Enkidu said:
Ok redgreen, basically i have worried about psychedelics having a neagtive effect on me i was unaware of.
Kind of like Mickey mouse taking on the role of the magician where he animates the brooms for water, only to find he has lost the ability to control or stop them, then suffers the unforseen consequences
I guess I'm being foolish
But this has been something on my mind
The inability to unsee what has been seen
Of course I would never go back if I could, maybe that's my answer.
But these things have been on my mind recently... And have been before as well.
Guess I just wondered if other people have felt this way or what they think of it
This I will tell you, "You reached for the secret too soon," was me trying to reach spiritual and moral perfection while yet in my 20s. Celibacy in one's late teens and early 20s will drive one crazy all by itself. Add to that a vegetarian diet in the service of Yoga, both to be ethical to animals (like Pythagoras, Plotinus, or Buddha) as well as to balance the Ayurvedic gunas (increase the Sattvic purity over the Rajasic passions or the Tamasic indolence), and pretty soon you can't go to fast food joints with your dwindling friends (who just want to do what they want), or go to barbecues, or get drunk.
So you decide not to pursue sex for its own sake for its attachment to the pleasure (if not the person), you no longer want to support the institution of agri-farming or eat tortured, dead fellow-creatures, you do not want to reduce consciousness and act stupid under the influence of alcohol. That covers the alienation from my own psycho-sexual and psycho-social impulses as well as the people I would've otherwise been involved with. But this alienation doesn't even include my family's alienation.
At Thanksgiving, eating fake soy-based 'turkey' while everyone else is consuming that large dead bird on the table made ME out to be the weirdo because I did not want to consume dead flesh. Then, when I finished college and wanted to explore Christianity, which I saw as claiming my spiritual inheritance, my atheist mother and Freemason father, both liberal cultural Jews definitely did not appreciate my passion to attend a Christian seminary - but they supported me nevertheless! My prior baptism along with my interests alienated aunts, uncles, and cousins, not because any of them were religious or spiritual but because of tribal affiliation (I always despised exclusivism). One uncle was an avowed Zionist, an aunt who had escaped Nazi Germany and her three daughters acquired the attitude that I was anti-Jewish and some kind of traitor to my peeps (more damnable tribal affiliation). My only sibling used my nature as a seeker over and against being a "family guy" against me to manipulate my parents into disinheriting me. For that betrayal, I no longer consider my biological sibling to be a brother. The fallout for that decision is permanent alienation from my niece and nephew. But, in the mid 1970s, halfway through school, my father, seeing discipline and dedication to spiritual values told me that if I wanted to become a Methodist minister, he'd be OK with that! That was not to be, I wanted a 'secular ministry' to help people as a mental health professional.
Now, psychedelics directed me away from my intentional goal of becoming a medical doctor. Killing and dissecting animals became untenable after a handful of psychedelic trips as my heart began to soften and my constitutionally "inferior feeling function" began to evolve. My parents were devastated because this had long been their hope and motive for much of their permissive parenting especially with regard to facilitating childhood and adolescent experimentation. So after college, and after seminary, in my continued passion to understand the mystery of consciousness, as well as my need to acquire a marketable degree, I managed to get into a graduate program in human development education. I also managed to get a minor in clinical psychology but majoring was impossible since philosophy and theology were hated disciplines in clinical psychology. OK, after several years I secured a position that would support me for the next 27 years and with a pension at the end of it. It was not what I wanted to do, or my second or first choices, but it had its perks like working only 212 days each calendar year including summers off. Now I do not regret my long, circuitous academic and initially impoverished life, but there are only 1-2% of the US population who earn PhD degrees and this too can be alienating. Perhaps it is moot, because my MBTI typology is only 1-3% of the US population (INTP, Jung's typology), and it is not possible to say whether these two alienating factors have an additive effect or how their correlation and covariance exacerbates my social failures.
The bottom line: Alienation. How much alienation can be attributed directly or indirectly by The Psychedelic Experience as opposed to my MBTI typology, or my academic statistic, or a combination of both? I think psychedelics accentuated the latter causes of alienation. I am still at odds with my former peers who grew up to be Republicans, bigots, materialists, money-lovers, or even just family guys. I have painted myself into many corners socially speaking. I have endeavored to meet my Maslowian 'Belongingness' needs, while paradoxically wanting to belong with others who aspire to an expansiveness, to a cosmopolitan and catholic sense of universality. Indeed, this need is behind my continuation at these forums. And, as Ram Dass was wont to say in the old days, "...And here we are."
Shine On You Crazy Diamond
Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Now there's a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom,
Blown on the steel breeze.
Come on you target for faraway laughter,
Come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine!
You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light.
Shine on you crazy diamond.
Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,
Rode on the steel breeze.
Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
Come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!
Songwriters: David Jon Gilmour / Richard Wright / Roger Waters
Shine On You Crazy Diamond lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management, Concord Music Publishing LLC
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γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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