their timeline.  And that probably has taken the fun and appeal out of it perhaps- but it leaves a really great opportunity for you to show her you are all about it being fun for both of you.

I’ve been with both men and women, both submissive (and shy) types to people who saw themselves as dominant animalistic spirits.  Women are more likely to feel warm and fuzzy feels with romance first and we are the more aural gender.  There are somethings you can do without even bringing up a discussion at first.  If she is shy and has made sex all about satisfying you and trying to adequately fulfill your needs try to bring it back to being about you both.  It’s hard to feel sexy when you are solely trying to ring someone’s bell in a reasonable time frame. 

You can tell her when shes doing something you like, you can let her know when you are enjoying doing things to her and that it feels good to make her feel good too.  It sounds silly but little things can make it a really safe and comfortable environment that allow the space for her to feel sexy and get in the same mindset.  When you are cuddling and having intimate comfy moments, Ask gently about what’s  something she might want to try, or if she has ever had a fantasy, what would she think if you both picked out a sex toy because it would be hot to you to drive her crazy and you like making her feel good?  Like asking gently and casually when you are snuggly and feeling like you are on safe nuetral ground is a good spot to ask.  It can take a little to get the ball rolling for someone who is shy, but they tend to follow where you lead.  It might just take a little encouragement and affirming that you value/enjoy spending time bonding with her that way.  I mean we perform best when comfortable, we are sure our partner is crazy into us, and that they are enjoying themselves right? 

I don’t know how long you have been together or how shy she is so take it with a grain of salt.  Sex gets so much better when there’s open communication and clarity and it can take some finagling to get there and especially so  if someone has lived through something.  Every gender and every shade of human responds well to affirmations and it’s how we get better at it too.  Enthusiasm and communication really take the cake and chances are it’s a good place to start?!

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Pecheur] * 2
    #25940411 -

Holy wall of text Batman.  Sorry in advance for your eyeballs  :shrug: :wowz:

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Pecheur]
    #25940659 -

:lol:

Its all about the details.

I would say sexual chemistry is essential for good sex. You have to be on the same "level" or "frequency" or it just wont work right. Easiest example is a person with high libido and a person with low libido. Bad chemistry. Very important to match up in my opinion. Some people are more adaptive while someone like me needs a specific type of sexuality chemistry to feel at ease.

Also i would describe it as more of a sexual energy than a chemistry.

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25940672 -

I gotta feel the love baby


--------------------
Brotherhood of Eternal Love

I have tasted the maggots in the mind of the universe. I was not offended, for I knew I had to rise above it all, or drown in my own shit

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: JustABoxOfRain] * 1
    #25940776 -

Don’t worry about text amount you’ve contributed fantastically to the thread that’s all that matters

I’m definitely a sensitive and good person for the things you describe and you give good non condescending answers but yes you basically hit it right on the money in your first stanza if that’s the right word
You’ve confirmed to me that I do indeed just have to take the stress of it, which she’s had placed there by others , away , and I’d say I’m the one to do it

To the others
Much more common an opinion than I had thought :smile: nice, around what time in life did you all realize it was basically purely chemistry / energy / whatever you wanna call it

Btw sorry if this post is worded weird I’m super amped up and doing stuff rn

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: Tripsten] * 1
    #25944298 -

I realized after my few few sexual encounters. These were with women I found physically attractive, yet had no real bond with. It was just hormones and of course it was confusing and strange. I realized I can't put on being someone other than myself just for some action. At least for me it was not what I was after at all, and ultimately I have a very difficult time if there is not some real deep passion flowing, we have to click on multiple levels. Psychological, physical, spiritual, same wave lengths etc. Just be yourself.

Now's its all bout the Tantra.....

Edited by JustABoxOfRain (04/19/19 06:32 PM)

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Re: Sexual Chemistry importance ? [Re: JustABoxOfRain]
    #25944431 -

I have to agree
And yes It’s beautiful

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