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Registered: 01/06/19
Posts: 183
Last seen: 2 months, 22 days
Re: Partner doesn't remember sex, Accusing rape [Re: Hippiebait]
    #25936311 - 04/15/19 04:21 PM (2 months, 30 days ago)

Maybe put the tapes on the internet and see if that gets her to slow her role.

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Anonymous #1

Re: Partner doesn't remember sex, Accusing rape [Re: Hippiebait]
    #25937476 - 04/16/19 06:57 AM (2 months, 30 days ago)

Thanks for the advice everyone. While I was trying to understand her PoV and reason with her on the phone, I agree it was dangerous and I should have thought more carefully about what I may have said. I used to have a call recording app and wish I still did just so I could reference that call. She obviously could have had her own recording app or whatever and try using that call against me.

We still have not talked since that day. We're still friends on snap and I saw a few snaps she had broadcast seeking pity for another situation. If I didn't say it already, she has a huge victim complex. Anyway I sent her a message on snap saying hat she was right and I care about her friendship and am here for her if she wants to talk. Seen but never got a reply. I don't expect we'll be friends again anytime soon.

So in retrospect if you're in my awkward situation, first of all don't risk messing around with the person. If you do and they don't remember for whatever reason, leave it be. I don't think there was a different way I could have told her about the experience where she'd have received it better. I thought bringing up the video would be a good opportunity for her to verify what she couldn't remember, but she never opted to. Weeks went by until she told me she was pissed.

If she had tried to make something of it, I don't think it's going anywhere. I did a little research and I think she'd need a little more evidence to spur an investigation into her paranoia. In that regard, it was probably to my advantage that I didn't tell her until months later. If she had this reaction the day after, she could have gotten DNA evidence or blood tests that would definitely have looked incriminating in the wrong context. Going to save the video in case she ever drags this up again but I think posting it would just provoke her more.

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Cosmic Pond Scum
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Re: Partner doesn't remember sex, Accusing rape [Re: SARAtonin] * 1
    #25938068 - 04/16/19 03:39 PM (2 months, 29 days ago)


Hippiebait said:
Maybe put the tapes on the internet and see if that gets her to slow her role.



SARAtonin said:
Fucking Christ OP,
If someone can’t stand up on their own, they can’t consent to sex, period, end of start, I don’t give a fuck what happened before or after. you should have learned this 1000 times in Sex Ed. I find it highly concerning this has to be said at all.

Not disagreeing with you, but I think that the bigger issue is less whether it fits into the whole paradigm of affirmative consent and more that there's a sort of a blank spot in that woman's memory that's driving her crazy.  I'm kind of imagining her brain clicking in between "OP took advantage of me while my brains were oatmeal" and "I got embarassingly, sloppily, black-out fucked up and forced myself onto one of my best friends."  Those are two pretty shitty options.  No matter how you cut it, it's a pretty intense mode of human bonding that went horribly wrong.

Either way, this sounds like a pretty fucked up situation.  It's not really one of those things where the concept of "fixing it" applies.  Even if she wants answers it's probably a pretty fair bet that she's not interested in whether or not OP can rationalize that whole incident.

Edited by chibiabos (04/16/19 03:59 PM)

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Re: Partner doesn't remember sex, Accusing rape [Re: chibiabos]
    #25939499 - 04/17/19 10:04 AM (2 months, 28 days ago)

You could still invite her over to talk about it, tell her you still don't feel right about it either and then propose you could watch the cams together if she wants and that you'll answer every question she wants to ask so she has a bit of a handle on the situation, knows what "happened to her" in those hours of not being conscious, you know. That could make her feeling of being taken advantage of a bit less.

Round here we have a saying: "Big boy in the evening, big boy in the morning". It means that if you consider yourself old enough to party, you should also consider yourself old enough to make sure you don't get too fucked up to pick up your responsibilities whenever they come up. It's not just used for men, btw.

Also, I don't think YOU are simply supposed to know that she is fucked up when you left her fucked up 8 or so hours ago. That's a lot of time to get back to baseline, if she instead goes black out fucked up while you're gone, well, whatever happens is her responsibility then. Plus, it's well known benzo's do shit like that, just like Zolpidem/Ambien does. You might have given stuff to her but she was asking for it or at least was wanting to take it herself. From the sound of it, no slipping pills in drinks, no intentionally feeding her more pot brownies than she could take, took place, and as such, I don't really think you are any more responsible than a pot plant is for having weed on it's branches :shrug:

That being said.

Police will kill pot plants for having weed on their branches, so be careful.

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Anonymous #7

Re: Partner doesn't remember sex, Accusing rape [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25975828 - 05/06/19 03:40 PM (2 months, 9 days ago)

I would not be apologizing to her or sending her texts at all. You can absolutely enter prison for rape for sending her texts apologizing for it because that means you are admitting a crime by apologizing. On the phone she could audio record it. I would block her and never speak to her again.

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Anonymous #8

Re: Partner doesn't remember sex, Accusing rape [Re: Anonymous #7]
    #25976178 - 05/06/19 06:42 PM (2 months, 9 days ago)

What happened OP? Are you in jail? I agree with most people in this thread... If your sober and the other person is not, you shouldn't be touching them in a sexual manner. That should be common sense.

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