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Im about to just walk away from my life.
    #25902581 -

Ive built this whole persona. Clean cut. Straight and narrow. Focused. I quit drugs. Got myelf in college.  Again. And now. Im near the end of my second semester back in school and i think its fucking pointless just as i did when i dropped out before. Im not motivated at all. I flirt with daysreams about taking what money i have saved and just leaving for arizona and making a life as i go. I know this is probably a horrible idea but part of me wonders if it could be that easy. If maybe thats what im supposed to do and thats why i feel this way. Idk. I am so torn. Im tearinh myself apart. People look at me and my life and they try to blame adhd and they try to say its the drugs but im not on drugs this time. Im on the fuckin adderall. I quit it the last few weeks and these thoughts did get stronger so maybe it is adhd. But i doubt it. I think im just right about all this shit not being for me. A lot of the arbritrary shit i have to do for school, i could easily do it if i saw a reward for doing so on the horizon. But i dont. Its just shit. Shit they want done so they can say make their credits look like they are worth something. Im not too dumb to do the work. Im too fuckin aware that the shit isnt doing anything for me and i dont like wasting my time. Even though this is part of “playing the game” and just getting the credits to get a career.

Im fuckin stressed. Im lost. The freedom of just saying fuck it and throwing myself into the wind is so enticing but i also know im here right now where im at because that wind became overwhelming the last time i jumped into it.  The last time i got overwhelmed by being so bored of shit like college i ended up doing drugs for a decade. Maybe i should just ride out this misery for a few more years

Either way it goes. I think a trip is in order for me.

I need a fire under my ass. Spiritual fuel to help me see the light and smell the roses.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333] * 3
    #25902588 -

Quitters never win..

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Crazy_Horse]
    #25902596 -

Get what you want down to two choices and then flip a coin.  If it falls on the good side you'll go with it.  If it falls on the wrong side you want to do a 2 out of 3.  Then you'll know the real answer.


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Crazy_Horse]
    #25902599 -

Sounds like it could be adhd to me. It can be dehabilitating. In my case, I came down with a neurological disorder and  now my adhd is on steroids. Good luck and don't stop searching for answers.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Patlal] * 1
    #25902611 -

What are you doing to school for? Degree? How much money are you investing?

I was in a similar position to you at some point in my life and I stuck it out, got a job and thought that was gonna fix everything. In some ways it did, it was my 3rd attempt at college and the first time I ever finished anything so expansive and time consuming in my life. It felt great.

However, the job market sucks, working for other people sucks, school loan debt sucks and after all the effort I feel trapped in my career. (I like my job, but money talks).

I don’t necessarily think college is the answer for everyone, it does sound like setting a goal and working towards a solid accomplishment would benefit you... even if that means rolling out to Arizona and starting some kind of alternative “free” life style.. just don’t wander aimlessly. Making a list and checking off boxes feels good at the end of the day.  Then move on to weeks months and years... and probably stick with the adderall.


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Life ——>🍄🤯🍄😢🍄😆🍄😀🍄💀🤙🏼——->Death

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Anoobus] * 2
    #25902612 -

trip, then re-evaluate. :heart:


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My Wish & Trade list

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Anoobus]
    #25902618 -

Push through it,get a degree then teach English to South Korean s or tawaiinese


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"the way of the warrior is the resolute acceptance of death"

Miyamoto Musashi

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: lillFish] * 1
    #25902620 -

Good advice. Listen to the Voice of the Shroom :mushroom2:

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Crazy_Horse] * 4
    #25902633 -

I'm guessing we're not talking a major university here, right? If so, I'm gonna say something that is absolutely fucking heresy in the modern world: degrees from plain old colleges in non-STEM fields are worthless and will leave you in debt for the rest of your life. In the olden days a college degree had an intrinsic value but not everybody went to college. Kids who were interested in something else - cars, building, cooking, whatever - went to trade school or right out into the workforce. Since then we've been told that a degree is the price of admission to the new economy of the future. Bullshit. The price of admission is being good at something and following that. You get out of a 4-year school with $50-100K of student loans and no job and the first payment is due on Tuesday how fucking rewarding does that feel?

If you want to be a doctor or lawyer or teacher or engineer then stay in school. If you're studying history or political science just for the paper then run away quickly and find out what the fuck you like to do and if you're any good at it.

More heresy: the money's the easy part. Anything - anything - you can think of somebody's become a zillionaire doing that. Just start trying stuff (don't pick truck driver, the robots will be taking over that too soon) and do it. If you don't like it, try something else. If you decide you want to go back to school then just re-enroll. You're going to live to be 90 or 100 (if you don't fuck yourself up) you'll have time for a few lives in there. I'm on #4 or #5 myself).

The only wrong decision is not to make any. Life doesn't just happen you sometimes have to get up and do something. And it counts nothing what something is.


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How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: FrancoAmerican] * 1
    #25902655 -

FrancoAmerican said:
What are you doing to school for? Degree? How much money are you investing?

I was in a similar position to you at some point in my life and I stuck it out, got a job and thought that was gonna fix everything. In some ways it did, it was my 3rd attempt at college and the first time I ever finished anything so expansive and time consuming in my life. It felt great.

However, the job market sucks, working for other people sucks, school loan debt sucks and after all the effort I feel trapped in my career. (I like my job, but money talks).

I don’t necessarily think college is the answer for everyone, it does sound like setting a goal and working towards a solid accomplishment would benefit you... even if that means rolling out to Arizona and starting some kind of alternative “free” life style.. just don’t wander aimlessly. Making a list and checking off boxes feels good at the end of the day.  Then move on to weeks months and years... and probably stick with the adderall.


First of all. Let me just say adderall worked great for the better half of a year but lately I can’t stand it. I don’t know if my dopamine receptors are just burnt out or what but if I have a bad day and I have taken adderall, my thoughts are so negative I end up making everything worse for myself. I get so fuckin down on myself. Another thing, if I am around someone and I have a small subconscious thought about them and I’m on adderall..I will repeat and magnify that subconscious thought until I can’t think about anything else. It is really fucking me up. When I didn’t take it the last two weeks I have felt so much more like myself. Although I’m getting upset about not staying on top of shit as much but being happy is so much more important.  But I guess I can’t be happy if I’m not on top of shit!!!!!!!!

Aghhh!!!!

But I’m not even sure what I’m in school for. I’m not interested in my current major, thinking of going back into psychology but also wanting to take this next semester off.

I’m getting financial aid so I’m probably spending like 2k a semester tops. I don’t even think I’ve been spending that much I just don’t know off top. 

I just kinda had a realization last year that life works for you as you work. Like. Living by ideals and ideas of how other ppl have done shit is fucking stupid. Life. Reality. Is like a fuckin mesh that moves in accordance to how you move. If you walk into the mesh with a fire inside you, it only seems probable you will blaze a trail someway some how.  If you walk parallel to the mesh doing what everyone else has done cause you are being safe and don’t wanna be a quitter or whatever and you wanna be some type of way for the world with no real purpose of your own no fire in you. Then what the fuck is reality going to give you? Exactly what your giving it i imagine.  Part of me just wants to take a huge risk. I’ve failed hard before. Why not one more time. But then again. Why be stupid when I’m 3 years from being 30. I feel like life is ready to give me whatever I ask it for but I’m sitting on the sideline afraid of committing and staying in the game. I mean. If I had to come up with a metaphor for where I’m at spiritually that would be it. 

I need an apiphany. Something that sets my intention in a way I will defend it with my life. Something that puts me on a path I’d rather die than stray from.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Anoobus] * 1
    #25902880 -

Anything worthwhile is going to make you feel like quitting many many times. It's going to suck. Get used to it. It's going to make you feel like "this isn't for me" "why am I here". It's going to pay off if you keep at it and don't give up. Even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel you have to keep going. Where has quitting gotten you so far? You want to keep quitting or are you done quitting?

Anoobus said:
Sounds like it could be adhd to me. It can be dehabilitating. In my case, I came down with a neurological disorder and  now my adhd is on steroids. Good luck and don't stop searching for answers.


I don't think this is good advice. You can't just blame your failures on adhd. The fact is most people have disadvantages in one way or another but it's up to you whether you are going to let it stop you or not. You don't need the Adderall. Just keep going one class at a time, one test at a time. Every day you go you should feel like a badass for not giving up. That's your motivation. Becoming a badass that didn't give up.


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: searching] * 1
    #25902896 -

searching said:
Anything worthwhile is going to make you feel like quitting many many times. It's going to suck. Get used to it. It's going to make you feel like "this isn't for me" "why am I here". It's going to pay off if you keep at it and don't give up. Even if you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel you have to keep going. Where has quitting gotten you so far? You want to keep quitting or are you done quitting?

Anoobus said:
Sounds like it could be adhd to me. It can be dehabilitating. In my case, I came down with a neurological disorder and  now my adhd is on steroids. Good luck and don't stop searching for answers.


I don't think this is good advice. You can't just blame your failures on adhd. The fact is most people have disadvantages in one way or another but it's up to you whether you are going to let it stop you or not. You don't need the Adderall. Just keep going one class at a time, one test at a time. Every day you go you should feel like a badass for not giving up. That's your motivation. Becoming a badass that didn't give up.


See i can agree with this. But its just one side of a coin that has two sides which i have equal faith in.  I need to know this side is more true than the other

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25902915 -

NOUS333 said:
See i can agree with this. But its just one side of a coin that has two sides which i have equal faith in.  I need to know this side is more true than the other


if it is two sides of the same coin, then the truth is the coin and neither side is more true than the other

in contributing my own poor coin analogy
what way would you take forward if you flipped the coin but it landed on its edge?


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: searching] * 2
    #25902929 -

By the way I was in the same situation as you in my second year of college. I just didn't know what I wanted to do and why I was even there learning stupid shit like history and English. I had a semester where I basically just stopped going and failed all of my classes. I was depressed and didn't have the drive to do it anymore. But in the end what kept me going was the fear of not having a degree and working at home depot or something. You can't own a house and a car and raise kids on that kind of money. The world is cruel like that. The thought of that scared the shit out of me.

So I just went back for more semesters and graduated. When I went back to get my bachelors degree I got to calculus and I failed again and it was the hardest class I ever had. I figured out that was one class I just had to study every single day for when I took it the second time. Now in the workplace I'm still struggling and want to give up. Many days I do just give up. I guess what I'm trying to say is life is always going to be one struggle after another but if you just keep getting up you can become a champion... Or you can live the rest of your life knowing that you gave up when it got tough.


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: searching]
    #25902966 -

But I see what you're saying that maybe dropping out may also be your path that you want to pursue. I guess you just have to ask yourself what's the reason that makes you want to drop out? Is it because that's the future you want or if you're just doubting yourself on the course you're on?


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: searching]
    #25903028 -

Do it.  You might find some meaning in it.  And read Walden and Lord of the Rings and watch some Chomskey youtube videos and think about life and the structure.  What are you capable of and what is lasting?

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Barnaby]
    #25903034 -

And yes, you will always be you.  Take ruins to the ruins though I think your waking up a bit.  An Emerson quote.  Find your path.
'

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: searching] * 1
    #25903041 -

If it was me I would stick it out and graduate. Don't listen to these people without degrees and telling you to base your whole life around a mushroom trip or coin toss. I want the best for you and I think that means finishing college.

Even having a degree that you don't use can help you get a job over someone else. It's a good thing to put on your resume because it shows that you can stick with something and follow through with your goals.

You're half way there. Finish and then do what you want.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Lophosaurus]
    #25903162 -

lifes a bitch and then you die


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R

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Oceanshoree] * 1
    #25903178 -

Or one has fun.  Get's fucked up a lot.  And just enjoys the amazing land of hypocrisy.  Getting back to oneself and then one realizes deeper meanings to all of life and existance and sees through people.

Worth this blink of an eye of mortal existence we all go through.  You have more allies then you realize on your journey.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: MadValley]
    #25903231 -

MadValley said:
If you want to be a doctor or lawyer or teacher or engineer then stay in school. If you're studying history or political science just for the paper then run away quickly...


...The only wrong decision is not to make any. .



Very True.  Highly specialized training in college. A generic degree will serve you fine. Getting your BA in history or psychology may land you in a low level, but decent paying, job in many areas. Most likely your advanced knowledge in pre-civil war American politics will....not help you in your new job.

Any college degree really is a good stamp of approval that you are "not fucking around" and "not a quitter" equivalent to "GOOD EMPLOYEE".  Otherwise a fuckton of shitheads would apply and con their way into a couple months of a g$$d p$y d$y before getting fired.. why not after all...


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A well deserved burial yields love from beyond the grave!

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Lophosaurus] * 1
    #25903628 -

Lophosaurus said:
If it was me I would stick it out and graduate. Don't listen to these people without degrees and telling you to base your whole life around a mushroom trip or coin toss. I want the best for you and I think that means finishing college.

Even having a degree that you don't use can help you get a job over someone else. It's a good thing to put on your resume because it shows that you can stick with something and follow through with your goals.

You're half way there. Finish and then do what you want.


You right.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Barnaby]
    #25903631 -

Remember, too, that there is an entire planet out there packed with more different kinds of amazing people, places, and experiences than you can imagine. Take a year and go check it out. You might find your path starts at a wat in Chiang Rai, a side-street in Caracas, or a chip shop in Birmingham.

Take a week and read a book about western history. All those explorers, pirates, colonists, raiders, and revolutionaries were idiots not to stay at home, take care of the family farm/business/estate/whatever, and live a life of quiet desperation. They are now our heroes. By doing what everybody told them was wrong. Follow your heart and do whatever you feel is the right path.


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How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25903636 -

NOUS333 said:
The last time i got overwhelmed by being so bored of shit like college i ended up doing drugs for a decade. Maybe i should just ride out this misery for a few more years.



If you dropped out ten years ago and are already thinking about doing it again, then college isn't for you. Save some time and money.


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...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25903648 -

NOUS333 said:
I just kinda had a realization last year that life works for you as you work. Like. Living by ideals and ideas of how other ppl have done shit is fucking stupid. Life. Reality. Is like a fuckin mesh that moves in accordance to how you move. If you walk into the mesh with a fire inside you, it only seems probable you will blaze a trail someway some how.  If you walk parallel to the mesh doing what everyone else has done cause you are being safe and don’t wanna be a quitter or whatever and you wanna be some type of way for the world with no real purpose of your own no fire in you. Then what the fuck is reality going to give you? Exactly what your giving it i imagine. 


This is incredibly insightful man. I'm truly happy for you that you've come to this realisation.

Whether you decide to stick with college or not right now is pretty arbitrary in the face of such an epiphany. If you learn to feed that fire you'll succeed in whatever it is you choose to do.

Doing what everyone else is doing is a fools errand, IMO.

Blaze trails brother.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25903770 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
NOUS333 said:
I just kinda had a realization last year that life works for you as you work. Like. Living by ideals and ideas of how other ppl have done shit is fucking stupid. Life. Reality. Is like a fuckin mesh that moves in accordance to how you move. If you walk into the mesh with a fire inside you, it only seems probable you will blaze a trail someway some how.  If you walk parallel to the mesh doing what everyone else has done cause you are being safe and don’t wanna be a quitter or whatever and you wanna be some type of way for the world with no real purpose of your own no fire in you. Then what the fuck is reality going to give you? Exactly what your giving it i imagine. 


This is incredibly insightful man. I'm truly happy for you that you've come to this realisation.

Whether you decide to stick with college or not right now is pretty arbitrary in the face of such an epiphany. If you learn to feed that fire you'll succeed in whatever it is you choose to do.

Doing what everyone else is doing is a fools errand, IMO.

Blaze trails brother.


Realizing this and living by this are two different things

I’m definitely not living by it.

I’m doing what everyone else is doing. Living in someone else’s dream.
I don’t know what I want.
I have no fire.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25903778 -

What do you want?

I promise you, somewhere in that big 'ol brain, heart and soul of yours, you know what it is.

It takes effort to find and figure it out, and then reconcile what is realistically possible given the fucked up world we live in, but then, what good comes without effort?


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25903786 -

Jokeshopbeard said:
What do you want?

I promise you, somewhere in that big 'ol brain, heart and soul of yours, you know what it is.

It takes effort to find and figure it out, and then reconcile what is realistically possible given the fucked up world we live in, but then, what good comes without effort?


I want to live somewhere warmer. That’s all I know for sure right now.

As far as career. I just don’t know what I want. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to do the same thing everyday for years. I need variation. I need change often.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25903832 -

My best friend moved to Colorado and sold shoes to people 3 days a week during tourist season..

I went to school and got a 4 year degree..

He spends all his free time snowboarding, hiking and partying (responsibly)...

He has no debt, and enjoys his life completely. For the most part I enjoy my free time as well.

There is no correct path except the one you choose.. education has its benefits...

The greatest benefit in my opinion is knowledge... which can be gained through attending a university or reading a book on your own. Many ultra successful people are dropouts.

No one can decide what you need. If you find out tomorrow you have six months to live... what are you gonna do for those six months besides freaking the F out??

That’s what you should do with your life... whatever you need to do whether it be school, work, play or a combination is the answer..

Do you currently have a job?

As for the adderal.. are you taking extended release or short acting doses. I would recommend only taking small doses when you know you have a task to accomplish such as writing a paper, organizing your house, working on your car etc. stuff that requires immediate focus and attention. If you have the day off or just need a mental holiday,.. skip the meds.

It’s never all or nothing.


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Life ——>🍄🤯🍄😢🍄😆🍄😀🍄💀🤙🏼——->Death

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Barnaby]
    #25903915 -

Barnaby said:
Do it.  You might find some meaning in it.  And read Walden and Lord of the Rings and watch some Chomsky youtube videos and think about life and the structure.  What are you capable of and what is lasting?


I like Chomsky, but he did something academically to get where he is.

In 1945, Chomsky, aged 16, embarked on a general program of study at the University of Pennsylvania, where he explored philosophy, logic, and languages and developed a primary interest in learning Arabic.[42] Living at home, he funded his undergraduate degree by teaching Hebrew.[43] Frustrated with his experiences at the university, he considered dropping out and moving to a kibbutz in Mandatory Palestine,[44] but his intellectual curiosity was reawakened by conversations with the Russian-born linguist Zelig Harris, whom he first met in a political circle in 1947. Harris introduced Chomsky to the field of theoretical linguistics and convinced him to major in the subject.[45] Chomsky B.A. honors thesis was titled "Morphophonemics of Modern Hebrew", and involved applying Harris's methods to the language.[46] Chomsky revised this thesis for his M.A., which he received at Penn in 1951; it was subsequently published as a book.[47] He also developed his interest in philosophy while at university, in particular under the tutelage of Nelson Goodman.[48]



I was a 10th grade HS dropout with a GED. I was a career rest/bar person. after fast food, kitchen work, dish-washing, waiting tables and tending bar for about 30 years I knew I had to do something different in order to be ok later in life. My back, feet and legs were starting to feel the toll those jobs take on a person physically, and one can only do that work for so long.I took an opportunity to go back to school because I realized one can only make so much money without an associated degree or higher and that includes rest. mgmt (corp. anyway). I chose nursing. I realized I HAD to go back to school no matter what I did because there are only so many ops for people who are dropouts with GE D's.

I freaked out many many times during the middle of the course and wondered what the fuck I was doing, did I make the right choice, fucking school loans can't be forgiven, and so on. I pushed through and made it. I have a licensed job and make a certain amount an hour or salary a year that is more than double the minimum wage to start, not much, but I have no kids so it's a lot to me. I actually averaged this rate of pay an hour at many wait  jobs,except this is consistent and I can have a budget, save, buy a house, and just have a great life knowing I will retire without having to supplement my income (hopefully) by working a job after working for 50 years!

My point is you must push through this time of indecision, anxiety, and fear to get to the other side. Janitors need a resume these days man! If a 10th grade HS dropout who partied like a rock star and almost died or got killed a few times can realize one has to go to school to get a decent amount of pay to live, anyone can and should, unless you learn a really good trade like lopho, or fixing cars (I suggest electric car school since it's the future), even chef school (that shit is hard though, you might get lucky and create some great dishes, but it's usually open your place to get real money, whatever that is to you). The health care filed is a great place for job variety as well. I was interested in psychology in my clinicals, I always have been. Hang in there and JUST DO IT!!!

OR, fuck it, move away and get a bartending job and live it up in wherever it is you decide to go. Cash is good in rest/bars. I actually left someone once and just fucking drove to another state not knowing anyone, no where to go and decided on where I went when the hwy split to 2 places, I physically came to a fork in the road! But that's another story, another time.


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25903922 -

NOUS333 said:
Lophosaurus said:
If it was me I would stick it out and graduate. Don't listen to these people without degrees and telling you to base your whole life around a mushroom trip or coin toss. I want the best for you and I think that means finishing college.

Even having a degree that you don't use can help you get a job over someone else. It's a good thing to put on your resume because it shows that you can stick with something and follow through with your goals.

You're half way there. Finish and then do what you want.


You right.


:thumbup::grin::thumbup: Best choice.


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25903926 -

NOUS333 said:
Jokeshopbeard said:
What do you want?

I promise you, somewhere in that big 'ol brain, heart and soul of yours, you know what it is.

It takes effort to find and figure it out, and then reconcile what is realistically possible given the fucked up world we live in, but then, what good comes without effort?


I want to live somewhere warmer. That’s all I know for sure right now.

As far as career. I just don’t know what I want. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to do the same thing everyday for years. I need variation. I need change often.


ANY work you do will technically be the "same thing for years".


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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #25904683 -

tyrannicalrex said:
NOUS333 said:
Jokeshopbeard said:
What do you want?

I promise you, somewhere in that big 'ol brain, heart and soul of yours, you know what it is.

It takes effort to find and figure it out, and then reconcile what is realistically possible given the fucked up world we live in, but then, what good comes without effort?


I want to live somewhere warmer. That’s all I know for sure right now.

As far as career. I just don’t know what I want. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to do the same thing everyday for years. I need variation. I need change often.


ANY work you do will technically be the "same thing for years".


My job is basically the same thing for years. The good part is that I'm somewhere new everyday, meeting new people, and every building or job presents it's own challenge. After almost 20 years in this trade I'm still learning everyday.

I can relate to wanting to live somewhere warmer. I moved from Michigan all the way to Florida. That was a half-retarded moved because it was too hot. Now I'm in San Fran area where the weather is always nice!

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: FrancoAmerican]
    #25904857 -

FrancoAmerican said:
My best friend moved to Colorado and sold shoes to people 3 days a week during tourist season..

I went to school and got a 4 year degree..

He spends all his free time snowboarding, hiking and partying (responsibly)...

He has no debt, and enjoys his life completely. For the most part I enjoy my free time as well.

There is no correct path except the one you choose.. education has its benefits...

The greatest benefit in my opinion is knowledge... which can be gained through attending a university or reading a book on your own. Many ultra successful people are dropouts.

No one can decide what you need. If you find out tomorrow you have six months to live... what are you gonna do for those six months besides freaking the F out??

That’s what you should do with your life... whatever you need to do whether it be school, work, play or a combination is the answer..

Do you currently have a job?

As for the adderal.. are you taking extended release or short acting doses. I would recommend only taking small doses when you know you have a task to accomplish such as writing a paper, organizing your house, working on your car etc. stuff that requires immediate focus and attention. If you have the day off or just need a mental holiday,.. skip the meds.

It’s never all or nothing.


I do have a job

And even when I take adderall just on occasion which is what I have been doing it still affects me negatively.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: NOUS333]
    #25904897 -

Dude if your smart enough to do college do that shit! Not like your in a isis detainee camp or death squad round up...theres way worse circumstances ...quit the adderall ...speed will make you hyperanalyze and depressed

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: filmoee]
    #25905041 -

Life can be pretty fucking confusing. I like to believe that if you make the most rightful decision you will likely come out on top. You begin to realize life basically half way through it. My advice is always to gain more knowledge. I hear the well I don’t have any debt card pulled all the time and that’s bs. You may not have a student loan debt but you’ll forever be indebted to society anyways so fuck it if you have the chance do it. Be reasonable and look up what careers are hot in your area then run for it. I live in Arizona and all you ever hear is I want to get out of here. I like AZ. It has the relaxed feel of California without the stupid government although I wouldn’t so it’s “ideal” state. The outdoors life is fucking amazing here. Majors jobs are highly focused in the major cities. I was driving 3 hours a day to a high paying job because I bought a house in the suburbs. Traffic is getting fucking bad. I would wake up an hour early just to skip traffic jams. Not an ideal life and although I was probably the most financially successful I’ve ever been and I was not happy. I would day dream about the 4 hours I get to myself after work.

So defining “life happiness rating” simply based on wealth isn’t accurate I’ve been dead broke and rolling in money and essentially felt the same.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Gorlax]
    #25905066 -

I’m in a similar boat I paid 20 grand on surgeries for my therapy doggie and the closest thing to a true love of a child and best friend I could ever need as far as therapy for my anxiety.depression and primarily he is INVALUABLE as a therapy for the daily struggle against ptsd which encompasses the first 2.

Recently since his first major surgery after he got hit he was almost completely back to normal and over 2 days he couldn’t eat or drink at all, he’s my dog but also my moms because I got him when i was young and we both give lots of belly rubs, ear scratches and loving sweet talking since he was a puppy and it’s always made him so happy,selfless,loving,loves hugs,extremely sweet etc.

So my mom had a prepaid cruise so they have to be gone for 8 days or forfeit 10k more and it’s all up to the animal hospital and me to keep his will to live up. Right now he’s getting his kidneys flushed and IV nutrients Without him my ptsd is so intense and hard to manage. I have no coping mechs so he is my world right now


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #25905077 -

You sound pretty smart, like see the bigger picture smart... I definitely suggest staying away from adderall... think about how the neuro network fires and homeostasis the body maintains at all costs, if you use adderall it builds stronger connections to the dopamine receptors but at the same time if too much activity occurs with those your brain starts dismantling dopamine,norepinephrine, and serotonin receptors to keep you sane emotionally and chemically. This in turn will turn you into a senile depression case before your grandfather. I highly advocate homeopathic medicine but make sure you know your body and processes via physician or self research cause even plants and supplementing can have interactions just like set and setting for a trip. Keep your authenticity man I look up to it.

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #25905085 -

Sorry to hear about your dog man. My dog just died he was 12 years old and I got him after a relatives death so he was extra special. Such a sweet dog who could feel your emotion and would take a bullet for me. Black lab x redbone coonhound. He was in so much pain I accepted his death as almost mercy. I know its hard to think but getting a new dog might be the best outcome. I feel like my dog lives on through my new dog. Would your dog really want you to be 30k in debt because of him? Most of my vets wouldn’t even consider that an option and would just say theres no hope but I guess you always got those people who want to rack up your bill.

Re shroomhunter:

I agree with this 100%. Uppers are terrible for sanity and budgets. Your brain basically just firing off fake signals. Nothing worse then delusional upper thoughts.

Edited by Gorlax (03/30/19 12:35 AM)

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Gorlax]
    #25905257 -

Thank you :hug: I’m so sorry about your pooch I know how special they can be my condolences. My Shilo though is alert still and still yawns in happiness/love we call his love yawn which he’s done since a puppy, he stopped being in much pain from his surgery and recovered well from that so that’s one of the hardest parts of he does pass he’s doing so damn well mentally and just loving his belly rubs,kisses and affection which is my therapy.

He is an extremely smart breed to that has been there for my mental problems all these 12 years through my parents fighting to suicides and deaths in the family to extreme pain from mourning , surgery, accidents, depression, anaxiety everything. I need him around for at least another year or two if possible and I’m wiling to spend anything nessicary for my baby. He’s one of the only parts of me I am extremely happy with and the only part of myself I like. He’s one of a kind with how much he loves affection and loving which is a huge part of my therapy really.ss


Unfortunately I will be broken when he passes, I’ll be a hollow shell of a man and can’t see a way to avoid it.  Right now he has a good prognosis they already got his live meds down . Also he is a pure bred sheltie who is extra affectionate, smart and hypoallergenic because I’m allergic to dogs. Not him though,  I need him in my life longer, I feel like he’s a human child of mine that is having life threatening bouts. I treat and think of him as a human SO much that it feels comparable to some family members deaths. I care about that dog more then myself.


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa, Jellyfish
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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Re: Im about to just walk away from my life. [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #25905326 -

what dog get some pics up man :smile:

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